He turned to his cousin then, tears glistening in his eyes. “Losing you was so hard.” He grabbed Xavier’s face and looked him in the eye. “I stayed sober and made sure I was there for your boys. You’ve met them, right? They’re little walking wonders. They look so much like you, and Finn is already just as bossy.”
Xavier’s eyes blinked several times. It was too much.
Selena put a hand on his arm and tried to divert Elijah’s attention again, but he wasn’t budging. “How did you find out he was here?”
“Are you serious? You know we live in a small town, right? As soon as Xavier showed up at the house, people were messaging me. Jazz and I had turned off our phones. I went to do a quick check and my phone blew up.” He narrowed his eyes. “I should have heard from my family.” His voice was clipped and hard.
“I’m sorry. We thought it might be overwhelming for Xavier. Plus, you and Jazz deserved your time together.”
Xavier stepped up, putting himself between them. “Don’t get mad at her.”
“We thought you were dead. You’re not. She should have—”
Xavier lifted his chin. “Listen. You’re here now. I’m here. It’s all good.”
Elijah nodded and pulled Xavier into another tight hug. “I never got the opportunity to tell you how much I love you.”
Xavier’s fist gripped the back of Elijah’s shirt. He was afraid to say the words. He knew he should, but...he couldn’t form them.
A couple more pats on the back and Elijah stepped back, then hugged Selena. “Sorry. It’s just so much to take in.” He released her and looked at them both. “This is going to be one amazing Christmas. I’ve never been a big fan, you know. But this year I have Jazz and our daughter. Did you meet Rosie?” His eyes lit up, bright with joy and happiness.
Xavier had a hard knot right in the center of his chest. Elijah deserved happiness.
“I have. She’s as beautiful as her mother. I’m so glad you have Jazz back in your life and a daughter.”
“Yeah that was a surprise. I’m making up for lost time.” Elijah wiped his face. “And now you. I feel like Scrooge when he finally believes. God is so good. We have so much to talk about.”
Selena took Xavier’s hand. “You know about his memory loss, right?”
The man who had been Xavier’s brother and best friend nodded. “Sorry if I came on too strong. Is it rude to ask how much you remember about me?”
“No. When you came in, I got a flood of images and emotions. The last thing I remember is Jazz leaving. Wait. Once you got sober, we started a fishing charter together.” He laughed. “I own a fishing boat?”
Elijah grinned and winked at Selena. “With the help of your wife, you own a bit more than that now. Along with a pirate ship.”
“A pirate ship?” He looked at Selena. “Really?”
She nodded. “We haven’t gone into all the details yet. There’s a lot to work out and go over. We need to meet with a lawyer.”
Elijah laughed and hugged them both. “That will all work out. It’s like we’re in some strange episode of It’s a Wonderful Life, De La Rosa style.”
Selena gave him a quick hug and stepped back with a smile. “It’s the best Christmas gift I couldn’t have even known to ask for. Will y’all be okay if I go to the house to check on the boys?”
They both nodded, Elijah with much more enthusiasm.
She gave Elijah a kiss on the cheek, then turned to Xavier. “When you’re ready to go home, just come get me. Okay?”
He nodded, even though the thought of her leaving him sent a flare of panic through his veins. The horse next to him nudged his shoulder, so he ran his hands under the thick mane instead of reaching for Selena.
Hombre turned to him and Xavier rested his head on the horse’s neck. Selena was his home. How did he know that, but nothing about them as a couple?
Chapter Six
The ride from the ranch into town was full of silence. Even her father, normally an easy conversationalist, didn’t say much. He cited a few points of interest, but Xavier didn’t respond.
She studied him but couldn’t figure out what he was thinking. Which was nothing new. He had always kept his emotions tucked away.
The fifteen-minute trip seemed to have lasted over an hour by the time Selena put the car in Park. No one moved. “Well, home again, home again...”
“Jiggity jig,” Xavier finished for her, then chuckled. The boys all said their own version of jiggity jig. Grinning, he scanned the area. “I have no idea where that came from.”
Riff leaned forward and patted him on the shoulder. “Every time I brought Selena home from another tour we would say that. I’m sure it’s deep in your rote memory.” He opened his door, then unbuckled Oliver.
She watched Xavier’s every expression as he climbed out of the SUV and walked up to the house, stopping halfway. She waited for some sign of recognition. He turned to her, his forehead wrinkled.
“This house is big.”
“We bought this almost five years ago for a bargain. You did a lot of work on it and Buelita moved in right before you left on the last mission. A couple months after we were told of your...that you’d been killed, Riff announced his retirement and moved in, right before the boys arrived. We all live here now.”
He looked over his shoulder. “I’m glad he was there for you.”
They stood shoulder to shoulder, looking at the grand Victorian home with the large wraparound porch that served as another living space. “You can see the beach from the deck upstairs. Whenever you were home, that’s where we spent our evenings.”
An incessant barking started behind the door. The late-morning light reflected off the cool colors of the stained-glass window. Luna slammed against the door on the inside followed by hard scratching sounds.
Selena rushed to the porch, but before she reached the steps, the door opened a crack and a black dog nose pushed through. A black-and-white blur charged off the porch and launched herself at Xavier.
“Luna!” Selena reached for the old dog who was jumping and bouncing on Xavier like an eager puppy. Her tail was wagging hard enough to propel her off the ground as if she had wings. She licked his right cheek, then the left side of his neck.
Riff laughed as he lifted the last of the triplets out of the SUV. They ran and joined in the play. “Una. Una. Daddy. Daddy.”
Selena was having a hard time processing what she was seeing. “She remembers you. I haven’t seen her move like this in years.”
Her father had his phone out, recording the reunion. Xavier wrapped his arms around the Australian mix. He rubbed his forehead against the dog’s and whispered to her.
The boys jumped into the fray, giggling and laughing at Luna’s antics.
With the boys joining them, Luna lay down on her belly, but her tail was still going a mile a minute.
The boys climbed all over her. Xavier scratched her behind the ears like he’d always done. “Good girl.” He raised his face to look at Selena. “I remember everything about her. I gave her to you because she needed a home and you needed someone to protect you when I couldn’t be there. I told her to take care of you.” Leaning down, he cupped Luna’s face between his hands. “Good dog.” Tears ran down his face and Luna licked them away.
Buelita was making her way slowly down the steps. “Oh, my.” She had one hand on her chest and one hand on the railing. “It is you, mijo. It’s really you.”
Xavier stood. He lifted Sawyer off of Luna’s back and held him in one arm as he went to Selena’s great-grandmother.
The dog stayed right by his side every step, her face upturned so she could keep her eyes on his face. Finn and Oliver went along with them, their tiny hands buried in her coat as they toddled beside her.
“Buelita. I missed you.” He kissed her worn and wrinkled cheek.
Her ben
t fingers cupped his jaw and her dark brown eyes glistened with tears. “I’ve seen some amazing things in my life, mijo, but this is something even I couldn’t imagine. God has brought you home alive.”
He covered her hand with his. “There’s still a lot that I need to figure out.”
She nodded. “You always had a lot to figure out, mijo. But no better place than home to do that. Now I’ve got some freshly fried papas just for you and warm tortillas. Beans are almost ready. Come on and sit down. We’ll feed you.”
“Why does everyone keep on wanting to feed me?”
“You’re too skinny, mijo. Besides, no one comes into my kitchen without being fed. You know that. Let’s get those papas.”
“Papas. Papas.” Beside him, Finn clapped his hands. “Bala.”
He balanced Sawyer in front of him as he dropped to his haunches before the boy. “Don’t tell Tia Belle that we like Buelita’s papas better. It would hurt her feelings.”
In his arms, Sawyer bounced against him. “Papas, papas.”
Xavier grinned up to Buelita. “So, your skillet-fried potatoes are a hit with my boys.”
With his free hand, he helped the older woman up the steps with Sawyer in his other arm and the dog at his heel. Finn and Oliver followed.
Selena’s heart melted. This was the picture of Xavier she had carried in her heart when they were dating.
He had always been a protector. But could he also be the man who stayed, or would he be leaving again? Would the world take him away?
What she really needed to know was whether her heart was strong enough. Could she stand by and keep her heart whole as he walked out?
Her father put his arms around her. “Give him time, sweetheart. It’s gonna come together. God brought him home where he can heal.”
She wanted to crawl into her father’s arms and cry, but she didn’t have time for that. He’d never been that type of dad, anyway. He was more “Life is hard, so get back on the horse and ride.” But she was tired of playing the tough cowgirl. “He remembers the dog.” It sounded so petty when she said it out loud. “I don’t understand. I love that he remembers her, but I’m mad, too. Was she more important to him than I was?”
Her father shook his head. “I suspect the dog, us playing music together, Belle, the early years, are all easier for his brain to deal with. I ain’t got no fancy degree, but I know a lot about people.”
Nodding to the porch, he narrowed his eyes. For a moment he was silent. “That boy has always loved you above all else and I think he knows he hurt you the most with his leaving. If he allows himself to remember that, he’s gonna have to remember how much he let you down.”
His warmth surrounded her as he pulled her closer. “From the time he was a kid, he took action when he saw something that needed to be fixed. He’s one of the most action-orientated men I know, but he couldn’t give you what you wanted. Some things are just beyond the man’s capabilities.”
Taking her hand, he moved toward the house. “He can understand that intellectually, but it doesn’t mean he can deal with it. That guilt could well be what’s keeping him from those memories.”
“Did he talk to you about it?” The hurt tore at her heart.
“No. He didn’t talk to me. Or to anyone else, I suspect.” On the porch he pulled her into his arms and she rested her head against his chest.
Growing up, she had resented her father putting his music ahead of her desires for a real home. But these last two years he had given it all up for her. “Dad, I couldn’t have done this without you. By some miraculous event, my husband is back from the dead. He’s home. I should be so happy, and I am, but I also feel more lost than ever.”
His arms tightened around her. “Oh, sweetheart. During your growing-up years I was so selfish. But don’t let my choices make you afraid to love him.”
“It’s so much more complicated than that. The bigger issue might be trust, anyway.” She sighed and moved away from her father. “We’d better go check on them. Buelita, the boys and Xavier might be a dangerous combo.”
“Oh, I’m sure Luna has them all behaving.”
She laughed. “That’s probably true.” She paused at the door. Xavier was home. The last two years she’d had to stop herself expecting him to walk in the door, but now he was here.
The divorce papers were tucked away somewhere, taunting her. What would happen when he did remember their last few conversations? How would the family react when they discovered she had hidden how badly their marriage had fallen apart?
* * *
Walking into the foyer, Xavier paused. To the left was a room that looked to be an office, with a desk covered in files and papers. A large quarterly calendar hung on the wall, bright colors highlighting squares.
Toys littered the area rug that lay over the old wood floors. He followed Buelita into a large living room, Luna behind him. Finn was right next to her and Oliver had a grip on her tail. He wanted to slow down and take in the place Selena had made into a home for her family. Four generations lived in this home.
The need to belong here was strong, but he didn’t fit. This was the home she had created for her family.
Staying the course, Xavier crossed the threshold into the large open kitchen Buelita had led him to. Stopping, he inhaled the aromas of home.
The spacious room was outdated, and years of use were evident in every worn tile, scratched counter and faded cabinet door, but the love and warmth invited him to come in and sit down.
This was the place of his dreams. On the hot nights in the jungle when the loneliness and heat had been too much, his scrambled brain had brought him here. He hadn’t known it was real.
Sawyer tapped his chest, breaking his dream state and bringing him back to the present.
“This is real,” he whispered.
“Papas,” the toddler repeated. “Papas.” The word translated to “potatoes” but growing up they had used it to refer to any food.
The corner of his mouth twitched. “You’re teaching them right, Buelita. Papas. Potatoes. Yummy food.” How could he remember her food but not remember the woman he married?
“Papas. Ees papas.”
He shook his head. “You can’t be hungry after all the food at the ranch.” He went to put his son in the high chair that sat at the middle of the long pine table. Sawyer screeched. “No! Ollie’s.”
Buelita went to the stove to gather the papas into a bowl. She looked over her shoulder at him, as if to say that he should know better. “That’s Oliver’s chair. Sawyer’s is the one on the far right. Finn’s is in the middle.”
Oliver stood with his hands clasped to the side of the tray, glaring at him.
“Sorry,” he said to the serious little guy. “I’ll get it figured out.” He slid Sawyer into the correct chair, then reached for Oliver, but the smallest brother stepped back. He moved next to Buelita, his chubby arm wrapped around her leg. Her aged hand patted his head.
“This is your daddy. He loves you,” she told Oliver in Spanish.
Xavier crouched down, balancing on his heels, and held the boy’s steady gaze. Neither of them spoke. His heart was a huge mess. The mixed emotions of being in the kitchen he’d thought was a product of his imagination with three little people that were his had him wound so tight he didn’t know what he should do.
He wanted this little boy to trust him, but he wasn’t sure he deserved that trust. Finn came over to him and touched his face to get his attention. “Up.”
The tightness in his chest loosened a bit as he swung Finn up and slid him into his chair. Buelita scooped the diced potatoes from a large bowl to their trays.
He turned to Oliver, not sure how to proceed.
Selena rescued him. Coming into the room, she went straight to Oliver and placed him in his chair.
Xavier stood back a little. “I can’t believe
they’re eating again.”
“They don’t really eat much at one sitting, so they kind of nibble on several meals throughout the day.”
Riff laughed. “That’s what she likes to tell herself. But these boys eat. I’ve been saving money for their food bill when they’re teenagers.”
Xavier’s lungs stopped working at the thought of these three babies as huge teenagers. He, Damian and Elijah had always been hungry. There hadn’t been enough food to keep them full. Not to mention clothes and shoes.
A warm touch on his arm brought his gaze to the left where Selena was frowning at him. “We have plenty of years yet before we have to deal with that. Let’s get them potty trained first.”
He nodded. Potty trained. He didn’t even begin to have a clue about training two-year-olds.
“I’m going to go get my organizer.” She stopped at the doorway. “Do you have a list of the doctors you need to see? I can make calls in the morning and we can set up a rotation to make sure you always have a ride and someone with you. We also need to meet with a lawyer.”
“I don’t want to be an imposition. You’re already busy.”
Buelita sat at one end of the long farm table, sorting beans. “No worries, God has us. Somos familia.” The tiny lady shook her head at him as she scraped the clean beans off the edge of the table into a bowl.
Selena nodded. “Family is everything. You have always been there for yours.”
He looked at the boys, then to the woman that had raised Riff after his parents’ death. She was tiny, but had strength radiating from her core. Now she was helping raise Selena’s boys. His boys.
His wife’s family legacy was the opposite of his. Why had she married him? Maybe she had been too young to know better?
Riff nodded. “Listen to Buelita and your wife. They’re smart women. We are family, so don’t you dare worry about being an imposition. You’re home. You’re alive. Let us take care of you.”
“Do you have the list of doctors with you?” Selena asked.
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