Holding Out for You

by Anna Paige

  They resented you, and eventually, the resentment would overshadow any love they had for you.

  So, they left.

  Like my dad.

  And I refused to end up in that situation. It wasn’t fair to anyone.

  Especially when you had a kid who got ditched right along with their mother.

  I watched Blair process what I’d told her and wondered if I’d spoken too soon. I knew a little of what she wanted for her life, and to my surprise, she seemed to want to stick close to home. That meant being with me—assuming she even wanted that—wouldn’t derail her plans in any way I could see.

  At least I hoped it wouldn’t.

  She’d been silent for a really long time. Maybe she didn’t want me to begin with, then the worry I’d been carrying was a moot point.

  I couldn’t take it anymore; the silence was deafening. “Blair? Say something.” God, I hated the uneven sound of my voice.

  She cleared her throat and pulled her hand from my grip, standing and holding up one finger. “One sec.” She went to the refrigerator and grabbed two bottles of water before returning to her seat and downing about a third of a bottle. She pushed the other one across the table to me and finally—finally!—spoke. “I don’t know if I can come up with the words, at least not the kind of heart-stopping words you somehow found, but I know how what you said makes me feel.” She paused and gave me the barest hint of a smile.

  That tiny curve of her mouth was all it took to dissipate the cloud of uncertainty that had been stealing my air. I let out a long exhale, finally relaxing as I gave her a smile of my own. “And how’s that, sweetheart?”

  “Floaty, like my feet wouldn’t touch the ground if I stood up right now. Nervous, because this is you and me we’re talking about, and I never expected you to see me this way. Excited because as much as I tried to pretend otherwise, I’ve felt something for you for a very long time. I just convinced myself I was being a typical, annoying little sister who developed a crush on her brother’s friend. I told myself it was pathetic that I could remember every single time you’ve ever touched me, even in passing.” She looked down at her hands, where they were clasped together at the edge of the table. “Scared for a lot of reasons, but mostly because I don’t want my brother to be against me seeing you. I don’t like disappointing him or upsetting him. And I really don’t like the idea that he could end up getting hurt by all this.”

  My heart sank. “Because you think he won’t approve from the beginning or because you think it won’t work out and he’ll have to choose between us?”

  “A little of both.”

  “I already told you, he’ll be okay with it. It’s Beck. He’s been my best friend since we were six.” I didn’t mention that he’d already gotten a heads-up about my feelings. I needed to hash things out with him first, smooth it over so it was one less thing for her to worry herself over.

  “He’s been my big brother even longer. You know how protective he is. What if he gets angry?”

  “Then I’ll handle it. Don’t let what anyone else thinks dictate what you do with your life. Make your choices based on what you want, Blair. Not what he wants or what Charli wants. Not even what I want.” I reached for my water and took a long swallow before leveling my gaze on her, needing her to be crystal clear with her answer. “Tell me, and know that no matter what you say, I won’t get upset . . . what does Blair want?”

  She didn’t blink, didn’t hesitate. “You. I want you, Ash. A part of me always has.”

  “A part of you has always had me, it’s just that you didn’t know it until now.”

  A huge smile spread across her face and her crystal blue eyes sparkled. “Now, about that kiss you mentioned before . . .”

  I glanced toward the window, wondering how we’d been up this long and it still wasn’t dawn yet. Longest night ever. But at least it was taking a turn for the better. Who knew what the rest of the day would bring? “It is a new day, isn’t it?” I mused, already on the move.

  She nodded and watched as I slid from my seat and came over to crouch down in front of her. “I think it may be my favorite day already, and the sun’s not even up yet.”

  I put one hand on the edge of the table to keep my balance and the other on her cheek. Her skin was cool to the touch and I realized for the first time that her thin top and shorts might not have been enough to keep her warm in the chilly house. Good thing she’d thrown on my hoodie to help with that. “You have a lot of favorite days coming, little one. We have all the time in the world.”

  Her eyes kept drifting to my mouth, and it was all I could do not to close the distance between us.

  “We also have plenty of time for first kisses and second kisses and third kisses.” I watched her tongue dart out and sweep across her bottom lip, the motion almost breaking my resolve. “But if I kiss you right now, I know like hell I won’t get a minute’s sleep. Much as I hate it, we need to get some shut-eye before we have to be at the police station.”

  She looked momentarily disappointed but nodded in agreement. “You’re right. It’s been a long, eventful night.” She hesitated, dropping her gaze to the floor. “I’m still not sure I’ll be able to sleep, but that shouldn’t keep you from getting some rest.”

  “What if I stayed with you? Do you think you could sleep then?”

  “How? Where?”

  “The couch. I’ll recline one end and you can put your pillow in my lap. I’ll be right there with you, so you don’t have to be scared.”

  She shook her head. “No way that’ll work.”

  I frowned. “Why not? You don’t think being with me would help?”

  “No, it’s not that. I just think I’d be more comfortable on a cement slab than trying to lie across one of those couches. Beck was right. They really are miserable to sleep on.”

  “Then come to bed with me,” I suggested, loving the instant blush in her cheeks even as I clarified. “Just to sleep. I’ll even sleep on top of the covers.”

  “What if Beck—”

  “We’ll shut your bedroom door along with the door to Beck’s room. How would he know which room you’re in, unless he goes into one of the rooms, which you know he wouldn’t do? He’s too private a person.”

  I could tell from the look on her face that she knew I was right. Beck never went into her room when they lived at home and he never came into mine when we had our apartment back at college. It just wasn’t in his nature.

  Finally, after the barest of hesitations, she nodded.

  I stood, stretching up on my tiptoes to awaken my half-numb calves as I reached for her hand. She threaded her fingers through mine and fell into step beside me like she’d been doing it all her life.

  When we got to her bedroom door, she pulled it closed with a soft click and turned to me with a smile.

  My God, she was stunning when she smiled at me that way.

  I couldn’t believe she was about to be in my bed, tucked against my body like I’d imagined more times than I could count.

  In my fantasies we’d done a lot more than sleep, but for tonight, just being able to drift off with her safely in my arms was dream come true enough.

  “You don’t have to do that, you know. I trust you,” she said, watching me from her spot under the blankets.

  I was pulling a quilt from the top of Beck’s closet, shaking my head. “Thank you for saying that, but it’s not about trusting me not to make a move. It’s about the level of intimacy that comes with being skin on skin under those covers.”

  She furrowed her brow even as she lay back on the pillows. “And you don’t want that kind of intimacy?”

  “Of course I do. But it feels disrespectful somehow to have your body tangled with mine before we’ve even had our first kiss.”

  “We could have resolved that kiss situation back in the kitchen,” she said, shrugging. “But okay. If you insist on being a proper gentleman.”

  “I do.” I sat on the edge of the bed and faced her, the quilt
lying in my lap. “At least for now. I’ve waited years just to be able to say the things I told you tonight. I can wait a while longer to act on them.” There was also the fact I didn’t want to go too far after what she’d been through. She was holding it together pretty well, but I knew it was simmering there under the surface, waiting to bubble over, and I didn’t want to be the one to cause that.

  She nodded and motioned for me to lie down, which I did, pulling the quilt over me as I went. When I was situated, I reached over and clicked off the lamp on the nightstand, casting the room into relative darkness. There was a slight tinge behind the blinds from the impending sunrise but nothing that would prohibit sleep.

  As soon as the light was out, Blair rolled onto her side and snuggled into me. One hand draped across my chest and I tugged my blanket up to cover it, not wanting her to be cold even though her body felt like fire against mine, despite the blankets between us.

  I snaked one arm under her and waited for her to rest her head on my chest, which she did with a long, sleepy sigh. I placed my hand on her upper arm and let all of the day’s stress slip away on a long exhale.

  Like I’d been waiting for this moment all my life, I slipped into an immediate, deep, contented sleep.

  The sleep of a man who was exactly where he was meant to be.

  Blair

  I was dimly aware of Ash’s arms around me as I slowly drifted toward consciousness. It felt like I’d just dozed off for a moment, but the number of disturbing dreams that came rushing back to memory told me it had probably been hours.

  Vivid images flashed through my mind, horrific scenes playing out as I was dragged deeper into slumber, all of them alternate versions of what happened on the beach. All of them involving bloodshed. My whole body flinched as the sharp crack of a gunshot rang out during a particularly disturbing moment.

  At the edge of my awareness, I felt Ash tugging me closer to his chest, his warm breath skittering across my neck.

  “I’ve got you, sweetheart,” came his soft, sleepy whisper. I heard him, felt him, but I was still trapped in the landscape of my nightmares, unable to find my way out.

  “I’ve got you now, whore.” Tommy’s voice echoed as my dream shifted again and I found myself desperately trying to escape his grasp, running through the sand toward the larger dunes where I could hide and wait for someone to help me. My every step found my feet sinking deeper and deeper, all the way up to my calves.

  Quicksand, I was trudging through quicksand.

  And he was gaining on me.

  Tommy was so close I could feel his breath on my neck. “I’ll give you exactly what you need, make you moan like the whore you are, like you moaned his fucking name. And if you scream”—I heard the distinct slide of metal on metal as he shucked a bullet into the chamber of his gun—“I’ll put a hole in your chest. Might even fuck that hole, too, once I’m done with the rest of them.”

  A cold, clammy hand gripped my arm and I screamed.

  “Blair! Blair, wake up, baby! Wake up!”

  My eyes flew open and locked onto Ash’s as he leaned over me, one hand cupping my cheek. His eyes were wide, his face full of concern. Instantly, I dissolved into a puddle of tears. “I was running in the sand, but I couldn’t get away.” I barely managed to speak between gulping breaths, my heart hammering and my stomach roaring like I may be sick. “He was taunting me, telling me all the vile things he was going to do. Things he nearly did do.”

  “Shh, you’re okay now. I’ve got you. I won’t ever let anyone hurt you, I swear that on my life.” He lay back and pulled me onto his chest even as I continued to blubber like a frightened child. I couldn’t help it, and I couldn’t stop.

  His grip was tight as he held me there and kissed the top of my head over and over.

  The door burst open a moment later and I nearly jumped out of my skin. Ash held tighter, not letting me sit up even as my brother’s panicked voice boomed through the room.

  “What the fuck is going on?”

  I was still shaking, crying, and now I was scared for an entirely new reason. I didn’t look up at him, couldn’t. All I could do was keep my head tucked against Ash’s chest and hope he knew how to diffuse the situation, because I was incapable at that particular moment.

  “She had a nightmare, but she’s gonna be fine. I’ve got her.”

  “I heard her scream all the way from the kitchen.” Beck’s voice was closer now, as he made his way into the room. “I scared the shit out of Charli when I burst into Blair’s room and woke her up, only to realize my sister was gone.” There was a pause, then his hand came to rest on my back. “Fuck, I think I just had two heart attacks in the span of twenty seconds. When I didn’t find Blair in her room, I panicked. Never thought she’d be in here, much less in bed. With you.” I couldn’t tell if the last was sarcasm or genuine surprise. He didn’t sound particularly angry, just thrown.

  “She came in a few hours ago. She was scared, so I let her sleep in here with me.”

  I felt the covers shift.

  “I figured it wouldn’t be a big deal if I slept on top of the blankets and everyone was fully clothed.”

  Beck scoffed, still rubbing the middle of my back, below where Ash’s arm was still clutching me to him. “After that scream, I honestly wouldn’t have cared what I found the two of you doing as long as she was okay.”

  “Well, shit. You mean I could have slept in my birthday suit after all? What a waste.” Ash’s voice was full of humor as he hugged me to him and picked at my brother.

  “No, you couldn’t have, perv,” I managed, still hiccuping and out of breath but slowly calming down.

  Beck chuckled. “There’s my snarky little sister.”

  I felt Ash’s chin sweep across my hair. “Dude, it’s barely eight o’clock. Why were you already up and in the kitchen anyway? We were up half the night.”

  Beck blew out a breath and took his hand off my back. “Dad called me at seven. Apparently, the rumors have hit Facebook and he saw it. Wanted to talk to me and get the real story before Mom wakes up and has a conniption fit.”

  I broke away from Ash’s chest and rolled onto my back, looking up at Beck for the first time that morning. His eyes were ringed by dark circles, and his disheveled appearance told me he’d had very little sleep. “Shit. She’ll want to cut their trip short for sure.”

  “Exactly why he called, so he could head her off at the pass.”

  I couldn’t help the snort of amusement that popped out. “Head her off at the pass? You been watching cowboy movies again?”

  “If you weren’t still crying, I’d tell you to kiss my ass,” he quipped, both of us knowing he’d never do any such thing.

  “So, did you clear everything up?” Ash asked, seeming a million miles away now that he wasn’t holding me.

  “Yeah, I told him the post he saw was wildly exaggerated, just like everything you hear in this town.” Beck ran one hand over his messy hair and blew out a breath. “I delivered the watered-down version I promised Blair I’d give them—which still scared the shit out of him—but I told him everything is good now and there was no reason to come home early. He knows we’ll look out for the girls.”

  After Ash’s meltdown the night before, while he was in the shower, I’d made my brother swear he’d downplay things to our parents, at least until their trip was over. I just couldn’t handle anyone else I cared about losing their shit.

  I’d tell them the truth once they were home.

  Ash reached across my body and gripped my waist, tugging me closer to him as he rolled onto his side. “Damn right we’ll look out for them.”

  Beck’s gaze traveled over every place where Ash’s body touched mine and he shook his head. “I never in a million years would have thought . . .” He trailed off, perplexed.

  I gulped, trying not to let myself visibly tense. “Thought what?”

  “That I’d see the two of you become so close. That he’d be so protective of you or that you’d le
t him even if he did. It’s . . . bizarre.”

  “Would you rather I focused on Charli and you can take care of Blair?” Ash asked carefully, not sounding like the answer mattered one way or the other. Like he was offering to swap his fries for Beck’s onion rings.

  “No,” Beck said quickly. “I’m not saying that. I just would have expected you two to be trading insults over coffee this morning, and instead I find you . . . snuggling?”

  “Not the word I’d use.” Ash sounded amused. “I’m not the snuggling type. I like to think of it as Blair being in protective custody.”

  Beck nodded. “That sounds way better in my head.”

  “Count yourself lucky. If she’d come to you for comfort in the middle of the night, you’d both be on those spine-bending couches right about now.”

  He had a point, and Beck knew it.

  “So, you’re welcome.”

  Beck frowned down at us, his eyes still flickering to Ash’s arm around my torso. “I’m not sure I’m comfortable thanking you for sleeping with my sister, but I absolutely am grateful that you were there when she needed you. I’m also grateful you decided against the birthday suit, or this conversation would have gone an entirely different way.” He met my eyes. “You ready to join the land of the living? I bet Charli’s wide awake and looking for you after I busted in and traumatized her.”

  I nodded, giving him a smile I hoped looked more confident than I felt. “Yep. Be out in a few. I just want to talk to Ash for a minute first.”

  Beck leaned down and kissed my forehead. “Take your time. I know you’re shaky. I can see it even when you think I can’t.”

  “I love you, Beck.”

  “Love you too, Blair-bear.”

  He reached over and slapped Ash on the shoulder. “All jokes aside, thank you for taking care of her. Again.”

  “Don’t thank me,” Ash said. “Just show your gratitude with bacon. Crisp. And pancakes.”

  “Oh, and scrambled eggs,” I added, grinning.

  My brother chuckled on his way out of the room. “Fine, but I’ll be damned if I serve my best friend and little sister breakfast in bed. Get your asses up.” He shut the door behind him, giving us privacy, because that’s just how Beck was.