All I Want For Christmas

by Emily Forbes

  'Ever regret not doing surgery?' Tom's voice broke into her reverie and her gaze flew to his, giving away her surprise that his train of thought was so much in line with hers. Not that surprising, given the fact he was watching her sew someone up. It was only logical that they'd both be reminded of her once strong ambition to be a surgeon.

  She almost answered yes. It was on the tip of her tongue, and she'd only just been thinking about it. But did she really? And if yes, mightn't he then deduce the truth? That it was because she'd never got over him that she'd thrown away her chance to specialize?

  She just managed to keep the needle moving smoothly, sliding it through the cold flesh and tugging the length of thread through to its end, while she considered this and said, 'I'm happy being a GP. '

  1'That's not really an answer.' He'd pulled a stool up opposite her now, and was free to watch her face, his work finished. It was one thing to have him observe her surgical skills, quite another to have him scrutinizing her face for the truth, which she knew for sure was what he was doing.

  'Why didn't you end up doing surgery? I don't think you've ever said. It was quite an about-face to do your GP training.'

  'I changed direction.'

  'You're such a natural, and you were so set on it, much more than I was set on anything. So why?'

  You. But that seemed too pathetic. How could she admit she'd let the end of their relationship, the loss of a baby she'd protested so strongly that she hadn't wanted, throw her off course like that? And what sort of power would that give him now, to know that about her?

  So she lied.

  'The more I saw of the profession, the less I thought it would be the right choice for me. The old boys' club wasn't that appealing.' She pulled off her gloves and walked to the sink, tossing her gloves and cap into the rubbish and starting to scrub again, removing the feeling of working with death, a feeling she was only ever conscious of once her job was done.

  'I wouldn't have thought that would be enough to put you off.' He'd followed her and was leaning against the bench, still watching her. 'You were so set on that course. In fact, that was the main reason you gave me for not wanting our baby.'

  Great. So now he thought she'd made that excuse up, but she'd started the lie now, so she had to persist. 'Things change.' She finished rubbing her arms and hands with soapy disinfectant and flicked the tap on again, watching as the water ran over her skin rinsing away the pink suds. 'I'll write up my notes, then I'd best get over to the hospital and give Pete a hand. The hospital is full of women in labor.'

  She stepped aside as Tom, now out of his gloves and gown, took his turn at the sink.

  'Do you want me to help?' It took her a second to realize he was offering help at the hospital.

  She shook her head.

  'Sure?'

  'Yes.' He made to leave and she called him back, taking the initiative. 'Are you free tonight?'

  He seemed to hesitate for a moment, or was she just looking for signs that he'd changed his mind about her since the night of the storm?

  He put one finger under her chin, tilting her face up before kissing her tenderly on the lips, and her doubts resolved at the same moment that her knees nearly buckled. 'Call me if you need anything.'

  She watched him leave and wondered whether it was too soon to call him back and tell him there was something she needed right now.

  'What a day.' Lexi hugged her mum as she entered the kitchen.

  'Tom called by an hour or so ago. I said you weren't in yet.'

  Lexi pulled open the fridge door and made a show of searching for the juice that was right in front of her so Trina wouldn't see the faint blush she could feel creep across her face. So far, she'd managed to keep her involvement with Tom from her mum, letting her think they had merely established a friendship. She hadn't outright lied, not like she'd done to Tom today, but choosing to not fill in the truth came to pretty much the same thing. She might not like the feeling, but secrecy would make dealing with Tom's departure, if she wasn't successful in changing his mind about giving them a chance, a little easier.

  'Like I said, what a day. An autopsy followed by two births, on top of last night's one that Pete handled. At least it was nice to see some life enter the world, not leave it. Give me a quiet time looking at ENT problems any day.'

  She poured the juice into the glass her mum held out for her.

  'We both know you don't mean that. You love country practice. Come, sit.' She patted a chair. 'I've just got to get this breakfast tray ready to leave in the cottage—there's a guest arriving sometime this evening from Sydney.'

  Lexi sat. 'I could've done without the meeting with the bank. Talk about topping off a bad day.'

  'No luck?'

  'Not so much a case of no luck as no money. And no apparent desire to lend me the money. Pete confirmed this morning that he won't be going into a partnership with me and Donna said the same some time ago. So it was me and the bank, and the bank's not interested. I can't argue with them either. We did the sums and there's no way I could cover the loan repayments.' She drained her juice and grabbed an apple from the bowl in front of her, taking a big bite and chewing with gusto, as if she was chewing over her problems. 'Still, it's hard not to take this personally. I feel like I'm in the schoolyard and no one wants to play.'

  'Is it really so bad? Did you really want to take the clinic on by yourself?'

  'No, I guess not. I would've, if just Pete had been on board, but all alone, no. Tom keeps assuring me a takeover doesn't mean doom and gloom, and from the few enquiries I've made, I have no reason to doubt that. So maybe it'll be for the best. I was really warming to the idea of doing something for myself, though.'

  Her mum glanced over her shoulder to the back door. 'Maybe there's other things you could be doing for yourself.' She was waving towards the back door, and Lexi twisted in her seat to see who was there. Tom. Tom, looking through the glass-paned back door, smiling at her mum as if they were old friends. Trina motioned for him to come in and within moments he was sitting at the table next to Lexi while Trina bustled around, making a pot of tea and pulling out the biscuits.

  'Lexi's just had some bad news from the bank.'

  'Mum!'

  Tom cocked an eyebrow at her. 'No rival bid?'

  She cocked her eyebrow back at him. 'It's just my gold credit card application has been lost.'

  Both his eyebrows shot up and for a moment she knew she had him, and it was enough to ease her annoyance at the situation. At him, for the fact that he would almost certainly leave town, at her mum for spilling her secret and at the bank for being, well, a bank.

  She shrugged. 'You were right the first time. No moolah. No loan. No practice.'

  'I'm sorry to hear that, but did you really want to go it alone?'

  'You two are peas in a pod.' Lexi looked from Tom to her mum. 'Talk about a lack-of-support club.'

  'If you're heart had really been in it, sweetheart, I would've been behind you all the way. You know that.'

  'Yes, Mum, I do.'

  From the next room, Mollie's voice drifted in, calling her grandmother who excused herself, saying, 'Back in a tick.'

  'Take your time,' Lexi called after her retreating back. 'I think you've revealed all my secrets for today.' She turned to Tom, her eyes drawn to his hands as she watched him choose a biscuit from the selection in front of him. 'Where have you been hiding since lunch?'

  'I had a meeting with Bill's accountant, going over the books, and then I was organizing the paperwork the lawyers are asking for.'

  'So, the bank turning down my application doesn't spell the end for Bill. Your crowd is still interested?'

  'Seems that way.' Tom took a bite of the biscuit, maintaining eye contact as he chewed.

  Lexi broke his gaze, searching for conversation. 'Thanks for your help with the autopsy.'

  'It wasn't exactly the next outing I had in mind for us but I was glad to assist.' His grin was as amiable and happy as she'd seen it, a
nd she felt an arrow-like dart stab her in the chest, literally a pain as she realized that she'd give anything to have him grin at her like that every day, for as many days as she lived. She'd tried to convince herself that he'd not been the right man for her but ever since he'd walked back into her life, it had been a losing battle.

  'So, are you OK with your plans for the practice not working out?'

  'Cheery topics for discussion today.' She let her gaze travel over his face, taking in the stubble on his chin, the fine lines around his eyes and the slight smudges of blue under his lashes, showing the effects of the past two days. She slid her hand across the table towards him without really being aware that she'd done it until he covered it with his own. The tension she'd been feeling dissipated some more. 'Yes, I’m ok,’ she said and she was glad she meant it.

  'You'll probably say I'm trying to fix things, impose a solution on you, but I have a suggestion.'

  She heard the front doorbell ring and listened to her mum heading up the hallway to answer it before turning her attention back to Tom. 'Fire away.'

  'Why don’t you think about applying for the position of Medical Director if Nightingale Clinics purchase the practice.'

  She screwed up her nose and he laughed, pinching the back of her hand with a gentle touch.

  'Don't give me that nose wrinkle when you haven't given it one second's thought. It'd be a new challenge and you'd still have patient contact. You could even take yourself off the roster for alarm callouts at the surgery.' His blue eyes flashed with humor and the corners of his mouth turned up ever so slightly with his gentle teasing. Her reaction was anything but gentle, more like a kick in the chest, winding her, making breathing difficult as she imagined his mouth covering hers and kissing her until nothing else existed in the world.

  'Then there might be some merit in the idea after all.'

  She glanced over to the door, her attention distracted by the sound of her mum's voice growing louder as she headed back to the kitchen. There was clearly a woman with her, the new guest no doubt, chatting about the attractions of the surrounding countryside.

  'Think about—'

  Lexi's attention was yanked back to Tom as the tone of his voice changed and he stopped speaking in mid-sentence. He looked like he'd seen a ghost.

  The kitchen door opened and her mum ushered her companion inside.

  'Lexi, Tom. This is—'

  Tom stood and Lexi swiveled her glance from him back to the tall, well-groomed brunette in the doorway.

  'Elena,' Tom said to room at large and no one in particular.

  'Tom's wife,' replied the brunette.

  CHAPTER NINE

  ‘Lexi stop fidgeting,’ Trina said, ‘It's not going to make Tom get back any faster.'

  'I'm not fidgeting.'

  'You haven't turned one page of that magazine and your foot is knocking the table every time you tap it. You're messing up my writing.'

  She glanced up at her mother, who was working her way through a pile of Christmas cards.

  'Sorry.'

  'Why don't you address some of these envelopes for me? It'll help pass the time.' Trina pushed a stack of cards and an address book towards her. 'You should know most of these people.'

  Lexi picked up a pen. Doing something constructive might help to keep her mind from wandering down to the B&B.

  Unlikely, though. Tom had bolted with Elena almost the moment she'd arrived, and Lexi couldn't contain her curiosity, or her irritation.

  'So, what did Elena seem like?'

  'Pleasant enough. Quite attractive, didn't you think?'

  'If you like the type who is groomed to within an inch of their life. Did you see her fingernails?' Lexi huffed. 'She'd spend my daily income just maintaining them. Bit of a coincidence, her booking into your B&B.'

  'There's not a great range of accommodation available at this time of year,' her mum replied. 'She doesn't seem like the type to choose a motel or the pub. She's definitely a five-star sort of person.'

  'High maintenance, you mean. She didn't seem like Tom's type, did she?' She could hear the sullen note in her voice but she was feeling petulant, and it was better to sound like this with her mum, rather than her ill-humor oozing out of her in front of Tom.

  Trina smiled. 'Apparently not. They're getting divorced, aren't they?'

  'According to Tom.' She paused. 'What do you think she wants to see him about?'

  'Maybe there are things they need to discuss.'

  'Why not on the telephone? You wouldn't think she'd want to spend her time chasing Tom around the country—not if they are getting divorced.'

  'Relax, darling girl. There were no sparks flying between those two. I'd say that their relationship has well and truly run its course.' Trina stood up from the table. 'I'll just check on Mollie.'

  Lexi threw the pen onto the table and bit down hard on her lip, aiming to get rid of some of her frustration. What possible reason could Elena have for turning up in Pelican Beach? Had she had a change of heart? Did she want to try to save her marriage?

  Lexi knew she herself had no claim on Tom, he'd been honest about not wanting an emotional involvement, but she couldn't deny that she'd been wishing for a miracle. A fairy- tale ending with the man she loved.

  The man she loved? How could she have been so blind?

  She was still in love with Tom! Tom, the man Elena had tossed aside.

  Well, Elena had had her chance and Lexi was blowed if she was going to sit back and wait for Elena to change her mind.

  She'd go and find out what was going on right now.

  But she couldn't just barge into the B&B—she needed a reason to interrupt.

  Her gaze landed on tomorrow’s breakfast tray still sitting on the kitchen table. Excellent. It must have been forgotten amongst all the introductions.

  It made the perfect excuse.

  She picked it up, opened the outside door and marched down the drive to the cottage.

  Her courage almost failed as she walked up the flagstone path, but she made her feet keep moving. Setting the tray down on a wicker veranda chair, she grasped the brass doorknocker. The door swung open on the first knock.

  'Tom!'

  'Hi. I saw you walking down the path.'

  Just as well she hadn't turned tail and fled. 'Mum forgot to give Elena her breakfast tray, I thought I'd bring it down.' She bent to pick it up, prepared to carry it inside, but found Tom still standing in the doorway, denying her access.

  'This isn't a great time right now. I'll take the tray in if you like.'

  She opened her mouth to protest but what could she say? Nothing that wouldn't make her appear childish. Maybe she should just make a gracious exit while she still could.

  Too late. Elena appeared behind Tom.

  'I thought I heard the door. Tom, why don't you let Lexi in?'

  'She's just dropping off some things for tomorrow's breakfast.'

  She sent Elena a brilliant smile. 'There's nothing I really have to get back to.'

  'Good. Follow me.' Elena collected the tray and twirled around, disappearing down the hall in a cloud of perfume and hairspray.

  'It's really not a good time, Lexi.' Tom's voice was low and she knew he was trying to change her mind without making a scene. All it did was make her more worried about what was going on in the cottage. Although Elena seemed happy enough to invite her in, Tom was positively barring her entrance. Which made up her mind for her.

  'Elena's invited me in. It would be rude of me to leave now.' She marched past him, head high, trailing behind her lover's wife. She stopped in the lounge, waiting for Elena to return from depositing the tray.

  'So, have you told Lexi my news?' Elena paused in the doorway and Lexi couldn't help but think she was doing it for effect.

  'Not yet.'

  'I'm pregnant.'

  Lexi felt the color drain from her face. That wasn't even in the top ten on her list of possibilities.

  'Pregnant?'

  'A bit unex
pected, but I'm thrilled to bits.'

  A bit unexpected! Talk about master of the understatement. Lexi opened her mouth to say something—anything—but her mind was blank. She looked for a tell-tale bulge—nothing. Elena was dressed in black from head to toe in low-waisted trousers and a fitted top. Lexi knew black was slimming but this was ridiculous.

  She must have been pregnant for about five minutes looking the way she did, which meant what exactly? Had Tom not been separated from Elena for as long as he'd told her? Or hadn't they separated at all?

  Things were going from bad to worse.

  'C-congratulations.' Lexi stammered. Her tongue didn't want to co-operate, much like after getting a filling at the dentist, and the experience was about as pleasant, too.

  She glared at Tom but he merely shrugged one shoulder in an "I told you it wasn't a good time' gesture. Meanwhile, Elena was still poised in the doorway, looking awfully smug. In her black outfit, she suddenly reminded Lexi of a black widow spider—the breed that mated then killed the male. Unfair, she knew. An image with no justification, she knew that, too. But she still had the feeling that she couldn't wait to escape. 'I'm sure you must have lots to talk about, I'll leave you to it. Good luck, Elena.'

  Lexi bolted for the front door, not bothering to check if it closed behind her as she hurried up the flagstone path and headed for the sanctuary of home. She sank onto a garden chair, not ready to face her mother's well-meaning but curious eyes.

  Damn Elena. Damn her for giving Tom the one thing he longed for. The one thing that she hadn't been able to give him.