Holding Out for You

by Anna Paige

  As soon as I crossed the street, I could feel the eyes on me again. There had been a lot of chatter on campus today, people giving me looks and whispering to one another. A couple of times, people who’d never been interested in speaking to me before came up and started asking about Tommy, wanting me to verify whatever wildly exaggerated version of events they’d heard. And there were tons of differing stories.

  I just brushed them off and reminded them not to believe everything they heard.

  But it bothered me.

  One girl in particular commented that she’d be scared shitless knowing that guy was back on the streets. It was like people were going out of their way to make sure I knew how scared I should be.

  The last girl who stopped me made sure to comment how “scary as fuck” it would be to have to testify in court with “that psycho rapist” just feet away from where I’d be sitting.

  Fine times.

  So much for ever getting a restful night’s sleep again.

  Shit.

  “How was class?” Charli filed in beside me in the hall as we darted between crowds of people just lingering, some of them turning to watch us walk by as they clearly discussed the “excitement” on the beach.

  Yep, I’d heard it referred to as excitement no less than five times so far today, and that was just from people brave enough to approach me to gather intel.

  Unbelievable.

  I wondered how excited they would have been in my shoes.

  “I honestly don’t know. I recorded the lecture and I sort of remember the general topic, but I don’t think I retained a single word of it.”

  “Gotta love a good recording. It’s saved my ass more times than I can count.”

  “Mine too.” I nodded toward a gap in the flow of traffic and she darted into it, dragging me behind her by my jacket sleeve.

  We made it outside and I pulled my jacket tighter around myself, fumbling to zip it up. It was misting rain and even though the temperature wasn’t particularly low, I had a chill.

  “So, you ready for tonight?”

  “You mean Ash?” I immediately felt like crying.

  She nodded, giving me a sideways glance as we veered off the main path and headed toward student parking.

  “I think so. No, that’s a lie. I don’t know, don’t have a clue what I’m going to say to him or if I’ll be able to form words at all. I’ll probably burst into tears again and embarrass the hell out of myself.”

  “You’ll do better than you think. You have a bad habit of underestimating your own strength, but you kind of kick ass, girl.”

  “You have to say that, you’re my best friend.” We reached my car and I unlocked the doors. “Plus, I’m your ride home.”

  She rolled her eyes as she climbed in next to me. “You know I don’t sugarcoat shit. If I thought you were a hot mess, I’d tell you straight off. You may not realize this, but you and Beck are a lot alike. Both of you are brave and loyal and brilliant.”

  I clicked my seat belt into place and narrowed my eyes at her. “Are you trying to tell me you have a crush on me, too? Because that would be awkward.”

  “Oh, for God’s sake, never mind.” She shook her head and folded her arms across her chest. “But I’d just like to point out that your brother also has a habit of deflecting when someone compliments him.”

  I couldn’t help smiling. “You know the two of us entirely too well.”

  “I pay attention.” She fumbled with the radio for a second, plugging in her phone and searching through her playlist.

  “Especially to Beck,” I countered, grinning now.

  She ignored me.

  “Has something happened between you two?”

  “What? No. Why would you ask that?”

  “Oh, I don’t know. His arm around you practically every time we go anywhere—”

  “His other arm was around you. It was a protective thing, not a romantic thing.”

  “Uh-huh. And the way his eyes track you every time you walk across the room, and how he’s been waiting on you hand and foot since the weekend.”

  “He’s done the exact same thing for you. You’re reading too much into it, Blair.” She sounded somewhat annoyed.

  “Or maybe you’re not reading enough into it, Charlene.”

  “Don’t you full-name me, wench. I’m being realistic. It’s better that way.” She wouldn’t look at me, even when I attempted to stare her down at a traffic light.

  “I know what you’re doing,” I announced as I returned my attention to the line of cars in front of me and watched as the light once again changed without me making much progress at all. End of day traffic at the college was a total bitch.

  Charli snorted from the passenger seat. “And what am I doing, oh wise one?”

  “You’re guarding yourself from him. You want so bad to believe that what he’s doing is a sign of real affection, but you’re scared to let yourself buy into it in case you’re wrong.”

  Not one word. She didn’t say a thing.

  But I heard the soft sniffle she tried to hide.

  I reached over and cupped her hand. “Don’t be upset. I understand. I really do. I know how you feel about Beck, and if it were any other guy, I’d say don’t waste your time caring about someone who doesn’t see how great a gift you are. But this is Beck, and I know him better than he knows himself. Because of that, I want to say that if you ever do get through to him, he’ll absolutely be worth the wait.” I pulled in a big breath. “It’s hard for me to give you the right advice because I love you both so much. I want you happy. I want him happy. And ideally, you two would be happy together, but I can’t promise that will happen.”

  “I know. It’s just been so much lately, so much time with him, so much drama and worry and fear and time spent thinking he was pining over someone else.” She pulled her hand from under mine and started wiping away the mascara that had run with her tears. “I’m so tired, Blair. So, freaking tired I feel like I could lock myself away and sleep for a month.”

  Traffic crept forward a few car lengths and I let out a sigh. “Girl, same.”

  Ashton

  I spent the entire drive to Blair and Charli’s apartment rehearsing what I was going to say, how I was going to start the conversation, how I would be the first to speak so I could get my cards on the table before they had a chance to play their hands.

  Okay, I stole that analogy from Marin, but it totally fit, so I ran with it.

  All the way up the stairs to their third-floor apartment and down the hall toward their door, I had it under control.

  I landed three sharp knocks on the door and stood there, composed and calm, ready to have my say and get this all over with.

  Then the door swung open and there she was.

  Half of her shoulder-length black hair was pulled up in a clip. She wore no makeup and stood there in silence while I took in her long-sleeved university T-shirt and skinny jeans that hugged her legs in a completely mouth-watering way.

  She waited me out, letting me take her in, and when my eyes reached hers, I watched as her chin trembled.

  Fuck speeches.

  I’ve waited too long for this moment already.

  Her eyes widened as I stepped into her space and backed her up a few steps, eyes boring into hers as I kicked the door closed behind me. I caught movement in my peripheral vision, presumably Charli or Beck, but I wasn’t about to look away from those stunning, ice blue eyes long enough to confirm it.

  Her breath hitched when I lifted a hand to her cheek and snaked the other one around to grip the back of her neck. With wide, tearful eyes, she waited as I grazed my thumb across her bottom lip.

  Both of her hands had come up to rest on my pecs, and as I slowly trailed my tongue over my bottom lip, her hands gripped my shirt and pulled me forward.

  I’d intended the kiss to be a slow, sweet, tentative exploration, something she’d think back on for years and sigh every damn time she did. Like our first kiss had been.


  But this kiss was raw, hungry, and so goddamn good I knew I’d be the one thinking back on it for years, and it would elicit a hell of a lot more than a sigh.

  Her lips were impossibly soft under mine, her tongue warm and expert as it tangled with my own. She melted into me and wound her arms around my waist, sliding her hands lower and lower, pulling my erection into her belly as we practically devoured one another for what felt like hours.

  “Um, guys . . .” Charli mumbled. “I think you just traumatized Becker.”

  We were mid-kiss at the time and Blair laughed into my mouth. It was oddly sexy. She pulled away, and I inadvertently gave a low growl of disappointment.

  Her brows rose at the sound and she gripped my ass, pulling me into her one last time before stepping back.

  “Sorry.” She turned to speak to our audience and frowned. “Hey, where’d he go?”

  “I thought I better stick close to the bathroom since I had the distinct urge to puke,” Becker called from down the hall.

  We all cracked up at that.

  Charli gave us a shrug once she’d composed herself and loudly said, “I don’t know. I was getting into it.”

  Blair shot her a look, blushing. “That’s so not right.”

  “Neither is putting on a show like that in front of someone who hasn’t been kissed at all—much less like that—in forever. Damn teases, the both of you.”

  Blair blushed even deeper and I shot Charli a wink, which made her shyly look away. Her neck and ears went bright red.

  Served her right for embarrassing my girl.

  Beck peeked at us from the hall entry. “Everyone got their tongues in their own mouths now?”

  “Just bring your ass out here, Becker, and stop being a baby,” I told him, giving him a dry look.

  “Easy for you to say. You’re not the one who’s gonna need therapy now.”

  “You’ve needed therapy for years,” I shot back.

  He pretended to think about it and shrugged. “You’re not wrong.”

  We looked at each other for a long moment and his smile slipped away. “Ash, I can’t even begin to tell you how—”

  “Don’t say it,” I cut him off. “You fucked up and Blair fucked up and Charli fucked up. But you know what? So did I. I could have set you straight as soon as I saw your faces outside the courthouse, but I didn’t. I didn’t because I wanted to give you enough rope to hang yourselves, because I wanted to be able to say how much you hurt me and the longer it went on, the bigger the wound I got to punish you all for inflicting. Because I was being childish as fuck. Let’s just chalk this all up to our collective stupidity and let it go.”

  “You really ready to just let us off the hook like that?” he asked, looking stunned.

  “If I wasn’t, would I have greeted your sister the way I did?”

  He gave me a withering look. “Thanks for reminding me.”

  “You’re welcome.” I laughed when he shot me the bird. After a nod of mutual understanding passed between us, I turned back to Blair, who had been noticeably silent. “In case that kiss wasn’t clear enough, I’m so fucking happy to see you, sweetheart.”

  Her chin trembled again, and her eyes shined as she looked up at me. “I’m so fucking happy to see you, too.”

  Before the first tear hit the ground, I had her in my arms, her feet dangling off the floor as I held her to my chest, careful not to put too much pressure on her bruises. Her breath was warm on my neck as she held on and the tears continued to fall. “Don’t cry, Blair. It’s all okay now,” I whispered into her hair, inhaling her scent so deep I felt it all the way to my toes. “Please calm down for me. I hate to see you hurting. That pic of you in the parking lot yesterday fucking devastated me. Don’t make me live through it in person.”

  She leaned back for a second, her eyes searching for Becker as she asked me, “What pic?”

  “The one of you crying outside the courthouse.”

  Her expression turned murderous as she wiped her hands over her wet cheeks and tried to wiggle out of my grip, all the while looking over at her brother like she was about to throttle him. “You sent him a picture of me? How could you fucking do that, Beck? I was bawling my head off, gagging and heaving in front of practically the whole world because I had hurt him so much, and you decided to kick him while he was down by taking a picture of the whole thing and sending it to him? How could you be so cruel?” She turned to me, frustrated that I wasn’t setting her down. “Ash, let me go. I’m gonna kick his ass!”

  “No, baby. You’re not,” I told her, tightening my grip. “You’re gonna thank him for doing exactly what I needed, which was reminding me that I wasn’t the only one hurting.”

  “He could have told you without a fucking visual aid. A picture he didn’t even consult me before taking.” She was sobbing again. “God, how you must have felt seeing that.” She turned to her brother in absolute misery. “You had no right to do that. None. He may think it was okay, but I don’t.”

  “I didn’t do it to punish him, or to hurt either of you,” Becker told her, and I had to admire how he was standing his ground. He usually caved where his sister was concerned. “I did it because I knew he needed to see what this was doing to you, and I knew he wouldn’t shut us out if it meant continuing to have you hurting that way.”

  “You had no right, Becker.” She wasn’t hearing it.

  He sighed and put his hands up. “How about I run and get some takeout for dinner? Leave you two to hash things out? If anyone still wants to kick my ass when I get back, I won’t stop them, but I also won’t apologize for what I did.” He turned to Charli. “Want to come with me? I’m sure you know what Blair likes to eat better than I do.”

  She looked over at me and Blair, whom I’d set on her feet by now. I still had my hands on her waist, though, to keep her from throttling Beck. And because I wanted to touch her. “You two okay with that?” She eyed me in particular.

  Blair nodded, still giving her brother the death stare, and I tossed out, “Whatever will keep the peace.”

  Charli caught my eye as she reached for her coat. “I know you said not to say it, but—”

  “I meant it. We’re good,” I told her, giving her a big smile since it looked like she might be the next one to cry. “Be sure to bring back dessert and make Beck pay for everything.”

  She laughed and gave me a little salute. “If he’s paying, we’re getting appetizers too. And making a trip to the liquor store.”

  I winked at her. “I like the way you think, Charli Sinclair.”

  She winked right back. “I like the way you make my girl smile, Ashton Hunter.”

  “And I like the idea of picking up some liquor, because I’m still fucking traumatized at seeing my sister’s hand on Ash’s ass,” Becker muttered to Charli as he closed the door behind them.

  Blair went over and engaged the deadbolt, to which Beck replied loudly from the hall, “Probably should have done that before you let Ash in, but better late than never. Oh, and I’m flipping you off right now, Hunter.”

  “Love you too, brother!” I called, laughing.

  “Just keep your feet on the floor and your mitts off my sister.”

  “No promises,” Blair called through the door and I could only imagine the depth of Beck’s scowl. When she turned back to me, still grinning, I felt like my heart would burst right through my ribcage.

  “You’re absolutely amazing, you know that, right?”

  She scoffed. “Why? Because I decided to torment Beck instead of you for a change? He deserves it after that stunt he pulled. I hope he worries himself sick that we’re in here screwing ourselves silly while he’s gone. Serves him right.”

  “I wasn’t saying it because of that, but if you really want to get back at him, I’m not averse to actually screwing ourselves silly. Just saying. I’m here to support your efforts to torment in any way you need.” I gave her a sly smile. “All you have to do is say the word, sweetheart.”

 
She rolled her eyes dramatically and shook her head at my comment. “I think just the possibility is enough to send him screaming to the shrink’s office. No need to go overboard.”

  “Damn.” I went over and wrapped my arms around her waist, tugging her into me. “Can’t blame a guy for trying.”

  She looked up at me with lust in her eyes. “That’s not to say I wouldn’t be interested in another one of those toe-curling kisses, if you’d settle for that.”

  “Nothing that happens between us is settling, Blair.” I dipped my head and dropped a chaste kiss on her lips, adding, “I will say, though, if you think our kisses make your toes curl, you’re in for a real fucking treat when the moment comes that I can explore the rest of you.”

  Before she could respond, I sucked her bottom lip into my mouth and nibbled ever so slightly on the soft, plump flesh.

  She groaned and leaned into me, her full chest pressing against my abs.

  I let go of her lip and moved my attention to her neck, nipping and lightly sucking the flesh just above her collarbone. Her breath was ragged in my ear, her hands busy as they curled around the back of my head and tugged my hair.

  I pressed her against the wall and thrust my hips into her, my mouth still working on her throat, and one hand gripping her ass to tug her tighter against me.

  “Ash, oh God,” she panted, and I went from aroused to painfully fucking hard in the span of a second.

  “Fuck, Blair.” I nipped her ear and thrust again. “I love the way that sounds. The pleading in your voice.” I nuzzled her jawline and leaned back, meeting her gaze. “Knowing that no matter what you said a few minutes ago, right now you’re desperate to have me inside you.”

  She whimpered and leaned forward, trying to close the distance between my mouth and hers.

  I tipped my head back, loving the frustrated groan that welled up in her throat. “Say it.”

  “Ash . . .” she whined, gripping my hips and grinding herself into me.

  “Say. It,” I repeated through gritted teeth.

  There was a flash of defiance in her eyes but one well-placed thrust, perfectly lined up with the juncture of her thighs, cleared that in an instant. “I want you, Ash.”