Starting Over in Texas

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Starting Over in Texas Page 12

by Jessica Keller


  As if she was an intruder.

  Knowing that Cassidy and Wade had seen the picture of her kiss made her uncomfortable, too. Had they laughed together over it? Or worse, pitied her? She wanted to make sure Cassidy knew that Hailey had sent the picture, but it wasn’t an appropriate topic while Silas was in surgery or while Boone was in earshot.

  Violet took a deep breath. She was here for Rhett and Macy, who had never been anything but kind to her. She was here because a little baby was in danger and his parents had listed her among the people they wanted gathered together praying. She would be here for them, no matter what anyone else in the room thought about her.

  Cassidy pressed a fresh cup of coffee into her husband’s hands, then she crossed to Violet, offering another. “It’s the leaded stuff. Maybe it’ll help with the long night.” She set the mug on the coffee table where Violet could reach it. “I’d drink it, too, if I could.” Cassidy laid her hand on her stomach.

  Wade caught Cassidy’s hand as she passed by and he gently wrapped an arm around her, drawing her onto his lap. “No one would blame you if you went to sleep.”

  Cassidy shook her head. “Even if I wanted to, which I don’t—” She covered a yawn. The action brought a half smirk to her husband’s face. “I couldn’t if I tried. I’m staying awake until Silas comes out of surgery.” She laid her head on her husband’s chest. Coffee forgotten, Wade wrapped his arms securely around her.

  Watching the loving couple interact caused a strong longing to wrench on Violet’s heart. She looked away.

  Back at her house when her phone had displayed Boone’s name, she had thought—hoped—he was calling to talk about their kiss. But it had been something far more important.

  Sweet Silas. The little superhero who needed their help tonight.

  Violet pressed her hands together and prayed again, asking God to guide the surgeons as they worked and praying for Rhett and Macy as they spent the night clinging to a painful hope alone in a waiting room far from the rest of their family. Wade and Cassidy were whispering a prayer together at the same time. They had informed Violet that it was critical for the heart transplant to take under four hours to complete.

  Kodiak was stretched out on the floor alongside the leather recliner Violet sat in. She reached down to scratch the dog behind the ears. Kodiak sighed contentedly.

  Boone sat nearby at the kitchen table video-chatting with Shannon and Carter. “I know it’s later for you guys there. We really appreciate you staying up with us. It’s nice to be together, even like this.” He gestured toward the laptop.

  Despite the fact that it was two hours later in the Pantanal, a natural region of Brazil where they were currently located, Carter and Shannon both looked wide-awake. Carter wore a khaki shirt and had what looked like the strap of a camera bag still hooked on one shoulder. Shannon’s blond curls were tucked in a bun and she had smudges of mud on her face and her shirt. As they spoke with Boone, whenever Carter glanced at his wife, he had a look in his eyes that said Shannon was the most beautiful, interesting person he had ever seen. He clearly didn’t even notice or care that she had mud and dirt on her and neither of them looked as if they had showered recently. All they saw was the person they loved.

  Violet’s jaw clenched.

  With his easy smile, chiseled jawline and black hair, Carter was charming. When Violet had first met him, her interest had been piqued, but it had been clear from the get-go that the man was wholly focused on Shannon and only Shannon.

  “It’s no problem at all,” Carter said. “We’re actually used to being up most of the night. We’ve spent the last few weeks tracking jaguars.”

  “Tracking them?” Crossing his arms, Boone leaned back in his chair. They had been praying and talking about Silas for more than an hour and everyone was ready for a break. “For what purpose? I thought you were supposed to be doing veterinary work.”

  Shannon’s hand slipped around Carter’s arm. She studied him for a moment before turning to the camera, pride for her husband evident in her eyes. “It is important veterinary work, actually.” She licked her lips. “We’re on a working cattle ranch that also serves as a protected area for all species. Wild concept, I know, but it totally works. They have a thriving population of jaguars and pumas here. This program is helping the predators reclaim their numbers in this area. It’s a really big deal.”

  Wade grunted. “Encouraging jaguars to live on a cattle ranch doesn’t sound like a smart business plan to me.”

  Carter leaned forward. “But you’d be wrong and that’s the point.” He held up his hands. “Because they operate on a policy of total protection for all species, the prey population has boomed as well so the predators are far more likely to attack their natural prey than the cattle. The ranchers make a living without hurting the balance of this ecosystem—actually, the ranches are helping protect animals that would have been threatened by smugglers.” His eyebrows rose as his voice rapidly picked up speed. “It’s fascinating stuff. Can you imagine implementing something like this in Montana with the wolves or in locations where cougar populations have dwindled because of ranching?” He looked to Shannon, who offered him an encouraging nod. “When we get back...what I could do with what I’ve learned...the possibilities are endless.”

  Wade tilted his head. “Think about how much opposition you’ll be met with here in Texas alone.”

  “We know. But this is important work.” Shannon wrapped an arm around her husband’s middle and leaned into him. “Not only is Carter going to be an amazing local veterinarian, but he’s also set on helping native species reach healthy populations.” They made eye contact and smiled in unison as Shannon said, “We’re both committed to it and we have so many ideas.”

  Cassidy’s phone rang and Wade helped her up as she answered it.

  “It’s Rhett.” She accepted the call. “Can I put you on speaker?”

  “Of course,” Rhett’s voice sounded through the room.

  Ears perked, Kodiak sprang to her feet and ran a circle in the room. Each footfall was punctuated with a high-pitched whine. She started another loop and yelped, then went back to whining and pacing.

  Wade reached for her collar. “If she keeps on like this, she’s going to wake the girls.”

  “Kodiak, settle down.” The second Rhett spoke Kodiak stopped, lay down and rested her chin on the floor. One last, long whine filled the room. “Good girl.” Rhett’s voice softened, wavered. “You’re such a good girl. We miss you.” His voice broke. “I’m so sorry we had to leave for so long.” His breath rattled over the line. “Mace and I love you and it’ll be okay.”

  Violet had risen while Rhett spoke. His words made a lump form in her throat and no matter how much she tried to swallow around it, she couldn’t make it go away. She swiped at her eyes. While the exchange touched her, it also twisted her heart. No one had ever missed her or loved her as much as Rhett loved his dog.

  A dog was more cared about, more a part of a family, than Violet had ever been.

  Would probably ever be.

  Macy came on the line. “We called because he’s made it out of surgery, which is such a huge blessing already.” Her voice sounded weary. “But keep praying for him because they said the next few hours and days will be precarious. He’s far from out of the woods, but we’re hopeful. We’re trusting that God has big plans for Silas.”

  Wade pulled Cassidy and Boone into a hug with the laptop in the middle of them. Cassidy started to cry and Carter and Shannon cheered on their end of the call.

  Violet took a step away.

  She didn’t belong here. Not any longer. She wasn’t welcome in their moment.

  As quickly as she could, Violet made her way to the door and soundlessly slipped outside. Taking the porch steps two at a time, she stifled a sob. The Jarrett family was everything she had ever wanted. A painful physical representation of what she had
prayed for, begged God for and had never been given.

  All she would never have.

  Spending time with Boone today had been a bad idea. This was what happened when she let her guard down. Once again, it felt as if her hope had been used as a weapon against her.

  Without thinking about her destination, she cut across the ranch property, hopping fences and skirting pastures full of cattle on her way through the Jarretts’ vast holdings. She drank in lungfuls of sweet night air as she attempted to calm down. She had been alone all her life—she should be used to it by now. There were families in homes across the world who were just as warm and kind as the Jarretts, so there was no reason to allow the rejection of this one group to bother her so much.

  So many families, yet not one had welcomed her in. Not one had seen worth in her.

  Maybe because it wasn’t there.

  Ten minutes later as she climbed the hill toward the chapel, Violet had every intention of slipping inside and spending the rest of the night praying for Silas. That was until she passed the cross. She had avoided this area for weeks because the foster kids wrote what they were trusting God for on white rocks and left them at the foot of the cross on the Friday night of each summer camp session. By now, there was a gigantic pile.

  Don’t look. There was no reason to look.

  But her gaze went there anyway. It couldn’t help but trip over the rocks. One large rock made her stop in her tracks. The words there gutted her. A Family.

  No one had cared enough to save her from pain, but in her own small way, she could rescue these kids.

  Violet fisted her hands. She looked away from the rocks, up toward the sky. “Why do You do this?” she yelled. “All these kids.” She flung a hand toward the rock pile. “All of them are counting on You to come through for them.” She pressed her hand to her chest. “I counted on You and You didn’t care, did You? Because for some reason I’m not good enough, not for You and not for them.” Her gaze dropped to the horizon, where Wade’s house was located. “Well, I’m not going to let these sit here—their hopes on display to only be let down.” Violet sank to her knees. She made a sort of makeshift bag with the bottom of her sweatshirt and scooped rocks into it. When her bundle grew heavy, she rose and took one last look at the cross. “Well, You don’t get these.”

  Then she headed down the hill, toward the lake.

  * * *

  After they hung up with Rhett, Boone glanced around the room. “Where’s Violet?”

  Trying to stem the flow of her tears, Cassidy fanned her face. “I’ll check the bathrooms.” She came back a few minutes later. Her lips bunched. “Did she leave?”

  “I think she did,” Wade said. He grimaced. “We left her out of that whole group hug situation. That couldn’t have felt great.”

  A knot formed in Boone’s chest. Of course that would have hurt Violet. He growled. Why hadn’t he pulled her into their family embrace? He had been holding the laptop and excited about Silas being out of surgery, but he still should have thought about how it would affect her.

  “Wait, what’s going on?” Shannon called from the laptop. “I feel like we missed something big.”

  Cassidy crouched in front of the screen. “Boone’s in love with Violet, but we don’t know how Violet feels but I’m pretty sure I can tell how she feels from this picture I’m about to forward to you.” She pulled out her phone.

  “I’m going to delete that picture,” Boone said.

  “Too bad you don’t know my pass code,” Cassidy laughed and tapped away at her phone. He didn’t know if it was the pregnancy or her joy over finally being married to Wade, but Cassidy had become close to all the brothers, to the point where she really fulfilled the lovable but annoying little sister role scarily well.

  Shannon’s eyes went to Boone. “What are you waiting for, you big lug? Go find her.”

  He looked to Wade, who just waved goodbye, dismissing him. Boone didn’t wait for more. With Silas recovering and the Super Silas event only days away, he knew he would talk to all his siblings again soon. He grabbed his keys and headed to find Violet. His tires crunched as he drove the car slowly down one of the pebbled roads that crisscrossed the ranch. Boone scanned his surroundings, though this late at night it was difficult to make out much in the dark.

  Why had she taken off?

  God, help me find her.

  Boone tugged out his phone. It had been on all day and was close to dying. But the easiest, most logical route usually was the best so Boone pressed to call her. It went straight to voice mail. Her phone had either died, she’d rejected his call or she had turned her phone off for the night. Any of the three was a viable option.

  He scrubbed a hand over his jaw. They needed to talk—really talk and just be honest with each other. Because Wade was right—there would never be a perfect time to tell her that he cared, but she deserved to know. How would she respond? Boone hoped the kiss they had shared was his answer, but she could have been just as caught up in the moment as he had been. She might laugh at his declaration... Boone had never had to do this before in his adult life.

  Tension crawled up his spine, around his shoulders.

  He had to find her.

  First, he headed to her bunkhouse. Everything was dark. What if she had simply been tired so she left? But that didn’t sit right—Violet would have said goodbye. He knocked a few times, but there was no answer. Maybe she was tucked safely in bed and they could laugh about his frantic search in the morning, but for now he’d keep looking for her.

  Next he went to the barn. Violet spent every free moment with Hawken so perhaps she had gone to see him before heading to bed. Upon entering, Boone went straight to Hawken’s stall. The golden horse nickered when he drew near. Boone leaned over the edge of the half door, but Violet wasn’t inside. He patted Hawken’s side. “Sorry for waking you, buddy. I’ll find her, go back to sleep.”

  Boone kicked at some straw on the ground and secured the barn again. He headed outside and stood for a few minutes, listening to the sounds of the ranch after midnight. Crickets, the windmill groaning near the cattle pasture, the hum of machines that kept the riding arena at a good temperature and the plunk of something heavy hitting water.

  Boone craned his neck. Another plunk. The lake wasn’t stocked with fish sizable enough to make that big a splash.

  He headed toward the lake just off to the side of the horse pasture. The water wrapped behind Rhett’s house and then meandered near the bunkhouses where Boone lived. It was the largest body of water at Red Dog Ranch. Surprisingly he hadn’t heard the noise when he was over by Violet’s house, but maybe it had only just started. When he crested the hill, Boone saw her. Violet had her back to him. She yelled something then hurled an object into the black water.

  Relief flooded through his muscles, but it was quickly followed by worry. Violet had faced so many years of hurt. Boone knew she had been trying to trust God, but he also knew she had been through so much in her life, it would be understandable for anyone to struggle under the burdens she had faced. She tried so hard to be positive in front of everyone—to be who she thought they would like—but she never needed to plaster on a smile for his sake. He wished he could make her see that he cared about her no matter what. Since they first met, she had walked out on any conversation that touched a nerve or might cause her to break down. But he wanted her to know she didn’t need to hide from him. Where he was concerned, she would always have a safe harbor to voice her doubts and fears and hurts without judgment.

  When Boone reached the base of the pier, he realized what it was she was lobbing into the water. The rocks the foster kids wrote what they were trusting God for. Violet’s shoulders shook as she held another rock up in the air. “You don’t get this one either. Hear me? You don’t get to crush this kid, too.”

  Oh, Violet. His whole chest ached for her and the pain she was clearly exp
eriencing. He jogged down the pier, his steps causing the whole thing to groan and wobble.

  Rock in hand, she spun toward him. “You shouldn’t be here.” Even in the dim light, he could tell her face was streaked with tears. The sight of her anguish tore at him.

  “I wish you hadn’t left, but I know why you did. It was thoughtless of me to leave you out.” Boone wished she would yell at him instead of cry. Being railed at would have hurt less than seeing her tears. “I want you to know, you don’t ever have to hide what you’re thinking or feeling. Not from me.”

  “I think we both know you have better things to do tonight than be here with me.” She tugged on her sweatshirt, pulling it tighter around her body. “You should be with that perfect family of yours,” she said. “Not here. Go back to them, Boone.”

  He wanted to hold her, do whatever was needed to make her hurt go away, but first he needed her to see truth. Because it was clear to him that she believed his family was some out-of-reach ideal. She looked at them and saw all she didn’t have. It was blinding her and causing her further undue hurt. Perhaps airing some of his family’s dirty laundry would help her see that the Jarretts were simply people in need of God—no different from her.

  “My family’s far from perfect, Violet.” He held his hands in a show of surrender as he edged a few inches nearer. “My dad wasn’t very attentive with us kids, my parents lied to Rhett his whole life about being adopted and both my parents turned a blind eye on Wade when he was struggling with multiple addictions or when he spiraled so far out of control that faking his death seemed like a better option than facing his family.” Boone took a deep breath and pressed on. “We all neglected Shannon to the point where she had to turn to an abusive man for attention, and then Wade didn’t feel safe telling any of us he had cancer.” Boone laid his hand on his chest. “Then there’s me.”

 

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