Never Letting Go

by Kristin MacQueen

  “I need to talk to Frankie.”

  “Is everything ok?” She’s concerned but at a complete loss over what’s happening.

  “Yes. I just need to clear up a misunderstanding.”

  I try to move past her but she grabs my arm, pulling me to a stop.

  “Noah, be careful with her. She can't take another broken heart. She’s barely hanging on right now.”

  “I’d never hurt her, Mrs. Valdo, you know that.”

  “But you did, sweetie. The first day of school, I could see it in her eyes. She wants so badly to get back the relationship she used to have with you but she feels like she lost you. I overheard her talking to Miranda, seeing you again and knowing she lost you, it’s worse than losing her dad. She knows she can't get her dad back; it kills her to not have him around but she knows he’ll never be back. Losing you, that destroys her. You’re right there in front of her but she can't reach you, she can't get you back.”

  “I'm trying, I really am.”

  “I know you are, sweet boy. You’ve loved Frankie your entire life. I know you’d never try to hurt her... Just make sure you don’t rush things. She needs time to heal her broken heart before she can give it away.”

  “She doesn’t sleep, she has nightmares. Last night she slept like a baby.”

  “And that was because of you. She feels safe with you.”

  “I told her I’ll hold her every single night and she’s trying to push me away.”

  “She needs time. This is overwhelming for her.”

  “Liam likes her.” I blurt out before I can stop myself. I don’t know what it is about these Valdo women, they make me want to bare my soul to them.

  “Yes, I believe he does, but that doesn’t matter.”

  “It doesn’t?”

  “He likes her, but you love her. Go talk to her, clear the air but don’t push her.”

  “Thank you, Mrs. Valdo.”

  “Noah, you’ll always hold a special place in my heart. My husband used to pray every single night that Frankie and you would end up together. He always believed you were perfect for our little girl.”

  “Thank you.”

  “I have no problem with you staying here or Frankie staying at your house if it helps her sleep, but I’ll talk to your parents. The door will stay open though, at the end of the day you’re still teenagers. I want to see her heal; I have a feeling only you can do that.”

  A massive smile spreads across my face. She’s giving me permission to love and take care of her daughter in whatever way I need to. I surprise both of us when I give Mrs. Valdo a hug.

  “Thank you for trusting me.”

  “Don’t make me regret it.”

  “Never.”

  “Go get your girl.” She chuckles as she waves me away.

  I bound up the stairs, pausing in front of her door. I need her to understand that I want to help her, I'm not expecting anything in return. I knock on the door and wait for her to open it. I completely forget that Miranda’s here until she opens the door and frowns at me.

  “Weren’t you just here?”

  “I need to talk to Frankie.”

  “We can't have girl time if you keep showing up, Noah.” She sighs.

  “Give me ten minutes and I’ll leave.”

  “Fine.” She grumbles as she opens the door up wider. I walk in, glancing around, Frankie’s nowhere to be seen. “She’s in the closet. She’s crying but she thinks I don’t know that. I was giving her a few minutes before I storm in there.”

  I head straight to the closet door, my hand on the door knob but I pause.

  “You’re sure she’s dressed?”

  “All her clothes are out here.” Miranda smirks.

  Pull the door open, I step in and shut it behind me. I slowly sink down next to her, with my back against the wall. I don’t say anything, I only grab her hand and hold it in my own.

  She looks up at me but I keep my eyes trained on the door. I want her to take the time she needs but I'm not going to let her cry alone in a closet.

  “I'm sorry.” She chokes out on a sob.

  “You have nothing to be sorry for.” I wipe away some tears with my thumb, she leans into my touch. I want to wrap my arms around her but I'm trying to keep my distance unless she asks for more.

  “I ask you not to push me away, but then I do the same thing to you. That’s not fair.”

  “You’re hurting, Frankie.”

  “That doesn’t mean I can treat you badly. Everyone loses people they love.”

  “But you lost two people.” I speak slowly, picking my words carefully so I don’t upset her anymore. “You lost your dad but you also lost me. I know I'm not the same person I used to be, but when you’re around I feel like I can find my way back to that person. I feel whole when I'm with you. It’s like when you moved away, you took my happiness with you but now that you’re back, I'm happier than I’ve been in years. You haven’t lost me, Frankie, I just need time to get back to how I was.”

  She crawls onto my lap, wraps her arms around my waist, laying her head on my chest. I hold her tightly against me, letting her cry and soak my shirt. I don’t care, I have more. I just want to be here for her.

  “How did you know I felt like I lost you?”

  “Your mom explained it to me. I wish you would’ve told me though.”

  “That’s so embarrassing.”

  “Hey,” I lift her chin until her eyes meet mine. “You never have a reason to be embarrassed with me. You mean the world to me, Frankie. I’d do anything to make you feel better.”

  “I can't believe my mom knows how I feel. I never told her.”

  “She loves you; she wants you to heal. I think it’s hard for her to stand by, watching you hurt when she can't do anything to fix it. I talked to her about sleeping here.”

  “Noah...”

  “Just hear me out. She said she doesn’t have an issue with it, as long as the door stays open.” I smile down at her. “You can sleep at my house or I can sleep here. She’s going to talk to my parents and make sure they are ok with that too. We all just want to take care of you.”

  Her fingers trace my lips, making me smile even bigger. I don’t know how she’s the only person with the power to make me this happy.

  “You’re so handsome when you smile.”

  I want to claim her lips but I can't push this any faster. I gently kiss her forehead before I pull her against my chest again.

  “I feel whole when I'm with you. Any other time I feel like my heart is broken into a million pieces and will never be put back together again. I don’t know what to do with that.”

  “We’ll figure it out together.”

  “What about Liam?”

  “He likes you.”

  “I know...”

  “How do you feel about him?”

  “I'm not sure. He’s sweet, but I don’t really know him.”

  “Everyone thinks he’s hot.” I mutter under my breath.

  “Only because they haven’t seen you smile.”

  “He isn't going to give up. Not unless I make him.”

  “Does that bother you?”

  “Only if you want to date him.”

  She snorts out a laugh. Her eyes shinning brightly as she gazes up at me. I can't help but smile, her smirk is too addictive. Delicate fingers run over my cheeks, taking in every feature of my face.

  “I forgot you have dimples. They're adorable.”

  “Time’s up, Romeo.” Miranda calls from the other side of the door.

  “She gave me ten minutes.” I shrug my shoulders. “Are we going to be ok?”

  “I think so. I'm sorry things are so difficult.”

  “It’s ok, babe. We’re finding our way back to each other. It’ll take time for us each to heal in our own ways. We need to make sure we don’t push each other away in the process.”

  “I’ll try not to.”

  “Me too.”

  “It’s time to get ready for the part
y!” Miranda shouts again.

  “We’re coming.” Frankie grumbles as she stands up, holding a hand out to me. I pretend to let her pull me up but I know she wouldn’t be able to. We stroll out of the closet and I head to her door.

  “I’ll see you in a little bit.” I kiss her head before I leave her room, going back to my house.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Frankie

  “Ow! Miranda, why are you always so rough?”

  “It’s not my fault you aren’t used to a little beauty pain.”

  “I don’t think pulling my hair tight enough that my eyes bulge out counts as a little beauty pain. I don’t want my hair up, why can't I wear it down?”

  “Because,” She whines, “You always wear your hair down.”

  “Because that’s the way I like it.”

  “Yes, but aren’t we trying to impress Liam and Noah?”

  “I'm not trying to impress anyone.”

  “Fine! But can we please sex you up so you can piss off Bianca?”

  I stare at her for a few seconds debating what I should do. She knows what I'm going to say, a slow smile is spreading across her stupid face.

  “Fine.” I groan. “I want my hair down though.”

  “Ugh! You’re impossible!”

  She pulls a curling iron out of her bag and plugs it in. Sectioning off my hair so she can curl small sections at a time. Next she pulls out a massive make-up bag and plops it on my bed. Miranda gets to work, thirty minutes later she steps back, letting out a long sigh.

  “You look gorgeous. Liam and Noah are going to fight each other over you.”

  “No one’s going to be fighting over anyone.” I roll my eyes before I stand up and walk to my mirror.

  I gasp when I see how different I look. Miranda curled my hair in loose waves, almost reaching my butt. My makeup is much heavier than normal but it looks amazing.

  “Here’s the stupid jeans and shirt.” She says in a huff. I stare at the outfit; I don’t want to wear it. I want to look stunning.

  “Let’s do the dress.” I whisper, I can't believe I'm actually giving in to her.

  “Ohmygosh!” Her words blend together creating one word, her squeal is so loud that I have to cover my ears. “No, we’re not doing a dress. This romper is absolutely perfect and will make your eyes pop!”

  I change in the closet, grab a pair of royal blue wedges and go back into my room. Miranda lets out a gasp when her eyes land on me. The romper is royal blue with flowers all over it. The top is off the shoulders and has a V-neck. It comes to mid-thigh, making my legs look really long in my wedges. I think this is the best I’ve ever looked.

  “I hate you so much right now.”

  “Why? What did I do?”

  “You look gorgeous. You know I like to be the center of attention and that definitely won’t be happening tonight.”

  “Oh, shut up. Let’s find you an equally sexy outfit.”

  I rummage through my clothes until I find a white floral romper that matches my own. Miranda will look great in this with her olive complexion. She squeals, running into the closet to change. I grab her a pair of white wedges, waiting until she finishes and finally comes out. She slips on the wedges, moving so we are side by side in front of the full-length mirror.

  “Damn, we look hot.” She strikes a pose; I throw my head back laughing at her.

  “Frankie! Noah and Liam are here!” My mom’s voice calls from downstairs.

  I suck in a deep breath, letting it out slowly. I'm so nervous about seeing them. I know there’s going to be tension between Noah and Liam, I don’t really want to deal with it tonight.

  “I’ll play interference, entertain one of the guys while you hang out with the other.”

  “You’re the best friend in the world, you know that, right?”

  “Best of the best! You totally owe me one though.”

  One more glance in the mirror, then we’re headed down the steps. Noah’s voice floats through the air, talking to my mom, telling her all about football and the colleges he’s looking in to.

  “I’m hoping to get scouted for college, I don’t want my parents stuck with paying. I know they won’t let me pay my own way. I guess I’ll go-“

  His words die on his tongue when he spots Miranda and I standing at the bottom of the steps. I don’t think he even notices Miranda though. His eyes are solely focused on me.

  “Frankie... You look stunning.” His voice is soft, very unlike Noah to let others see this side of him.

  His dark hair is combed to the side, a black button up shirt with the top three buttons undone. I can see the top of a tattoo that I didn’t notice before. Light jeans and a pair of old black boots finish off his look. Noah’s intense eyes are trained on me, my chest rising and falling rapidly as his gaze sweeps up and down my body, stopping on my lips for a moment before rising back to my eyes.

  “You both look beautiful.” Liam pipes up from beside him.

  My gaze slides over to his, taking in his appearance. Liam has on a tight red t-shirt with dark jeans and a pair of leather flip flops. He has on a backwards ball cap with his curly hair sticking out from the bottom. His trademark smile is perfectly in place but it doesn’t reach his eyes. Something’s definitely off with him tonight.

  “Are you ladies ready to go?” Noah asks.

  “Yes! I'm so excited! There better be some hot boys at this party.” Miranda bounces towards the door, like literally is bouncing.

  “Aren't we hot?” Liam asks. “You called me hot yesterday.”

  “But then you turned me down when I wanted to go to the party with you. Looks like I need to find a new boy toy, so sad for you.” She gives him a fake pout before she walks out the door.

  “Is she always like this?” The perplexed expression on his face makes my mom burst out laughing.

  “Always. It’s never a dull moment in my home when Miranda’s over. I feel sorry for whatever guy she forces to marry her.” She says with a smile on her face. “Be careful, sweetie. Noah, Liam, I expect you two to take care of my baby and that beautiful disaster outside.”

  “I heard that Mrs. Valdo! But I’ll let it go because you said I'm beautiful!” Miranda’s voice floats through the door.

  “Have fun, kids.”

  “Thanks, Mom. I’ll be home by midnight.”

  I give her a kiss on the cheek before heading out to Noah’s jeep.

  “Alright, boys! Let’s do this!” Miranda’s standing up in the back of the jeep, the top of the jeep’s off with the nice weather we’ve been having.

  “Do you want to sit up front?” Noah asks in a shy voice.

  Liam makes a scoffing noise; I give him a glare and he shuts his mouth right away.

  “I better sit in the back with Miranda, if I don’t, she’ll probably grope Liam.”

  The tension on the short drive to Bianca’s house is so thick that even Miranda doesn’t say a word. We have to park a block away, there are so many cars here, I can't believe this many people want to go to Bianca’s party.

  When the car comes to a stop, Liam jumps out. Before he can get around to my side, Noah’s already opened the door, holding his hand out to me to help me out. The feeling of his skin against mine makes my heart race, tingles shoot up my arm and I let out a small gasp. Noah’s smug smirk tell me he knows exactly how he’s affecting me. Liam scowls, his eyes zeroing in on our clasped hands. I quickly remove mine from Noah’s and take a step away from him.

  This isn't fair to Liam. He asked me to come as his date, I said yes, I can't be all over Noah. I march straight to Miranda, grab her hand and head into the house. No matter which guys arm I walk in on, one of them will be upset and I don’t want to deal with that right now. I just want to get through this party and go home. The only reason I agreed to go was to piss off Bianca. She’s always hated me, seeing me show up with Liam’s bound to annoy her. Showing up with Liam and Noah is going to put a target on my back. She’s had her sights on Noah since we were i
n elementary school.

  The front door is wide open, music pounding from speakers inside and outside. The living room is packed tight with bodies, I don’t think half these people even go to our school. The air is stale and sweaty, almost like a locker room. Miranda’s lips are moving but I can't hear a thing over the noise, I point to the backyard and she nods.

  Looking over my shoulder, I see Noah’s eyes tracking my every move, Liam’s following close behind me. Stepping onto the deck, it’s quieter out here but still loud. The air is cool compared to the heat inside from so many bodies.

  “Why does it need to be so loud?” Miranda complains, flipping her hair over her shoulder.

  “Do you want me to get you ladies a drink?” Liam gives me his perfect smile. I’ve never seen anyone with teeth as straight and white as Liam’s.

  “Yes! Get me whatever you want. I don’t care.”

  “I’ll just take a water.” I say. My eyes lock with Noah’s. He didn’t make it outside, Bianca cornered him in the kitchen before he could escape. No matter what she says or does, he doesn’t take his eyes off of me. I can't look away, even though I know I should. His eyes rake up and down my body, just like he did when he saw me come down the stairs at home. He bites into his bottom lip, his sole focus on me. The world around me disappears, it’s just Noah and I. My thoughts drift to our almost kiss in my basement. I want to feel those lips on mine, I want to know what it would feel like to be loved by Noah.

  “Here’s your water.” Liam hands me the bottle, my cheeks heat, I know he saw me staring at Noah. There’s no way he didn’t.

  “Thanks, Liam. Do you want to dance?” I don’t want to dance; I actually hate dancing but I don’t know what else to say. I feel like I owe him so much more than I’m giving him right now.

  Liam’s a total sweetheart, a huge teddy bear. He seems like he’d do just about anything for me if I asked him to. He’s the type of guy you dream of taking home to meet your parents. The type that you imagine forever with.

  Noah’s the exact opposite, at least that’s how he presents himself to the world. No parent would want their daughter to date someone like him. He has a constant grimace plastered on his face; his words have a hardness with his sharp tone. But I know him, he’s really a teddy bear too.