He stood. “I have a folder the hospital in Colombia gave me. No doctor’s names, just what kind I need to see.”
“Come on, then. That’s get this together and I’ll show you to your room.”
It was like she knew he needed a break from the family togetherness. Back in her office, he studied the shelves and walls while she opened her organizer and wrote down the info from the folder he gave her.
Their life together was scattered around the room in frames. More pictures of the boys hung on the wall. It had only been two years but looking at the tiny babies in one crib made him realize how much he had already missed.
“Here’s the plan.” She moved to stand in front of her three-month wall calendar. “I’m going to call all the doctors you have listed and get appointments set up. I’ll go to the first ones with you. I can ask questions and make sure we have everything covered and what you need for recovery. I’m going to make you...”
She looked down at her cup full of highlighters, then back at the organized squares hanging on the wall. “The boys are my favorite color, turquoise. Everything to do with Saltwater Cowboys is blue.” She twisted to look at him. “That’s the business we own with Elijah and Miguel. City business is red. The ranch is yellow. Family is orange. Church is purple, and all the Christmas deadlines and appointments are highlighted in green.”
Holding up the bright pink pen, she smirked at him. “You always looked good in pink.”
He grinned. “Real men wear pink, right?” Then he looked back at the wall. “What about you?”
She gave him a blank look. “Me? What do you mean? All these colors are me.”
“No. These are all the people in your life.” He pointed to the oversize calendar. “When do you have time for yourself?” His memories were good, but he couldn’t imagine seeing anyone so well organized.
Rolling her eyes, she put the cup back on her desk. “Now you sound like Belle. I love my life. All I ever wanted was to be a part of a big family and involved in my hometown.”
He looked back at the calendar. “Well, you achieved that goal. You are definitely involved. Out of curiosity, when did we spend time together? Did we have a color?”
The sarcastic remark that popped into her head was bitten back. “You had your missions that kept you busy and I had mine. I tended to stay local. You had a bigger, more global calling.” She shrugged. “I didn’t have this system when you were here. I was elected to the city council right before you left. A system was needed to make sure I didn’t miss anything. And to help me keep the boys in focus. If the turquoise gets overpowered, I know to readjust. My boys always come first.” The last sentence was delivered with a verbal punch.
“Selena, I wasn’t judging your parenting. You do a lot for other people. I was just wondering what you do for yourself. And now you’ve added me.” He nodded to her massive to-do list. “One more item on your list of jobs. I don’t want to be a burden.”
“Oh, Xavier. You’re an amazing gift from God. A gift that I don’t want to take for granted. Buelita was right when she said not to worry. You’re family. Taking care of each other is what we do.” Her cheeks puffed out as she studied her calendar. “There’s not a great deal of wiggle room.” She turned to him with a smile. “But don’t worry. We’ll get it worked out. Your healing has to be a priority.”
He glanced at the wall of color coding. “I don’t like this feeling of—”
“Not being the one to take care of others?” She took his hand. “Let us take care of you. We have all missed you so much. You being back is like an answered prayer we weren’t allowed to pray for.”
He nodded. If he spoke, his voice would crack.
Her fingers tightened for a brief moment, then released him. “It’s okay to be frustrated. It has to be okay for you to be honest about what you’re going through, your feelings.”
He laughed. “I have enough of my memories to know I’m not good with those...” He waved his fingers around. “Feeling things. I’m—”
“A De La Rosa. Yes. I’ve heard that excuse before. If Elijah could manage to find his, you can, too.” She let his hand slip from hers. “Get your bag and follow me to your room. They added the garage about twenty years ago, then you converted it. It still has your oversize TV and that giant sleeper sofa. You’ll have your own bathroom. You also installed a little kitchenette area with a minifridge and microwave. It’s stocked with your favorite drinks. My dad did that. It’s like a well-equipped bachelor pad.”
Except that he wasn’t a bachelor and if they married as young as those pictures looked, he never had been. As they walked through the living room, he noticed the safety gate at the bottom of the steps. He was sure those hadn’t been there the last time he’d lived here. “I’m not a bachelor.”
“No, I guess not.” She opened the door that led to a small passage connecting the garage to the house. She waited for him to walk in first. “Some of your stuff is upstairs in the attic. I donated most of your things to the shelter, but I might still have a few of your shirts and all-weather jackets. Make a list of anything you need. Get some sleep.” She went to a closet and came back with bedding and a pillow. “Is there anything else you need from me right now?”
How about a clue to what I’m supposed to do next with my life? But his gut told him a man never asked for that kind of help. “I’m good. Thank you.”
“Okay. I’ll come check on you when it’s dinnertime.” She stood in the doorway as if waiting for him to say or do something more, but he wasn’t sure what she was expecting.
“Okay. Thanks.” Man, that was lame.
With a nod, she was gone, and he was alone in the large room that he had designed and decorated. He had absolutely no memory of this space.
Without even bothering with the bedding, he flopped onto the couch and closed his eyes. This big old house was his. He was a father, a husband. With no connection. This was his hometown—where everyone knew him better than he knew himself.
Chapter Seven
The following week had been full of doctors’ appointments, strange faces of people he was supposed to know, and getting to see the marvelous world of the three little boys that were his sons.
One afternoon had been taken up in a lawyer’s office going through paperwork. His father hadn’t left a will, but half of everything already belonged to Belle and Elijah’s biological mother—his aunt—and no one could find her. The other half was to be split between him, his brother, Damian, and their little sister. They weren’t able to locate her either.
When he had extra time and his sight was behaving, he started doing internet searches for them.
Xavier had also spent more time with family, but after the rush of early memories his brain had decided to lock down any useful information that might help him figure out who he was supposed to be.
Selena’s well-organized calendar exploded with pink. A few times he thought she was going to have a meltdown, but she did a great job of covering up and smiling.
Today had been all about Elijah and Miguel showing him the additions to their tourist-based business. Not that he had much memory of Saltwater Cowboys before he’d left for Colombia.
After touring the buildings and pier and meeting the staff, Elijah and Miguel introduced him to Carlos, the captain of their pirate ship.
A pirate ship. He owned a pirate ship. For some reason he was sure that even if his memories weren’t playing hide-and-seek, he would find this hard to believe. The fishing boats fit in a few holes in his brain, but a pirate ship?
Carlos took them through the most notable features of the vessel. Now Xavier stood behind the wheel, looking over the horizon. The clear blue sky was disrupted by white wiggly worms swimming before him.
He was sure no one else saw them. Closing his eyes against the sight didn’t help. The little creatures didn’t go away.
As the
boat swayed, he gripped the rail. Not now. Was it too much to ask to spend one day doing things he used to do? Why was it that the biggest battle he waged was against his own body?
Opening his eyes, he found the other two men studying him with concern. He wanted to snarl at them, but that wouldn’t help. “How did we become pirates?”
The men laughed. Elijah shook his head. “It was your wife’s idea. She thought we needed more than dolphin watching for kids and families and argued it was something the locals might enjoy, too. We had our doubts, but once again she was proven right.”
Miguel looked at his watch. “They have a party boarding, and we need to head out if we’re going to get any fishing done.”
The dock rolled under his feet as they made their way to the fishing boat. It was a beauty but as they boarded, he knew he was going to be sick.
The worms moved faster and multiplied. His sight was useless. The tension coiled, and he wanted to slam his fist into something, anything.
“Xavier?” Elijah was at his side, a hand on his shoulder.
He shook his head. “I can’t. The motion of the water is too much. I need to get off the water.” He turned to leave, but Elijah stopped him.
“Whoa. You’re about to step off the edge.” A large hand was on the back of Xavier’s shoulder. “This way. Okay?”
Screaming “no” would be childish, Xavier knew this. Locking his jaw, he closed his eyes and focused on the silent directions Elijah gave him.
“Hey, Miguel!” His cousin yelled at their business partner. “Something came up. We have to head out. Catch you later.”
“Do you need my help with anything?”
“Nope. We’re good.”
Yeah, hunky-dory. Like a little kid he had to be led to safety. “You don’t have to leave on my account. Just get me on solid ground and I’ll—”
“Stop right there. We’re familia and this is what we do.”
Someone was approaching them. He squinted but couldn’t make out the details.
“Xavier!” The woman went in for a hug. He stiffened, but she didn’t seem to notice. “It’s so amazing. God is amazing, right?”
“He really is, Barbra.” Elijah said as he took the woman’s hand and subtly pulled her away from Xavier.
Breathing became a little easier.
“We so missed the big Thanksgiving Selena and Riff have been hosting at y’all’s Victorian, but we understand. It must be just so amazing to be home again.”
He nodded and hoped the expression he made looked enough like a smile. She chatted enthusiastically a bit before Elijah finally extracted them from her grasp.
Yesterday had been Thanksgiving and apparently the quiet family dinner at the ranch had not been the plan.
Several more people stopped them. His eyesight was improving, but he still had no clue who he and his cousin were talking to. Elijah charmed them and then sent them on their way before Xavier even had to utter a word. They each said something about the big dinner.
“Did we always host a community Thanksgiving?” he asked Elijah as they made their way to the parking lot. His vision had finally come back.
Elijah shook his head. “No. Selena started that the first year without you. When you left that last time, she got more involved in community service. When we got the news that you had been killed...” He sighed. “She went into overdrive. I think it was a way to distract herself from the fact that you wouldn’t be coming back.”
As they walked to the parking lot, more people came up to him, asking if he remembered them.
It took them more than twenty minutes to get from the patio of the Painted Dolphin to Elijah’s truck.
“I wish I had the excuse of a brain injury to not know people’s names,” Elijah said as he drove them back to the Victorian. “People come up to me all the time and start talking like I know them. I have to pretend I have a clue who they are.”
“It’s not as fun as it sounds.”
“Sorry. I guess that’s true. I have some memory loss related to the years I was drinking. It’s really awkward when people remember you doing something and you have no recollection of the event. I’m stuck having to take their word for it and hoping I wasn’t a complete idiot. I wonder if I met them when I was drunk or I just forgot them.”
“Why not just ask them?”
He laughed. “That would be admitting I’m not perfect. Come on, we’re De La Rosas. Not permissible.” He sighed as the truck came to a stop in front of the grand Victorian. “It’s easier to just smile and nod. Usually Jazz or Belle can tell me later how I know them. I’ve gotten better in the arena of asking for help.”
He slipped his keys into his jacket and looked straight at Xavier. “Just so you know, asking for help is not the end of the world. It can actually make life better.”
Xavier nodded. “Duly noted.”
Out of the truck, he cut across the front lawn. There were several cars parked in the drive and in front of the house.
“It’s annual tamale day for our family. One reason I thought it would be a good time to go out on the boat and give you an update on our business.” He grinned at him, and Xavier saw flashes of the boy he had been. “We could go to the ranch and ride out to Damian’s cabin. He might have his memories, but I’m thinking he’s the most messed up out of all the De La Rosa men—and that is saying a great deal.”
Xavier considered the offer to run and hide. A black nose pushed a curtain aside and a bark welcomed him home.
They went into the house. “We should offer to help.” Xavier patted Luna as she walked beside him. “Maybe they’ll turn us down and we can hide in my man cave. Find a football game or something. I haven’t seen one of those in a good while.”
“That, my brother, is wishful thinking.” Elijah clapped him on the back as he went to the door. “It’s not that bad. We both have a lot of making up to do.”
Xavier was still unsure of how he felt. There had been a part of him that thought he was better because he hadn’t turned to alcohol like his father and Elijah. But the bigger the ego, the bigger the fall.
Luna pressed her nose against his hand, and muscles he hadn’t been aware of tensing relaxed.
The ugly truth was that he wasn’t any better. He was just as much a coward. He didn’t hide in the bottle. He actually ran and hid. Using the military and then this new security job, whatever it was, it took him form home. Calling it duty didn’t make it any better.
Christmas music and giggles floated from the back of the house. Elijah looked over his shoulder with a grin. “Sounds like they’re well on their way to Christmas cheer.” He paused. “How are you and Selena doing?”
He hesitated, not sure what was safe to say. Or even what he should say.
“It has to be a bit awkward,” Elijah continued. “There was always a strange period of readjustment when you got home from a long deployment. This has to be a doozy. Are y’all...finding your way back?”
The psychiatrist had encouraged him to talk to someone he could trust. If he couldn’t trust Elijah, he was a lost cause. “We aren’t. I don’t have any solid memories of her and our marriage.”
He looked startled. “Really? Are you talking about it with her?”
Xavier snorted. “I tend to say the wrong thing and make her sad. Not knowing our past is...not easy. I don’t have anything helpful to say.”
“You have to open up and be honest with her.”
“So basically, all I have to do is look like an idiot. Then I can watch her run away as fast as she can. No one wants me to open up, trust me on this.”
Elijah pivoted in the entryway, pinning him with a hard glare. “This isn’t a joke. If you can’t, then don’t. Don’t lead her on and pretend you can make this work. If you can’t give her everything, then at least be honest enough to tell her that and walk away now. Maybe you shou
ld stay at the ranch.”
Being warned off Selena didn’t sit well. Why? He wasn’t sure.
He stepped into Elijah’s space. “I can’t walk away. We have three sons. I won’t walk out on them. I will not be my—” His throat closed, and he couldn’t get the hated word out. His vision blurred.
Elijah put a reassuring hand on Xavier’s tense shoulder. “I know you’re not your father. You pulled me out of the gutter when most people would have turned their back on me. You would never abandon your children. Or anyone that needs you. That’s part of your problem. But you don’t have to be married to their mother to be a part of their lives. There are options. I’m telling you, brother to brother, be careful with her heart. You broke it once.”
“Because I left? What happened between us?” Not having answers to any important part of his life was eating at his gut.
“Neither one of you talked to anyone that I know of, but after you left that last time it was different. She was a hollow shell of herself.” He gripped Xavier’s shoulder tighter. “You were my role model for what it meant to be a man of honor. I remember your love for her even if you don’t, but you need to trust her, too. She deserves the whole man, not the half you’re willing to share. She’s strong. I don’t know what is going on between you, but you have to trust God. Believe me, I understand how hard it is.”
“I don’t know who I am.”
“God knows you.” He pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket. “I start every day turning it over to God. I don’t leave our bedroom until I’ve read my devotional and focused my mind. Maybe today’s prayer was meant for you.”
Xavier looked at the slip of paper. Elijah’s handwriting dashed across the page.
Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths. Proverbs 3:5-6
“Elijah? Xavier?” Jazz poked her head around the corner. “I thought I heard my favorite voices. What are y’all doing back so soon?”
“Waves and head injuries don’t go well together.”
The Texan's Surprise Return Page 8
