The Burden of Trust

by Nikki Frank

  Iya was instantly alert. “Demon magic?”

  I pointed sheepishly at the tail lashing behind me. “It only comes out on Earth when I’m really unim . . . innanib . . .”

  “Uninhibited?” he asked, chuckling.

  “Yeah. That word.” I giggled.

  I leaned in for another kiss. “No magic,” I slurred. “Just al . . . just the drinks.” I ran my hands up his chest under his shirt.

  He closed his eyes and leaned back. “I’m taking advantage. You know that, right?”

  I climbed on his lap and kissed his neck. “Looks to me like I’m the one taking advantage.”

  “I should tell you no,” he whispered.

  I undid the last button on his shirt and slid it off his shoulders, kissing one, then the other, then his chest. “Yeah. You should probably tell me no.” I fluffed out my skirt and slid my hips over his. “But you’re just a demon. You won’t.”

  Chapter 6

  The pounding in my head woke me in time to rush to the toilet. Everything left in my stomach came violently up. Once the heaving stopped, I cradled my head in my hand and blinked against the light, trying to find my bed.

  “Velor.” No response. I rubbed my head, then my shin as it connected with the metal frame on my bed. “Velor,” I yelled louder.

  “For God’s sake, shut up.” Iya rose out of the other side of my bed.

  I clamped a hand over my mouth. He was completely naked—what a view. No, wait.

  “What did we do?” I croaked.

  “You don’t remember?” Iya asked, annoyed.

  “I remember making out in the car.” My brain refused to give up the memories; it felt lobotomized. “We . . .”

  “No we,” he snapped. “You took advantage of me. Twice in the car and once here. I had to sneak you in. You had a tail, and your ears were pointed. Who knew what a mere two drinks would bring out?”

  “That’s not fair. You never actually tried to get away.”

  “So you do remember.”

  “Vaguely. Your recap helped.”

  “You’re right. I didn’t try to stop you after you accused me of being ‘just a demon.’”

  I covered my mouth in horror. “We had sex because you were mad at me?” My eyes filled with tears. “That was my . . . I’d never . . .” My knees gave out, and my face landed in the pillows. “Oh my God. What have I done?”

  “Wait.” Iya jerked the pillow out from under me. “You were a virgin?”

  “Yes, and you took that with hate sex!”

  “I thought you and Talon had—”

  “Oh shit. Talon.” I ran for the bathroom, heaving again. Laying across the toilet seat, sobs tore from my chest. “I’ve ruined everything. I thought he’d hate me for turning into a demon. But I might have had a chance until this.”

  I wanted to vomit out my very soul. My insides churned, poisonous. I’d never experienced a guilt as bad as this one.

  Iya crouched beside the toilet and rubbed my back. “You’ll figure something out. This will work out.”

  “How?” I whimpered. “Imps don’t easily make friends or lovers. Relationships are hard for us. And we were close enough to be partners.”

  “That’s only a working relationship, though.” Iya smoothed away some hairs stuck to the corner of my mouth.

  “He asked me to form a pair bond with him. I wasn’t ready, so he left on a diplomatic mission without an answer. I’m a horrible woman and a horrible demon lord. I’m a worm.”

  He bent and kissed my cheek and my nose and my hair. “Your insult only tipped the scales. You’ve had me on one hell of a rollercoaster from the day we met. But those glimpses of the happier you—I can’t stop thinking about you. I wanted to sleep with you, to continue sleeping with you. I like you.”

  He sat back and shook his head. “It’s completely crazy, too. I had no intention of falling for anyone. I really don’t want a permanent fixture in my life. But over the last few days, all sorts of wild things kept popping into my head.”

  “Like what?” I grasped at the distraction.

  “Like maybe we were meant to be together. The thing I fear most about a family is the inevitable usurpation. But you’re a demon lord in your own right. We’d have two thrones, and since you’re not a demon, you might be willing to give yours to a child. Problem solved. And the trade routes. It’s what Tomi and I want so badly. You’re going to help, but I doubt the Lord High Governor would say no if you were pair bonded to me. Of course, there’s your issue with your power. Being with me would be convenient if it ever flared up again.”

  “Not a very romantic sales pitch,” I gurgled into the toilet.

  “Who cares? The sex was awesome, and we can finish falling in love later. Hard facts are more important, anyway. So, what do you say? Want to pair bond?”

  I gave him a look as sour as my stomach. “Did you just propose to me with my head in the toilet? On the morning of one of the lowest points in my life? Less than a week after we met?”

  He wrinkled his nose. “When you say it that way, it sounds bad.”

  “It is bad,” I snapped. “Besides, look carefully at what you’re getting. I’m a worthless mess. If I can do this to myself and Talon, imagine what could happen to you.”

  “I’ve seen an awful lot of what you can do. I’m not sure your little toyol is hardy enough for the challenge. One slip of the vessel’s usage and you might barbeque him.”

  I threw up over another sob. “I know. That’s my nightmare. Over and over, I hurt him in my dreams.”

  “You can’t hurt me.”

  “Stop trying to sell yourself.”

  “I think us, together, would be best. Bonding has real benefits.”

  I lay my face on the toilet seat, not caring anymore. “I’d tell you to go to hell, but I think I’m already there. So, just go away.”

  Iya made a face at me. “Here.” He handed me a drink which looked like milk and smelled like peppermint. “A peace offering.”

  I eyed the glass and then him.

  “Why do you think I’ve got nothing worse than a headache?” he asked.

  I downed the stuff. It would either work, or I’d throw up again. The latter felt more probable, so what the hell. My stomach immediately calmed.

  “Thanks,” I grumbled.

  He pulled me up off the toilet. “Go take a shower. You’re disgusting.”

  “Whatever.”

  He stepped out of the bathroom, and I climbed in the shower. The warm water should have felt good on my body, but my mind kept wishing I had a soap strong enough to cleanse my sins. I cranked the water up as hot as it would go, leaned my head against the wall, and let the heat punish my back. Impending loss and guilt welled up and leaked out my eyes. No possible redemption revealed itself.

  Reluctantly, I exited the shower with nothing more than a headache. But it stabbed at my temples. Maybe I’d feel better if the stabbing were real. I certainly deserved it. The question of what to do about Talon still needed to be answered. The truth would kill him, and a secret like this would kill our relationship. No one could win anymore. No one . . .

  I wandered out of the bathroom, misery surrounding me like a blanket. The first clothes I found got yanked on blindly before I stumbled into the suite’s living area. Iya steered me to the couch and sat next to me. If he wanted me to say something, he could kiss my butt.

  He caught one of my tears and wiped it on his pants. “Let’s distract you. I’ll teach you how to use your demon magic.” When I didn’t respond, he blazed ahead. “Find the tattoo you want using your imp magic. On the inside of your body, it will be like seeing a cloth pattern from the back. Use your magic to move the picture of the key into the picture of the keyhole. Open the box slowly and use your own power to co
ntrol the demon magic, pulling out only what you need.”

  “Okay,” I mumbled. I closed my eyes and searched out the tattoo.

  The door to the suite opened. “Olivia?”

  Damn, Ferika had come back.

  “You’re just in time, Ferika,” Iya called. “We’re about to try using the power outside the vessel.”

  “Wait a sec. I wouldn’t want to miss the big moment.”

  I undid the lock with the key.

  “Hey, Olivia,” Ferika trilled. “I thought since binding your power went so well, I’d bring you a surprise. Look who came back with me.”

  My eyes flew open and immediately found familiar brown ones.

  Talon.

  The room exploded. The fire alarms blared as curtains, carpet, and bedding burst into flames. Demon power flooded my body, pushing a scream out. The power naturally meshed with the pieces it had been torn from. My screaming turned to snarling. Rage blurred my vision.

  “Shit.” Iya tackled me from behind.

  Instinct, my training as an assassin, and the demon magic began working together. He wasn’t going to calm me. I ducked between his arms, kicked his feet out from under him, and rammed the heel of my fist into his sternum.

  He returned a snarl, and I paused, surprised to see his hair burning and his tail lashing behind him. Crouching in a fighters’ stance, the power throbbed through me. Why had I wanted this gone? I felt like a goddess: invincible. I would rule through absolute power, and no one could stop me.

  He leaped at me, and I dodged, skidding to a stop at the blown-out window. Ferika had turned back into a dragon and protected Talon. This infuriated me more. Talon belonged to me. I started toward them, and Iya connected with me. A wave of hot-cinnamon power rushed through my body.

  “No,” I growled, shaking him off. I crept toward Ferika and Talon again, throwing a jet of fire at Iya when he attempted to get near me.

  “Get him out of here,” Iya screamed at Ferika. “He’s the cause.”

  “Don’t you dare.” My voice sounded evil even to me, but I didn’t care. “He’s mine.”

  “Livy?” Talon’s voice was full of tears. “Livy, answer me if you’re still in there.”

  “Talon.” The name came out as a heartbroken sob.

  At the same moment, a wave of power so strong I gagged hit me. I fell to my knees. Then my face hit the floor, my arms bound.

  Talon rushed over and ran his hand across my cheek. “Livy. Why didn’t you say anything before?”

  “I’m a monster. Why would you want to be with me like this? I was afraid you’d leave.”

  He kissed my cheek and my forehead. “I love you, Livy. I want to help, not leave.”

  My breathing came so fast dizziness spun my head. “Not anymore. You’re leaving now for certain.”

  “You’re going to make her worse,” Iya snapped at him, and my world went black.

  ~ ~ ~

  Pain! The pain of being ripped apart.

  Blackness.

  I got torn in two again.

  Blackness.

  I wanted to die as magic tore me apart yet again. This time the darkness didn’t return. Instead, blurry images of the room around me began to form.

  “The magic won’t stay,” Iya said to another blurry blob. “The tattoo consists of several boxes and keys, but the spell isn’t strong enough now that it has been blown apart once. We’ll only get a weak seal on the magic at best, meaning any outburst from her could crack it open. We’ll have to try to find a physical vessel for a permanent solution.”

  “How?” Talon asked.

  My heart hit my throat. He’d stayed.

  “Two choices, we create a vessel, or we use a human.” A book flipped open. “I’ve been reading over the last several days,” Iya explained. “Supposedly humans who are capable of containing magic but remaining uninfluenced exist. Something like the source you guys protected last year. Only instead of channeling magic, they’re capable of simply holding it. The ancient texts refer to them as vessels. Our biggest problem is, none of the texts agree on how to identify one.”

  “Can’t we just stick the demon magic in humans until we find one?” Velor asked.

  “That would be wasteful on all accounts,” Iya scolded. “Demon magic would kill any normal human trying to host it. Humans who tolerate magic in any capacity are few and far between, so searching would take an extraordinary amount of time. No. There are a few suggested methods which are far-reaching. We need to try those. We must find a vessel quickly. If we wait any longer, I might not be able to separate the demon magic anymore. We also need to keep Olivia from using any magic. She’s far too volatile at this point. While we search for a human vessel, we can try creating one to give her a bit of a barrier.”

  “How do we create one?” Omri asked. “We’ll help.”

  “We start with an ordinary container. Like a vase, but durable. Something which won’t break with a little abuse.”

  “I’ll go purchase the container right away.”

  “Hurry, Omri,” Iya called after him. “I don’t know how long I can keep her calm. She’s dangerous.”

  The door shut softly.

  “Dangerous? You think?” Talon spat raw sarcasm. “She destroyed an entire floor of a hotel building.”

  “And who’s fault was that?” Iya hissed back.

  “Boys, boys.” Ferika moved between them. The images were still blurry, but no one could mistake her tiny human form for any of the guys. “We’ve been through this already. I brought Talon, so it’s my fault. I had no idea what would happen. No amount of bickering is going to settle anything. You’re both going to stress her out and make this worse. Olivia first, we all agreed, remember?”

  The blurs nodded misshapen heads. “Ferika?” I called.

  Everyone started toward me, and Ferika let out a growl which vibrated the floor. “Get out. All of you. I’ll send you in one at a time if Olivia agrees.”

  Ferika climbed on the bed and curled around my back.

  “I’m here, Mistress Olivia.”

  “How much does Talon know?” I whispered.

  “Everything, Livy. You blew apart the hotel. There’s no hiding what you’re becoming.”

  My stomach had rocks inside. “Not about my magic. I’m a horrible person, Ferika.” I gagged and swallowed bile. “I got drunk and slept with Iya.”

  “Well, Iya warned you about that excess, right? So, explain that it’s part of your sickness. You’re obviously out of control. He’ll be hurt, but I’m sure he’ll forgive you.”

  “I did this before the power got loose again.”

  “Hmm . . .”

  “Do you hate me?”

  “No. Why would I hate you?”

  “Because Talon’s your friend too, and it’s going to hurt him. I’m going to hurt him.”

  “And to think you were trying to avoid hurting Talon in the first place. Well, Iya’s a demon. They can be very persuasive.”

  “No. I did this.” Shame, nearly as heavy as a dragon, sat on me. “I took the drinks. I cornered Iya and insisted. The worst part is, he said he isn’t sorry it happened. And with my head in the toilet and a raging hangover, he proposed a pair bond.”

  “He what?” she yelped.

  “Shh . . . it’s not like I gave him an answer.”

  “Wait, you didn’t answer with no?”

  I blushed.

  “Oh, Livy. Don’t tell me you’ve got feelings for an akuma.”

  “He’s less of a demon than I am. At least when I lose control. Their bad rep probably isn’t warranted. Like what you showed me about dragons. And with the way things are, maybe I should be with a demon. Not that I have feelings for him, but so much of what he said about us being a
good pair makes sense. Ferika, what do I do?”

  Ferika nuzzled her face into my back. “Tell Talon the truth. Ask if he’s willing to wait for you to be better. I wouldn’t try to make this decision until you’re stable. If he’s not willing and he leaves, it’s going to hurt, but at least you’ll be down to only one guy.”

  “I can’t. I’ll never get the words out.”

  “I’ll help you. Hey, Talon, get in here.”

  “No. Ferika . . .”

  Talon came in hesitantly. “Hi, Livy. How do you feel?” He walked over and leaned in to kiss me, but Ferika smacked the top of his head.

  “Slow down, lover-boy. Olivia is feeling miserable. She has a lot to tell you, and you are required to sit and listen. Mouth shut, ears open. Or you tangle with me.”

  Talon nodded obediently and sat on the bed beside me. I couldn’t breathe. Ferika gave me a sharp poke in the back. The tears started before the words.

  “Talon, I . . . For weeks, I’ve had nightmares that you were going to see my horns and leave because you were disgusted. These morphed into dreams where I lost control and hurt you myself. These were only fears, until today.”

  “It’s not . . .”

  Ferika smacked Talon, and he fell silent.

  A deep breath helped me continue. “The day we thought we had the magic suppressed, we went out to test my limits. I got drunk accidentally and, and . . .” I let out a sob as Ferika jammed a claw into my back. “I slept with Iya. I’d like to lay the blame on him and say he coerced me, but I made the choice.”

  Talon had gone very pale and very still.

  “I love you. I stayed away to try to keep from hurting you. Yet I turned around and did it anyway.”