Starting Over in Texas

by Jessica Keller

  Maybe a six-year-old knew better after all.

  * * *

  The mingled smells of fried foods, too many people pressed together on a hot day and livestock was exactly what Boone remembered from the many times he had accompanied his dad to rodeos when he was younger. For some reason the scents made Boone relax because they reminded him of home and childhood. Maine had been beautiful, and the seafood was beyond compare, but he had missed all this in the years he’d been gone.

  He didn’t want to leave again.

  Thanks to Violet’s sound advice, he probably wouldn’t have to. After she suggested he could finish his degree at a nearby seminary, Boone had gone home that night and started researching programs in Texas. There was more than one good option within an hour of the ranch. The next day he had phoned his adviser in Maine and they had discussed what transferring would look like and how his credits could be affected. A new school may not honor all the courses he had completed, but it was a small price to pay to stay near his family and maintain his role in Hailey’s life.

  Boone made sure Hailey and Piper were comfortable in the stands as they waited for the rodeo to begin. They both had their hands stuffed into a large bag of cinnamon popcorn. He chided himself for all the sweets he was letting them eat; Piper would probably be jumping off the walls by the time he got her home to her parents. Then again, today was a special occasion. Truly, Boone had always been a strict parent and six months ago he wouldn’t have allowed the girls to indulge so much. But he was learning that life was short and it could change rapidly so it was more than okay to have days to celebrate spending time with people he cared about and having fun.

  One over-sugared day was worth the memories.

  Besides, they had eaten hot dogs at some point during the day, so he was counting that as a win.

  Country music blared through the loudspeakers and a team of women on horseback cantered into the arena, all holding flags. Everyone in the stands rose as someone took the stage to sing the anthem.

  When the song ended, Hailey jumped up and down, pointing at the horsewomen getting ready to begin their routine. “Oh! Look at them, they’re all so beautiful.” She wound her hands together and pressed them against her collarbone. “I wish I could do that someday.” She glanced at Boone and the bright smile that had lit her face vanished immediately. She dropped her hands and scuffed her shoe against the bleachers. “But I can’t. I know. You say I can’t.” She turned a longing gaze back toward the women riding in formation. “I just wish...” She sighed.

  Boone crouched beside her and placed a hand on her shoulder. He wanted to kick himself. He had allowed his fears to crush his daughter’s dreams. “You really want to learn to ride, don’t you?”

  She blinked away tears. “Yes, but you said no. A lot. So I can’t.”

  Boone placed his hands gently on either side of her face so he was cradling his precious child’s head. “I want you to start riding again.” He gestured toward the arena. “Someday I want to be in these stands watching you out there.”

  Hailey eyed him as if he might be pulling a prank on her. “But you said it was dangerous.”

  Boone rubbed his jaw. “It is dangerous, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it.” And he would worry and fret and debate with himself every time she fell off a horse, but he would let her do it because this was a part of growing—both for her and him. “Do you love riding, Hailey?”

  She nodded enthusiastically.

  “Then I want you to ride.”

  She grabbed his hand and jiggled it. “You mean it? I can really go back to riding?”

  Boone scooped her into his arms for a tight hug. “I mean it.” He kissed the top of her head. “I love you, Hailey. I love you so much.”

  “I love you, too, Daddy.”

  He set her back down and she scampered to Piper and told her she could ride again. She and Piper joined hands and broke into a triumphant dance that would have put many football players’ end zone moves to shame. The stuffed octopus on Piper’s head flopped its arms each time she moved, making it appear as if Scuba Doo was as happy over the news as they were.

  Violet bumped her shoulder into his. “You did good, Mr. Dad.”

  He let out a rattling breath. “It’s really hard, the letting go part of parenting. I didn’t think it would hit me this hard at six.”

  “I’m pretty sure it’s a lifelong process.” She glanced over at the girls and she had so much warmth and love reflecting in her eyes, Boone had to remind himself to take a breath. “But I’ve heard that it means you’re doing your job right.” She patted his arm.

  Once the beginning routine was done, everyone sat back down. Violet shielded her eyes against the bright evening sun as she tried to watch. At the edge of her seat, leaning forward, she was soaking it all in.

  The rodeo.

  Her home.

  Her life.

  She would leave him for it again someday. Boone would lose her, too.

  Boone swallowed past the lump in his throat as he tugged off his baseball hat and plunked it onto her head. “There. Now your arm doesn’t have to get tired.”

  She readjusted the hat and then turned his way. “You sure?” She tapped the bill.

  Boone’s mouth went dry. Violet was a gorgeous woman, but she looked incredibly adorable wearing his hat. She looked...she looked like the woman he wanted by his side.

  Eyes narrowing, Violet tilted her head. Then she grinned and tapped his chest with a finger. “Earth to Boone, are you there?”

  He smiled and took her hand, lacing their fingers together. Boone scooted closer to her. “I’m here.” He jutted his chin toward the arena. “Barrels are first. Do you wish you were riding tonight?”

  “No. Not this time.” Her voice was breathy. “I’m happy here. In the stands for once, that’s what I mean.”

  Boone nodded. “Wade says the new horses are arriving at the ranch tomorrow. He told me he asked you to look them over for him and help decide which ones should be used for the kids and trail rides and which ones can be workhorses for our staff.”

  Violet looked down at their joined hands and smiled in a small, cute way. “I’m looking forward to getting to ride again, though none of them will be as good as Hawken.” She winked.

  When they had been walking through the crowd, Boone had reached for Violet’s hand automatically. Force of habit. He had done it countless times when Hailey, June and he had been out anywhere. At the fair he had tried to convince himself the action was nothing more than instinct—he didn’t want their group to get lost and he was used to holding someone’s hand.

  But there was no danger of Violet getting lost while they were sitting side by side in the stands. Boone looked down at their joined hands and suddenly a huge wave of guilt crashed through him. What was he doing? His wife had only died months ago. He had loved June and he wanted to honor her memory. It was disrespectful to move on so soon.

  Wasn’t it?

  A sick feeling churned his stomach. It felt like he was cheating, like he was doing something horribly wrong. And maybe he was—well, not cheating, but wasn’t he leading Violet on? He needed to focus on Hailey and he had already admitted that he had nothing to offer a woman like Violet. He was a grieving and broken man and it wasn’t Violet’s job to fix him or help him. He had plans for school, but after that he had no clue what he would be doing. Rhett would return to the ranch eventually so there wouldn’t be a place for Boone forever. A chapel speaker was only needed at Red Dog Ranch during the summer.

  Violet, don’t you want to be with me? I just lost my wife and am still dealing with that grief, I have a child who would need lots of attention from any woman I end up with, oh, and I have no means of supporting us and no idea if I’ll ever actually have anything beyond school debt from my degrees. I’m also training to be a pastor, yet I keep tripping in my own walk with God
—but you knew that part.

  He was a winner, all right.

  Boone let go of Violet’s hand and inched away from her a little. “Going to find the men’s room.” An excuse, plain and simple, but Boone needed air away from Violet where he could think. “You’ve got the girls?”

  Unaware of his shift in mood, Violet offered a heart-robbing smile and gave him a thumbs-up. Her smile made his chest ache. He wanted to forget all the thoughts he had just had so he could sit back down and take her hand again.

  Instead, Boone turned and forced himself to take the stairs two at a time.

  Chapter Eight

  Violet spread the blanket onto the ground while Boone set up the two camp chairs he had declared were for the old folks of the group when Hailey and Piper tried to lay claim to them. The girls recovered from their disappointment in record time, dashing around the field to chase the lightning bugs that could be found this close to the river.

  Violet kept glancing at Boone, trying to read his mood. For most of the day he had seemed completely relaxed, but at the rodeo he had suddenly grown quiet. Did he regret telling Hailey she could ride again? Violet raked through their conversations and tried to land on anything she might have said or done to upset him but couldn’t think of anything. Or was he simply tired and being out in the sun all day had finally worn him down?

  Whatever it was, she was having a hard time understanding. During the course of the day Boone had gone from friendly to flirty. He had held her hand multiple times and had said some things that made her want to beg him to kiss her already.

  Hadn’t Boone once joked that he was born to be mild? More like born to be the most confusing man on earth.

  Boone groaned as he eased into his chair. Violet had given him back his hat after the rodeo and she had to admit he looked adorable wearing it. “I think I’ve been in school for too long. I’m not used to being on my feet like that all day.”

  “You did say you were an old man, right?” Violet teased.

  Boone offered a weak smile in response. Something was definitely on his mind, but with the fireworks show starting in less than ten minutes and the girls nearby, now probably wasn’t the time to press him. And it wasn’t the right time to bring up Hailey’s confessions about her panic attacks, either. Violet would tell him tonight after Hailey was in bed.

  She walked on her knees toward the other chair and fished a small soft-sided cooler from where it had been stowed. When they picked up Piper from her house that morning, Cassidy had thrust the bag into their hands. She unzipped the bag and started pulling out the treats Boone’s sister-in-law had packed. A few small cans of Dr Pepper, homemade tortilla chips and salsa, small containers of blueberry cobbler and four baggies full of puppy chow, which happened to be one of Violet’s favorite treats. She loved the combination of Chex cereal, peanut butter, chocolate and powdered sugar and couldn’t remember the last time she had eaten it. The foster mom at the first house she had been placed in used to make it almost weekly. During those first few months, the special treat had been the only thing that was able to draw Violet from her room.

  The only thing that made her flashbacks of the accident stop.

  Not wanting to relive those moments, Violet set the baggies away. “Cassidy sure goes all out.” Violet found some cutlery and decorative napkins in the bag. “Not that any of us need more goodies.” She laid her hand over her abdomen. “I’m still stuffed from all the fried food at the fair.”

  Boone rested his elbows on his knees and leaned forward. “Do I see blueberry cobbler?” He rubbed his hands together like an excited kid.

  Violet handed him a fork and one of the small containers. “I heard through the grapevine that you had a thing for blueberries.”

  Boone dug right in. “They’re better than candy.”

  Piper and Hailey joined them a few minutes later.

  “There are just too many lightning bugs.” Piper let out a loud breath as she dropped onto the blanket. It was difficult to take her seriously with Scuba Doo’s tentacles uncontrollably wobbling around her face.

  Hailey joined Piper on the blanket, shaking her head. “We could never catch them all. But we did try very hard.” She wheezed as she caught her breath. They would both sleep well tonight.

  An announcement sounded, letting everyone know the fireworks were about to start.

  Violet tugged her phone from her back pocket. “I promised Cassidy I’d send her some pictures, but we’ve been bad about taking them.” Because they had been having too much fun. They had only succeeded in snapping a shot of Piper and Hailey faking being sick after the Tilt-A-Whirl and one of Piper wearing her octopus hat. It was about time to snap some group photos. “Let’s all squeeze together for a selfie.”

  The girls piled onto Violet’s lap, almost knocking her over with their eagerness. Boone took off his baseball hat and smoothed his hands over his hair. Then he crouched in the background behind Violet so he could be in the picture, but he was almost cut out of the frame.

  Before Violet could take the picture, Hailey scowled at the image on the phone. “Dad, you have the longest arms so you should hold the phone.”

  Boone raised his eyebrows and looked to Violet, silently asking permission. She handed over her phone. Boone started to stretch his arm out, but Hailey stopped him again.

  “You look weird with just your head in the background behind Violet,” Hailey said. She skewed her mouth to the side for a few seconds. “You should put your other arm around her like you’re hugging her from behind.” Boone only hesitated a second before draping his arm over Violet’s collarbone so he could rest his hand on her shoulder. It brought the side of his face in contact with hers. Hailey smiled brightly. “Perfect! See? It’s so much better. You can take the picture now.”

  “Well, since I have your permission.” He chuckled, his warm breath tickling Violet’s cheek. Boone took three pictures. “Just in case,” he announced.

  When his arm unwound from Violet, she missed its weight and warmth. A shiver ran up her spine. The first firework burst in the air, bright orange against the night sky. A family nearby started to clap.

  “You girls stand facing me and I’ll take one with a firework going off behind you. Then your parents can see some of the show.” They obeyed and he snapped a handful of shots.

  Finally, Hailey snatched the phone from her dad. “Now you and Violet with the fireworks.”

  Boone got up and offered Violet his hand. She took it and he pulled her to her feet. He had tugged with more strength than necessary, so she bumped against him, almost falling over. She laughed and tilted her head up as her free hand came to land on his chest in search of support. But they were so close that when she looked up her nose grazed Boone’s and a heartbeat later his lips were on hers. Violet’s arms went around him instinctively, her fingers tracing across the strong back muscles she had admired for weeks. Boone’s hand slipped through her hair so he was cradling her head and, in that moment, safe in his arms, Violet believed she might have been the most cherished woman in the world. Boone deepened the kiss and Violet rose on her tiptoes to follow suit. This kiss, his kiss, was everything. It was home and acceptance and protection all rolled into one beautiful moment that Violet never wanted to stop.

  The cheers of two very excited little girls broke them apart.

  Boone sprang away from her. He looked from Hailey, to Violet, back to Hailey. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” he said, but Violet wasn’t sure which one of them he was talking to. Was he worried about what his daughter might think? Or was he sorry he had kissed Violet?

  Hailey lifted Violet’s phone. “I took pictures of it.” She swiped through the screen showing frame after frame of Violet and Boone kissing. “I like this one the most.” She shoved the phone into Violet’s face. The image captured them kissing with three fireworks bursting perfectly behind them. “That one’s totally framable.�
� Hailey tapped the phone.

  Violet glanced over at Boone, but he was studying the ground, his hand cupping the back of his neck. She wished she could tell if he was embarrassed or just unsure. When Violet was finally able to wrangle her phone from Hailey’s grasp, she tucked it safely away even though she really wanted to get a better look at the pictures. Her phone vibrated with a text but she decided it was probably better to ignore it until she got home. Otherwise it might appear as if she was instantly texting someone about what had happened.

  Piper stared at them with an open mouth. “Are you two getting married?”

  “No,” Boone and Violet said in unison.

  “But you kissed,” Piper yelled the word, drawing attention from fireworks watchers seated around them. A lady surrounded by children on a blanket in front of theirs couldn’t hide her amusement.

  Boone moved both his hands in a keep-it-down motion. “That doesn’t always mean what you think it means, okay?” He pointed toward the sky. “Watch the show.”

  Hailey jabbed Piper in the ribs. “But we already saw the show.” They both dissolved into a fit of giggles that even the booms of bursting fireworks couldn’t cover up.

  Violet and Boone glanced at each other and both let out laughs that were clearly tinged with nerves. They needed to talk, but in front of the girls wasn’t the appropriate time.

  * * *

  When the show ended, everyone in the crowd got to their feet and started making their way to the parking lot. Boone and Violet gathered the bag, blanket and chairs and each took a girl by the hand before pressing into the crowd.

  Violet’s stomach was in knots. She had enjoyed their kiss and didn’t want it to be their last but she had to know what Boone was thinking. When the girls seemed distracted enough, she brushed up against his side. “Hey, are you okay?”

  Boone met her gaze. “I’m good. How about you?”

  “I’m fine,” Violet said slowly, relief ebbing through the muscles in her shoulders.