Starting Over in Texas

by Jessica Keller

  “Then you get it.” She offered him a watery smile. “I wanted to be so angry with God. Sometimes I still am. I think I’ll struggle with that for the rest of my life.”

  Boone nodded. “I understand.” Sometimes he was still angry with God for taking June, for the miscarriages they had grieved during their marriage and over what had happened with Violet. “Believe me, I do.”

  She rested her hand on the cross. “But then I remember, God lost His son, too.” She trailed her fingers over the chipped white paint. “He experienced the same loss and pain and brokenness that we’re feeling. He understands it all more intimately than any parent ever should.”

  A slight breeze trickled over the hill, making the yellow flowers wobble on the pile of rocks. In an effort to alleviate the tightness in his chest, Boone crossed his arms. In the midst of his grief, he had never considered God’s loss or realized that God had faced the same pain. It had been easier to blame God than seize the opportunity to understand Him more.

  The man took his wife’s hand. “We were talking on the drive here about how when Jesus was on earth, everyone in the Bible had a plan for him. They thought he would sweep in and save them from their oppressors in a physical sense. But God’s plans for His son were different. He saved everyone, but in a much more powerful way. On Palm Sunday, none of them knew that Easter Sunday was coming or what it would mean.” He coughed a little to cover the emotion that was clearly evident in his speech. “Just like that, we had so many plans for our son’s life, but God had a different plan.” His shrug seemed almost painful. “I guess what I’m trying to say is it brings us comfort to know that his heart will always be at Red Dog Ranch, because this place holds such significance for us.”

  The woman wrapped her hand around her husband’s arm. “And we’re believing that this means God has amazing plans for baby Silas. Please let your brother know that we’re going to pray for him for the rest of our lives.”

  “I will.” Boone was completely humbled by their strength and bravery. “I have to say, you two have amazing clarity in this situation.”

  The woman reached out and squeezed Boone’s arm. “If our Zachary were still fighting for his life it would be different. If we still had hope of having him in our life, we would be doing everything we could to keep him. But we don’t, so our hope is in finding the next step in all this and finding the good we can.”

  “We should head out.” The man gestured toward a cherry-red car parked near the office.

  But the woman still had a hold of Boone’s arm. “You have a sweet little girl, don’t you?”

  “I do.”

  “Life is so precious. I pray that you’ll live that way instead of living in defeat and in grief. See the blessings God continues to place in your life. Pray the same for us, too.” She squeezed his arm. “God has so much more for you, Boone Jarrett. Are you brave enough to believe that?”

  Long after the couple left, Boone stayed on the hill near the cross. The couple had shared so much wisdom with him and he had never even asked their names.

  Life is so precious.

  If we still had hope...we would be doing everything we could to keep him.

  God has so much more for you, Boone Jarrett. Are you brave enough to believe that?

  After Violet had left, Boone had gone back to living his life in a numb autopilot way. He was going through the motions but he wasn’t feeling anything. Even in the moments when he looked up the location for her next race or when he checked her standing in the circuit, he would tell himself that a rodeo rider and a minister could never be together. He had convinced himself that it was pointless to go after her because a life together couldn’t work.

  But what if they could?

  While he still had the hope of a chance with Violet, he should fight for a life together. It was foolish to sit around in defeat. Life was precious, and no day should be taken for granted.

  He was done wasting time.

  Boone headed down the hill.

  He needed to find Hailey and they needed to look up Violet’s schedule.

  * * *

  The roar of the crowd hammered through the entire rodeo arena as the rider in front of Violet finished her run. From her waiting spot, Violet scanned the crowd for familiar faces like she had done at every rodeo since leaving Red Dog Ranch. Her stomach plummeted until she spotted Mr. and Mrs. Jennings on the bleachers waving at her. She smiled and waved back.

  At least she had someone there who cared about her.

  Violet patted Disco’s neck.

  Actually, that was wrong. She didn’t only have the Jenningses.

  In the time since she had returned to the circuit and had reconnected with the Jenningses, Violet had finally realized that God had been there all along. She had prayed for a home and family when she was younger and God had brought both of those things into her life. She had failed to recognize what God had done because her ideal looked different than the true gifts He had placed in her life all along. The rodeo was her home and the Jenningses had always cared. Weeks ago, she had prayed for God to hold her, failing to see that He had been holding her safe and secure for her entire life.

  She wouldn’t lose sight of that again.

  The arena suddenly fell silent.

  Her turn.

  Working her bottom lip between her teeth, Violet ran a hand over the smooth rawhide cantle of her saddle. Tension laced the air like smoke after gunfire. Disco shifted beneath her.

  “You’re fine, boy.” As Violet trailed her fingers over his shoulder, her catapulting stomach began to soothe. Disco knew the barrels. They had been placing well with each run.

  The announcer’s voice snapped Violet to full attention. He read off a string of her accomplishments and told about her accident early in the season. While he talked, she mentally practiced the cloverleaf racing pattern.

  Keep centered. Visualize the set. Leave a clear pocket.

  The official nodded to her.

  With a defined kick and the lift of the reins, Violet gave Disco his head and he erupted forward, slamming her into the saddle with a jerk that rattled her teeth. Charging down the alley of the rodeo arena, horse and rider busted through the center entrance at Mach speed. They crossed the electronic timer beam and tore toward the first barrel.

  Violet couldn’t help but smile. Their approach was dead-on. She fought against a laugh.

  Picking Disco’s speed at the precise moment, she arced him, leaving a good pocket to give him an even turn. He swung around the orange-and-blue painted barrel, his hooves digging into the loose ground. Anchored in the saddle, Violet clenched her abs, her right leg pressing along Disco’s rib cage for support. Half clawing the rawhide horn, she looked through the turn toward the second barrel. Raising the knotted reins in her sweaty hand, she allowed Disco to rocket forward across the arena, kicking up a mixture of sand and dirt in his wake.

  Clocking left around the barrel, they jolted forward, pounding toward the final one with electric force. She and Disco hugged the last barrel with practiced accuracy, then turned and let loose down the straight. Violet kicked wildly and Disco galloped toward the finish, crossing the timer.

  As the race ended, the real world rushed back in. Applause echoed down the arena’s corridors. Violet’s muscles zinged with adrenaline as Disco clip-clopped down the cement hallway. She guided him outside to cool down. The smells of manure, leather, popcorn and animal sweat hung together in the late-summer air.

  Squinting against the sunshine, Violet shielded her eyes. When she was able to focus, her gaze landed on a handsome man with short cropped hair and a tiny blonde girl waiting just outside. Boone and Hailey. Violet’s heart pounded wildly.

  Hailey bounced up and down waving her arms. “Violet. Do you see us? We’re right here.”

  Boone made eye contact with her and didn’t let go.

  Violet�
�s heart rammed into the back of her throat. She swung off Disco’s back and led him over to where the pair were standing.

  Wade appeared behind them. “How about I take Disco?” He lifted the reins from her hands. “I’ll get him untacked and brushed down.” He jerked his head toward Boone. “You’ve got more important things to focus on.”

  Hailey launched toward her, hugging Violet around the legs. “I missed you so much.”

  Violet hugged the girl tightly. “I missed you so much, too.”

  Hailey jumped back and pointed at her dad. “He missed you tons. Tell her, Dad.”

  Boone rubbed at the back of his neck. “She’s right. I’ve missed you every day. I wish you would have told us you were leaving.”

  “What are you doing here?” Violet asked. Today’s rodeo was a four-hour drive from Red Dog Ranch. Not that Violet calculated the distance from the ranch for every rodeo. Who was she kidding? She did it every time. “Boone?” She searched his face.

  Boone’s brow creased. “Red Dog Ranch has been my home for my entire life. Even when I was in Maine for school, I thought of the ranch as home. But the truth is, it hasn’t felt like home for weeks now. Not without you there.” He swallowed and took a step toward her. “I don’t want to be there without you, Violet.” He rested his hand on top of Hailey’s head. “Neither of us does.”

  “That’s why we came,” Hailey said.

  “But I hurt you both so much.” Violet looked away, across the fairgrounds, and focused on nothing in particular. Guilt over making Hailey cry and over the horrible things she had said to Boone still ate at her. “You two have been through so much already.” She shook her head. “You don’t want to add my baggage to all that, Boone. You don’t.”

  Boone gently took both her hands in his. “This amazing woman once told me that the people who love you aren’t ever going to see you or your struggles as a burden.” He lifted her hands to his chest. “And we love you, Violet.” He rested his hands on hers, capturing them over his heart. “I love you.”

  Violet blinked away tears. “I love you, too,” she whispered. “I’m so sorry I hurt you. I’m so sorry for how I left. I didn’t want to but I thought it was for the best.”

  “I know. We forgave you a long time ago. I hope you can forgive us for taking so long to come after you.” Boone let his hands slip away, then he nodded to Hailey. The little girl pranced back to a bag they had left behind them and pulled out a white rock. She handed it to Boone, who held it out to Violet. The rock had one word painted on it. Loved.

  “I know you haven’t always been a fan of these white rocks.”

  Violet pressed her fingers over her lips. “There are a bunch at the bottom of the lake that can attest to that fact.”

  Boone’s chuckle was adorably nervous. “Well, these aren’t hopes. These are promises.” He tugged her hand away from her face so he could set the Loved rock on her palm. He curled her fingers so they wrapped around it. “You are loved,” Boone said. Hailey handed him another rock. Wanted. “You are wanted.” Boone set the rock into Violet’s other hand. Hailey pulled another rock from the bag. Home. Boone added that one to Violet’s pile. “And you will always have a home with us.”

  When Hailey went back to the bag a fourth time Violet laughed through her tears. “How many rocks do you have in there?” She was so touched by Boone’s gesture. He had replaced the thing that had been a symbol of her shattered childhood hopes with tangible truths. She was loved, she was wanted, she had a home.

  Violet would keep these rocks forever.

  Boone’s grin turned sheepish. He licked his lips. “Just one more.” Hailey handed him the rock, but this time Boone didn’t immediately give it to Violet. He cupped it between his hands so she couldn’t read what was written there. “This rock’s a little different. We could say this one is my hope...one only you can turn into a promise.” Then he got down on one knee and held the rock out to her.

  Marry Me?

  Violet gasped. The three rocks she already held clattered together in her hands. “I don’t know what to say.” In a much quieter voice she added, “I’m not June. I’ll never be the wife you lost.” She knew saying such a thing could end the most romantic moment of her life, but she had held her tongue waiting for the right minute far too many times with Boone. She wouldn’t do that again. If they were going to be together, she was going to always be honest with him about her doubts and fears. It was the only way they could ever be a healthy couple.

  “I’m not asking you to be.” Boone released a shuddered breath. “Violet Byrd, I love you. From the moment we met you have made me feel alive. You have challenged me and made me reexamine my life and my relationship with God in a way no one else has ever done. You are kind and good and you are already an amazing role model to Hailey. I want you in my life and in Hailey’s life because of who you are and no other reason. I have never seen and will never see you as a replacement for what I lost.” He shook his head. “You’re the precious gift that I never expected but will cherish forever if you’ll let me.”

  Violet took the rock from his hands and cupped the four she had to her chest. “What about the rodeo? Where will we live?” Doubts spilled out of her. The idea that Boone wanted to marry her despite all their ups and downs seemed unbelievable. “I’m not exactly preacher’s wife material.”

  Boone quirked an eyebrow. “Is it all right if I stand up to keep talking? This ground is hard and my knees aren’t as young as they used to be.”

  Violet nodded.

  Wade rejoined them and took Hailey by the hand. He led her away so Boone and Violet could be alone.

  Boone rose. He tucked a strand of hair behind Violet’s ear, then left his hand there to cup her face. “You love the barrels and I will never ask you to give up your dream. I’m going to start taking seminary courses at a slower pace at a school near the ranch. It’ll take longer to complete my degree, but I’ll have more time for the people I love and I think that’s important right now.” He smiled. “Some of the courses are even online so I can complete them from anywhere. Like, for example, on the circuit.” He shrugged.

  She opened her mouth but he plunged forward.

  “You once mentioned that the rodeo doesn’t have a church. That believers have to seek out each other in order to experience any sort of community,” Boone said. “What if we started a ministry for rodeo riders? Hailey and I could travel with you during the circuit season, which only lasts a few months. I can homeschool her if that’s what needs to happen. We’ll be there to cheer you on and I’ll find a way to minister to people while I’m beside you.” He eased the rocks from her hands, set them back in the bag, then returned to take her hands again. “We’ll figure out a way to make it work and all be together because you’re worth it, Violet.”

  Her heart pounded out a double-time rhythm. She wanted to shout yes and jump into his strong arms but there was still one more thing they needed to address. “What about the danger, Boone? Riders can get seriously injured or worse. After what you’ve been through, that’s a valid concern.”

  Boone pressed his forehead to hers. “I made peace with that when I realized it’s far more dangerous for my heart to live without you.”

  “Boone.” Violet bit her lip. “Why haven’t you kissed me yet?”

  Boone tossed back his head and laughed. The sound flooded Violet’s chest with warmth. How she had been able to convince herself to walk away from him was beyond her understanding. If she had it her way, she would never be away from this man again.

  “Because a month ago you told me you didn’t want me to kiss you anymore,” Boone said. “So I’m not going to do it until I get your okay.” He leaned so close their noses brushed for a second, his breath mingling with hers. Violet sucked in a sharp breath. He was teasing her, being so near. The man knew exactly what she wanted and what he was doing. She loved him all the more for his ability t
o be playful in the midst of an emotional moment.

  “Why haven’t you answered my question yet?” he whispered.

  Marry Me?

  Violet inched closer, her lips grazing his. “My answer is yes.” Then she looped her hand on the back of his neck and tugged him down for a kiss. This time when a little girl cheered, they didn’t break apart. Instead, Boone wrapped his arms around Violet and lifted her off her feet to kiss her even more.

  Epilogue

  Thanksgiving

  Hailey hugged the pan of s’mores bars to her chest and smiled up at Violet as they walked toward Rhett and Macy’s house. “Everyone is going to love these. I know I do.”

  Violet winked at Hailey. “They’ll all just be really happy your dad didn’t make his famous mashed potatoes.” She jabbed Boone in the ribs.

  Boone slung his arm over Violet’s shoulders. “Hey, now. I know the difference between a cup and a tablespoon now.” He laughed.

  Violet sighed in a joking way. “It was a teaspoon, honey.”

  Hailey adjusted how she was holding the pan so she could take Violet’s hand. “Can we go for a family ride tomorrow?” Violet and Hailey had started riding horses together every morning but Hailey always wanted her horse-shy daddy to join them.

  Boone grimaced. “What horse would you guys stick me on?”

  Violet waggled her eyebrows. “How about Maverick?”

  “How about no,” Boone said. Even busy with schoolwork and his plans for establishing a rodeo ministry, Boone had heard all about Maverick’s wild antics. Out of all the staff, only Violet had been able to ride him so far.

  They walked up the steps to the large ranch house as one unit. Hailey broke away to knock on the door.

  Violet leaned against Boone. “Actually, I would put you on Puddin’.”

  Hailey wrinkled her nose. “But he’s that old one that falls asleep on the trail.”

  Boone pointed at his daughter. “Oh, now he sounds perfect.” He bumped his hip against Violet’s. “You know me so well.” She snagged a kiss from him and he went in for another one a heartbeat after they parted. Violet’s heart soared.