I'm Pretty Sure You're Gonna Miss Me Ronin McKinsey

by M. J. Padgett

  Every hand but Sara’s shot up, and Erin raised both.

  “Excuse me, Coach?” Erin asked.

  “Yes, Erin?”

  “I think I can speak for everyone when I request a second vote, one which leads to Sara’s dismissal from the team,” she said.

  “Dismissal?” Coach asked.

  “Yes, please,” Miriam added. “She’s a gigantic... thing I can’t say without getting detention, but she knows what she is.”

  “You can’t vote to kick me off the team. I worked just as hard as Hazel did!” Sara screeched. “Just because she found a loophole, doesn’t make her a better captain than me!”

  “You’re right. You’re absolutely right,” Ashley said. “But I’m pretty sure her choreography, her patience, and her ability to not be a raging... that word Miriam can’t say, do qualify her as a better captain.”

  “It doesn’t matter, you still can’t kick me off the team unless the captain approves, and Hazel knows better than to try that,” Sara spat.

  “Hazel isn’t the only one who can approve a dismissal,” Daniel said, standing from his seat and stepping down the bleachers. “May I?” he asked Coach, pointing to the handbook. She nodded, and he flipped through the pages.

  “It says here, that if the captain is unable to be reached, the team coach has the final say,” Daniel said, handing the book over. “I believe that’s you, madam.” He bowed and walked back to the bleachers, leaning against the guard rail—then he covered my mouth so I could not speak when Coach addressed me.

  “Interesting, it seems I cannot reach Hazel.” Coach said. “Sara, don’t let the door hit you on the way out.”

  “What?” Sara screamed, but it was futile. Everyone was already walking away, heading outdoors to practice.

  Coach patted my shoulder as I passed, heading to the locker room to change. “Glad you’re back, Simmons. I shouldn’t say this, but Sara’s a piece of work, and I’m glad she’s gone.”

  I smiled, happy to be back where I belonged. Daniel ran up and hugged me from behind, then picked me up and spun me around. “I’m so happy for you!” His excitement was interrupted by Erin, who approached sheepishly.

  “Hi, Hazel” She shifted around a few times, then said, “I know we were all wrong, the way we handled everything, I mean. Sara had us all believing a load of things that just weren’t true, and I’m truly sorry. If it’s any consolation, it’s been misery without you.”

  “Thanks, Erin. I’m sorry it was so bad.” I glanced at Daniel, and I knew then and there that I had grown so much in the short time I’d known him. That gave me the strength to be honest. “Even so, this is a working relationship. I’ll help you win regionals, maybe nationals if we’re lucky, but that’s it. We can’t be friends again.”

  Her face drooped, but she accepted what she already knew would happen. “I understand, and I’m still glad you’re back. At least now we have a chance.” She jogged off, leaving me alone with Daniel again.

  “Look at my Peaches using that backbone.” He nudged my shoulder. “I’m proud of you, you know that? A week ago, you would have caved and been besties with the witches again.”

  “I wouldn’t call them witches, maybe just—”

  “Stupid?” he offered.

  I chuckled. “Okay, yeah, stupid for sure, but not witches.”

  “Whatever, I’m still really proud of you,” he said. “And so happy you got back something you deserve. Now, go choreograph some super awesome cheer and call me later.”

  “Your mom and Becca head out this morning?” I asked, remembering they planned to visit his grandparents in Virginia.

  “Yep, and she took that violin with her, thank goodness,” he joked.

  I shook my head and jogged to the locker room, so ready to put the team through the wringer during practice. Two hours later, they begged for mercy, but it wasn’t my fault they couldn’t keep up. I had so many ideas for the regional choreography, I couldn’t contain my excitement. Eventually, Coach had to step in and remind me that injuries happened when people were tired. I dismissed practice and headed to the locker room to change.

  Sometimes, when you least expect it, someone does something so outrageous you can hardly believe it happened. But it does. And when it does, you have to figure out how to fix the mess. That’s what I had to do after Sara, in a fit of rage, snuck into the showers and literally cut my hair off. The girls didn’t see her, they were all busy showering or packing their bags. She snuck in, grabbed my long hair, and in one swipe, she’d cut nearly all of it to shoulder length. My blood-curdling scream gained Coach’s attention and earned Sara a five-day suspension. The girls tried to talk me into pressing assault charges against Sara, but it wouldn’t bring my hair back.

  Ashley trimmed it as best she could, but I’d have to get it cut soon. There were worse things Sara could have done, like stab me to death with the scissors, but it was still upsetting. After the events of the day, followed by my impromptu style change, I decided a little one-on-one time with my twin was sorely needed.

  She had a great new boyfriend, and I hardly heard anything about it. We needed some bonding time, and I needed her to fix the mess Sara made. I sent Daniel a text message informing him of my change of plans. He wasn’t all that happy about my run-in, but he let it go after a little begging.

  Rose did an excellent job, but my hair ended up barely grazing my shoulders by the time she finished. After much assurance that I looked beautiful, and spilling her guts about her relationship with Tee, we parted ways for bed. I, however, could not sleep a wink. I had too much going on in my head to sleep—new routine ideas, pent up anger with Sara, ideas for prom—so much stuff that I needed to talk about.

  After an hour of tossing, I got up and got dressed, snuck downstairs, and made it outside without getting caught. I have no idea what possessed me to sneak out of my house, but I did, and that would prove to be a huge mistake. I had lost my mind along with my hair, but all I could think about was seeing Daniel, thanking him for what he’d done for me, and telling him all about my ideas. I finally felt like me again, thanks to his help.

  I drove to Daniel’s house, not bothering to text him first. I parked along the street, then ran up the front stairs. With his mother and sister out of town again, he was probably still awake binge-watching television shows he didn’t want to admit he watched. I knocked on the door several times, and he finally opened it.

  “Peaches, what’s wrong?” His sleepy voice was laced with concern as he pulled me into his house by my arm. His even sleepier eyes scanned me, making sure nothing was physically wrong with me. I didn’t anticipate that he would be asleep.

  “Nothing’s wrong. I just had a bunch of stuff I wanted to talk about, like prom and a new cheer routine. I had this cool idea, and I wanted to see what you thought,” I said breathlessly, only then noticing that I was rambling.

  His eyebrows arched. “And you thought two in the morning was the appropriate time to relay all of this information to me? Couldn’t have waited until morning, like, I don’t know, at school?”

  I looked at the clock on his wall, and my jaw dropped. “Oh my gosh, it’s two a.m.? I had no idea it was so late. I’m sorry, Daniel.” He was right, what was I doing out so late on a school night? Why couldn’t I sleep until I spoke to him? Saw him?

  “No worries, Peaches. Okay, then, morning it is,” he said, then ushered me toward the door yawning.

  “Wait, but you’re already awake, so maybe I could just tell you...”

  He stopped short. “Seriously, Peaches? Are you kidding? I thought something was seriously wrong when I saw you standing here at two in the morning. It scared the snot out of me, but now that I know it’s just a cheer thing... can’t it wait?”

  His voice was short and irritated, just like Ronan’s had been the day of the balloon fiasco. It took me by surprise, especially since it was so out of character for him. His face was tired, but there was also the annoyance and irritation I’d seen on Ronin’s f
ace the day he broke up with me. This was it, the moment Daniel finally saw me the same way Ronin did.

  “Forget it.” I snapped and walked out the door, slamming it behind me. He opened it again, following me down the front stairs to the walkway.

  “Peaches!” he yelled, then chased me down the walkway to the sidewalk, catching me by the arm. “Are you kidding me right now? What is wrong with you?”

  I jerked my arm away, knowing full well he didn’t deserve my anger, but it was so pent-up inside I couldn’t control it. I was so tired of being viewed as an over the top nutcase, I didn’t bother to consider just how out of line I was by showing up unannounced at two in the morning. I continued my march to my car, frustrated with myself, with Ronin and Sara, with everything.

  “I’m not him, you know,” Daniel said behind me, his voice strained.

  I stopped at the edge of the sidewalk, one step away from my car. “What?” I asked.

  He gently pulled on my shoulder, turning me around to face him. “I’m not him. I’m not Ronin, Peaches.”

  “I know you’re not, Daniel,” I said, an edge to my voice.

  “I don’t think you do. I can see it in the way you look at me. It’s like you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop, for me to tell you you’ve done something wrong. I’m not him,” he said again. “And I’m not ever going to be him. I won’t leave you just because you do something annoying.”

  “They why are you acting like him right now?” I asked. I felt my chest tighten. Daniel didn’t deserve to be yelled at, especially not at his own home in the middle of the night.

  “I’m not, Peaches. You are an amazing person, you know that. You don’t need me to tell you that, but I will anyway because I want to. Everything you do is incredible, but that’s not the problem. The problem is—” I jerked my car door open, not caring to hear any more complaints about me and my personality issues. He stopped me again, determined to be heard.

  “The problem is,” he said more firmly, “You’re so caught up in trying not to do something wrong, you don’t realize that you never did anything wrong, to begin with. Your excitement and passion for the people you love is admirable and rare. It’s wonderful, and if someone doesn’t like it, then they’re crazy.”

  “What are you trying to say, Daniel?”

  He brushed my crazy hair from my face and grazed his thumbs over my cheeks, rendering me immobile. “I’m saying, you don’t have to be so defensive. I love your personality. I just don’t like being woken up at two in the morning. Next time, write down what you need to tell me, and call me or come by at a normal hour. You can go bananas overboard, and I’d love it... just... you know, not when I’m asleep.”

  I sighed and rubbed my temples. “I’m sorry. I’m so messed up. Ronin was right, I’m just too much to handle sometimes. I don’t think about what I’m doing most of the time. I’m exhausting and overbearing and clingy and—”

  “Perfect. You’re perfect exactly how you are, Peaches, and I really want to kiss you right now.” He interrupted my sentence, then leaned in and hovered over my lips. “Would that be okay with you?”

  I lost my breath, but I needed to know one crucial bit of information before I nodded frantically. “We’ve kissed before. Why ask now?”

  “Because those kisses were to make Ronin jealous. This one, it’s only for me.”

  I nodded, and he pressed his lips to mine. It was calm and gentle, slow, and filled with more emotion than any kiss I’d ever shared with anyone. It wasn’t just a kiss, not simple physical affection—it was a connection with him that I had never had with anyone else, a place I felt safe, and... loved. And it scared me.

  I pulled away gently. “Daniel, I’m... this is...”

  “It’s okay. I know. Me too,” he whispered, gently peppering my face with little kisses. “For the record, I didn’t plan this part.”

  “Plan what part?” I whispered in kind, still rattled from what had just happened.

  His eyes made direct contact with mine, darted around my face looking for something, then settled back on my eyes. “You don’t know? After everything, after that kiss you still don’t know?”

  I shook my head, then remembered our deal. His kiss had all but made me forget about our deal and Ronin, the reason we became friends, to begin with. “Oh, the Ronin deal. Um... yeah.”

  He chuckled. “No, not the Ronin and Sara plan, Hazel. My plan with you.”

  “Me?” I asked, still confused and in a daze. “What plan, Daniel? What are you talking about?”

  He dropped his arms to his sides. “For crying out loud, Hazel, I love you.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  I GAZED INTO HIS EYES and noticed just how much could be read in the tones of green and gold—appreciation, trust, hope, amazement, joy, fear, and hiding just behind the beautiful golden tones that faded into the green—love. It was more than I’d ever read in Ronin’s eyes, more than I’d read in anyone’s for that matter, and it scared the snot out of me. He didn’t give me much time to contemplate his confession before going on.

  “Screw Ronin. He messed up, screw him. He let you go, but I would never do that, Hazel. I would never, ever let you go,” he said. Those eyes. They showed so much emotion, now practically begging me to choose him over anyone else.

  “Daniel, I—”

  “Hazel, just give me a chance. That’s all I’m asking for. This whole get back at Ronin plan was the only way I could get you to see me. Really see me, and not just as some random guy you—”

  “Wait, are you saying this whole thing was a set-up to get closer to me?” I asked, my heart dropping as I waited for him to confirm what I already knew. He lied to me. I always thought, of everyone I knew, that Daniel would never lie to me.

  “I...” He dropped his hands to his sides in defeat. “Yes. I’ve liked you for a long time, but—”

  “How could he have liked me for a long time when you didn’t even know me? When we kissed after the fire alarm, you said I was a random stranger. That was the first lie, wasn’t it? And then the plan, you lied when you said you wanted to help me get Ronin back.”

  “Not entirely. It’s what you wanted, and I wanted you to be happy. If the plan had worked, I would have walked away,” he said. “That’s the truth. With Ronin, or with me, all I wanted was for you to be happy.”

  “Why? Why didn’t you just tell me the truth?”

  “I was scared! There you were, this girl I’d liked for over a year, asking me to kiss her. I freaked out, said stupid crap, then went and made a fool of myself with this stupid plan. But I swear, Peaches, if things had worked out with Ronin, I would have walked away again.”

  “Again? Daniel, you’re not making any sense.” I said. “How can you like someone for over a year that you don’t know a thing about?” My heart screamed why does it matter? You love him, too! But my mind fought against my heart in a tug of war. He lied and tricked you.

  “I had to get to know you, so I wouldn’t get you a bad gift for Secret Valentine. I had no idea who you were until I drew your name, but after, when I took the time to figure you out...” He hesitated, then hit it home. “I saw you Peaches, who you really are, and I wanted to keep getting to know you. I wanted to be with you. I still do, and unless I’m stupid, I think you want to be with me, too.”

  “I don’t understand why you didn’t just tell me all this, Daniel? You had to trick me into getting close to you. Do you know how that makes me feel? Like an idiot, that’s how,” I argued.

  “Peaches, I’m sorry. That wasn’t my intention at all, I just...” He threw his hands in the air. “Look at me! In what world does a person like you fall for a guy like me? In case you haven’t noticed, I’m a little weird.”

  He reached for me, but I wasn’t quite there yet. I felt stupid, like the little child he played games with. Like the little dog he baited with a trail of treats just to see if he could catch me.

  “Peaches, can’t we please forget this stupid plan ever existed? I ju
st want a chance to show you how much I care about you. Give me a chance, Peaches. I’m not like him, I swear I would never hurt you that way.”

  I inched away from him, needing space to clear my mind. I left my car behind where Daniel stood. I don’t know why, but I felt I would hyperventilate if I didn’t take a walk and breathe. Deep down, I knew Daniel didn’t mean to hurt me, but what he didn’t understand, what he would probably never understand, was that he’d already hurt me. I trusted him implicitly. I’d never trusted someone so much in my life, not someone I didn’t share DNA with. But our relationship, our friendship, it was all built on a lie, a trick.

  The more I inched away, the more he tried to reach me, so I did the only thing I knew to do to get a little room to think. I ran.

  “Hazel, wait!” I heard him call after me, but I was too distracted to listen. I continued across the street without bothering to check both ways. No one ever drove down those back neighborhood streets, and certainly not in the middle of the night.

  He called out again, and just as I turned to tell him to shut up before he woke the entire neighborhood, I saw it. Two lights growing larger by the second. I wanted to move, but my feet were frozen in place, seemingly insistent on getting me killed. A horn blared, and tires screeched, and still, my feet didn’t move. Everything happened in slow motion, a blur in time that my brain could not comprehend.

  Something shoved me hard, and I fell into the shrubs on the opposite side of the road. Whoever’s roses I destroyed would be plenty angry in the morning, but I paid for it with every tear in my skin. A car door slammed, and someone yelled, “Somebody call 911!” as they hunched over a body in the middle of the road.

  I scanned the area for Daniel, but I didn’t see him. It’s funny, all the ways your brain will try to tell you everything is just fine when it knows it’s not. I looked for him everywhere, never once considering that he was the body in the middle of the road until the driver of the car turned him to his back.