Privileged Love

by Ja'Nese Dixon

  “Dream on.” She spins on her heels. “I’m going to lunch.”

  “I’ll be here since I already ate.” Harper looks mortified, and I pounce, pinning her body against the door. My hands on either side of her head. “I love you.”

  “And I think you’re insane. You’re in lust, yes. Love? I don’t believe it.” She wiggles under me.

  “Tasting your sweet—”

  “Liam!”

  “I can eat it but I can’t—”

  “Behave!” I see the hint of laughter in her eyes.

  I’m a goner for this woman. It’s a done deal. Is the sex part of it? Hell yes! But it’s her. One minute she’s riding my face, the next she’s riding my ass. I’ll never have a dull moment with her. And she makes me feel alive. I don’t need months or years to tell me Harper is meant for me.

  “What if I don’t want to behave? I can’t behave around you. Not when I know you don’t have panties on under that dress. Or I smell the scent of you on my face. Or when I remember how good it felt to be inside you.”

  She gasps. Our eyes meet. Then I whisper in her ear, “How about I save us the trouble? I’ll gas up the plane, fly you to Vegas, and have you back before your lunch break is over.”

  “What about—”

  I pull back searching her eyes for the truth. “Baby don’t ever play poker. Your eyes give you away.” I caress the side of her face.

  “What are they saying now?” Her voice is firm.

  I tilt my head. “They say you’re scared. You have nothing to be afraid of. Is this fast? Yes. But we’ll be just fine.”

  “I don’t know you well enough to believe you.” She is staring at my ring on her finger.

  “Harper, you believe me. You just don’t know it.” I tap her chest. “What is your heart saying? And not about your parents or your friends, but your heart, Harper.” My heart is pounding in my chest. I’m not used to hearing no and not about something I want.

  “That it would be just another heartbreak I’d have to learn to get over.” Her eyes meet mine.

  “Harper, I wish I had the words to quiet your fears. The words to make you believe that I’d never ever do anything to hurt you. Ask me whatever and I’ll answer it. You know I don’t want your money. I’ll sign a prenup. I’ll show you my bank statements to show I can provide for you.”

  “Why are you insisting on marriage?”

  “Because it will make you mine forever.”

  “You sound like a crazy stalker.”

  “Harper, I don’t have any real family. Glenda is all I have living in this world. And that’s not why I want to marry you. I’m asking for marriage because that’s where we’ll end up anyway.” I take a deep breath. “I don’t do drugs. I’ll keep my vows. I’ll give you the wedding of your dreams. I’ll make you happy.”

  I’m feeling like a sucker. But I see her resolve softening again. “I have a beautiful home, you’ll love it, and if you don’t, we can build another. Huh…” What are other things women want? I look in her eyes, and I know what Harper would want, “We can have as many kids as you’d like. I’d like at least four. I am an only child, and it’s why I’m alone now. I don’t want my children to experience the same.” I step back.

  “What about your parents?”

  “I never met my father. My mother died.”

  “And you don’t have siblings?”

  “No.”

  “What about cousins?”

  “Distant ones. But none that I’d consider family.” I air quote.

  “What about my dad?”

  “I don’t care about anyone’s feelings but yours. I respect your dad, and I’d drive over and talk with him immediately if that’s what you want.”

  “Aren’t you the slightest bit concerned about this failing?”

  “I trust my gut.”

  “And your gut is telling you our marriage will last?”

  “Yes, Harper.” That and my heart. I never—never—believed in love at first sight. Not with my financial status and access to what I want, when I want it. But how else can I describe this uncontrollable urge to have her? To take care of her. To love her. And I know Harper is it like I know WEJ will exceed my wildest expectations. Now to convince her, we should do this together.

  “That sounds insane, Liam.”

  “I think you say that because it’s expected. You’re used to doing what other people expect of you. I don’t. Fuck the world. If you live trying to please others, you’ll die under the weight of their expectations.”

  Her eyes dance with wonder. “What’s that like?”

  “It’s freedom, baby.”

  Chapter 11

  Liam

  I love Harper. We have six weeks until the roundtable.

  Harper and I fight, make love, work, fight, make love, work. The strain of it pulling us apart and wielding us back together. Yet she hasn’t told her parents about the engagement. And in the throws of another epic Liam Harper showdown, I removed the ring. It now dangles on the chain near her heart.

  “I’ll tell them after we close out the roundtable. Promise,” she whispers. In my bed is the one place I get all of her. But the haven of my home is like our hiding place. And I’m too damn grown to continue hiding from her parents.

  “Harper,” I lace our fingers, “do you know how hard it is for me to golf with your father and not say anything?” All these years of turning down women and the one woman I want is making my life miserable.

  “I’m sorry, but I’m not ready. You said we could do this at my pace. Now let’s get going, we have the final walkthrough at the conference center. I scheduled the caterer to bring the meals plated. And I have a surprise for you.”

  Harper has taken to planning the way fish take to fresh water. She is thriving and trusting her judgment. The plans exceed my wildest expectations, and we’ve maxed out on registrations.

  The venue is booked. The presenters are set. The people are eager to spend the week with us in Austin. But this doesn’t feel the way I hoped.

  A few hours later I’m working in my office.

  “Knock, knock.”

  “You’re back.” I stand and hug Glenda. “Is your place all set?” We sit in the chairs.

  “I’m all moved in, and I’ll officially call Nashville my home again after the roundtable. Promise me you’ll visit me.” She reaches for my hand.

  “I will. You’re not getting rid of me.” I squeeze, missing her already.

  “Good.” She smiles. “Catch me up.”

  “We’re set. We finalized everything this morning and Harper received confirmation from the mayor’s office.”

  “What?”

  “Yeah, she called some people, and he’ll be the keynote speaker on Friday night.”

  “How does this feel? You’ve been killing us all to make it happen.”

  I smile. “It feels surreal.”

  “But…”

  “I think Harper will back out of our engagement.”

  “Why?” She turns in her chair.

  “I just know.”

  “How do you feel about it?”

  “Rejection of the worst kind.” My voice trails off. I can talk to Glenda about anything. This is where my walls don’t exist, and I’m preparing myself for the worst.

  “Don’t over think this, Liam, and don’t push her. Because if you push, Harper will push back. Give her time.”

  “Give her time…give her time…it’s been five months and I haven’t met any of her family. How would you feel about that?” Harper is arousing old fears and insecurities.

  “Liam, don’t shut her out.”

  I can’t look at Glenda because she’ll see it in my eyes. Not knowing is worse than her initial rejection. Over the months she’s eased into our relationship, but I know we’re no further along now than we were then.

  “I need to get ready for a few calls.”

  “Okay. Call me if you need me.” Glenda kisses the top of my head, hugging me to her chest. “It will
all work out.”

  I watch her leave my office. It’s time I admit it to Harper and myself that maybe she’s right, perhaps this won’t work. Better now than waiting only to watch another person leave.

  Then I do what I do best…work.

  Chapter 12

  Harper

  I’m sitting outside WEJ parked next to Liam’s car. The roundtable was a success and yet I feel like we’re worse than ever. I dial his number, and it goes straight to voicemail.

  “Babe, I’m watching the twins tonight. Call me or stop by and keep me company.” Love you.

  I rush across town to relieve Charlee. Hunter and Ben left on an after babymoon. The guys and I are helping her parents keep the kids until they return. Tonight’s my night.

  “Yay! Auntie Harp is here.” Charlee is wiggling BJs arms in the air. Then she chews on his jaws and his round belly. His precious giggles make me laugh.

  “Where’s HJ?” I take BJ from her sniffing his baby scented skin. “Hey, precious baby.”

  “HJ is sleep. Thank god! Watching twins is the best birth control.”

  “I bet.” She fills me in on the last feeding, diaper changes, and she’s headed towards the door.

  “So, when’s the big day?”

  I stop bouncing BJ on my hip. “The roundtable was last week.”

  “I didn’t forget about that, I’m talking about your wedding announcement. Did I miss it?” Charlee’s been jet setting with her new man.

  “No.” I start bouncing again, turning my back to her.

  “And why not?” She steps around me bringing us nose to nose.

  “Because we haven’t.” I nibble on BJ’s chubby cheeks to keep from making eye contact with Charlee. I’ve been waiting for the change to happen. For Liam to turn from my handsome Irish prince to the frog, I’m used to. But he hasn’t.

  “That man was ready to marry you six months ago. What do you believe he’s thinking now?”

  “He’s cool. We’re cool.” I reason. “Why mess up a good thing when we’re happy?”

  We still clash like titans but in a manner that makes me feel truly alive. I can’t imagine not having Liam in my life.

  “Are you sure about that, Harper? Liam doesn’t strike me as the most patient man.”

  “We’re good. Now go, you’re barging in on my alone time with my Little Man.”

  “All right girl. Love you.”

  “Love you too.” I close the door with Liam on my mind. I call him. No answer.

  I’ll head straight to his place once Parker arrives to relieve me.

  I’m haunted by Charlee’s words as I arrive at Liam’s house. He wasn’t lying about his home, the five bedrooms, two-story house is enormous, fit for a family. He had it professionally decorated down to the formal dining room.

  I take the stairs two at a time. I burst into his room, and my man is asleep. I toss my clothes aside crawling into bed with him.

  “Hey, baby,” he mumbles kissing me. He grips my hips pulling my body against his. “How are the boys?”

  “Perfect.” I smile. “Hey babe, are you happy?”

  Liam stops stirring turning me to face him. “What’s going on?” He rubs his eyes.

  “I’m just curious is all.” I scratch at his beard, loving the feel of it.

  “I’m happy with you, but not our circumstances.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “What I said,” he says with heavy sarcasm. “When am I meeting your parents, as your man? Your fiancé?”

  “Soon.”

  “When Harper?” His eyes drill into me.

  “I’m not ready yet.”

  “I’m not ready, I’m not ready. I agreed to give you time, but time doesn’t mean forever.” He rolls over tossing the covers back. “I’m starting to believe you have no intention of marrying me.”

  “Why would you say that?” My tone matches his.

  “Harper, stop shittin’ me. You don’t want to be here, fine. Keep coming here every night to fuck me and living a happy-go-lucky life with your parents during the day. Like this relationship is a fucking joke.” He stomps off, slamming the door to the bathroom.

  The echo slams through my body.

  “Liam, you don’t say that and walk off.” I scramble to my feet.

  “Says who, Harper Anne?” He opens the door, his ripped body on display. Damn if I don’t want him right now. “And don’t stand there looking at my dick.”

  “I’m sorry, Liam. I’ll tell them. I promise.” He’s right. But what if I tell them and it ruins everything? And what if this life I’m building with him doesn’t last? Then what? I shake my head, Liam won’t let that happen. I won’t let that happen. “I’ll ask them to dinner and tell them. Okay?”

  “Yeah, whatever.”

  Liam heads to the bathroom, and I’m left standing alone. I hear the shower and follow the sound. His hand is braced on the wall as the water falls down his back. I open the glass door and step inside.

  “Baby, I’m sorry. I’m just scared.”

  “Scared of what, Harper. I love you. I love you with every fucking fiber of my being. But that’s not enough for you.” The bridled anger in his tone is killing me. “You care more about what other people think, and I don’t live my life like that. I don’t live my life like this.”

  I place my hands on his back, rubbing in circles. I grab the soap lathering it up. He’s right. I cover his back with kisses. I can’t lose him.

  “I love you," I whisper.

  “Do you Harper? Because you have a fucked up way of showing it.”

  Chapter 13

  Harper

  We’re laying back to back. Not just his words but the tone is bouncing around in my mind. I toss and turn. I have to fix this. I really love Liam. He’s been everything he said he’d be and I have to face my parents. Tell them that I love him and I want to be his wife. Knowing that I’ve somehow messed this up is breaking my heart.

  I roll over.

  “Where are you going, Harper?”

  “Home.”

  Liam falls back. I see the uncertainty in his eyes, and I put it there.

  “Come here, baby.” I snuggle in his arms, laying my head on his chest. “I know I rushed you. I couldn’t help myself. Now’s the time to level with me.”

  “I want—”

  “Don’t, Harper. Don’t just blurt some shit out. Is this where you want to be? By my side, in my bed, in my home as my wife. It’s plain and simple. I’m not going to be a little secret that you and your friends giggle about. I want to mean more to you than that.”

  “I’ll take care of it, and we can set a date.”

  I climb on top of Liam kissing my way across his chest. This part of our relationship comes with ease. The giving and taking without expectations. Truth be told I’m tired of the secrets too. But telling my parents will make my fairytale real.

  Liam cups my face in his hands. “Babe, we can handle whatever happens together. You believe me don’t you?”

  “Yes, Liam.” I kiss the inside of his wrist and stare into his eyes. “Make love to me.”

  “Harper…”

  “Please…” I kiss him, and I try to convey all the love I have in my body, my being for him. “You’re not in this alone.” My lips touch his neck, his chest, I lick the peak of his nipples. I use my tongue to trace the valleys of his abs until my nose teases the hairs around his manhood.

  “Harper…”

  Letting him feel my tongue as his hands grab the back of my neck. He’s growing harder the more I swirl my tongue around the head. Then I take him in my mouth. The power I feel over this strong man is unmatched by the responsibility I feel for his pleasure. Pleasure he’s given me over and over. Love he’s given me so freely. I’ve been selfish and scared, and I’m not anymore.

  His body bucks under me, and I’m ready to ride. I climb his body, he kisses me rough and hard, and I position myself over him.

  “Are you sure?” he asks, rubbing at my entrance wit
hout entering.

  “I trust you.”

  Liam pushes inside me, filling me completely. Skin to skin. His growls vibrate through my body and off the walls. We move together, I follow his tempo rolling my hips to increase the friction between our bodies. His presses harder and harder. His steady gaze jolts my heart. I love this man.

  Our mouths crash into each other as we ride through the throes of love. I beg for more, and he obligates. His whispers of I love you…you’re mine…until we spill over.

  “I was scared.” I kiss his chest, afraid to look in his eyes.

  “Of what, Harper, I love you more than—” I cover his mouth with my hand and he kisses my fingertips.

  “I know. I know, Liam, and you were right. But I didn’t want to jinx it, to ruin a great thing.”

  He flips me over. “Harper, nothing can make me stop loving you.” The sincerity in his eyes causes tears to fill my eyes.

  “How do you know?”

  “My parents met and married fast. My mother said it was love at first sight. She told me I’d find you.” I see his smile shining in the dark. “I’ve never felt this way about anyone else. And I don’t want to, Harper.”

  “I don’t deserve you.”

  “We deserve each other. You make me better.”

  I’m a sloppy mess. “I love you, Liam.”

  “You’ll get all this and more. Fix this, baby, and become my wife. I’ll show you, this is just the beginning.”

  His words erase the lingering doubts. Maybe nice doesn’t finish last because I feel first in his book. I’m about to make my man the happiest man in the world.

  Chapter 14

  Harper

  The waitress shows me to my parents’ table. Liam and I stayed in until he had to leave for dinner with Glenda and I agreed to meet with my parents. Liam wanted to join us, but I want to tell them alone in a public place. I don’t think they’ll freak out, but telling them I’m engaged may shock them a little.