Molly's Journey
Page 20
‘She looks like her father – those brilliant blue eyes and floppy gold hair. Rory would know at once if he saw her, though she’s small-boned and, they say, fearless, like me!’ Molly suddenly vividly pictured that stuffy room, so different from this lofty, cool one, where she and Rory had turned to each other in almost feverish passion to assuage their distress that disastrous night. But she couldn’t tell Hanna that. ‘He doesn’t know about Almond; he married someone else in Australia,’ she added. It gave her a jolt to realise she regretted this.
‘I don’t think he would have done that if you had said you were carrying his baby,’ Hanna said frankly. ‘He loved you, for sure.’
‘But I didn’t love him – well, not enough.’
‘How can you know? He was jealous, yes, but of your dream. Did you ever find Rasmussen?’
‘It’s nearly five years now since we parted though finally he did write again, in a roundabout way because he didn’t know my address in England. But I never wrote back because by then there was the baby. So I imagine he believes I never really cared. Maybe those feelings are at last fading, Hanna. I was only eighteen when I fell headlong in love with Henny, you see. I’m a mother now. The only ring I wear is the one Rory’s mother gave me. I do have a handsome man in my life but we’re just good friends. We are both bringing children up on our own, have that in common. Romance has probably passed me by,’ she ended ruefully.
‘I thought that when it seemed I would never get back on my feet again,’ Hanna said softly, ‘but I was wrong. I never really got to know Miguel when I was well and strong. He was not born to the circus, was never in the ring like me. If you had asked me then if he would be the one I would marry, I would have said, ‘Oh, no!’ But he showed me just how he felt for me all those months I was so alone, so in pain. Romantic he is not; loving and steadfast, oh, yes, he is, even though he knows we cannot have children because of my accident. Rest now, close your eyes, before he returns to take us out for dinner, to remind you again how this city lives by night.’
*
Molly was much too excited to sleep. It had been a family evening of vibrant Spanish guitars, rich food, wine and laughter. A pre-nuptial celebration. She wore an oyster pink silk gown, with a full, draped skirt and plunging neckline that shimmered in the candlelight. It was a beautiful, expensive dress that she would probably never have the chance to wear again. Nancy had actually urged her to buy it. ‘We’ll share it,’ Molly cried at the trying on. ‘It’ll be our special dress, and it’ll look even better on you because you’ve got a splendid cleavage.’
Nancy ignored that bit, but murmured: ‘I wish Matthew could see you at this moment.’
‘Matthew?’ Molly sounded surprised. ‘I don’t need to dress up to impress him.’
‘Are you awake?’ she whispered tentatively now, knowing that she really ought not to disturb tomorrow’s bride.
‘Yes?’ Hanna’s voice was thick with drowsiness.
‘I never expected them to clap like that, to shout for more, when I danced for them, Hanna, it was wonderful!’ Molly exulted.
‘It wasn’t just the dancing, Molly, the menfolk were applauding with such excitement, such – vigour,’ Hanna said drily. ‘It was all those backflips, and your dinner dress round your ears. You didn’t remember you were wearing stockings and frilly underthings, not tights, did you?’
‘Oh, no! I disgraced myself, then, even though I only drank water?’ Molly was instantly full of contrition. She had learned long ago that she didn’t need alcohol to be uninhibited.
‘No, you were yourself as always – Molly Sparkes who cannot resist a chance to entertain.’ Hanna raised herself on one elbow, reluctantly awake. ‘You would like me to say the truth?’
‘Yes, please.’ Not really, she thought, her high spirits by now thoroughly deflated.
‘It is easy to love you, your spirit, you make your friends happy, you make them laugh. Always you are indulged still as a child. We all love to spoil you. Me, I was always big and strong, my family expect me to be responsible at an early age. Tonight you embarrass me, dear Molly. You take the spotlight from me—’
‘Hanna, I’m so sorry, I really am!’
‘You say you are grown-up now? But, my dear friend, you have yet to prove it.’
It’s true, Molly thought, in a sudden wash of misery at her own thoughtlessness. I’ve always been cherished and petted. I imagined I was caring properly for my child, but I have denied her a father, his loving family. I’m still protected from the worst things in life. I thought I was standing firmly on my own two feet, but tonight I was flirting outrageously and getting away with it. I wouldn’t marry Matthew but I like to think he’s always there and, I must admit, if he did find a wife, I’d be a little jealous. I daydream about someone I hardly knew. I probably expect too much of Nancy because she is so willing to help. Things have got to change, Molly Sparkes, they really have.
‘I didn’t mean to make you cry, dear Molly,’ Hanna exclaimed contritely. ‘I just wanted to make you think.’
‘And you have. I shall always be grateful to you for that, Hanna,’ Molly said softly, mopping her eyes with the sheet. ‘Let’s get to sleep. It’s your big day tomorrow.’
*
What should have been a happy, relaxed weekend at Wren’s Nest for Alexa and Almond turned into a nightmare. It had been Nancy’s idea that they should go – she would go to the House of Leather in Alexa’s stead this Saturday, she’d insisted. Alexa was not looking at all well, in Nancy’s opinion, though she kept that to herself. Matthew would entertain the two little girls, that was no problem.
He met them at the station as pre-arranged, looking rather distracted.
‘It was too late to telephone you before you left, I’m afraid, but Fay was unwell during the night. However, she is bright enough this morning.’
‘A summer cold, I expect,’ Alexa told him. Fay looked a little pale and heavy-eyed, but she was chatting away nineteen to the dozen in the back of the motor with Almond. ‘Children are so up and down. I remember how I used to fuss over Lucy.’
Fay seemed to have grown an inch or two taller every time her grandmother saw her. Today she looked quite the schoolgirl, Alexa thought, with braided hair, which curled irrepressibly below the ribbons. She was wearing a sensible green cotton smock which made Alexa recall the ridiculous rompers Elfie had sewn when they were in Australia and Fay was a toddler.
Tugging imperiously at Almond’s hand the minute they arrived at the house, Fay insisted: ‘Let’s go and play – now!’
‘All right,’ Matthew agreed. ‘But remember she’s younger than you, so keep an eye on her. I’ll take Granny to her room and then we’ll come along to the playroom to see what mischief you’re getting up to, eh?’
‘We’ll be good,’ Fay promised.
‘You look tired,’ Matthew observed as he carried Alexa’s luggage into the bedroom, seeing how she sat down immediately on the side of the bed. They were now old friends. He could speak frankly without making her bridle. ‘Are you sure that Molly is not, well, being rather selfish in blithely expecting so much of you?’
‘I am tired, yes,’ she admitted, ‘but I’m pleased to have the girls back with me for a while. Life seems very dull without them, you know. Molly and I may seem like chalk and cheese, but we really have quite a lot in common. However, I’m often sharply reminded of our differences when I see what fun she has with her daughter. I was too intent on providing for Lucy materially. Life for me as a young mother was always a serious business.’
‘She appreciated all that, Alexa. She adored you—’
‘But I didn’t allow her to show that, Matthew. I won’t make the same mistake with Fay.’
‘You should see the doctor.’ He was obviously concerned.
‘I will, when I can find the time. I expect I’ll be told I am at a certain age and must expect changes. That I might perhaps benefit from a bottle or two of his most unpleasant – and expensive – iron tonic.’
‘See him anyway. Ready to see what mischief the children are cooking up?’
‘I am,’ Alexa said. She gave herself a mental shake. Stop thinking you feel faint and in need of a rest: go and enjoy the children at play.
*
When Fay suddenly threw up after lunch, they were glad that they were eating out on the terrace and not indoors.
‘Scrubbing carpets is not my forte,’ Alexa said wryly, but she did her best with the sponging down and changing of clothes. Almond watched, solemn-faced, sucking her thumb.
Fay, who had been so full of energy half an hour ago, now looked very wan and sorry for herself. She touched her head. ‘Hurts, Granny . . . ’
‘Lie down, put your head on a cushion,’ Alexa suggested. Matthew had carried his daughter indoors to the sofa. He was now calling the doctor on the telephone. ‘Almond,’ Alexa continued, ‘you take the dollies out on the lawn, eh, and play with them there – leave the door open, then we can see each other.’ She indicated some yards away. ‘There, look.’ Please God, don’t let Almond catch whatever it is, she prayed silently to herself, Molly being so far away and Nancy in London.
For once Almond obeyed her unquestioningly, and Alexa turned her attention to Fay who lay drowsily, eyes flickering shut. She touched the child’s abdomen fearfully; it was as tight as a drum. Her face was now flushed and she obviously had a high fever. Alexa had been an avid reader of medical books when Lucy was a child, always fearing the worst. Oh, God, she prayed again, for what else could she do? Don’t let it be meningitis . . . If only the doctor would come!
*
Nancy opened the door before Alexa could put the key in the lock. ‘Whatever . . .?’ she exclaimed, as she took in the stricken expression. Then she shepherded Alexa and Almond into the hall, took the travelling bag from the cabbie after ascertaining that he had been paid. He was well pleased, having driven his fares all the way from Kent.
It was nearly seven in the evening and Nancy had been thinking of cooking up a favourite snack, cheese on toast, and enjoying it while relaxing in Leonard’s chair and listening to the phonograph. She liked to think of him then. She sometimes felt guilty that she had so quickly replaced him in her life, but after all things were always changing and she believed that her kindly Mr Loom would have been pleased that she was happy. She had not expected Alexa to telephone, let alone return here so unexpectedly. Now she coped as she always did, seeing to Almond’s needs first before the explanations. She knew that something serious had occurred.
‘Mummy,’ Almond wailed, clinging fiercely to Nancy. ‘I want Mummy!’
‘Mummy will be here soon.’ she promised. But Molly was not due home for several days.
*
Molly had packed her case. She plonked it down in the hall. She was the last of the wedding guests to leave. Hanna had urged her to stay on longer, but Molly was adamant. ‘Not on your honeymoon!’ she’d told them.
‘But we are not going away, we are here for a week until Miguel returns to work.’ Hanna glanced appealingly at her new husband. He looked awkward, and Molly knew she was right. She was de trop.
‘Exactly! And don’t say you have the rest of your lives to be together – you don’t want to share this very special time with anyone else, you know. Don’t give that up for me. Anyway, I didn’t realise just how much I would miss Almond, Hanna.’
‘Then go, dear Molly, with our blessing,’ she said softly, dimples appearing and transforming her face, as always, when she squeezed her husband’s hand. ‘You really need to see your baby, don’t you?’
‘I do!’ Molly agreed. But she also admitted to herself that she was missing what dear Hanna so patently had: a lover at her side.
TWO
Alexa refused to go up to bed. She sat almost rigidly upright on an overstuffed chair by the telephone in the hall. When at last it rang, she snatched at the receiver: ‘Hello! Yes?’
Nancy was beside her, a comforting hand on her shoulder. She could hear a man’s voice crackling along the line. During the long evening she had gradually coaxed the full story from Alexa. Fay’s condition was rapidly deteriorating by the time the doctor arrived; she was in the throes of a terrifying convulsion, which Matthew was forced to deal with by himself as Alexa attempted to shield Almond from the sight and sound of this trauma. It was imperative, the doctor told her father when the patient subsided, flaccid but still feebly twitching in Matthew’s arms, that Fay be taken immediately to the cottage hospital where she could be kept under observation. He advised Alexa to return home and to watch Almond vigilantly for any suspicious symptoms that might develop.
What was it Alexa was so afraid of? Nancy remembered her fearful whisper: inflammation of the brain . . . It sounded awful. But Alexa was sobbing in obvious relief as she replaced the telephone on its rest.
‘Not what you thought, then?’ Nancy managed.
‘My dear, no. It’s puzzling the doctors: they can’t yet say what it is apart from conjecturing that Fay could be sickening for a bad attack of measles, which can itself be a serious illness, of course. The hospital has treated two similar cases recently and that proved the outcome. However, they are optimistic that Fay will be back home within a few days.’
‘Come to bed now, Alexa. Don’t worry, I’ll sleep beside Almond each night until we know for sure.’
‘How good you are to us, Nancy.’
‘How good you always are to me!’ She gently urged her forward, up the stairs. If anything should happen to Almond while Molly was away . . . But it didn’t bear thinking about.
*
Nancy awoke with a start early in the morning. She had forgotten to pull the curtains to, and the room was flooded with pale light. She had been dreaming: she was cradling a baby in her arms, looking up and smiling at the baby’s father. It was not the face of her late husband she saw, but the boyish grin of Art.
‘Oh, Leonard, I’m sorry’ she said aloud. She stroked Almond’s hair, spread on the pillow beside her, for she had put her there, rather than in the little bed in the corner. The child stirred, turned and sighed. Nancy felt her forehead: it was reassuringly cool.
‘Mummy . . . ’ Almond yawned, eyes still closed.
If only, Nancy thought, gathering her close.
*
Molly alighted from the boat train with no hat and no gloves. She was wearing a trim blue linen costume, with tight frogged-fastening jacket, exactly matching Matthew’s sapphire earrings winking in the sunlight. Alexa had insisted on treating her to this outfit to wear at the wedding. Nowadays, the allowance from her father was paid into a trust account for Almond’s future education. She was well aware that she looked attractive and very feminine. She determined to be so from now on. No more Monty. When – if – she returned to the stage, it would be as herself.
*
‘It’s Mummy!’ Almond cried joyfully when Nancy opened the door and they saw who was standing on the step. The telegram had only just preceded her arrival.
‘Gran Lexa and me went to see Fay,’ Almond told her mother before she’d even stepped over the threshold. ‘Fay had to go to hospital, ‘cos she was sick, and Gran Lexa and me comed home—’
‘What is it? What’s wrong, Nancy?’ Molly demanded in a panic. ‘Is – is it something catching? Will Almond be all right?’
‘Oh, Almond’s in the pink, aren’t you, dearie? You’ll smother the poor child if you carry on hugging her like that!’ Nancy reproved Molly, shooing her down the hall so that she could close the front door. She added: ‘Now don’t get all alarmed again, but it’s Alexa who isn’t too well.’
‘Where is she?’ Molly demanded.
‘Don’t shout! In the sitting room, with her feet up – I said she should have a nap before you burst in to stir us all up!’
‘Sorry’ Molly apologised, because Nancy’s supposition had been accurate, but she hung on to Almond as if she couldn’t bear to let her go, until the child wriggled in protest. ‘Let me down, Mummy!’
‘I couldn’t fail to be aware of that,’ Alexa said drily. It was her turn to be embraced, and she couldn’t resist, stretched out as Nancy had insisted on Leonard’s leather chair, which Nancy and Mrs Moore had lugged downstairs, knocking the banisters in the process and making Alexa wince. Her quiet ordered life was well and truly in the past.
‘To think I was at a wedding while all this drama was taking place,’ Molly said, when the tale was told.
‘You mustn’t feel bad about that; you are entitled to enjoy yourself now and then or motherhood would drain you,’ Alexa observed frankly. ‘I can recall one childish crisis after another.’
‘This one has bowled you over, hasn’t it?’
‘It hasn’t helped. I have to admit to feeling rather out of sorts.’
‘What does the doctor say? You called him in, Nancy, didn’t you?’ Molly asked anxiously.
Nancy had poured tea and was now endeavouring to tie a napkin round Almond’s neck before allowing her to take a piece of chocolate cake.
‘Of course I did – although Alexa told me it wasn’t necessary. Nervous strain and a touch of anaemia, he said, didn’t he? She has to rest at home for a while. Now you’re back Molly, and can look after Almond yourself, I will be able to go into the office and help out there, so Alexa won’t have to worry about that.’ Nancy had been rehearsing this little speech all day. She was springing a surprise on Alexa, too.
‘I can speak for myself, you know,’ she told her with a touch of asperity, but for once she didn’t protest that Almond needed Nancy’s help more than she did. ‘Fetch the dustpan, Molly, your child has dropped crumbs all over the carpet.’
*
‘Didn’t expect to see you here again,’ Minnie said ungraciously. She had opened the door of Alexa’s office after a perfunctory tap, bearing the morning’s post, which she had already opened and sorted as Mr Loom had done in the past. Officially now Senior Saleslady, unofficially she regarded herself as in charge overall.