Quo Vadis: A Narrative of the Time of Nero
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Chapter XXXIII
VINICIUS went directly to the house in which Miriam lived. Before thegate he met Nazarius, who was confused at sight of him; but greeting thelad cordially, he asked to be conducted to his mother's lodgings.
Besides Miriam, Vinicius found Peter, Glaucus, Crispus, and Paul ofTarsus, who had returned recently from Fregellae. At sight of the youngtribune, astonishment was reflected on all faces; but he said,--"I greetyou in the name of Christ, whom ye honor."
"May His name be glorified forever!" answered they.
"I have seen your virtue and experienced your kindness, hence I come asa friend."
"And we greet thee as a friend," answered Peter. "Sit down, lord, andpartake of our refreshment, as a guest."
"I will sit down and share your repast; but first listen to me, thouPeter, and thou Paul of Tarsus, so that ye may know my sincerity. I knowwhere Lygia is. I have returned from before the house of Linus, which isnear this dwelling. I have a right to her given me by Caesar. I have atmy houses in the city nearly five hundred slaves. I might surround herhiding-place and seize her; still I have not done so, and will not."
"For this reason the blessing of the Lord will be upon thee, and thyheart will be purified," said Peter.
"I thank thee. But listen to me further: I have not done so, though I amliving in suffering and sadness. Before I knew you, I should havetaken her undoubtedly, and held her by force; but your virtue and yourreligion, though I do not profess it, have changed something in my soul,so that I do not venture on violence. I know not myself why this isso, but it is so; hence I come to you, for ye take the place of Lygia'sfather and mother, and I say to you: Give her to me as wife, and I swearthat not only will I not forbid her to confess Christ, but I will beginmyself to learn His religion."
He spoke with head erect and decisively; but still he was moved, and hislegs trembled beneath his mantle. When silence followed his words, hecontinued, as if wishing to anticipate an unfavorable answer,--
"I know what obstacles exist, but I love her as my own eyes; and thoughI am not a Christian yet, I am neither your enemy nor Christ's. I wishto be sincere, so that you may trust me. At this moment it is a questionof life with me, still I tell you the truth. Another might say, Baptizeme; I say, Enlighten me. I believe that Christ rose from the dead,for people say so who love the truth, and who saw Him after death. Ibelieve, for I have seen myself, that your religion produces virtue,justice, and mercy,--not crime, which is laid to your charge. I have notknown your religion much so far. A little from you, a little from yourworks, a little from Lygia, a little from conversations with you. StillI repeat that it has made some change in me. Formerly I held my servantswith an iron hand; I cannot do so now. I knew no pity; I know it now. Iwas fond of pleasure; the other night I fled from the pond of Agrippa,for the breath was taken from me through disgust. Formerly I believed insuperior force; now I have abandoned it. Know ye that I do not recognizemyself. I am disgusted by feasts, wine, singing, citharae, garlands, thecourt of Caesar, naked bodies, and every crime. When I think that Lygiais like snow in the mountains, I love her the more; and when I thinkthat she is what she is through your religion, I love and desire thatreligion. But since I understand it not, since I know not whether Ishall be able to live according to it, nor whether my nature can endureit, I am in uncertainty and suffering, as if I were in prison."
Here his brows met in wrinkle of pain, and a flush appeared on hischeeks; after that he spoke on with growing haste and greater emotion,--
"As ye see, I am tortured from love and uncertainty. Men tell me that inyour religion there is no place for life, or human joy, or happiness, orlaw, or order, or authority, or Roman dominion. Is this true? Men tellme that ye are madmen; but tell me yourselves what ye bring. Is it a sinto love, a sin to feel joy, a sin to want happiness? Are ye enemies oflife? Must a Christian be wretched? Must I renounce Lygia? What is truthin your view? Your deeds and words are like transparent water, but whatis under that water? Ye see that I am sincere. Scatter the darkness.Men say this to me also: Greece created beauty and wisdom, Rome createdpower; but they--what do they bring? Tell, then, what ye bring. If thereis brightness beyond your doors, open them."
"We bring love," said Peter.
And Paul of Tarsus added,--"If I speak with the tongues of men and ofangels, but have not love, I am become sounding brass."
But the heart of the old Apostle was stirred by that soul in suffering,which, like a bird in a cage, was struggling toward air and the sun;hence, stretching his hand to Vinicius, he said,--"Whoso knocketh, tohim will be opened. The favor and grace of God is upon thee; for thisreason I bless thee, thy soul and thy love, in the name of the Redeemerof mankind."
Vinicius, who had spoken with enthusiasm already, sprang toward Peter onhearing this blessing, and an uncommon thing happened. That descendantof Quirites, who till recently had not recognized humanity in aforeigner, seized the hand of the old Galilean, and pressed it ingratitude to his lips.
Peter was pleased; for he understood that his sowing had fallen on anadditional field, that his fishing-net had gathered in a new soul.
Those present, not less pleased by that evident expression of honor forthe Apostle of God, exclaimed in one voice,--"Praise to the Lord in thehighest!"
Vinicius rose with a radiant face, and began,--"I see that happiness maydwell among you, for I feel happy, and I think that ye can convince meof other things in the same way. But I will add that this cannot happenin Rome. Caesar is going to Antium and I must go with him, for I have theorder. Ye know that not to obey is death. But if I have found favor inyour eyes, go with me to teach your truth. It will be safer for you thanfor me. Even in that great throng of people, ye can announce your truthin the very court of Caesar. They say that Acte is a Christian; and thereare Christians among pretorians even, for I myself have seen soldierskneeling before thee, Peter, at the Nomentan gate. In Antium I havea villa where we shall assemble to hear your teaching, at the side ofNero. Glaucus told me that ye are ready to go to the end of the earthfor one soul; so do for me what ye have done for those for whose sake yehave come from Judea,--do it, and desert not my soul."
Hearing this, they began to take counsel, thinking with delight of thevictory of their religion, and of the significance for the pagan worldwhich the conversion of an Augustian, and a descendant of one of theoldest Roman families, would have. They were ready, indeed, to wanderto the end of the earth for one human soul, and since the death of theMaster they had, in fact, done nothing else; hence a negative answer didnot even come to their minds. Peter was at that moment the pastor of awhole multitude, hence he could not go; but Paul of Tarsus, who had beenin Aricium and Fregellae not long before, and who was preparing for along journey to the East to visit churches there and freshen them with anew spirit of zeal, consented to accompany the young tribune to Antium.It was easy to find a ship there going to Grecian waters.
Vinicius, though sad because Peter, to whom he owed so much, could notvisit Antium, thanked him with gratitude, and then turned to the oldApostle with his last request,--"Knowing Lygia's dwelling," said he, "Imight have gone to her and asked, as is proper, whether she would takeme as husband should my soul become Christian, but I prefer to ask thee,O Apostle! Permit me to see her, or take me thyself to her. I know nothow long I shall be in Antium; and remember that near Caesar no oneis sure of to-morrow. Petronius himself told me that I should not bealtogether safe there. Let me see her before I go; let me delight myeyes with her; and let me ask her if she will forget my evil and returngood."
Peter smiled kindly and said,--"But who could refuse thee a proper joy,my son?"
Vinicius stooped again to Peter's hands, for he could not in any wayrestrain his overflowing heart. The Apostle took him by the temples andsaid,--"Have no fear of Caesar, for I tell thee that a hair will not fallfrom thy head."
He sent Miriam for Lygia, telling her not to say who was with them, soas to give the maiden more delight.
It was not far;
so after a short time those in the chamber saw among themyrtles of the garden Miriam leading Lygia by the hand.
Vinicius wished to run forth to meet her; but at sight of that belovedform happiness took his strength, and he stood with beating heart,breathless, barely able to keep his feet, a hundred times more excitedthan when for the first time in life he heard the Parthian arrowswhizzing round his head.
She ran in, unsuspecting; but at sight of him she halted as if fixed tothe earth. Her face flushed, and then became very pale; she looked withastonished and frightened eyes on those present.
But round about she saw clear glances, full of kindness. The ApostlePeter approached her and asked,--"Lygia, dost thou love him as ever?"
A moment of silence followed. Her lips began to quiver like those ofa child who is preparing to cry, who feels that it is guilty, but seesthat it must confess the guilt.
"Answer," said the Apostle.
Then, with humility, obedience, and fear in her voice, she whispered,kneeling at the knees of Peter,--"I do."
In one moment Vinicius knelt at her side. Peter placed his hands ontheir heads, and said,--"Love each other in the Lord and to His glory,for there is no sin in your love."