Quo Vadis: A Narrative of the Time of Nero
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Chapter XXXIV
WHILE walking with Lygia through the garden, Vinicius described briefly,in words from the depth of his heart, that which a short time beforehe had confessed to the Apostles,--that is, the alarm of his soul,the changes which had taken place in him, and, finally, that immenseyearning which had veiled life from him, beginning with the hour whenhe left Miriam's dwelling. He confessed to Lygia that he had tried toforget her, but was not able. He thought whole days and nights of her.That little cross of boxwood twigs which she had left reminded himof her,--that cross, which he had placed in the lararium and reveredinvoluntarily as something divine. And he yearned more and moreevery moment, for love was stronger than he, and had seized his soulaltogether, even when he was at the house of Aulus. The Parcae weave thethread of life for others; but love, yearning, and melancholy had wovenit for him. His acts had been evil, but they had their origin in love.He had loved her when she was in the house of Aulus, when she was on thePalatine, when he saw her in Ostrianum listening to Peter's words, whenhe went with Croton to carry her away, when she watched at his bedside,and when she deserted him. Then came Chilo, who discovered her dwelling,and advised him to seize her a second time; but he chose to punishChilo, and go to the Apostles to ask for truth and for her. And blessedbe that moment in which such a thought came to his head, for now he isat her side, and she will not flee from him, as the last time she fledfrom the house of Miriam.
"I did not flee from thee," said Lygia.
"Then why didst thou go?"
She raised her iris-colored eyes to him, and, bending her blushing face,said,--"Thou knowest--"
Vinicius was silent for a moment from excess of happiness, and beganagain to speak, as his eyes were opened gradually to this,--that shewas different utterly from Roman women, and resembled Pomponia alone.Besides, he could not explain this to her clearly, for he could notdefine his feeling,--that beauty of a new kind altogether was comingto the world in her, such beauty as had not been in it thus far; beautywhich is not merely a statue, but a spirit. He told her something,however, which filled her with delight,--that he loved her just becauseshe had fled from him, and that she would be sacred to him at hishearth. Then, seizing her hand, he could not continue; he merely gazedon her with rapture as on his life's happiness which he had won, andrepeated her name, as if to assure himself that he had found her and wasnear her.
"Oh, Lygia, Lygia!"
At last he inquired what had taken place in her mind, and she confessedthat she had loved him while in the house of Aulus, and that if he hadtaken her back to them from the Palatine she would have told them of herlove and tried to soften their anger against him.
"I swear to thee," said Vinicius, "that it had not even risen in my mindto take thee from Aulus. Petronius will tell thee sometime that I toldhim then how I loved and wished to marry thee. 'Let her anoint my doorwith wolf fat, and let her sit at my hearth,' said I to him. But heridiculed me, and gave Caesar the idea of demanding thee as a hostage andgiving thee to me. How often in my sorrow have I cursed him; butperhaps fate ordained thus, for otherwise I should not have known theChristians, and should not have understood thee."
"Believe me, Marcus," replied Lygia, "it was Christ who led thee toHimself by design."
Vinicius raised his head with a certain astonishment.
"True," answered he, with animation. "Everything fixed itself somarvellously that in seeking thee I met the Christians. In Ostrianum Ilistened to the Apostle with wonder, for I had never heard such words.And there thou didst pray for me?"
"I did," answered Lygia.
They passed near the summer-house covered with thick ivy, and approachedthe place where Ursus, after stifling Croton, threw himself uponVinicius.
"Here," said the young man, "I should have perished but for thee."
"Do not mention that," answered Lygia, "and do not speak of it toUrsus."
"Could I be revenged on him for defending thee? Had he been a slave, Ishould have given him freedom straightway."
"Had he been a slave, Aulus would have freed him long ago."
"Dost thou remember," asked Vinicius, "that I wished to take thee backto Aulus, but the answer was, that Caesar might hear of it and takerevenge on Aulus and Pomponia? Think of this: thou mayst see them now asoften as thou wishest."
"How, Marcus?"
"I say 'now,' and I think that thou wilt be able to see them withoutdanger, when thou art mine. For should Caesar hear of this, and ask whatI did with the hostage whom he gave me, I should say 'I married her, andshe visits the house of Aulus with my consent.' He will not remain longin Antium, for he wishes to go to Achaea; and even should he remain, Ishall not need to see him daily. When Paul of Tarsus teaches me yourfaith, I will receive baptism at once, I will come here, gain thefriendship of Aulus and Pomponia, who will return to the city by thattime, and there will be no further hindrance, I will seat thee at myhearth. Oh, carissima! carissima!"
And he stretched forth his hand, as if taking Heaven as witness of hislove; and Lygia, raising her clear eyes to him, said,--
"And then I shall say, 'Wherever thou art, Caius, there am I, Caia.'"
"No, Lygia," cried Vinicius, "I swear to thee that never has woman beenso honored in the house of her husband as thou shalt be in mine."
For a time they walked on in silence, without being able to take inwith their breasts their happiness, in love with each other, like twodeities, and as beautiful as if spring had given them to the world withthe flowers.
They halted at last under the cypress growing near the entrance of thehouse. Lygia leaned against his breast, and Vinicius began to entreatagain with a trembling voice,--"Tell Ursus to go to the house of Aulusfor thy furniture and playthings of childhood."
But she, blushing like a rose or like the dawn, answered,--"Customcommands otherwise."
"I know that. The pronuba [The matron who accompanies the bride andexplains to her the duties of a wife] usually brings them behind thebride, but do this for me. I will take them to my villa in Antium, andthey will remind me of thee."
Here he placed his hands together and repeated, like a child who isbegging for something,--"It will be some days before Pomponia returns;so do this, diva, do this, carissima."
"But Pomponia will do as she likes," answered Lygia, blushing still moredeeply at mention of the pronuba.
And again they were silent, for love had begun to stop the breath intheir breasts. Lygia stood with shoulders leaning against the cypress,her face whitening in the shadow, like a flower, her eyes drooping, herbosom heaving with more and more life. Vinicius changed in the face, andgrew pale. In the silence of the afternoon they only heard the beatingof their hearts, and in their mutual ecstasy that cypress, the myrtlebushes, and the ivy of the summer-house became for them a paradise oflove. But Miriam appeared in the door, and invited them to the afternoonmeal. They sat down then with the Apostles, who gazed at them withpleasure, as on the young generation which after their death wouldpreserve and sow still further the seed of the new faith. Peter brokeand blessed bread. There was calm on all faces, and a certain immensehappiness seemed to overflow the whole house.
"See," said Paul at last, turning to Vinicius, "are we enemies of lifeand happiness?"
"I know how that is," answered Vinicius, "for never have I been so happyas among you."