Starting Over in Texas

by Jessica Keller

  She forced all thoughts about Boone from her mind. Not an easy task with the man standing nearby.

  Hailey cupped her hands to her dad’s cheeks. “I am not a rat! I’m a rug mouse, remember? A cute little mouse.” Hailey held up her hands to be little paws and squeaked a few times.

  Boone slung her over his shoulder. “How could I forget?” He tipped his chin to Violet and then headed toward his car with his daughter giggling as he carried her away.

  * * *

  From her booster seat in the back, Hailey kicked the passenger seat. Boone used the rearview mirror to check on her. Her brow was scrunched and her lips were pursed. On their trip to Houston, Hailey had asked a lot of hard questions and had wanted to talk about June a lot. The conversations had gutted Boone and he wasn’t sure he could keep having them without falling apart. He had been trying so hard to be strong and put on a brave face so his daughter wouldn’t worry. Because Boone knew if he allowed himself to sink a toe into his grief it wouldn’t be long until a riptide of emotions would drown him completely, which wouldn’t do Hailey any good.

  He glanced in the mirror again, catching her eyes. She looked so much like June it made his chest feel too tight to take a decent breath. “What are you thinking about, sweetheart?”

  She stopped tapping her foot. “I like Violet a lot.”

  Boone offered a soft smile. “You’ve mentioned that a time or two.”

  “No, like, I wish she had come with us right now.” Hailey looked out the window as she hugged her stomach. “I think it would have made me feel a little better.”

  His gut clenched. Sometimes going to June’s parents’ house made Hailey sad. While she loved spending time with her grandparents and they were great people, it was a huge reminder of what Boone and Hailey had lost. Photos of June graced every room and June had been the spitting image of her mother. It was difficult for Boone to see them, too, so he understood any inner turmoil Hailey might be feeling, but it was important for his daughter to have a strong relationship with June’s family. That would have mattered to June, so it mattered to him. But his late wife’s parents owned an RV and spent a large portion of the year traveling around the country so he needed to make use of the time they were in town.

  “Your grandparents love you a lot, you know that, right? You don’t need to be afraid, but if you want me to stay with you while you’re there, I can.” Boone had been away from the ranch for a few days so he knew that despite Wade, Drew and Violet handling issues, there was still work waiting for him in the office. At the hospital, Rhett had given him specific instructions about a list of things to take care of that the others wouldn’t know about. But Hailey’s well-being was important to Boone and he was beginning to realize how much he had failed her by going back to Maine after June’s funeral.

  While dealing with his responsibilities at school had been the logical choice...maybe it hadn’t been the best choice.

  Hailey sighed. “You’re not listening.”

  “What are you trying to tell me?”

  “When you weren’t here, Violet helped me miss Mommy less. She makes me happier when she’s around. She understands.” Hailey scratched her nose. “Do you think that’s okay with Mommy?” Her little voice hitched. “Would Mommy be mad that I like hanging out with someone else?”

  Boone grasped the steering wheel tighter. He swallowed, once, twice. Cleared his throat. “No, baby, she wouldn’t be mad. Mommy would love anything that made you happy. She loved you so much and would want whatever’s best for you.” The last words came out quiet. His throat burned with the weight of them and he couldn’t say anything more.

  “Do you think Mommy would have liked Violet?”

  Boone considered her question. While Violet and June shared a few similarities—they were both about the same height and had the same straight blond hair—there was so much about them that was different, too. For most of her life June had been quiet and careful, which was what had made her and Boone such a great match. She had been content to read a book in a nearby chair while he was studying. She had been fine to stay inside weekend after weekend and binge-watch shows while he worked on sermons. She would wake up before him and they would talk about deep topics over breakfast and they shared a peaceful sort of love that had seemed to suit them well. Their life together hadn’t been exciting or adventurous, but it had been theirs and that had been enough.

  While Violet certainly didn’t strike Boone as someone who wanted to be at a party every day, she was used to a more fast-paced and exciting lifestyle. The rodeo wasn’t a career for the faint of heart. She had to move constantly and ride in a daring way over and over again to keep her ranking in the circuit. As long as she was a barrel racer, she would need to travel. Boone couldn’t picture Violet happy at home without much to do or content to quietly exist around another person. Not the woman who had gone toe to toe with him the first time they had met.

  Then again, after three miscarriages and failed attempts at fertility treatments, June had started to take more risks, too. For a while there, they almost separated. A fact Boone had never shared with anyone. When June announced she had signed up to go on a weeklong hiking trip with some of the other ladies at their church, Boone had been excited for her. He had prayed it would be a life-changing time.

  June had died on that trip.

  Boone turned up a tree-lined road that marked the residential area where his late wife had grown up. “You know, I think they would have liked each other a lot.” Boone thought back to the other night on the pier with Violet.

  They didn’t want me.

  There has to be a reason no one wants me.

  Boone hadn’t known what to say to help her, but June would have. His wife had seemed to possess a radar that helped her identify hurting women. She had always known how to encourage them and over the years she had taken many of the college-aged women at their church under her wing.

  “Your mom would have been fascinated with Violet’s barrel racing career and would have enjoyed talking to her.” Boone let out a shaky breath. “And she certainly would have loved how much Violet seems to care about you.”

  He pulled into his in-laws’ driveway and shifted the car into Park.

  “Violet’s all alone,” Hailey said. “Just like us.”

  Boone swung around in his seat so he could face his daughter while they talked. “We’re not alone, sweetheart. We’re surrounded by my family and your mom’s parents and—”

  “We’re not...it’s not the same anymore. It feels like a different kind of alone.” She unbuckled her seat belt and opened the door. Hailey looked back at him. “I’m glad Violet’s coming for dinner. Even if you ruin the food.”

  June’s mother waved at them from the front doorway. When Boone had set up this visit for his daughter, he had told his in-laws that it would be a quick drop-off so he could head back to the ranch.

  He caught Hailey’s arm before she could leave the car. “I love you, Hailey. I love you so much. You and me—we’re a family. It’s a small family, but it’s my favorite one.”

  She looked down. “I know. But I liked three better than two.”

  “Me, too, sweetheart.” His voice was raw.

  She slipped out of his hold and jogged up the driveway, diving into her grandma’s arms. June’s mom waved to Boone again before closing the door.

  Boone forced himself to stay numb as he navigated his car out of the driveway and around the block. Far enough so he knew he was out of sight from the house before he pulled over, tossed the gearshift back into Park and pressed his forehead into the steering wheel.

  “Why did You take her?” His voice came out as weary as his faith felt in that moment. “Where are You in this?”

  You people told me God loved me and wanted good for me and that I could trust Him.

  Violet had been right to lash out at him. How many times had he
attempted to encourage someone with those exact words? Perhaps he was a fraud because he wasn’t even certain he still believed them. After a year when he had lost his dad, his mother had been diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer’s, his sister had been trapped in an abusive relationship, his brother had battled cancer, Boone had lost his wife and now his tiny nephew needed another baby to die in order to live—could he still trust God?

  For the first time in his life, Boone didn’t know how to answer that question.

  Then he lost it—lost himself in a way he hadn’t since first receiving the call about June’s death. His shoulders and chest quaked with his loud sobs. His arms ached from gripping the steering wheel so tightly. He called out to God. Asked the same questions again and again.

  But he found no answers.

  Chapter Five

  Violet cradled the small pan of s’mores bars she had made to take along to Boone’s house for dinner. Hopefully she wasn’t stepping on any toes by bringing dessert. If they didn’t want the treats, she would take them back to her place. She’d been known to polish off a pan on her own in two or three days. Or less.

  Earlier in the afternoon, Boone had sent a text letting her know he would probably miss her at the office because he had to head to the large ranch house that belonged to Rhett and Macy to take care of some things for his eldest brother. Rhett had an office in the house that had been neglected since he had been gone. Because of that, she still hadn’t been able to talk to Boone about her breakdown the other night. Now she was questioning if she should bring it up at all. Perhaps it was better to act as if that evening hadn’t happened.

  If he didn’t mention it then she wouldn’t, either.

  She clutched her pan a little tighter and lifted her chin.

  Violet wanted to hear how Silas was doing. She was there to see Hailey and to pitch in with brainstorming for the fundraiser for Silas. Not to make nice with Boone Jarrett.

  No matter how much she wanted to.

  The Vault didn’t talk about personal things with anyone—least of all a handsome man with a kind smile who possessed the ability to give the safest, most perfect hugs. Whose hand cupping the back of her head, whose heartbeat under her ear, felt like a welcome—a home—she had never known before.

  Violet let out a loud puff of air. Thoughts like that stopped now.

  As she was coming up the walk that led to Boone’s bunkhouse the front door swung open. Hailey’s tiny frame appeared in the doorway and she started waving a red dish towel as if she were a matador and Violet were the bull.

  “Dad burned the garlic bread,” she called. “It was bad. The alarm went off and everything.” She waved her towel wildly back and forth, apparently ushering smoke out of the small house. Boone materialized behind her and gave an exaggerated shrug before snatching the dish towel from Hailey’s hands.

  He tossed the towel onto his shoulder. “So, the good news is the smoke seems to be mostly out of here. Bad news is the bread is definitely not salvageable.”

  “It’s hard. Like a brick,” Hailey said.

  A pungent odor of burnt bread wafted to where Violet stood and she coughed a little.

  One of Boone’s eyebrows rose.

  Violet laughed. “I’m sorry. I’m not laughing at you. I’m really not.”

  The hint of a smile tugged at Boone’s lips as he shook his head. “Man, invite a pretty lady over and the first thing she does is laugh at me. See if I do that again.” He eased the pan from her hands. “Well, this looks better than anything I made.”

  Hailey latched onto Violet’s hand and dragged her into the house. The smoke smell was much stronger inside but all the windows were open and multiple fans were running. They had done everything they could to remedy the odor.

  Violet nodded toward the pan as Boone set it on the table. “It’s so easy to make. You take premade cookie dough and mix in a little less than a cup of crumbled graham crackers and bake that. Once it’s done you spread some marshmallow cream on top and then sprinkle that with another half cup of crumbled graham crackers and bake it a little longer and presto, done.”

  “Sounds delicious,” Boone said.

  Hailey licked her lips. “I feel like I could eat ten of those.”

  Boone tilted his head. “It still smells like smoke in here, doesn’t it?”

  Violet batted her hand. “The fans are helping. It’ll be gone shortly.”

  Boone rubbed his neck and sighed. Stress was evident in the set of his shoulders. Violet’s heart squeezed. He was trying—trying to make a nice night because his daughter had asked him to—and that was really touching.

  Violet laid a hand on his arm. “It’s not a big deal. We’ve all been there.”

  “I’m not—” Boone sighed. “I’m not very good at this kind of thing. My wife...” His voice trailed off.

  Violet squeezed his arm. “I know.” She kept her voice soft. “Starting over. Learning new things at our age is rough. And we’re not even that old.” She let her hand drop away. “I’ve only known riding since I was a teen and now I’m having to navigate so many new things. I don’t always succeed, either.”

  He leaned closer. “I’ve yet to see you fail at anything you try.”

  Hailey banged plates onto the table. “It’s all ready.”

  As they took their seats, Violet’s stomach felt as if she had swallowed an army of ants. And she knew the sensation had nothing to do with being hungry. The things Boone said, the sincerity in his eyes when he looked at her—it was impossible not to be affected.

  On the table there were some really thick cuts of chicken covered with cream sauce in a pan and what looked like a bowl of instant mashed potatoes. Some people might have turned up their nose at the meal and lack of vegetables but Violet didn’t mind. She was used to eating whatever was available when she was on the road. The gesture of someone making dinner was enough for her—the menu didn’t matter. It was just nice to actually be invited to share someone’s table for once.

  Boone ladled food onto three plates. Then he reached out his hands, taking one of Hailey’s and one of Violet’s, before bowing his head. Hailey’s hand snaked over and took Violet’s other one, completing their little circle around the table.

  “Thank You, God, for this day, for a home to stay in and meaningful work here at the ranch. Be with Rhett and Macy and baby Silas. Help sustain Silas as he waits for a heart. Thank You for sending Violet to the ranch—she has been a blessing in Hailey’s life and we’re thankful to be able to share a meal with her. In Jesus’s name.” Everyone whispered amen as Boone ended the prayer.

  Warmth flooded Violet’s chest as she released both of their hands. She wanted to drink in the moment so she could remember it forever. Because here, for a span of time this evening, she was wanted.

  It wasn’t something Violet had experienced very often in her life.

  “Hey, Dad. I was thinking.” Hailey picked up a fork and bounced in her seat. “Can I start doing riding lessons with Violet again?”

  “I... Let’s table that subject for now.” Boone avoided making eye contact with Violet.

  “But, Dad—”

  Boone lowered his chin. “Hailey, it’s not safe. Okay? It’s not something I’m comfortable with you doing.”

  So much for feeling wanted. Violet ran her fork through her mashed potatoes. If Violet could have sunk any further into her chair, she would have.

  Hailey flung her hand toward Violet. “But Violet does it and she’s fine.”

  Boone’s eyes darted to Violet’s.

  Violet pushed her palms against the table and sucked in a fortifying breath. “I did get hurt riding a few months ago so your dad’s concerns are very real. I love horses and I trust Hawken, but even with that, accidents happen and horses are very big. I see where your dad is coming from.” She wanted to say that anything could be dangerous though and wit
h practice, horses were worth the risk. But she didn’t. Now wasn’t the time.

  Hailey crossed her arms over her chest.

  Boone mouthed thank you.

  “I can’t wait to eat.” Violet was willing to do anything to change the subject. She grabbed her fork again and scooped a huge bite of mashed potatoes into her mouth. Instantly her eyes started watering and despite her best effort to not make a scene, she gagged. Loudly.

  Boone frantically pressed a cup of water into her hands. Violet took it and snatched her napkin in the other. She turned slightly, spitting the mashed potatoes into it before downing the water. She coughed. Her eyes felt as if they were on fire as she wheezed a few more times. “How much salt did you put in those?”

  Boone stared at her wide-eyed. “Whatever was on the box. A fourth of a cup. I think?”

  Violet got up and fished the box from where it rested near the oven. She coughed again as she scanned the instructions. “Oh, Boone.” Violet groaned. “It calls for a fourth of a teaspoon.”

  Hailey slid her plate toward Boone. “The chicken is still all pink.”

  Boone sliced his piece of chicken in half and then grabbed Violet’s plate and cut into that chicken, too. “None of it is cooked all the way.” He sighed and started gathering up the plates. He carried everything over to the trash can and started scraping the plates.

  Violet caught his arm. “Hey, it’s okay.”

  “If I reheat the sauce it’ll break. It’s made with heavy cream. I know that much about cooking.” He stepped away and dropped the plates into the sink. He pointed at the pan of s’mores bars but his smile was clearly forced. “I guess it’s dessert for dinner, then?”

  Hailey let out a whoop behind them.

  “Not so fast.” Violet pulled open the fridge to scan the contents. She prayed for something to salvage the night.

  “There’s not much there.” Boone came up behind her.