Confessions Between Us

by Tina T. Kove

I also noticed how his joggers might be baggy but they didn’t hide much when he was sitting with his legs spread wide.

  Shit.

  I ripped my gaze away as my phone vibrated on the table.

  Do not ogle your boyfriend’s best friend.

  Also, he broke your heart—remember that.

  I put my laptop on the table, lowering the screen a little. My phone screen had gone black again by the time I grabbed it, so I pressed the button to light it up.

  I nearly dropped the phone.

  ‘What’s wrong with you?’ Glenn watched me with a funny expression.

  ‘Uhh…’ I double-checked the surname just to be sure it was my cousin messaging me and not my boyfriend. ‘I messaged my cousin a couple of days ago. I haven’t seen him since I was twelve. He just answered.’

  ‘Huh.’ Glenn crossed his arms. ‘At least you have met him. I have siblings I’ve never met. And they’re, like, just a year or two younger than me.’

  My lips parted in surprise as I stared at him.

  ‘My dad’s a cheating arse, but that’s not anything new.’ Glenn glared, but for once it wasn’t aimed at me. His gaze was trained at nothing in particular.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ I offered. Lamely. But I didn’t know what else to say. ‘I have a sister who ran away and forgot all about us. Maybe you’re better off.’ That came out way too bitter.

  Glenn looked at me again, brows slightly drawn together.

  ‘It’s not the same at all,’ I muttered, embarrassed. ‘Forget I said that.’ I unlocked my screen but hesitated on pressing into the app. A bright red dot with the number one told me I had a message, but what if he only answered to tell me to fuck off? What if he didn’t want to get reacquainted?

  ‘Our families just suck, don’t they?’ He put his plate down on the table and pushed it away with a grimace. He hadn’t touched his second slice of bread.

  ‘Yeah,’ I agreed, unable to tear my gaze away from that red dot. Andreas had answered. And I was too much of a coward to see what he had to say.

  I put my phone back on the table, screen down.

  ‘Aren’t you going to answer your cousin?’

  ‘Leo should be here for this.’ My gaze flickered uncertainly to the phone, to Glenn, to Sarah, the phone again, the door… ‘It’s his cousin too.’

  ‘But you’re the one he’s messaging,’ Glenn pointed out.

  ‘Because I’m the one who messaged him.’ But Leo had been there too when I did that.

  ‘Then you can read the answer all on your own.’ Glenn stood, carrying his plate with him into the kitchen. He threw the last slice into the rubbish and washed the plate quickly in the sink.

  He was right. I could read Andreas’s answer myself without Leo.

  I was nervous though.

  What if he didn’t want to—

  I unlocked my screen and clicked into the message before the negative thoughts overwhelmed me.

  Andreas: Hey, Alex! I do remember you, yeah. It’s been a long time. It was too bad my dad and your parents lost contact after Mum died. You were all the extended family we had. I’m not going to blame it entirely on my dad, though he sucks at all kinds of communication—but I was old enough to keep in touch if I wanted to.

  There was a green dot underneath his picture, telling me he was still active on the app.

  My palms were sweaty as I positioned the phone so I could type with my fingers.

  Me: My parents aren’t exactly great communicators either. I’m sorry if they ghosted you. I wouldn’t put it past them.

  That was too whiny, wasn’t it? Too bitter?

  Three dots appeared.

  He was typing.

  Andreas: Hey, I don’t know what happened. Dad never shared, so let’s just say it’s their shared fault. Dad’s not exactly talkative and interested in keeping in contact with anyone. Don’t sweat it, man.

  Did he have a bad parent too? Or was his dad just… closed off?

  Andreas: Anyway… How are you? And Leo and Kamilla?

  Me: Leo and I are fine. We’re off on holiday skiing with friends. Kamilla’s gone. She left us a few years ago and we haven’t heard from her since.

  That sounded too whiny and bitter too, didn’t it? It did in my head, at least.

  Andreas: Damn. That sucks.

  Me: Yeah. Maybe she’ll get in contact again one day when she’s ready.

  Andreas: Let’s hope so. I’m actually on a skiing holiday with friends myself. Got the winter holiday off, so I’m currently in Hemsedal.

  Hemsedal? Wasn’t that a popular destination for rich people?

  Me: I’m in Oppdal. We’re nowhere near close.

  Andreas: Hah, no. Maybe next year! Or sooner. I’m in Aarvik for my degree. That’s not too far from Vikanes, is it? That’s where you live, right?

  He added a thoughtful emoji behind that last question.

  I blinked at the part about Aarvik. It couldn’t be…

  Me: Are you living in Aarvik? Leo lives there! He’s doing his bachelor’s there and I’m planning on applying there as well for next semester.

  Andreas: You’re kidding me?

  Me: I’m not!

  Andreas: Well, shit.

  What the hell? Out of all the universities and colleges in the country, we were all going to go to the same one? Leo and Andreas were attending the same college right now and they didn’t even know about it!

  This coincidence was just too unbelievable. It wasn’t possible. It shouldn’t be.

  Andreas: That’s awesome, man. We can meet face to face.

  Me: That’s some coincidence. What’re you studying?

  Andreas: I’m taking a bachelor’s degree in Outdoor Studies.

  Oh, he was one of those outdoorsy people. Not exactly someone who would be interested in meeting with me, who prefered to stay inside with his laptop.

  Andreas: What about Leo? And you?

  Me: Leo’s doing a bachelor in Social Services. I’m not sure what I’m going to apply to yet, but I’m leaning towards Language and Literature.

  Andreas: That’s cool. Or not really, not for me, but as long as you enjoy it.

  Me: Yeah, I’m not outdoorsy.

  Andreas: Aren’t you on a skiing holiday?

  Me: Hah, yeah, but it’s my friends that are doing all the skiing. I just stay in the cabin.

  I said friends, lumping everyone into that category. Sarah was, for sure, but I wasn’t all that close to Peter. We’d never had a conversation just the two of us. And Glenn… Glenn was… I didn’t know what Glenn was. He was confusing.

  And missing, come to think of it.

  He’d disappeared from the open-floor living room and kitchen after washing his plate.

  Also, I wasn’t sure if I should tell Andreas I was gay right away. He could be a raging homophobe.

  Though if he was that, it wouldn’t matter when I told him, he still wouldn’t approve.

  Best to keep that under wraps for now, just in case.

  Get to know him first, then share other important things about my life.

  Andreas: Sounds boring.

  Me: It’s okay. I like it. I have a laptop. And I’m watching one of my friends. She’s hung-over.

  Andreas: Being hungover is the worst. But somehow, we never learn.

  We never did, indeed. Or they didn’t. I was fine.

  ‘Ugh.’ Sarah turned so she was lying on her side, one arm hanging off the edge of the sofa. She blinked, peering at me. ‘I think I’m going to puke.’

  Me: Shit, emergency. BRB.

  My phone clattered against the table as I all but threw it away.

  ‘Can you make it to the bathroom?’ I crouched down in front of her.

  ‘No. If I move—’ She put a hand to her mouth.

  I bolted for the kitchen. I had no idea where they kept a bucket around here, so I found the next best thing. The rubbish bin.

  ‘Here.’ I put it in front of her.

  She bent over, grabbing onto my hand that w
as gripping the bin, and vomited.

  I brushed her hair away from her face with my free hand, making sure she didn’t puke on it or get any puke on it.

  ‘What the hell?’ Glenn had appeared again and now stood close to the chairs looking at us. ‘Tell me everything is in that bin. I’m not cleaning vomit off the carpet.’

  ‘It’s all in the bin,’ I assured him. I wasn’t keen on cleaning vomit either. But I would’ve done it if she’d been unfortunate enough to miss. Because she was my friend and because I couldn’t let the carpet stain.

  Sarah spit into the bin now, forehead dripping with sweat.

  ‘That is so gross.’ She lay back on the sofa, putting a forearm over her forehead and eyes.

  ‘Are you done?’ I didn’t want to take the bin away and have her puke again.

  ‘Yeah. Thanks.’

  The bag wasn’t even half-full, but I took it out of the bin now and tied it shut.

  ‘I can take that out,’ Glenn offered. ‘I need some fresh air anyway.’

  ‘Oh. Okay.’ I handed the bag over to him.

  He grimaced slightly as he took it. I wasn’t quite sure if it was because the bag still smelled or because our fingers brushed. I figured it was a fifty-fifty chance either way.

  ‘Thank you.’

  He only grunted as he headed into the hall.

  ‘I’m never drinking again,’ Sarah groaned.

  ‘That’s what everyone says when they’re hung-over.’ I sat down close to her head, looking her over. She didn’t seem to have any vomit on her hair or clothes, so that was good. ‘And they forget about it the next time they go out partying.’

  ‘It’s a vicious circle.’ She turned onto her side again, holding her arms close to her chest. ‘Damn the body for being so good at forgetting bad shit.’

  Yeah, that was true.

  It’d been a while since I’d been so drunk I was hung-over though. That was mostly because I was too young to buy the strong alcohol I liked, and I hated the taste of beer and wine. I could drink it, but I preferred not to.

  ‘The body is pretty extraordinary.’

  ‘The body sucks,’ Sarah murmured. ‘This is why women have children too. In the plural, I mean. Because the damn body just forgets how much it hurts after it’s over, so you think it’s not so bad until you have the second one and it’s hell all over again.’

  ‘You’re not having children then?’ Was that what she meant?

  ‘I don’t know.’ She sighed miserably. ‘Not now. Not for years. But I might want one. Way in the future, mind.’

  The future…

  I suddenly had one of those now.

  I had no idea what it would bring, what I would do, but… I was sort of excited for it.

  ‘We scared Mum off having any more children though.’ She grinned slightly.

  We?

  ‘You’re a twin?’

  Sarah’s grin widened. ‘I am a triplet.’

  ‘Wow. That’s rare, isn’t it?’ I’d never heard of anyone being a triplet before. Not outside films and books anyway.

  ‘It is. We’re not identical triplets though, that’s the rarest.’

  ‘So your parents could tell you apart?’ I sat down on the floor, resting back against the sofa.

  ‘Yeah. Or so they claim. I think babies look mostly alike. Maybe I was baptised with another name and they mixed us up?’ She laughed. ‘That’s probably what happens to identical twins and triplets though. My sisters and I are so different.’

  ‘Personality-wise or looks?’ I knew nothing about Sarah. All I knew was that she was in a relationship with Peter and had been for a while. It was nice knowing a little more about her.

  ‘Both.’ She cleared her throat, eyes shutting for a moment. ‘We’re all redheads. We have the same eye colour. And I guess it’s obvious we’re sisters. But people tend to be surprised when they find out we’re triplets. It’s like they expect all twins and triplets to be identical, but that’s rare, so…’

  Glenn came stomping back inside.

  ‘Damn, it’s fucking cold out there.’

  ‘You were the one who said you needed fresh air.’ Sarah looked him over as he came into the living room.

  ‘You look better.’ He glowered down at her.

  ‘I’m not really. Only when I’m lying still, like this.’ She was on her back, arms resting over her stomach, legs crossed. ‘I need to sleep this off.’

  ‘Then go to your bed so we can have the living room for ourselves.’

  Sarah only groaned at that.

  ‘Want me to fucking carry you?’ Glenn offered, frowning.

  ‘If you want me to puke all over you.’ Sarah turned her back to us. ‘I’ll just sleep here. You watch the telly or whatever, I don’t care.’

  Glenn turned away with a sigh and headed into the kitchen area.

  I glanced back at Sarah, but our talk seemed to be over. So I rose and made my way slowly towards the kitchen too, where Glenn was banging cabinets.

  ‘Looking for something?’

  ‘The crisps.’ He peered into each cabinet.

  ‘I think they’re in the long cabinet over there.’ I pointed to the one besides the fridge.

  Glenn found an unopened bag of crisps and he ripped it open, taking a handful. ‘You want some?’ He tipped the bag my way.

  ‘No thanks.’ I should retreat to the sofa and my text-conversation with my cousin. Standing here with Glenn felt like… playing with fire, or something.

  ‘Why are you here?’ Glenn’s eyes were narrow.

  ‘What do you mean? Andreas asked me to come.’ I moved uncomfortably. Where was Glenn going with this?

  ‘You don’t enjoy this.’ He made a sweeping motion with his hand. ‘So why come? Just to fuck with my head?’

  ‘No.’ I shook my head. ‘I want to spend time with Andreas. I’m not doing anything to fuck with you.’ At least I didn’t mean to do anything. I didn’t want to make things hard for Glenn.

  He snorted.

  ‘I’m not.’ I held onto the edge of the counter, my knuckles going white as I grabbed it tightly. ‘Don’t you think I would’ve done things differently if I could?’ I knew Glenn didn’t want me around.

  ‘You went after my best friend.’ Glenn chewed crisps without looking at me.

  ‘He went after me.’ He did not get to twist the truth. Andreas had been the one to go after me, not the other way around. I’d just gone with the flow. And ended up liking him in the process. ‘If I could choose anyone but your best friend, I would’ve, but… Andreas approached me.’ Literally.

  Glenn grimaced. Maybe he was thinking about how that was his doing. Andreas had told me Glenn was the one who had noticed me that Friday and pointed me out to him. If not for Glenn, Andreas never would’ve approached me.

  ‘Have you told him?’ Glenn’s jaw was pressed so tight a muscle ticked.

  ‘No. I promised I wouldn’t.’

  ‘But he’s your boyfriend.’ Glenn glowered at me now. ‘You’re lying to him?’

  ‘I’m not. He’s never asked, so I’ve never had to lie.’ Why would Andreas ask if I’d shagged his best friend? As far as he knew, Glenn was straight.

  ‘You’re just omitting the truth then.’

  ‘Are you mad at me for that?’ I didn’t like this conversation. Or confrontation was perhaps a better word. ‘You made me promise not to tell anyone—’

  ‘And you plan on keeping that promise?’

  ‘Yes!’ I wrapped my arms around myself. ‘Yes, I plan on keeping it. I don’t particularly fancy going around and outing people just for the hell of it. That’s more your thing, isn’t it?’ He’d spilt my secrets to Andreas. About my cutting and sleeping around. Trying to keep Andreas away from me. It hadn’t worked. Andreas didn’t care about my cutting or my promiscuous past.

  Glenn turned away with a grimace. ‘I’d deserve it if you did.’

  ‘No one deserves that. People should come out in their own time.’ I wholeheartedly believed
that. ‘Some need more time than others.’

  ‘I’m not gay.’ Glenn all but sneered now.

  ‘Sure.’ As if I believed that.

  Glenn grabbed the front of my T-shirt and pushed me up against the fridge. His eyes were dark from anger as he stared at me.

  We were only centimetres apart.

  My breath hitched. From surprise at him manhandling me or for finding myself so close to him all of a sudden, I couldn’t tell.

  ‘Look what Marcus did to you. He doesn’t even know you.’ Glenn pressed his lips together. ‘What do you think he’d do to me if he finds out I like shagging guys?’

  My heart was galloping in my chest. Because he’d mentioned his brother, perhaps, or because he admitted to being gay? Hard to say. Maybe both. My feelings about Glenn were complicated.

  I didn’t know what to answer though. He was right. Marcus had hurt me for being with Andreas. He hadn’t hurt Andreas, whom he knew, but if he could do what he did to a stranger… then he could hurt Glenn.

  ‘You saw the bruises.’ Glenn pressed me harder against the fridge. ‘You asked about them.’

  I had. I had seen them and I had asked.

  ‘And you lied.’ It dawned on me now. They hadn’t been football-related as he’d told me seven months ago.

  ‘They were a goodbye present from Marcus before he went on holiday with our parents.’ Glenn’s knuckles were the ones turning white now. His grip on my shirt was tight. ‘He likes getting rough with me because he thinks I’ll toughen up.’

  ‘You’re not tough?’ I thought Glenn was plenty though. He had an attitude and he was never afraid to speak his mind. ‘You’re popular. You’re a footballer. You’re fit. There’s nothing weak about you.’ I was the weak one. Marcus had hurt me so easily because I wasn’t strong enough to fight back.

  Glenn laughed, but it wasn’t a happy laugh. It was bitter, sad… it wasn’t a good laugh at all. ‘I hate football. I don’t like going to the gym. But I do it because that’s what my friends like and because I can at least fight back if I have some muscles.’

  I licked my lips nervously, staring into Glenn’s angry eyes. I didn’t think he was angry at me, I was pretty sure all his rage was directed at his brother right now, but I was the one at his mercy. If he wanted to hurt me, he could.

  ‘I like fucking guys,’ Glenn continued in a low voice. ‘But you know that already. I like art. I like writing. I’m good at those things, but I have to do it all in secret because it makes me weak.’