The Cowboy's Christmas Baby

by Cathy McDavid

  “All right.” That was reasonable, he supposed. “And then you would have called me?”

  She hesitated a bit too long. “Sure. Absolutely.”

  It was getting late, almost nine thirty according to the clock on the microwave. Tanner should leave. Except Jewel’s hesitation had bothered him. So instead, he raised the subject that he’d told his dad a few days ago he wasn’t ready to discuss with her.

  “Have you decided whether you’re staying in Mustang Valley or returning to Oklahoma?”

  “Not yet. Emily hasn’t offered me a permanent job, though things seem to be going well. I imagine she’ll wait until my month-long trial is up. I would if I were her.”

  “And if she does offer you a job, will you take it?”

  “Honestly, I’m not sure. The barrel racing’s improving. I’m feeling more and more like my old self every day, and Ronnie’s optimism is rubbing off on me.”

  He’d watched enough of her lessons and practice runs to know that was a fact. A year’s break from the sport hadn’t diminished her talent or her determination.

  “Have you hired an attorney? For Ava’s custody,” he clarified, though the sudden flicker in her eyes gave a clear indication she’d understood him.

  “Do I need to?” she asked.

  “We have to decide soon. Before you return home.” Which was three short weeks away.

  “Decide as in who obtains full custody?”

  “How we share custody.”

  “All right.” She spoke crisply. “I guess I’ll be making some calls tomorrow.”

  What had she been thinking? That he’d go along with whatever she decided and not exert his rights?

  “My earlier offer still holds,” he said. “I’ll go on the road with you if you return to rodeoing.”

  “In your own vehicle?”

  “I can do that.” He and his brother had often traveled with a truck and camper from rodeo to rodeo. As far as Tanner knew, the camper was still stored at Daniel’s house.

  “If people see us together,” Jewel said, “and they will, there’s bound to be some nasty remarks made. I’m not ready for that again. I realize I can’t escape free and clear, but if we’re with each other, the remarks are bound to be worse, and my concentration will be shot.”

  “I’ll keep a low profile.” He understood her concerns. She might have won a championship title last year if not for him, and he refused to take that from her again should she return to the circuit. But understanding didn’t stop him from wishing things were different. “I hope to have the situation resolved soon.”

  She narrowed her gaze at him. “What does that mean?”

  “I’m working on a solution. I promise.”

  “What kind of solution?”

  Not leveling with her was getting harder and harder by the minute. If he hadn’t just spoken to Daniel earlier today, Tanner had no doubt he’d be confessing everything to Jewel right now.

  But he held back. His brother had been a wreck when they’d talked and had begged Tanner not to say anything. Much of what he’d conveyed to Tanner echoed what their father had said, and Tanner suspected their dad of instigating the call.

  Or maybe not. Daniel had also said Rosalyn had taken the kids and stayed at her sister’s house the previous night, though she was home now. They’d had a particularly ugly argument, which Daniel admitted he’d started. He’d lost his temper. The exam with his doctor that morning hadn’t been encouraging. Daniel’s leg would likely not improve, despite continued physical therapy, and may even worsen.

  He hadn’t taken the news well. How could he possibly provide for his wife and children, get off disability and hold down a decent job if he couldn’t drive? Rosalyn, unfortunately, had suffered the brunt of his anger, which he regretted. Daniel was convinced if she found out he’d tried to bribe that judge, she’d divorce him for sure.

  “Tanner? What kind of solution?” Jewel repeated.

  Shoving thoughts of his brother aside, he said, “I’m not sure yet. Give me time.”

  “How much? Until our respective attorneys start talking? Until the end of my month here?”

  “I’m trying my best. We both are.”

  She nodded stiffly.

  “I can’t tell you how much I wish things were different.”

  “Me, too.”

  Different how? Did she, like him, often imagine the life they might have had together and long for it? Or did she regret his reappearance in her life and wish him gone? He almost asked but stopped himself at the last second, afraid he might not like the answer. And if he didn’t, then what?

  “I’d better go.” He grabbed his cowboy hat from where it hung on the chair back. “I have an early morning. The ranch is hosting a 4-H holiday event.”

  She walked him to the door. When he reached for the knob, she stayed him with a hand on his arm.

  “Tanner, wait.”

  He turned.

  She took a moment to gather her thoughts. “It isn’t always easy for me, relinquishing control where Ava’s concerned. Please don’t take this as me being difficult or contrary...”

  “What?”

  “I worry. Constantly. I don’t know what lies ahead. For me, career-wise, and for us as Ava’s parents.”

  The slight tremor in her voice pulled at him and, without thinking, he moved toward her. “I can say exactly the same thing about myself.”

  “I see that you’re trying with Ava and with me. I know the good and moral and wonderful man I fell in love with is still in you. Which just confuses me all the more. What happened last year? Were you getting cold feet about our wedding?”

  “No way. I couldn’t wait to marry you.”

  “Then what?” Her sorrowful expression tore at him. “Did it have to do with Daniel? Because I know he was sick at the time and hiding it. That had to be terrible for him and you and your entire family.”

  “It was terrible. And it did affect my thinking.” In more ways than she realized.

  When he said no more, her shoulders sagged with disappointment. “Guess I’ll see you tomorrow at ten.”

  Jewel didn’t have barrel racing lessons on the weekends, and her only wedding was at seven that evening, leaving her free for most of the day. Tanner, too, was free, after the morning feeding.

  “Okay to meet at the bunkhouse?” he asked. “I can make coffee. Pick up some breakfast sandwiches from the market.”

  She started to refuse him; he could see her mouth forming the word no. But then she changed her mind. “That would be nice, actually.”

  A small positive step in the right direction. What if he took another bigger one?

  Tanner raised his hand and cupped Jewel’s cheek as he’d done a hundred, a thousand times in the past. His thumb stroked the smooth skin that warmed beneath his touch and then grew hot as he lowered his head another fraction.

  That wasn’t her only response to him. Her breath became shallow and rapid. Her eyes widened with interest, he was pleased to see, and not alarm. Her lips parted. She tilted her head to the side—which Tanner interpreted as an invitation and increased the pressure of his caress.

  Kissing her was simply a matter of leaning in and claiming her lips. One small move on his part, and she’d be his again. The timing probably stank, but Tanner wasn’t going to think about that now. He couldn’t. His mind was too occupied with memories of Jewel and him. Together. In love. Wanting and needing each other. Happy.

  He reached for her with his other hand, his arm ready to capture her waist and draw her flush against him. At the same time, she retreated a step, and his hand merely brushed her side and fell. The cool air that rushed in to occupy the suddenly vacant space between them might have been an arctic blast—the effect on Tanner was the same.

  “We can’t,” she uttered, her gaze avoiding his.

  �
��I get that things are complicated.” He wasn’t ready to give up. “But who’s to say kissing might not uncomplicate it?”

  “It won’t. I... You broke my heart when you put yourself first at the rodeo finals. Winning a championship, by any means necessary, was more important to you than we were. Than I was.”

  “That’s not true.” He’d put Daniel ahead, only she didn’t know that.

  “I’m not sure I’ll ever get over it.”

  Her conviction caused him to take a step back. “Ever is a strong word.”

  “I’m sorry, Tanner. But a man who cheats isn’t the kind of man I want for a romantic partner.”

  Fury at the situation rose up in Tanner and hardened his heart. “And not the kind of man you want for your child’s father.”

  “I didn’t say that.”

  “You didn’t have to. I figured that out when you didn’t tell my parents or Ethan you were pregnant. You didn’t want to find me. Not really.”

  “Can you blame me?”

  Up till recently, he had. To a degree. Tanner acknowledged he was mostly responsible for what had happened. He had agreed to take the blame for his brother. But while Jewel had lost faith in him, he’d lost faith in her, too. If she’d given the slightest indication that she thought him incapable of cheating or would stand by him regardless, he’d have ignored the consequences and his promise to his dad and told her the entire story.

  More arguing would get them nowhere, however. Not right now. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Jewel.”

  This time when he reached for the doorknob, she didn’t stop him. Not that he would have stayed.

  * * *

  “THAT’S MY SWEET BABY,” Jewel crooned and stroked the velvety-smooth face. “You know how much I love you.” She slipped her free hand inside her jacket pocket. “I brought you something. A special treat. Because you’ve been such a good darling.”

  Teddy Bear snorted and pressed his nose into her hair, sniffing curiously.

  “Stop that, you silly boy.” She produced a carrot from her pocket and held it out. “Here.”

  The horse, his head hanging over the stall door, lipped the treat and then grabbed it with his teeth, swiftly sucking the entire carrot into his mouth. Four crunches later, he was done and searching for another handout.

  She gave him one. “I should have named you Mr. Piggy.”

  Ava wriggled inside the baby wrap and made a gurgling sound.

  “No carrots for you.” Jewel kissed the top of her head. “Not quite yet. And those will be strained.”

  She finished giving Teddy Bear the remainder of his snack. The two of them were taking the day off from barrel racing practice. The horse loved the sport and would have gladly done whatever Jewel asked of him. But she was without a babysitter until later this evening when Jewel had a wedding to photograph. Ronnie’s cousin was getting married, and she was the matron of honor. Since Jewel didn’t have lessons on the weekend, and her trainer was occupied, she’d decided a day off was in order.

  Hearing voices from another part of the horse barn, she gave a start, her mind returning to the day she had unexpectedly encountered Tanner in this same spot. He didn’t appear. No one did, and she silently scolded herself for overreacting.

  She wasn’t ready to face him. Not yet. Another twenty minutes remained before their meeting at his bunkhouse, and she’d need every one of them to compose herself.

  What had she been thinking last night? He’d almost kissed her. She’d almost kissed him.

  For one crazy, irrational moment, she’d been the old Jewel and he the old Tanner. Their mutual attraction, always off the charts, had ignited anew. Perhaps because of the many emotions their conversation had stirred and—she almost hated admitting this—the intimacy created by them sharing a child. She’d been this close to reaching for him and losing herself in the passion he so easily evoked. Thank goodness she’d come to her senses before doing something she’d have regretted.

  She would have regretted it, right? Yes. Of course. Too much unpleasant history lay between them.

  Even so, a small part of her kept imagining his lips taking possession of hers and demanding a response as they once had. The thought caused her tummy to flutter with—

  “Enough!” she bit out.

  “Enough of what?”

  Jewel whirled. She’d been so absorbed with thoughts of Tanner, the two of them locked in a heated embrace, she’d failed to notice Ronnie’s approach.

  “Oops. You caught me talking to myself.” She tried to hide her embarrassment with a half chuckle. “Must be from lack of sleep.”

  “Ava keep you up last night?”

  “We were wide-awake at two and far more interested in eating and playing than sleeping.”

  Jewel wasn’t about to admit the real reason for her disconcertment—or why she’d had no appetite this morning and made an excuse when Emily had asked her if she was feeling all right.

  “I didn’t expect to see you until tonight,” Jewel said. “I figured you’d be getting ready for the wedding.”

  “I’m leaving soon. My cousin’s been texting me every ten minutes with something new I need to pick up on my way to the house. We have a stylist coming this afternoon to do our hair and makeup.” Ronnie tugged on the tail of her messy braid. “I’m going to need a lot of help.”

  “You’ll be gorgeous. I can’t wait to photograph the results.”

  “I’d leave now, but I promised three of my other students I’d help them get ready for the barrel racing event at the Poco Dinero. I usually go, but seeing as I have another commitment, I can’t,” she added with the grin of a delighted maid of honor.

  The local saloon hosted recreational bull riding on Friday and Saturday evenings and barrel racing on Saturday afternoons. The popular events were well attended, with people coming from all over the state to both participate and watch. Many a former or hopeful rodeo professional competed, along with a few brave amateurs. The events were a great proving ground, providing participants with an experience that resembled the real thing. The prize money wasn’t all that bad, either, from what Jewel had gathered.

  “That’s dedication,” Jewel said. “I hope the other students appreciate you.”

  “I’d feel bad if I didn’t help them. Today’s the last rodeo event for the year. There won’t be another one until mid-January.” Ronnie brightened. “You should sign up.”

  “I don’t know if I’m ready.”

  “You are, Jewel. More than ready. And besides, you have to get your feet wet sometime. No better place than the Poco Dinero for that. I just wish I could be there.”

  “Isn’t it too late to sign up?”

  “You have up until the event starts.”

  She debated the pros and cons. Ronnie was right about her needing to get her feet wet and the Poco Dinero providing a good opportunity. It might also take her mind off Tanner. At the very least, Jewel would be able to gauge how well she performed with thoughts of him constantly plaguing her. And since the situation was unlikely to change, better to see how she coped sooner rather than later.

  “I’d need a babysitter,” she mused aloud. “My regular one isn’t available. Not sure I can arrange that.”

  “Well, if you can find someone, you really should sign up.”

  “I’ll try.”

  Tracee’s grandmother had been recommended as a backup babysitter. Jewel might give the woman a call.

  A memory of Tanner sitting in the recliner and rocking Ava popped into her head, but she immediately dismissed him as a potential candidate. He’d probably be working, anyway, and not available.

  That was the reason she gave herself, and the one she was determined to stick with.

  Ronnie offered Jewel some last-minute advice, as if her competing at the Poco Dinero was a done deal. When Tanner suddenly entered the barn and strode
toward them, Jewel was again startled, clear to the tips of her toes.

  “Morning, ladies.” He nodded as he neared.

  What was he doing here! He’d told her that he avoided Ronnie—or anyone else who might remember him—whenever she was at the ranch.

  “H-hello,” she stammered and snuck a peek at her trainer, inwardly cringing at the mild alarm on the woman’s face, followed by recognition. “Ronnie, this is Tanner.”

  “Good morning.” Ronnie offered a curious smile. “It’s Tanner Bridwell, right? I hardly recognized you without the beard. I think we met once or twice on the circuit.”

  “We did.” He nodded politely. “Nice to see you again.”

  “I didn’t realize you worked here.”

  “I tend to keep a low profile. Easier that way.”

  “I get it. You took a lot of heat last year.”

  Jewel held her breath, worried where the conversation would go next and if it would become awkward.

  Tanner steered it away from him. Cupping Ava’s cheek with his large hand, he said, “I just wanted to let you know I’ll be done in about ten minutes.”

  Ava cooed, liking his touch as much as Jewel always had.

  “Okay,” she murmured, still recovering.

  With a nod and a friendly smile, he continued down the barn aisle, the tune he whistled floating in the air behind him.

  Ronnie spun to face Jewel, her hands on her hips. “Why didn’t you tell me that was Tanner?”

  She swallowed. “He asked me not to say anything.”

  “My God, all these months, I had no idea he worked for the Powells. Did you?”

  “Not until my first day. He...surprised me. Right here, in fact.”

  Ronnie’s jaw dropped. “That must have been a shock!”

  “You can say that again.”

  “It’s none of my business, and you don’t have to tell me if you’d rather not, but I’m assuming he’s Ava’s father.”

  Jewel sighed. “He is.”

  “Did he know?”

  She was at a point in the conversation where she either cut Ronnie off, saying she didn’t want to talk about Tanner, or she revealed the entire story. The idea of confiding in someone who knew about her and Tanner without Jewel having to repeat all the painful details was appealing.