Beautiful Oblivion

by Jamie McGuire

  "Cami--"

  "Promise me!"

  "I promise!" he growled. "What is Bishop talking about?"

  "He was at my Jeep when I got out of class. We talked for a little bit. It wasn't a big deal."

  Bishop shook his head. "Definitely not what I saw."

  "What the fuck is your problem?" I hissed.

  He shrugged. "Just thought Trent should know."

  "Know what?" I shrieked. "Nothing happened! He tried to kiss me, and I backed away! If you saw anything different than that you're a fucking liar!"

  "He tried to kiss you?" Trenton said, his voice low and menacing.

  "She did back away," Bishop said. "I'm gonna bounce. Later."

  "Fuck off!" I yelled, throwing my entire organizer full of paper clips at him. I yanked on my coat and walked outside, but Bishop was already pulling out of the parking lot. Trenton came out, and I locked the door, turning it several times before pulling the key.

  Trenton shook his head. "I'm done with this, Cami. I'm fuckin' done."

  My chest tightened. "You're done."

  "Yeah, I'm done. You expect me to keep putting up with this?"

  Hot tears filled my eyes and ran down my cheeks in a continuous stream. "I didn't even kiss him! Nothing happened!"

  "Why are you crying? You're crying over him? That's just fucking great, Cami!"

  "No, I'm not crying over him! I don't want this to be done! I love you!"

  Trenton paused, and then shook his head. "I'm not done with you, baby. I'm done with him." His voice turned low and frightening again. "He's done with you."

  "Please," I said, reaching out for him. "I explained to him. He knows now. It was just closure, I think."

  He nodded, furious. "You think."

  I nodded back quickly, begging him with my eyes.

  Trenton pulled out his car keys. "Is he still in town?"

  I didn't answer.

  "Where is he staying?"

  I pressed my fingers together at chest level, and then touched them to my lips. "Trenton, you're exhausted. It's been a crazy few days. You're overreacting."

  "Where the fuck is he staying?" he screamed. His veins popped from his neck and forehead, and he began to shake.

  "I can't tell you," I said, shaking my head.

  "You won't," he said, breathing hard. "You just . . . you're going to let him continue to fuck with us like this?"

  I kept silent. I couldn't tell him the truth, so there was no point.

  "Do you love me?" he asked.

  "Yes," I cried, reaching for him.

  He pulled away. "Why don't you tell him, Cami? Why don't you tell him you're with me?"

  "He knows."

  Trenton itched the tip of his nose with the back of his hand, and nodded. "Then it's settled. The only way he's going to stay away from you is if I beat his ass."

  I knew this was going to happen. I knew it, and I did it anyway. "You promised."

  "You're going to play that card? Why are you protecting him? I don't get it!"

  "I'm not protecting him! I'm protecting you!" I said, shaking my head.

  "I'm going to find him, Cami. I'm going to track him down, and when I find him . . ."

  My cell phone buzzed in my pocket, and then buzzed again. I pulled it out to check quickly. Trenton must have noticed my expression, because he grabbed it from my hands.

  " 'We need to talk,' " he said, reading the message. It was from T.J.

  "You promised!" I cried.

  "So did you!" he screamed. His voice carried across the night, echoing through the empty lot.

  He was right. I'd made promises to keep T.J.'s secret, and to love Trenton. I couldn't keep them both. I would meet with T.J. It was time to convince him to release me of that burden, but I couldn't risk Trenton following me, and I couldn't meet T.J. without making Trenton hate me. T.J. could be leaving the next day for all I knew. I had to go to him right then.

  "I don't understand you, Cami. Are you just not over him? Is that it?"

  I pursed my lips. The guilt was too much. "It's nothing like that."

  Trenton's chest was heaving. He was getting emotional. He pitched my phone across the street, and then paced, stomping back and forth, with his hands on his hips. My phone landed in a patch of grass, just beneath the streetlamp on the other side.

  "Go get it," I said, my voice even.

  He shook his head.

  "Go get it!" I yelled, pointing toward the streetlamp.

  When Trenton stomped off to find the small, black phone in the dark, I walked quickly to my Jeep and slammed the door. The engine sputtered for a moment, and then finally started up. Trenton was outside my window.

  He knocked a few times, gently, his eyes soft again. "Baby, roll down the window."

  I gripped the steering wheel, and then looked over at him from under my brow, my cheeks wet.

  "I'm sorry. I'll find your phone. But you can't take off in your car upset."

  I stared ahead, releasing the emergency break.

  Trenton put his palm flat against the glass. "Cami, if you want to take a drive, fine, but scoot over. I'll drive you anywhere you need to go."

  I shook my head. "You're going to find out. And when you do, it's going to ruin everything."

  Trenton frowned. "Find what out? Ruin what?"

  I turned to him. "I'm going to tell you. I want to tell you. But not right now." I stomped on the clutch, and shoved the gear into reverse, backing out of the parking spot. I lowered my chin and cried for a few moments.

  Trenton was still tapping my window. "Look at me, baby."

  I took a deep breath, pushed the gear up into first, and then lifted my head, looking forward.

  "Cami, you can't drive like this . . . Cami!" he said louder as I pulled away.

  I made it to the parking lot entrance when the passenger door flew open. Trenton hopped inside, breathing hard.

  "Baby, pull over."

  "What the hell are you doing?"

  "Pull over, and let me drive."

  I pulled into the street and headed west. I had no plan to get to T.J., and now that Trenton was in the car, I really didn't know what to do. And then it hit me. I would just take him to T.J. Get it all out in the open. T.J. had brought this on himself. If he had left me alone, I wouldn't be in this position. But I needed to give Trenton time to cool off, first. I needed to drive.

  "Pull over, Cami." Trenton's voice had an edge to it I'd never heard before. He was anxious and calm at the same time. It was unsettling.

  I sniffed, and then wiped my eyes with my sleeve. "You're going to hate me," I said.

  "I'm not going to hate you. Pull over, and I'll drive all night if you want. We can talk about it."

  I shook my head. "No, you're going to hate me, and I'll lose everything."

  "You won't lose me, Camille. I swear to Christ, but you're all over the goddamn road! We're on the edge of town, and will hit dirt road soon. Pull the fuck over!"

  In that moment, a pair of glowing lights converged into one. I barely caught a glimpse of it from the corner of my eye, and then my head hit the window, smashing the glass into a thousand tiny pieces. Some of the shards flew outward, but most fell into my lap, or floated in the cab of the Jeep as it slid across the intersection and into a ditch on the other side. Time stood still for what seemed like several minutes, and then we were airborne as the Jeep began to roll. Once. Twice. And then I lost count, because everything went black.

  *

  I awoke in a room with white walls and white blinds that kept the sunlight from peeking through. I blinked a few times, looking at my surroundings. A television was on overhead but was muted, playing an old Seinfeld rerun. Wires and tubes were strung from my arms to a pair of poles next to me, the monitors attached to them beeped softly. A small box was stuffed into a front pocket on my gown, the wires following one another to sticky circles attached to my chest. Bags of clear liquid hung from one pole, releasing a continuous drip through to my IV. The tubing ended wi
th a few pieces of tape on the back of my hand.

  Just beyond my fingertips was a head full of very short, brown hair. It was Trenton. He was facing away from me, his cheek resting against the mattress. His left arm was over my legs, the other was propped between the bed and his chair, wrapped in a thick, lime-green cast. There were already several signatures on it. Travis had signed his name under a short note that simply said, "Pussy." Another was from Hazel with a perfect impression of her bright red lipstick. Abby Abernathy signed it with "Mrs. Maddox."

  "It's like a little guest book. Trent hasn't left your side, so everyone who's visited you has signed his cast."

  I narrowed my eyes, barely making out T.J. sitting in a chair in a dark corner of the room. I looked back down at the cast. All of Trenton's brothers had signed, his dad Jim, my mom, and all of my brothers. Even Calvin's and Bishop's names were there.

  "How long have I been here?" I whispered. My voice sounded like I'd been gargling with gravel.

  "Since yesterday. You've got a pretty good gash on your head."

  I lifted my hand to gently finger the bandages wrapped around my head. A concentration of gauze bulged at my left temple, and when I put the smallest bit of pressure on it, a sharp pain shot down to the base of my skull. I winced.

  "What happened?" I asked.

  "A drunk male ran the stop sign going about sixty. He fled the scene, but he's in custody now. Trenton carried you over a mile to the closest house."

  My eyebrows pulled together as I looked at Trenton. "With a broken arm?"

  "Broken in two places. I don't know how he did it. Must have been pure adrenaline. They had to put that cast on in your room in the ER. He refused to leave you. Even for a second. Even for the CAT scan. The nurses are all in love." He offered a half-smile, but it was devoid of any real happiness.

  I sat up, and glittering stars formed in my eyes. I fell back against the bed, feeling nauseated.

  "Easy," T.J. said, standing.

  I swallowed. My throat was dry and scratchy.

  T.J. walked over to a small table at the end of my bed and poured water into a cup. I took it from him and sipped. It burned all the way down, even though it was ice water.

  I touched the top of Trenton's head. "Does he know?"

  "Everyone knows. About you. About us. But not about me. I'd like to keep it that way. For now."

  I looked down, feeling a sob well up in my throat. "Then why is he here?"

  "The same reason I'm here. Because he loves you."

  A tear fell down my cheek. "I didn't mean to . . ."

  T.J. shook his head. "I know, honey. Don't cry. It's going to be okay."

  "Is it? Now that everyone knows, how could it ever be anything but awkward, and tense, and . . ."

  "Because it's us. We'll handle it."

  Trenton's right fingers twitched. His cast became dislodged and his arm fell. He jerked awake, and then grabbed his shoulder, clearly in pain. When he realized my eyes were open, he immediately stood, leaned over, and touched my cheek with his left hand. The bridge of his nose was swollen, and the skin under both of his eyes bore matching purple half-moons. "You're awake!" He beamed while his eyes scanned my face.

  "I'm awake," I said softly.

  Trenton laughed once, leaning his head down until his forehead touched my lap. He hooked his arm around my thighs and squeezed gently, his entire body shaking as he cried.

  "I'm so sorry," I said, hot tears burning down my cheeks and falling from my jaw.

  Trenton looked up and shook his head. "No. This wasn't your fault. Some drunk son of a bitch ran a stop sign and T-boned us."

  "But if I'd been paying attention . . ." I whimpered.

  He shook his head again, begging me with his eyes to stop. "Ssh, no. No, baby. Even then, he would have plowed right into us." He put his hand on top of his head, and his eyes glossed over. He sighed. "I'm so fucking glad you're okay. Your head was gushing blood, and you wouldn't wake up." His eyes closed as the memory replayed. "I've been going out of my mind." He rested his head on my lap again, and lifted my left hand to his mouth, gently kissing around the tape.

  T.J. still stood behind him, watching Trenton's display of affection with a pained smile. Trenton turned around, sensing someone was behind him.

  "Hey," Trenton said. He stood. "I, uh . . . I'm sorry."

  "It's okay. She doesn't belong to me anymore. I'm not sure she ever did."

  "I love her," Trenton said, glancing back at me with a smile. He wiped his red eyes. "I'm not fucking around. I really love her."

  "I know," T.J. said. "I've seen the way you look at her."

  "So are we cool?" Trenton asked.

  T.J.'s brows pulled together as he looked at me, but he spoke to Trenton. "What does she want?"

  They both turned to me. I stared at T.J. while I slowly reached across the wrinkled sheets and blanket for Trenton's hand. Trenton sat down next to me, lifted my hand to his mouth, and kissed my fingers, closing his eyes.

  My lip quivered. "I lied to you."

  He shook his head. "For reasons that have nothing to do with me. Or us."

  I let out a sigh of relief, and the tears fell again. "I love you."

  Trenton gently cupped my jaw in his hands, and then he leaned in, kissing me tenderly. "Nothing else matters."

  "It matters to me," I said. "I don't want to . . ."

  T.J. cleared his throat, reminding us that someone else was in the room. "If it's what you want, Cami, we'll make it work. I won't get in the way. It won't be an issue."

  Trenton walked the few steps to where T.J. stood and gave him a bear hug. They held onto one another for several moments. T.J. whispered something into Trenton's ear, and he nodded. It was so surreal, watching them interact in the same room, after keeping T.J.'s secret for so long.

  T.J. walked slowly over to my bedside, leaned over, and kissed an area of my forehead that wasn't bandaged. "I'm going to miss you, Camille." He kissed the same spot again, letting his lips linger on my skin for a while, and then he walked out the door.

  Trenton puffed out a sigh of relief, and then squeezed my hand. "It all makes sense, now." He shook his head, and laughed once without humor. "Now that I know, I can't believe I didn't figure it out. California. You feeling wrong about being with me, even after you broke things off with him. It was all right there in front of me."

  I pressed my lips together. "Not all of it."

  Trenton rested his cast on the bed and intertwined the fingers that poked out the end with mine. "I don't feel an ounce of guilt. You know why?"

  I shrugged my shoulders.

  "Because I've been in love with you since grade school, Chamomile. And everyone knew it. Everyone."

  "I'm still not sure I believe that."

  "You wore ponytails every day for years. They were perfect." His smile faded. "And that sad look in your eyes. All I've ever wanted to do was make you smile. And then you were mine, and I could never get it right."

  "I've had a lifetime of wrong. You're the only thing that's right."

  Trenton pulled something from his pocket, and let a small, silver key dangle from a key chain. It was a black strip of felt fabric with C-A-M-I spelled out in bright colors, bordered with black stitching. I pressed my lips together and then pulled my mouth to the side.

  "What do you say?" he asked with hope in his eyes.

  "Move in? Give up my apartment?"

  "All in. You and me. Drinking to weird toasts after work, and Chicken Joe's on Monday nights with Olive. Simple, just the way you like it."

  There was so much to think about, but after what we'd just been through--twice--the only thing I could focus on was what Trenton had said. There was only one thing that mattered. "I say yes."

  He blinked. "Yes?"

  "Yes," I said, giggling at his expression, and then winced. My entire body ached.

  "Hell yes!" he yelled, and then offered a sheepish grin when I motioned for him to keep quiet. "I am so fucking in love with you, Cami."<
br />
  I scooted over in my bed, clumsily and slowly, and then Trenton--carefully and with much effort--made his way in. He was just as sore as I was. He pushed a button on the side rail that leaned us back until we were lying flat, facing each other.

  "I know you don't believe me, but I really have loved you since we were kids," he said quietly. "And now I get to love you 'til we're old."

  My stomach fluttered. No one else had ever loved me as much as he did. "Promise?"

  Trenton smiled with tired eyes. "Yes. And then I'll promise you again after I dance around in a thong to Britney Spears."

  I managed to let out a small chuckle, but the pain was making it difficult to move. He adjusted and readjusted until he finally got comfortable enough to close his eyes and fall asleep. I watched him for the longest time, breathing in and out, with a small smile on his face. Everything was out in the open now, and I could breathe, too.

  A nurse came in, and seemed surprised to see us lying together.

  "Look at you," she whispered, her dark eyes somehow seeing clearly even in the dim light. "That boy has all the women on this floor swooning. He's been your guardian angel. Hasn't left your side."

  "I've heard. I don't know how I got so lucky, but I'm glad." I leaned over, touching my temple to his forehead.

  "Luck is most certainly on your side. I saw your vehicle down at the yard. It looks like a wadded-up piece of paper. It's a miracle either of you lived."

  I frowned. "I'm going to miss that Jeep."

  She nodded. "How are you feeling?"

  "I hurt. Everywhere."

  She shook a plastic cup, letting the pills inside rattle. "Think you can swallow a couple of pills?"

  I nodded and tossed the pills to the back of my throat. The nurse handed me a cup of water, and I swallowed them, but not without effort.

  "Are you hungry?" she asked while taking my vitals.

  I shook my head.

  "Okay," she said, pulling the stethoscope from her ears. "Just hit that red button with the cross if you need anything."

  She walked out of the room, and I turned to the man sleeping next to me. "There's nothing else that I need," I whispered.

  Trenton's cast was between us, and I ran my finger over the different names, thinking about all of the people who loved us that had come to my room. I paused when I came across T.J.'s signature, and silently said a final good-bye to the simple but sophisticated scribble.

  Thomas James Maddox