She took his hand. “We are going to walk slowly to the house. Will that help you recover?”
The boys chattered around him but Selena never let go of his hand. With each careful step, he regained control of his body. The landscape was blurry, but he could see it now, as well as the boys as they darted between him and their mother.
“Sorry,” he said after he cleared his throat. “That’s never happened before.”
“Do you know what triggered it?”
His son had touched his face and called him Daddy. Instead of confiding in her, he shrugged. “Not sure.”
Pausing at the porch steps, she squeezed his hand. “We can wait here a little longer if you need to.”
Shaking his head, he pulled his hand out of hers and put distance between them. He wouldn’t be weak, especially in front of her and the boys.
Riff, Belle and the girls were settled around the table when they walked in. Everyone except Finn went quiet. Apparently, he had to explain what was going on, who his daddy was and something about babies.
Selena leaned closer to him. “Finn is the self-appointed spokesperson for the boys.” Her smile was affectionate as she put the boys in the booster chairs he’d noticed earlier. They lifted their hands to be buckled in as if it was a normal routine.
He caught Belle glancing at him and then away, as if she didn’t know what to say or do. That was oddly reassuring. He didn’t know what to say or do either.
Belle reached across the table for a tortilla. “Xavier, there is so much to talk about. With Frank gone, you own part of the ranch now. We’ll have to meet with our lawyer and get everything straightened out. There was no will, and the estate is a mess. My mother left twenty years ago, and we have no clue where she is. And there’s your baby sister, Gabby. We haven’t been able to locate her either.” Eyes wide, she looked at Selena. “Are y’all still married? You are, right?” She turned back to Xavier. “Except you’re legally dead.”
“You’ll have to get the death certificate voided.” Riff grinned as he added salsa to his breakfast taco. “I’ve dealt with some crazy stuff, but this is a first.”
There was some talk about the ranch, the weather and supplies that needed to be bought. Xavier wanted to join in and contribute, but the pressure was building behind his skull.
The boys were growing restless. Sawyer banged his sippy cup on the tabletop to his own little rhythm. Selena put her hand over it. “Shh. You need to be quiet. Your daddy has a headache.”
Riff unbuckled Sawyer. “I’ll clean up the boys.” He looked across the table to Xavier. “Go ahead and get your stuff so we can head home.”
“We can’t assume he wants to go with us,” Selena said quickly as she glanced at Xavier. “It’s all been a little overwhelming.”
“Of course, it has been,” Riff agreed. “He’s back from the dead. I’m sure he’s tired and he should be home. Where else would he go?”
Selena’s mouth was a little tight. “In his mind he remembers the ranch as his home.”
“There’s not enough room here and he can’t stay in one of the cabins alone. It would be better for his memories if he lives in the home he made with you,” Riff argued.
Belle sighed. “He’s right about the room. You’re always welcome here, but I’m not sure how comfortable you’d be.”
“You’re going to go to your home, of course,” Riff stated. “Why would you stay anywhere else? You come home. We’ll be able to help with the doctor appointments and PT.”
“Dad, I don’t think this is—”
Belle cut her off and turned to Xavier. “You also have to consider that people will think it’s weird if you stay here instead of going home with your wife.”
Selena glared at her. “I’m not worried about what people think.” Her voice was short and tight. “We need to do what’s best for Xavier.”
Xavier rubbed his temples. “I’m right here and I can make a decision about where I live. I don’t want to be a burden.”
The one thing he knew was Selena had just seen him at his worst, and he’d rather no one else saw him completely helpless.
After wiping Finn’s hands and face, then Oliver’s, Selena turned to Xavier. Her voice was gentle and calm, the irritation gone. “I know being dependent on others is difficult for you, but being in town will make doctor appointments easier. Like I said yesterday, there was a garage added on to the house. You converted it into a man cave. That’ll give you your own space, but we’ll be close enough to help.”
The rambling was a sure sign she was nervous. He had imagined getting his own place, but she was right, that wasn’t very realistic. Just a few moments ago he was blind and unable to talk. He hated being dependent on others, but until he was fully recovered, he didn’t have many options.
“Okay. I’ll go to your house.”
By the stricken look on her face he must have said something wrong. He pushed his fingers to his temples, rotating them to try to ease the pressure building there.
Riff cleared his throat. “You bought the house and put in a lot of sweat restoring it. You both had a vision for that big Victorian.”
He took a couple of breaths. “I need to go outside.”
Riff stood in the doorway between the kitchen and family room, gathering the triplets. “Selena, why don’t you go with him? Show him some of the ranch. I’ll put a movie on for the boys. When you get back, we’ll all go home together.”
“Is it okay if I go with you?” Selena’s voice was low as she asked him. “You don’t like being coddled, I know, but I’m worried about you traipsing around by yourself. We can go to the stables and visit your horses.”
Pushing back from the table, he gave her a slight nod. He knew that walking alone wasn’t the best idea, but he hated that he needed a nanny. She stopped in the family room and told the boys she’d be right back. They were already engrossed in watching colorful characters dancing and singing on the TV screen.
A strange man being introduced as their father didn’t faze them, while his world was even more upside down than it had been this morning.
Oh, man. Talk about headache inducing.
He followed her outside, then paused on the steps. The fresh breeze was cool to his senses.
“It’s a little humid today.”
With a snort, he shook his head. “You don’t know humidity until you’re stuck in a windowless shed deep in the jungle.”
“Oh.” Her head went down.
“Sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. It upsets you.”
She stopped and reached for his upper arm. Her amber eyes sought him, but he kept his gaze on the horizon. “Xavier, look at me. I want you to be able to speak what’s on your mind. Holding things in, guarding our words from each other, won’t help you recover. Please don’t worry about hurting my feelings. I’m stronger than I look, I promise.”
For a long moment, they studied at each other, silent. He wanted to pull her close and anchor himself in her sunshine. For all the upheaval of the last month, this felt like home for the first time. She was his peace.
They didn’t talk as they made their way along a well-worn path. By the time they made it to the barns, the pressure in his head was gone and his shoulders had lightened. Several horses stuck their heads over their stall doors.
He didn’t even have to think about it. Xavier went straight to a dark roan just two stalls down. The gelding tossed his head and talked to him with a low, rumbling nicker.
Selena went into a small room and came back with a bucket of feed. “I see you found Mar Bollo.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Seabiscuit in Spanish?”
She laughed. “Yes. Just like the classic characters you pick for kids’ names, you like turning famous horses’ names into Spanish ones. Bollo here was your favorite. You’d take him out to ride the pastures whenever you needed to
de-stress. Y’all would be gone for a few hours. The guy at the end is your newest horse, Hombre de Guerra. He’s four now and you call him Hombre. They all have great cattle sense. You were working on cutting skills with them.”
He laughed. “Man o’ War.” He went to each horse. “I want to ride later this week.”
“Sure. First we need to talk to all of your doctors and see where you are. What you need to do and what you can do. Once I get you worked into the family calendar we’ll see about your appointments.”
Still caressing the big gelding’s jaw, he watched as she moved along from horse to horse, feeding each one. “Family calendar?”
“With the boys, my city council duties, the ranch and Saltwater Cowboys I have to be super organized or it will fall into total chaos.”
She was an amazing woman. Raising the boys, helping the community and her family. She seemed to take it all in stride, even a husband returning from the dead.
Maybe he was too much with her already full life. “Are you sure you’re good with me moving into your home?”
She frowned. “It’s your home, too. I know we have a lot to work out, but this will give you an opportunity to see the boys and become part of their lives. If that’s what you want.”
“I came here to fill the holes. You’d be the best person to help me. Since being here, I already have more memories than I had the last two years.”
He took a deep breath. There was so much he needed to know that was right out of his reach. “All the memories I’m getting are older, though. Nothing in the last five years or so. If I’m at your house...our house, you can help me sort them. Bring more to the surface.”
She nodded. “That makes sense. I know next to nothing about your missions, though. Those were always top secret. Most of the time I didn’t even know you were leaving until the day before, and I never knew where you were going.”
“So you didn’t know why I was in Colombia?”
“I didn’t even know you were there until they told us you’d been killed in an attack.”
He shifted so he could watch her. Pressing his shoulder against the edge of the stall door, he continued rubbing Bollo, but his attention was all on her. “You do know everything else about me. We grew up together, right? You’re from Port Del Mar, too.”
He had a strong desire to know everything about her, to know all her secrets.
“My great-grandmother moved here to live with her sister the summer I turned ten. I didn’t stay with them until I was a freshman in high school.”
He frowned trying to put the new bit of information in place. “I don’t understand. I got the impression I knew you my whole life.”
“Really? You used to tell me I was the only person who knew the real you.” She bit her lip and for a moment the look of longing tore at his heart.
What did he say to that?
“But maybe I really didn’t know you at all.” She turned away from him.
Without thought, he reached for her. “Selena, my heart tells me you are the only one who can help me put all the pieces back together.”
“Then why don’t you remember me like you do your family? You remember my father. You even remember the dog.” Her eyes glistened, but she blinked the tears back. She had every right to be angry with him. He had let her go long before he had left for Colombia. Now he claimed to need her.
“You don’t need me, Xavier. You haven’t for a long time.”
“I don’t understand. Your scent brings me comfort. My instinct is to stay close to you, but since I don’t know you, it feels...odd.” He dropped his hand and went to the next horse that was trying to get his attention. Dealing with the horses was so much easier.
“I’m all over the place and that’s not fair to you.” Resting his forehead against the horse’s forelock, he closed his eyes.
Summer and sunshine surrounded him. He kept his gaze down and inhaled. Her gentle touch traced his jaw. He looked up and studied her. Saw and absorbed the care and compassion that radiated from her eyes. It was more than he deserved. “How did we first meet?”
Her hand slipped down, and she wrapped her fingers around his. “I was visiting Buelita, my great-grandmother.”
His brows drew in. “Where did you live?”
She shrugged. “All over the country. My father was on tour with a country music band led by a husband-and-wife team. He played the guitar for them and wrote music. I traveled with him and was homeschooled with the lead singers’ daughters.”
“That sounds like a dream life for any kid.”
She dropped her hand and stepped back. She sat on a bench pushed against the wall between two stalls. He wanted to be close to her again, but he focused on the horse.
“That’s what you said back then, too. You would have given anything to trade lives with me, but I don’t think you would have gone unless you could take Elijah, Belle, Damian and Gabby. You talked about running away all the time, but you never did. Not until you were all grown, anyway.”
When she smiled up at him, he took it as an invitation to join her on the bench.
“All I wanted was a forever home that I would never have to leave,” she said when he sat beside her. “I envied your life, with your family and the ranch. I didn’t really understand your relationship with your father back then. You hid that.”
She sighed and leaned closer to him. “The closest I had to a real home was Buelita’s house. When she moved in with her sister after Buelito’s death, I fell in love with Port Del Mar. One day when I was twelve, some boys were teasing me on the beach. It was early morning and they’d taken my bucket full of shells. You were walking Luna and came to my defense. You walked me home and told me I was too young to go out alone.” She laughed. “You were so superior and tall. I thought you had to be at least fifteen. The hero worship started right then.”
“How much older am I?”
Gently elbowing him, she shook her head and grinned. “When I asked your age, you informed me that you were twelve, too, but you knew the area, had a dog and were a boy.”
He chuckled. “Really? I sound a little arrogant.”
“A little? I was so mad. Then you told me that if I wanted to go exploring on the beach you would take me, and you might be able to find me a dog.”
“Did I?”
“Yes. You said that your dad wouldn’t let you keep Luna, so I’d be doing you a favor if I took her.” She paused. “She’s still with us. She moves much slower and does more sitting on the beach then running, but she loves the boys. When I first brought them home, she wouldn’t leave their side.” This time, a few tears slipped down her face before she could stop them. “It was like you told her to protect them. She always did what you said.”
He reached up with his thumb and wiped the tears away. “She’s a good dog.”
“She is. Do you remember her?”
“I do. She’s the puppy I protected from my father. How old is she now?”
“Eighteen. The vet says she’s a mix of a couple of long-living breeds. Australian cattle dogs, poodle and terrier. It’s not the average but possible. Maybe she was just waiting for your return.”
He leaned his head back on the old wood behind him and absorbed all the scents and sounds. The hay, sweet feed, the horses shuffling, and the honey and wildflowers. This was home.
He took her hand.
Eyes closed, he relaxed and let his brain work through all the connections he had with her. “I can see you in the hallway at school.” He had wanted them all to know she was his, even if he was a De La Rosa and wasn’t good enough for her. She could have had her pick. Had she always chosen him? “When did we start dating?”
She laughed. “Our junior year. You finally asked me. I was texting Belle during a basketball game. She was so mad at you. She told me I needed to set my expectations higher and make you work a little
harder.”
He faced her. “But you didn’t.” Lost in the memory of her, he leaned in. “We had our first kiss after the game.”
She had been his. He didn’t know what he’d done later to drive them apart, but this memory told him she’d been completely his at one time.
Giving her more space, he shoved his hands in the front pocket of the jeans. He might not remember her, but his heart seemed to have other ideas.
Ideas that were not productive at this point.
Chapter Five
Horses shifted in their stalls and the wind blew outside, but the silence between him and Selena screamed at him. He sought for some words to say to break the awkward tension between them, but a sudden noise distracted him. The barn door crashed open and he jumped to his feet, on instant alert. Before he could get a look at him, a man lunged at him and grabbed him in a bear hug.
Elijah, his cousin. His brother. His best friend.
The fight-or-flight instinct receded, and Xavier clung to this man he knew. They’d grown up together when the other man’s mother had dumped her two young children with her brother, Frank. They hadn’t seen or heard from her since.
They survived their childhood intact because they’d always had each other’s back. They had vowed never to perpetuate Frank De La Rosa’s legacy of hatred and violence.
Time stopped as memories flooded his brain. Tears streamed down to his neck. He pulled back and turned his head, trying to hide the evidence of his emotional weakness. Selena stood next to him, to let him use her as a shield as he pulled himself back together.
She threw her arms about Elijah. “What are you doing here? You have several more days of honeymoon left.”
He hugged her, then looked over her shoulder at Xavier. He gently put her to his side and reached out to grab Xavier’s arm. “It’s really you.” His voice cracked. “When they told me, I couldn’t believe it.” Elijah pulled him into his arms again. His grip tightened for a moment.
He finally stepped back and pinned Selena with a hot glare. “I’m upset with you. You should have called me right away. Why would I want to be hanging out on a beach when...Xavier’s home?”
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