Starting Over in Texas

by Jessica Keller

  Boone put his hands in a whoa gesture. “I said nothing remotely close to that.”

  “Hawken is my family. My only family.” She jabbed her finger in the direction of the horse barn. She didn’t have the veterinarian’s approval to transport Hawken in a trailer yet or else she would have gone and packed him up right that second. “Just because you’re fine with ditching the people you supposedly care about whenever it’s convenient for you, don’t assume the rest of us are like that.”

  Boone pressed his fist to his lips and closed his eyes. His shoulders rose with a large inhale. “Is this about Hailey? Because I admitted I was wrong,” Boone said. “I completely messed up, but I’ve made changes.”

  It was so hard to stay mad at Boone when he sounded so sincere, but if Violet was going to protect herself, she had to. Because no one else seemed concerned with protecting her heart.

  “What about when you take off for school in the fall? The second summer’s over that will be your priority and she’ll go back to second place.” Violet worked her jaw. They had spoken once about seminary and she had encouraged him to pursue local options but he had never brought it up again. For all she knew he was headed back to Maine next month.

  Boone’s brow bunched. He opened his mouth but whatever he was about to say was cut off by a little girl’s earsplitting wail and the loud bang of a door. Hailey. Boone broke into a sprint, tearing across the large arena to try to catch his daughter. Violet was only seconds behind him.

  Whatever Hailey had heard had been too much.

  Violet had intended to push Boone away with her caustic words.

  Instead she had broken a little girl’s heart.

  * * *

  Boone hurled the heavy front door of the arena open and quickly scanned the area for his daughter. Bright sunshine momentarily blinded him. Shielding his eyes, he squinted and glanced at each of the nearby fields. His chest rose as his breaths came hard and fast. “Hailey,” he called. “Hailey, sweetheart, where are you?” He stalked to one side of the arena and looked for her there, then checked the other side. No Hailey.

  His gut rolled. Where was she?

  Sweat slicked the back of his neck, his temples.

  She only had seconds on him. She couldn’t have gone far.

  He called her name again. Then another time.

  Violet shoved through the door. “Did you find her?”

  Boone scrubbed his hand over his jaw. He couldn’t look at Violet. Not without saying something he’d regret. He didn’t know why she had insisted on picking a fight, but whatever her reasons, she had gone straight for the jugular and he wasn’t okay with that. He shoved his fingers through his hair. How had it gone from attempting to show support for something she loved, from encouraging her dream, to her yelling at him?

  “Don’t worry,” Violet said. “I’ll help you find her.”

  Boone stalked away, his back to her. “I think you’ve done enough already.”

  “I’m sorry she heard.” Violet’s voice was so small, it did funny things to his heart.

  But his daughter was scared and crying somewhere because of Violet’s careless words. Because Violet had let her fear and emotions control her and overcome sound reasoning. He thought they had been to the point in their relationship where she would trust him enough to be honest and to be able to tell him what she was thinking.

  Apparently, he’d misread a lot of things lately.

  Boone’s jaw hurt from clenching it. “Sorry she heard, but not sorry for saying it?”

  She looked away.

  Well, now he knew.

  Since his first week back at the ranch Boone had been trying to help Violet, trying to be there for her and draw her out. He had done everything in his power to assure her he was a safe person who cared for her. That she could be gut-level honest with him without fear.

  But none of it had mattered, had it?

  Looking back, Boone had made a right fool of himself.

  Violet had chosen to push him away too many times to count. If she wanted to keep her guard up, there was nothing he could do to change that. Only she could choose to change and decide it was time to grow and trust people. And she wasn’t ready. At least not when it came to him.

  He knew that now.

  Boone shook his head. Hailey needed to be his focus; she should have been his main focus all along. Since coming home to Red Dog Ranch, Boone had allowed his attention to be too divided.

  Maybe Hailey had headed back to their bunkhouse. It wasn’t that far away and she could have reached it by now. He’d check there first.

  “Boone.” Violet was a few steps behind. “She has panic attacks. We need to find her.”

  He rounded back on her. “What do you mean, she has panic attacks?”

  Violet wound her fingers together. “She told me when we were on the Ferris wheel.” She looked down at her hands. “She said she’s had them since her mom died. She has a hard time breathing when it happens and—”

  “And you didn’t think this was important to tell me before now?” Boone growled as he turned and looked toward his bunkhouse, then back to the barn. He didn’t know where to go. But with anger mounting inside his chest, he knew he had to get away from Violet. What he was feeling wasn’t all Violet’s fault, but their current interaction wasn’t helping matters.

  The image of Hailey hiding somewhere, hurting and struggling for breath, completely gutted him.

  Panic attacks. Had he been blind to his sweet daughter’s struggles? Boone’s heart sank. The back of his throat ached and it felt as if he was going to be sick. He so badly wanted to be the father Hailey needed, but he kept failing her.

  He would never get this parenting thing right. Not without June.

  A wall of grief crashed through him, threating to drop him to his knees.

  Move, Boone. Do something.

  He started toward the house but changed his mind at the last second. Twisting, he bashed his hip against the fencing near the arena. A lance of pain shot through his body. Boone huffed out a breath, biting down the harsh words he was tempted to unleash.

  Regrouping, he jogged to the horse barn, which sat lower and in front of the riding arena. Boone shoved open the rolling doors. A loud sob caused his pace to quicken.

  “Hailey.” Boone strode down the row of stalls. His little girl was in here somewhere. The sound led him to the stall Hawken occupied. He spotted Hailey inside. Relief made his legs wobbly and he grabbed for the framing around the stall door for support. His daughter’s tiny arms were wrapped around one of the horse’s front legs and her face was shoved into his shoulder. Her body shook with a series of loud cries. Hawken had his head bent low so the side of his chin rested against her back. If Boone didn’t know any better, he would have said the horse was hugging Hailey.

  Boone slipped into the stall, dropped to his knees and pulled Hailey onto his lap. Their movements caused a swirl of straw dust to float around them. Immediately, Hailey spun and tossed her arms around his neck. Hawken nickered low, his hot breath washing over them.

  “Don’t go, Daddy. Please don’t go again,” Hailey cried.

  She buried her face against Boone’s neck, her tears slipping down the back of his shirt. Ever so carefully, Boone inched his way out of Hawken’s stall. Hawken had always been a gentle horse, but he wasn’t taking chances where his daughter was concerned. Out in the hallway, he took hold of Hailey’s shoulders and set her so he could meet her gaze.

  “I’m not going anywhere, Hailey. Do you hear me?” He smoothed his hand over her hair, then bent forward, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “I love you and I’m so sorry I left you here after Mom’s funeral. That was so wrong of me. Dads make mistakes, but I promise I won’t do that again.” He took her small hands in his. She was so vulnerable and he promised himself he would protect her and be there for her however she needed
for the rest of her life. Boone thanked God for entrusting her to him. He asked for God’s grace and guidance.

  Hailey’s face contorted and she started crying harder. “First Mommy left us, then you left me for a long time.” Her gaze snapped to something over his shoulder. “I don’t want Violet to leave us, too.”

  Boone’s knees dug into the cement, but he wanted to stay at his daughter’s level for the conversation. He framed Hailey’s face with his hands, drawing her to make eye contact. “I’m only worried about you right now. Our family is you and me, remember?” She nodded and sucked in a rattling breath. “You don’t have to worry about our family being separated ever again because Violet was wrong, sweetheart. I’m not going anywhere. No one and nothing could make me leave you.” He brushed his thumb across her cheeks, gathering up her tears.

  Hailey’s lip trembled. “I miss Mommy.”

  Boone wrapped her in a bear hug and for the first time since finding out about June’s accident, Boone let himself cry in front of Hailey. Maybe he had been wrong to hide his grief, to fake a strong facade. He had chosen to do so for her benefit—so she could look to him as someone solid in her life instead of seeing her dad falling apart. But he had done her a disservice by not inviting her into his grieving process; he had made her feel like she had to face her fears all alone.

  “I miss her, too. Every single day.” Boone’s voice was hoarse. “I loved her so much.”

  Surrounded by horses and straw and dust motes, they clung to each other and cried together. When they finally stopped, Boone scooped his daughter into his arms and carried her back to their bunkhouse.

  “Hey, Dad?” Hailey’s hot breath trailed over his neck. Her fingers touched the hair at his nape. “I love Violet, too.”

  “I know.” He sighed and decided to be completely honest with her. “I feel the same way.”

  Hailey sat back a little so she could see him. She pursed her lips and lowered her brow. “Then how come she isn’t part of our family?”

  “Because sometimes love isn’t enough to save somebody,” Boone said carefully. “They have to decide to love themselves first. They have to choose to accept your love, and I don’t think Violet can. Not yet.”

  Maybe not ever.

  “Well, I’m going to keep loving her. I’m not going to stop. And when she’s ready, my love will be right here.” She touched her heart.

  Boone’s chest felt hollowed out as he glanced toward Violet’s bunkhouse. He hadn’t stopped loving Violet, either, but it was time to put Hailey and her needs first. Even if that meant sacrificing what he felt for the most beautiful barrel racer he’d ever met.

  Chapter Eleven

  Violet finished packing her belongings an hour before she had to be at the Super Silas event. After everything happened with Boone and Hailey yesterday, she had made a phone call to Wade and had solidified her plans. When she had asked Wade not to tell anyone, he had given his word but had warned her that in his experience, the truth was always the best option.

  Despite his advice, she had decided to leave Red Dog Ranch.

  It was best for everyone.

  Well, everyone but Hawken. But Wade had promised he would be cared for. Carter would personally work with her horse once he and Shannon returned from their veterinary mission trip and they would let her know the second Hawken was cleared for transport. Once that happened, she would take him with her and never look back.

  No matter how much doing so would hurt.

  The fact was, she had started to imagine a place for herself at Red Dog Ranch, but after seeing how much she had hurt Hailey, she couldn’t stay. In Violet’s pursuit for a home, she had been selfish—she had hurt a child and had inflicted pain on Boone, too. Even though she knew she loved both of them more than she had ever loved anyone else in her life, she had still been willing to say horrible things in order to push them away. Maybe Violet wasn’t cut out for relationships after all. Perhaps that’s why God hadn’t ever allowed anyone to stay in her life.

  Besides, with June’s death still so fresh, Boone and Hailey were already dealing with enough without adding Violet’s baggage into the equation.

  Our family is you and me, remember?

  Violet had stayed long enough to hear Boone say that to Hailey. And he had been right. All the same, it had stung to be left out. And the anguish in Boone’s voice when he had said he loved his wife had been so clear.

  How could Violet have ever believed Boone would want to be with her when he was still so obviously in love with his dead wife? From everything Violet had heard about June Jarrett, it sounded like she was near perfect, whereas Violet was a broken person who had nothing to offer their little family. Nothing but more heartache. Who would welcome that?

  No wonder Boone had suggested she should leave the ranch. He had seen her on Disco and seized an opportunity to make a clean break.

  Violet looked up at her truck’s ceiling and blinked until the burning sensation in her eyes faded. She was doing the right thing. She had to get out of their lives before she caused more damage to really good people. Before the realization that she would never measure up sank any deeper into her bones.

  Violet checked her hair in her truck’s rearview mirror, took a deep breath and then headed into the Chick-N-More. Thankfully the place was buzzing with activity and she was given a task the second she walked through the doors. Boone was there, and so were Wade and about eight other people they seemed to be friends with. Piper, Hailey and Cassidy weren’t there yet so Violet assumed they must have been together.

  After assessing what needed to be done, Violet went to her truck to gather the box of jars she had decorated for the superhero voting. When she turned and headed back toward the restaurant, Boone was waiting by the front door.

  Her heart squeezed at the sight of him. Boone was so handsome and his presence spoke of protection and care, but she couldn’t think about those things.

  He cleared his throat as he pulled the door open for her. “About yesterday...”

  Violet shook her head. “Today is about Silas.”

  Boone nodded and followed her inside. They parted ways immediately; he headed to the cash register area so Patrick could run him through the ordering process while Violet set to work decorating the voting area. Last night she had found one more large jar to add to her collection. She had put a picture of baby Silas on it and labeled it Super Silas. She placed it in the center of the table and fanned the other jars around it.

  As they worked, people started lining up outside the restaurant and by the time the doors opened, the line filled the parking lot, snaked down the street and continued around the next block. Country music pounded through the speakers and Violet set to work taking people’s orders, delivering food and answering questions about how Silas was doing. Rhett and Macy had recorded a video that played on a loop on a large screen near the voting area and pictures of Silas filled the walls.

  After a quick break, Violet headed to her next table but when she saw who was seated in the booth, she froze in the middle of the walkway.

  Cassidy, who had arrived with the girls when the event opened, came up alongside her and placed a hand on her lower back. “You okay?”

  “I can’t serve that table,” Violet said.

  “They asked for you by name. They said they heard on the news and saw in our flyers that you would be here.” Cassidy eyed her. “Who are they?”

  Violet swallowed hard. It was the Jenningses. “They were my foster family. Mrs. Jennings taught me how to barrel race.”

  Mrs. Jennings looked up from the table and caught Violet’s eye. The older woman’s hair had grayed in the last few years, but other than that she looked the same. Her old foster mom gasped and rose to her feet. “It’s really you,” she said, stepping toward Violet. “Is it okay if I hug you?”

  Violet nodded and Mrs. Jennings didn’t skip a beat. S
he tucked Violet into her soft embrace. “Child, how I’ve missed you.” She took Violet’s hand and led her back to the table. Mr. Jennings and the two youngest of their six children sat with them. Everyone got up to hug Violet and then they ushered her into an empty seat. Mr. Jennings slid what looked to be a large photo album toward her.

  Mrs. Jennings batted at his arm. “That’s embarrassing, Mark. Don’t ask her to sign it just yet.”

  “Sign what?” Violet knew she was probably wide-eyed, but she had never expected to see the Jenningses again, let alone hug and visit with them.

  Mrs. Jennings smiled nervously. “Maybe it’ll sound silly to you, but we’ve kept a scrapbook of everything you’ve done over the years.” She opened the book and showed the articles and news clippings that were glued inside. They had recorded all of her accomplishments. Another page had pictures of Violet with them when she had lived with their family. “We’re so proud of you.”

  Violet flipped through page after page. Mrs. Jennings had taken the time to write little notes for each entry. Violet blinked back tears and her throat felt thick. “I don’t understand. Why would you keep all this? If you cared this much, why didn’t you adopt me?” The last part had slipped out, but now it was out there.

  Mrs. Jennings took hold of Violet’s hand. “We wanted to, and we’ve regretted not saying something to you sooner. But we had six kids and all the horses to care for and we were accepting other foster children.” Her smile was sad. “We meant to talk to you, tell you we wanted you to stay and be a part of our family, even if it wasn’t formal. But we never got a chance.” She tilted her head. “Why did you take off in the middle of the night like you did? By the time we tracked you down you were a rising star on the circuit and we figured you wanted nothing to do with us.”

  Not wanting to be a burden, Violet had left the Jenningses’ house a few days after her eighteenth birthday. “I didn’t think you wanted me.”