Catching Her Heart (For the Love of the Game)

by Jody Holford

  Brooks grabbed his coat and started putting it on while Sawyer envisioned smacking his brother in the head. His mom stood up.

  “If that’s the route you take, there’s nothing I can do about it. See, that’s what I’m learning. Life is about choices. I’m choosing not to be your gravy train. If you can’t handle that, then do what you have to do.” Because nothing they printed about him in any magazine or on any website mattered if the people he was close to knew the truth.

  “You know,” his mother began, pulling on her coat, “when you were little and I got a bonus from work, the first thing I’d do was buy you and your brother a little gift. Nothing elaborate because I didn’t have the money you do, but buying you something gave me joy.”

  Sawyer’s chest tightened, but he forced himself to follow through. If they were ever going to have a genuine relationship, this needed to happen. “I understand that, Mom. It’s how I felt when I signed my first contract and paid off your house, bought you a car. How I felt when I loaned Brooks forty thousand dollars to invest in a restaurant he never followed through on. The reason that brought you joy was because we didn’t demand or expect it.”

  “I’m sorry you feel that way. We should go,” she said, looking at him like there was more she wanted to say. They were mad. He got that. But maybe, just maybe it was the start of a different path for them.

  “Yeah. We definitely need to go. We’ll be sure not to call when we need anything,” Brooks said.

  Sawyer let them go, not saying anything else. He felt oddly free yet completely weighted down. What he’d said about choices was true. And it was time for him to make the ones that would bring him real happiness.

  …

  Knowing he wouldn’t be welcomed but having no other options that he could rationally think of, Sawyer pulled into Cruz’s driveway. They hadn’t uninvited him for Thanksgiving dinner, so he’d play dumb if he needed to. Would she be there? Dear whatever God exists, please let her be there. Please let her talk to me. Please. It had been four days. He couldn’t sleep, he’d hardly eaten. His brother and mom had been calling incessantly but if he answered, he’d no longer have either of them in his life for good.

  Grabbing the bottle of wine from the passenger seat, Addie’s seat, he got out and went to the door. Several cars were parked in the curved drive, and nerves danced in his gut. These were Addie’s people. When push came to shove, they were hers and he was…an employee.

  The door swung open. Sawyer gripped the bottle tighter as he took in Liam’s scowl. “McBain.”

  “Is she here?” He hadn’t intended to just ask but it was all he needed to know.

  Liam eyed him speculatively. Judging him? What the hell was he looking for? “Why do you want to know?”

  “What? Why do you think?”

  Liam lost the scowl and leaned against the doorjamb, all casual like he had all the time in the world. “I already know what I think, man. I want to know what you think.”

  “What do you want to hear? That I’m losing it without her? That not being able to get a hold of her is driving me nuts? That I can’t sleep? What? Tell me how to pass your test, man.” Sawyer shoved a hand into his hair and bit back the growl.

  Liam—the jerk—almost grinned. “You just did. Come on in, brother. And plan on explaining how you’re going to redeem yourself.”

  Liam thought he could? Sawyer dropped his shoulders and breathed out any bravado he’d pretended he had.

  “Yeah. Okay.” He stepped through the doorway, breathing in the delicious scents that reminded him he hadn’t eaten.

  Liam shut the door and crossed his arms over his chest. “Don’t go too far. We can talk here. I’m going to need to hear your plan.”

  Sawyer shook his head. He couldn’t get a read on him. In truth, he’d expected Liam to slam the door in his face. To tell him to get lost and stay away from Addie. Instead, he was acting like a strange combination of friend, older brother, and jackass.

  Isla joined them in the foyer. “Oh. Sawyer. I sort of didn’t expect you.” Laughter shuffled through the house.

  “I just wanted to drop off this wine and apologize.”

  She came to Liam’s side. “You hoped Addie would be here.”

  “Because…” Liam said, rolling his hand in a “get to it” motion.

  Isla held Sawyer’s gaze. He wasn’t sure what she was looking for but when her gaze softened and she stepped toward him, he figured she found it.

  “She went home. To Colorado.”

  His lungs filled with ice. “I called her there.”

  Isla nodded. “But she’s not at her parents, right?”

  He shook his head. He couldn’t breathe. He was vaguely aware of Liam watching him. If the guy asked him for his plan again, he might punch him. He didn’t have a plan other than to get her back.

  “She told them she needed some space. That she needed to do something for herself and figure things out, but she wouldn’t say where or what.”

  He lifted the bottle of merlot and nearly tossed it. Instead, he handed it over, sadness storming through every inch of his body.

  “Thanks.” He turned to leave. He couldn’t stay.

  Isla caught his arm. “Wait. Don’t go.” She looked at him like she was searching for something. “Do you love her?”

  Liam scoffed, his mood seeming lighter. “Obviously.”

  Sawyer looked at them both. One then the other. He was done hiding how he felt. Good or bad. “More than anything on this earth.”

  She nodded. “Okay. Then I’m going to help you.”

  Relief coursed through him, even though he had no idea what that meant. A few minutes later, despite Isla and Cruz’s insistence he could stay, Sawyer got in his truck and drove toward his Grams’ home. He wasn’t sure what surprised him more: that he’d sort of wanted to stay or that he’d felt like they weren’t just Addie’s people. Isla really meant it when she’d said they were a family. And he was part of that whether he messed up or not. He hoped.

  The place Grams lived put on a great spread for the seniors and catered to everyone’s needs. They were well worth the money they charged. But maybe she’d be happier closer to him. When he pulled into the lot forty minutes later, he was calmer than he had been in a while. He still wished he could reach Addie. When Isla said she went back to Colorado, fear seized him at the thought of it being for good. He knew he was all in—that no matter what else happened in his life, she was it for him—when his first thought had been, Then I’ll go to her.

  Sawyer found his Grams curled up by the fire with a book. The dinner was long over and she looked content. When she saw him, she stood and gave him a hug.

  “What are you doing here? I thought you were having dinner with your lovely girl.”

  He hugged her back, inhaling the familiar scent of Tic Tacs and jasmine, then sat across from her, hanging his clasped hands between his opened knees.

  “Uh-oh. What’s going on.”

  Like the question flipped a switch inside of him, he told her everything. The fear and reality of his knee and his career, the idea of doing something different, how tired he was of his family and feeling like he owed them, how he felt about Addie and how badly he’d screwed it up.

  “Oh boy. That is a lot.” Grams leaned forward and covered his hands with her own. “I will never understand the guilt you carry, Sawyer.”

  He stiffened, straightened. “What do you mean?”

  “It’s not your job to take care of them.”

  “That’s what I said, but I ended up just feeling selfish. For years now, anything that didn’t go right, they made veiled threats about making things hard on you. They blamed me for Dad leaving because I wouldn’t put up with his garbage. Because I stood up to him regardless of what he was throwing at me. They hated the way he acted, too, but he brought in money so they didn’t care. When he had enough and took off, they said he wouldn’t have if I’d kept my mouth shut. They blame me every time they run out of money and I don’t g
et more to them fast enough.”

  “Sweetheart, they’d place blame at the feet of a sleeping child if it served them well enough. Those two are cut from a different cloth. Your father left. That saddens me, but he didn’t do it because of you or your brother. He did it because he couldn’t face up to his responsibilities, much like your brother. He made a choice. A bad one. That’s not on you. Relationships—all relationships—are a two-way street. They’re give and take. Doesn’t matter if it’s your job, your girlfriend, or your family. You don’t owe anyone anything.”

  “I can hardly just abandon all of you like he did. And truthfully, I don’t want to abandon you.”

  “Those two have ridden this train as long as they could, but it’s up to you to kick them off. What matters to you? What do you want?”

  “Addie.”

  “Then don’t let anything stop you. What can they do?”

  He leaned back in the chair and sighed. “Oh, I don’t know. Cause trouble here, talk to the press, talk to the tabloids, show up here, show up at work, harass Addie. Spread rumors. Make life miserable.” He could still offer them the monthly stipend that he’d planned to. But in his head, he’d imagined them feeling regret over the way they’d used him and not wanting the money. Instead, they’d left before he could tell them he didn’t plan to just let them flounder.

  “That’s only if you give them the power to do it. Cut them off. It’s time. And honestly, sweetheart, you do not have to pay my bills. I have money. I let you pay for me to stay here because it seems to fulfill some piece of you that needs to provide for your family, but that just means my money is sitting in the bank.”

  Money in the bank. An idea tweaked in Sawyer’s head. “Do you like living here?”

  She smiled. “I do. I get lonely now and again but truthfully, if I lived with you or closer to downtown, I wouldn’t have access to all of the things I do here. And again, as much as I love you, it is not your job to see to my happiness.”

  “But I love you, Gram. It makes me happy to know you’re happy.”

  “That’s how it should be, son. If it doesn’t make you happy, cut yourself free. Regardless of the invisible ties you think are binding you.”

  It seemed so simple when she said it. “I like paying for you to be here, Gram. But, if you’re looking to offload money, I know a charity organization that’s just starting up. In fact, you might even be interested in being on the board.”

  They chatted a bit longer, but she was tired and he was drained. As he drove home, he dreaded the thought of crawling between the sheets alone. But it was good. He had some changes to make. He had some decisions to sift through. He knew the end goal—knew it with a certainty he hadn’t felt since he knew he wanted to play MLB. Just like he had then, it was time to give it everything he had—150 percent. At least.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Addie had purposely left her phone off over the Thanksgiving holiday. Her parents had been so sweet and caring the first two days she’d been home and as wonderful as it was, she’d needed space. She’d worried herself sick over hurting their feelings but in the end, they’d understood and pushed her out the door.

  She’d stayed in a hotel. A really freaking expensive hotel. And spent a few days lapping up the luxuries of room service and in-room massages. Nothing she did filled the hole in her heart, but it felt satisfying. Relaxing. Turning her phone off and just taking care of herself had infused her with the strength to come back. To come home.

  She knew now, regardless of what happened, Nashville was her home. She didn’t need to feel guilt over living away from her parents. They knew she was there when they needed her. Addie was determined to start making choices that weren’t clouded by worry about what would please everyone without considering her own true happiness.

  But no matter how much she built herself up and gave herself pep talks, she couldn’t deny that the lack of trust and Sawyer’s words had changed her. Those rose-colored glasses he’d teased her about were now a murky shade of gray and she wondered if she’d forever see things differently.

  The holiday was over and she’d had enough pity-time, so as she got off the plane, she took a breath and switched her phone off airplane mode. Of course, she then shoved it in her pants pocket to avoid the buzzing and beeping of incoming texts and emails, so she couldn’t be too proud of herself.

  As she made her way through the terminal, her duffel bag slung over her shoulder, she thought about how she and Isla had come full circle. Almost a year ago, Addie had made all of the arrangements for Isla to drop everything and get from Colorado to Nashville. When the grandfather she didn’t even know she had had died, her friend had gone into some sort of autopilot shock. She imagined she’d done much the same as Isla when she’d told her about breaking up with Sawyer. And now, it was Isla who’d arranged for her to get back and forth from Colorado without Addie having to lift a finger or complete a thought.

  And she’ll be there for you for every one of the days that follow. The crowd in front of her slowed and though she didn’t usually mind this sort of waiting, Addison went up on tiptoes, trying to see what the holdup was. They were coming out into an open area, so it was silly to have the foot traffic bottleneck now.

  She shifted her bag to her other shoulder, focused on her breathing. Once she got home, things would feel better. She’d cried so many tears over the weekend, it was a wonder she wasn’t dehydrated. She was thirsty, though. She was thinking about whether or not to stop in the airport and get a drink or wait until she got home when the crowd of people in front of her thinned, heading off in different directions.

  Walking straight, her brain still cloudy, it took her a minute to see what had held people up. In front of her, a long sheet of white paper stretched out across a sea of people waiting for arrivals. It started at one side with an older man holding the edges and scrolled across at least twenty people to a young woman holding the other side. In between, people helped hold it straight.

  Addison sucked in a breath so sharp, she nearly choked. Along the paper, in bright letters, the words read: I love you Addison Carlisle. Her hand flew to her mouth and, dehydrated or not, tears filled her eyes.

  She felt him before she saw him and turned her neck to the right. He came toward her through the crowd like she was all he could see. Dressed in a pair of dark jeans and a pullover crewneck sweater, his hair a little longer than usual, no scruff on his face, he looked exactly like what he was: a sexy, confident, professional all-star athlete. He was the kind of guy who looked like he could break hearts. Yet hers skipped at the nearness of him.

  As he got closer, it was easier to see that despite his straight posture and the way he held his head high, he was nervous. His hands fisted at his sides and she saw the tightness around his mouth. Her heartbeat tripled and she wondered if between the lack of water and the adrenaline, she could pass out.

  The closer he got, the more people started to take pictures and call out comments. This was going to be all over social media. She heard the whisper of his name shuffling through the crowd. She winced, wanting to shield him from it. But he didn’t even flinch—it was like he didn’t see them or hear them. Or just didn’t care. Or cares about you more. She glanced back at the sign and then again at him. Everything else died away when he stopped directly in front of her. He gazed down at her, those dark eyes locking on hers.

  “I’m your ride,” he whispered.

  Addie blinked. “What?”

  “Isla was going to pick you up but I highjacked her plans.”

  She pulled in a shuddery breath, took a quick glance at the sign before looking back up at him. Addie missed the sight of him. The feel of his hair sliding through her fingers, his mouth on hers. The scent of his cologne and the warmth of his body snuggled up against her own. He’d said terrible things. But he’d said wonderful ones as well. She pursed her lips, trying to think through the haze of want.

  “Addie, I’m so sorry. For what I said, how I acted. For letting y
ou walk away. I should have chased after you. I should have done so many things differently.”

  She nodded, unsure if she was ready to speak. He must have thought she wasn’t convinced.

  He stepped a fraction closer. “Whatever it takes, I’m going to show you how sorry I am. How much you mean to me.”

  And with those words and him standing there in a packed airport, he’d done exactly that.

  She bit her lip then let out the breath she’d been holding. He’d taken a chance. She could too. She couldn’t not. Because she loved him. “What are you going to do, kidnap me?”

  He reached out to stroke a lock of hair off of her face and she knew, regardless of the next moment, that he’d always be the one. She closed her eyes. When just a simple touch could shift your world back to center, it meant something. And it was worth the fight. It was worth more than 150 percent.

  Opening her eyes, she waited.

  One side of his mouth tipped up. “If necessary, I’ll do whatever I have to in order to convince you to give me another chance. I’ll go on the speaker system in the airport and announce it to everyone here. I’ll call every radio station in Nashville and beg them to play every love song they have and dedicate them to you. I’ll tell you, every single day for the rest of my life, if you’ll let me, that I love you and I was an idiot. If I have to kidnap you to get started on that plan, I will.”

  He inched closer and Addison’s heartrate slowed closer to normal.

  “I think the sign is pretty effective in terms of sharing your feelings,” she said.

  “It tells everyone here I love you, Addison, but it only matters that you know.” He took the bag off of her shoulder, dropped it at their feet and crowded her, like he could cut out the audience. In a way, he did, because all she could see was him. “I wanted to show you that I’m not afraid of my feelings. I’m not afraid of what I want with you and I’ll do anything to protect what we have. Even tell my family that if they want to be any part of my life, our lives, it’ll be on my terms. I told my mom and brother the gravy train is dry. I told my Grams everything that’s been happening. I was thinking I’d see if I could work on a part-time basis for Kipp. Specials and that sort of thing. I want to play next year but I’m ready for it to be my last season. I want one more shot at the World Series.”