Starting Over in Texas

by Jessica Keller

  “There was never a thought to what I dreamed of doing, just what I thought was the right thing to do and become. Being a minster would make God happy, right?” He laughed but it held no humor. “And if I’m being honest, it terrifies me to think maybe I’ve been wrong all along. What if I’m not cut out to be a minister? The second my life got hard I doubted everything, so there’s a good chance I shouldn’t be leading anyone.”

  Violet took his hand in hers. “I think the fact that you have been real and raw about your heartache and about your struggle with God during your grief actually makes you the perfect guy to become a pastor. People don’t need someone perfect leading them, just someone who cares about them and God and stands for the truth.” She squeezed his hand. “Boone, the messages you’ve been giving in chapel?” Violet pressed her fingers against her heart. “They’ve challenged me and caused me to draw closer to God in a way I never have before. And the way you lead worship with such honesty, it’s unlike anything I’ve ever seen or experienced. It’s as if you usher the people in your care right to God’s throne room. That’s how I know what you’re doing is exactly what God wants you to do.”

  Boone’s throat burned. Her words had been full of healing and grace. They trickled into all the broken places in his heart, filling the gaps. He took in a breath. “What about seminary? I don’t want to leave Hailey again.” He still had another two years of schooling to finish.

  “Why do you have to?”

  He ran a hand over his short-cropped hair. “I can’t go back to Maine and take care of her on my own with school. I know that’s not a possibility.”

  Her brows lowered. “I have to imagine Texas is chock-full of seminaries. Have you looked into transferring to any in the area so you can finish here? Then Hailey could stay at the ranch and you would still be able to spend as much time with her as you could while finishing your degree.” She lifted her hands away from his to weave her fingers together in her lap. “Your family is here so it’s the best place for Hailey to be.”

  But will you be here?

  She had solved all his problems and washed his worries down the drain so simply, so logically. It was as if she knew exactly how to speak his language. Boone could have hugged her. Instead, being the chicken he was, he nodded. “Sounds like you’ve given me a lot to think about.”

  Violet smiled. “And now it’s time to think about Silas.” She pulled the laptop close and opened their master file for the event. “I think red and blue are the perfect colors for the flyers. They go with the superhero theme. Oh, what if we encourage people to wear their favorite superhero clothes and kids can wear outfits if they want to? We could even hire a few people to walk around in costumes and advertise that kids can take pictures with them.” She blew hair out of her face as she typed quickly. “Another idea could be a vote for their favorite superhero character.” She put her hands up, fingers spreading apart. “We could have jars labeled for the top ten and people can vote with money and whatever character has the most money in their jar at the end of the night we can declare the greatest hero ever.” She scrunched up her nose. “You’re not saying anything. Is it too much?”

  Some of her hair had fallen forward during her excited rambling. Boone brushed it back behind her ear. “I love all those ideas. They’re perfect.”

  She gave him a wobbly smile. “I just really care about Silas. Rhett and Macy have been so kind to me. I want this to be an amazing event.”

  “Because of you, it will be.” Being braver, Boone allowed his fingers to trace down the back of her neck until his hand landed gently on her shoulder. “You fit here, Violet.” He squeezed her shoulder. “You fit here at Red Dog Ranch.”

  And with me.

  Chapter Seven

  Violet checked to make sure both Hailey and Piper were secured in their booster seats before she opened the passenger door. Each of the girls wore festive red, white and blue outfits. Piper sported her normal double braids while Hailey had her long blond hair down with just a ribbon tied like a headband. Boone was tossing the last of their supplies into the trunk of his car when Violet buckled herself in.

  Boone climbed into the driver’s seat and turned the car on. In a tight-fitting T-shirt, jeans and a blue baseball hat, Boone looked like a downright handsome hometown boy. She wouldn’t blame any girl at the Fourth of July celebration for gawking at him. Warmth spread through her chest at the thought that they could all stare, but he would be with Violet. Not that he was with her in that way, but strangers wouldn’t know. For today, he was hers to pal around with and Violet decided to enjoy that. Besides, there was so much more to Boone than how attractive he was, and Violet knew him—really knew him—and that was something she had over anyone who tried to catch his eye.

  The memory of Boone’s fingers skimming her neck and of him leaning in close played through her mind. She had thought he was going to kiss her.

  Had hoped he would.

  Foolish, overactive imagination.

  Violet smoothed her hands over her skirt, wondering if the white dress and boots had been too much for their outing.

  Boone caught her eye and winked. “You look really pretty.”

  Piper crinkled a bag of cheese crackers in the back seat. “Like super pretty.” She kicked the back of Boone’s seat as he maneuvered the car off the ranch’s property. “Kinda like out of a magazine. My mom says they change the way those girls look on a computer.” She loudly munched her crackers. “But there’s no computer here and you’re pretty like those covers so I’m going to tell my mom that.”

  Hailey nodded along. “You’re as pretty as a sunset. Do you know sunsets are Dad’s favorite?”

  Violet’s heart felt as if it could burst. She thanked God for bringing these two sweet little girls into her life. “If you two keep talking like that I might just have to keep you around forever.” She caught Piper’s gaze in the rearview mirror. “Speaking of your mom, how’s she feeling today?”

  “She said it feels like the baby’s celebrating the Fourth with a party in her belly,” Piper said matter-of-factly. “But don’t worry.” She held up a hand. “Dad is like a bee buzzing around her. That’s what my mom says. So she’ll be good. He makes sure of it. Because of love and stuff.”

  Boone found a radio station that was playing kid-friendly music and the girls started singing along. Violet was sure the back of his car would be coated in a layer of cracker crumb dust by the time they reached the town square, but Boone didn’t seem to mind.

  Boone hooked his hand on the top of the steering wheel. “Are you already regretting coming along with this excitable crew?”

  Violet relaxed into her seat. “Actually, I’m really looking forward to going to the fair and seeing the fireworks. I’m always in a rodeo on the Fourth, so I’ve never just been able to enjoy being at a celebration before.”

  Boone rolled his shoulders. “Do you miss it? The rodeo, I mean.”

  “Parts of it.” She shrugged. “I guess I miss doing something I’m good at. And I love riding Hawken at shows. He really comes alive in front of a crowd.” She sighed. “Who am I kidding, I do miss riding. That was all I knew for so long so it’s a part of me.”

  “You’re good at this.” Boone glanced her way and jerked his head back toward the girls. “You’re amazing with kids, Violet. And you’ve blown all of us away at the ranch with your ability to plan and the creative ways you approach problems.” He laid his arm on the center console with his hand palm-up. An invitation? Violet hardly knew. “Don’t sell yourself short, that’s all I’m saying. You’re good at many things.” His elbow nudged hers. “And you’ll ride again. Hawken will be good as new. I’ve seen the town veterinarian in the barn checking him every week and Carter will make sure Hawken is up to speed once he gets back.”

  When they reached the fairgrounds located on the far edge of the town, they decided to leave the camp chairs, blankets an
d other things for the fireworks in the car while they wandered through the booths and enjoyed some of the games and rides being offered at the small carnival. After Boone paid their entry fees, Hailey and Piper immediately tugged them to the Tilt-A-Whirl, where the four of them piled into a single red car. Boone and Violet ended up in the middle with a girl on either side. When the ride began, their little car went up and started to spin wildly. Violet latched onto Boone’s arm while both girls tossed their hands into the air and laughed.

  “I forgot how twirly these things could be.” Violet leaned toward Boone and spoke loud enough to be heard over the girls’ happy screams and the ride’s grinding gears. “A little scarier than I remember.”

  Boone slipped his arm around her waist and tugged her flush to his side. “You’re safe. I’ve got you.”

  They spent the rest of the afternoon hopping from ride to ride and cheering one another on at every game booth. Piper won a large stuffed octopus that could be worn as a hat. She proudly slung it around by one of its legs. Boone held Piper’s other hand and Violet had Hailey by the hand. Boone and Violet walked close enough that their shoulders kept bumping. It made sense to stick near to one another in such a large crowd.

  Boone grinned down at Piper. “You could name him Calamari.”

  “Oh, wait, I have a good one.” Violet laughed. “How about Billy the Squid?”

  Piper squinted at them. “I don’t know why that’s so funny, but he already has a name. This is Scuba Doo.” She lofted the maroon-and-green-striped hat-stuffed animal hybrid into the air and then slammed him onto her head. As she walked, his eight little legs wobbled around her. “The great crime-fighting octopus.”

  At one point while they were watching Hailey throw darts at moving balloons, Violet got choked up. Never in her life had she experienced such a carefree and fun day spent with people who seemed to enjoy having her around. Who each seemed to genuinely want her to be there. Is this what her life would have been like if her parents hadn’t died in the car accident? She had been six when her parents died, so she didn’t remember much, but the memories she did have of her parents were happy ones. Would they have continued on to be like this?

  Violet would never know.

  Because that would never be her life.

  But today, with these three, she could pretend they were her family. She could enjoy a taste of everything she had missed out on for so many years. It wouldn’t last, but that night she planned to tuck the memory of today somewhere safe in her heart so she could pull it out and relive it in her mind whenever she felt alone. Because even if the day ended right now, between the smiles Boone kept sending her way and the girls’ obvious joy, today had already been the most perfect day of Violet’s life.

  While they waited in a long line for banana split funnel cakes and cotton candy lemonade, Violet couldn’t help but thank God. And not just for today, Lord, but for the accident at the rodeo, for making me take a pause in my life to reconnect with You and learn that maybe it’s okay to trust other people. Maybe You have bigger plans for my life than just being alone on the circuit. Earlier, Boone had wrapped his arm around her and told her she was safe. And for the first time since before her parents died, she knew she was...with him. He was so thoughtful and good, and she couldn’t imagine him ever hurting her. She snuck a peek at Boone as he pulled his wallet from his back pocket and paid for their sugary treats. Thank You for Boone, God. I know it’s just for a season and he’s not mine but thank You for using him to show me that good men exist. That maybe my hope for a family, for someone to care about me and want to be with me, isn’t all in vain.

  Hope tiptoed into her heart while she prayed, and it wasn’t the heavy draining sort she was so used to. This hope felt light, free.

  Yet just as tenuous as the other kind. While the heavy hope chipped away at her sometimes, she knew this light kind had the power to do much worse. It could shatter her heart into so many tiny pieces, she might never be able to put it back together if it broke.

  After the girls downed their drinks and funnel cake, Boone checked his watch. “We have thirty minutes before the rodeo starts and once we’re done with that, I think we should stake out our spots for the fireworks show.”

  Hailey pointed toward the Ferris wheel. “We have to do that.” Everyone else agreed. When they reached the Ferris wheel, they had to split into two groups, an adult with each child. Hailey picked to ride with Violet. Piper and Boone were in the car in front of theirs and as the ride twisted them higher, Piper whooped and made their seat swing a little.

  Hailey swallowed hard. “Can I hold your hand while we go up? I’m not as brave as Piper.”

  “Of course, squirt.” Violet’s heart squeezed and she gathered Hailey to her side. She reached over and held her hand, too.

  Hailey scooted even closer. “Sometimes I can’t breathe when I’m scared.” She touched her chest. “And it hurts here.”

  A panic attack? Violet tightened her hold on the little girl. “Has it always been that way?”

  Hailey shook her head. “Just since Mom.”

  Did Boone know? Violet would have to say something to him, just in case. She didn’t want Hailey trying to handle something like that all on her own.

  Violet smoothed a hand over Hailey’s head. “You can always hold my hand, okay? You never even have to ask. And Hailey?” She waited until the girl looked at her. “You’re incredibly brave. You’ve been through so much this year and look at you, out living and having so much fun. I think your mom is so proud of you. I know I am.”

  Hailey clung to Violet a little harder. “If that makes me brave, then you’re the bravest of us all.” She rubbed the toe of her shoe back and forth along the plastic seat. “Both your parents died but you’re happy and love people.” She rested her head on Violet’s arm. “You probably make them super proud, too.”

  Violet’s eyes burned. She bit her lip and hugged Hailey tighter as they crested the top of the wheel.

  Hailey snuggled in her arms. “Do you like my daddy?”

  Violet stiffened at the question but instantly forced her body to relax again so Hailey wouldn’t pick up on her reaction. “Of course I like him. Your dad is so nice he makes it impossible not to be his friend. Even when I tried not to like him in the beginning.”

  Hailey shook her head and straightened in her seat. “Not like a friend.” She spread out her fingers. Her eyes widened in emphasis. “More than a friend. Do you want to marry him?”

  A nervous laugh left Violet’s lips. How many times did these wheels go around? “Hailey, sweetheart, your dad and I are just friends. We don’t know each other enough to get married and we’re not... It’s not like that, okay? Your dad is a great guy and I’m, well, I’m just...” Not good enough. No one has ever wanted me. He’s a Jarrett and the Jarretts are amazing and I don’t belong with them. Violet shrugged.

  This wasn’t a talk she needed to have with a six-year-old.

  Hailey skewed her mouth to the side. “You’re just what?”

  Violet flipped her hand in the direction of the rodeo arena. “What I do for a living is dangerous and we both know your dad doesn’t like that. And my job takes me traveling all over and your dad likes things set in a schedule and wants to be a pastor with roots at a church somewhere. He wouldn’t want my life. Even if...” Violet blew out a long stream of air. “It would never work.”

  Hailey shrugged. “Aunt Shannon went to another country with Uncle Carter. People do that. Dad talks to them. He said they’re happy.”

  “That’s because your aunt Shannon really likes Carter. She doesn’t want to be without him so she’s willing to do that.” Violet gripped the edge of the cart but the warm metal offered no comfort. “No one’s ever been willing to come after me.” She forced a smile because she didn’t want Hailey to pick up on how much the conversation was twisting her insides. “People have to want you in the
ir lives forever to do that and that’s just not how things are for me.”

  Hailey poked her ribs. “Well, he likes you. My dad.”

  Violet sucked in a sharp breath and darted a look toward the car Boone and Piper occupied. She ran her hands over her hair. “Did he tell you that?”

  “Naw.” Hailey hooked her hands over the metal lap bar. “But I know. He looks at you all soft and warm. It’s the same way he looked at my mom. He doesn’t ever look that way at other people. I’ve only seen him look that way at Mom, pork belly sandwiches and blueberry smoothies.”

  Pork belly sandwiches. She’d have to remember that tidbit of information.

  Violet tried to hide her smile. “I’m happy to know I rate up there with blueberry smoothies.”

  “He loves them.” Hailey pointed a finger at her when she said loves. “They’re his favorite thing ever. Like he pretends to drool when he sees one.” Hailey scrunched up her face. “I’m glad he doesn’t pretend to drool around you, though. That would be weird.”

  Thankfully the ride ended then and Violet was saved from more awkward talk about Boone. Everything Hailey said made Violet’s stomach do flip-flops, but she could hardly take love advice from a six-year-old.

  When they joined the rest of the group Boone already had Piper’s hand. Hailey latched onto Violet and then Boone reached over and laced his fingers with Violet’s other hand.

  “To the rodeo?” he asked in an easy manner.

  As if he wasn’t holding her hand—her heart—in his.

  She opened her mouth, closed it, opened it again.

  Hailey jabbed her elbow into Violet’s leg, causing Violet to look her way. Hailey dramatically winked up at her.