Jazmine came into the living room wearing a pink-striped, ruffled apron. Wrapping an arm around her husband, she pulled him close and smiled at Xavier. “That means you can help make the family traditional tamales. Or I guess you can go watch some boring game.”
Elijah kissed her on the top of her head. “We were on our way to the kitchen.”
“Good.” She disappeared back out the door.
“Elijah, I’m so proud of you. Seeing you with Jazz—” The emotions welling up in his throat caught him off guard. “Well, it’s a good thing to see. You deserve happiness.”
“So do you. More than any of us. Growing up, you took hits meant for me. Time and time again, you stepped in to fight for someone smaller.”
“Doing the right thing doesn’t mean I deserve more than others. There are a bunch of people that step up and do the right thing.”
“Do you plan on staying? Selena needs to know where you stand.”
“There’s so much unknown. I’m trying to get my life together.”
“Aren’t we all. One day at a time.” Slapping him on the back, Elijah jerked his head toward the kitchen. “For now, let’s make some tamales with our families.”
Following Elijah to the back of the house, the sound of “We Wish You a Merry Christmas” made him want to go the other direction, but then the giggles drowned it out.
He took a deep breath, making sure to plant a smile on his face and breathe.
The kitchen was busy with controlled chaos. His sons had their baby curls in an assortment of colorful hair clips. He was afraid to ask questions.
Buelita held court at one end of the large farm table that served as the island anchoring all the activities in the oversize country kitchen. The woman who had seen nine decades was spreading masa onto the corn husks and then flipping them—all in one fluid motion and without looking down. She made the tricky job look easy.
Standing at her right hand, Cassie was mimicking her, but a lot more slowly. Jazz, Rosie, Belle and Lucy were filling the tamales, then passing them to Selena and the boys to add cheese. Selena, the final stage in the assembly line, was helping the boys and wrapping the tamales.
Hopping off her chair, Rosie ran to Elijah and hugged him. “We’re helping Buelita and Tía Selena make tamales! There’s chicken with pork and now we’re making bean and cheese. It’s a family tradition.”
The boys tried to escape their high chairs, but Selena had them secured.
Buelita smiled. “Bienvenido. Como estan?”
Elijah went around and kissed her on the right cheek. “Muy bien. God is good.”
Xavier greeted her from the left. “Good. Gracias.”
She waved them next to the triplets. “Come in. Come in. Now, Rosie, get back to your station. Elijah and Xavier, come here next to Selena and wrap and stack the tamales. Selena and the boys are adding the queso.”
“Daddy! Daddy!” The boys banged on their high-chair trays.
Selena looked a little frazzled but smiled. “The boys are making what should have been the easiest job much more complicated.” She nodded. “I’ve fallen behind, so if y’all could fold the husks and place them in the red tub, it would be much appreciated.”
“Not without putting their hair up,” Cassie informed them.
“We all have ponytails. See?” Rosie tossed her head to show off the wild curls gathered on the top of her head. The boys proudly wiggled their heads and giggled when their short little ponytails and hair clips flopped around.
“So that’s why my sons have such fancy hairstyles.”
Elijah pulled his well-worn baseball cap out of his back pocket and put it on backward. “Will this work?” He looked to Buelita for approval. She nodded and they all turned to Xavier.
“I don’t have a hat. I can go—”
Buelita shook her head. Her grin didn’t have him fooled. She loved the thought of him matching the boys.
Lucy held up a glittery purple bow.
“Ponytail. Ponytail,” the children started chanting. The boys sounded more like “onyail.”
Sawyer grinned at him and pointed to his head. “Pwetty ha.” His baby curls were pulled into two short pigtails shooting off the top of his head like fountains.
Selena moved toward him. “Your hair is longer than I’ve ever seen it.” Her fingers caressed the ends that curled behind his ear. “You’ve always kept it military short. Do you want me to cut it later?”
For a moment, it seemed as if everyone in the room disappeared and he savored her touch. “You used to cut it for me?”
As if realizing she was touching him, she pulled back and locked her fingers together. “I did.”
He wanted her to offer to cut it again, but that probably crossed a line. They stood like that, just staring at each other. He searched her eyes.
Elijah coughed, and elbowed him. The moment was broken. “Rigo still has his barbershop on the boardwalk.”
“Come here.” She motioned to a chair by the small table against the wall. When he sat, she ran her fingers through his hair, pulling it up into the shortest man bun ever. Elijah laughed and took a picture.
“You’re so pretty.” He smirked. “Damian will want to see this. He might even smile.”
Making a point to look at Selena, Xavier said, “I’ve read that ignoring bad behavior is good practice when dealing with juveniles and toddlers.”
“And grown men acting as such?”
Elijah just laughed as he tucked his phone into his pocket.
The kids cheered as Xavier posed for them. He rubbed the boys’ heads. “Have they ever had a haircut?”
Haircut and hands washed, the assembly line was back in motion. Selena frowned. “They’re just babies.”
“You’ve never cut their hair, really?”
“No. Once those baby curls are cut, they won’t grow back.”
Belle nodded. “One more step to growing up. The girls were four before I cut their hair.”
He looked at the already long curls on Finn and Sawyer. Oliver’s was straight, but just as long. “Let me take them with me to Rigo. We’ll have a man’s day out. Trim up the locks and show ’em how to shave.”
Her scowl warned him this was no joking matter to her. “Xavier, they can’t shave.”
Elijah laughed as he stacked his wrapped tamales. “He’s messing with you, Selena.”
Her amber eyes glowed, a flame burned hot. “I’m not ready for them to lose their baby curls or to shave. I mean, I know you’re not really going to have them shaved, but the idea that one day they’ll need...” She bit her lips.
Would he be here when that happened?
Xavier put down the tamale and touched her arm. “Selena, I won’t take them if you don’t want me to.”
Standing next to the boys, she kissed Oliver on the head. “I’m just not used to others making those kinds of decisions about the boys. I’m being silly. You’re right. It’s time to cut their hair.” She stroked her fingers along the silky strands of Oliver’s funny little ponytail. She looked like she was going to cry. Making her sad seemed to be his special talent.
With a chuckle, Elijah elbowed him. “You should get that recorded. Her admitting you’re right might never happen again.”
Jazz threw a small chunk of masa at her husband. “I can’t believe you said that.”
He dodged. “Not you.” With a gleam in his eyes, he rolled some of his own masa. “I was—”
“Children. You’re setting a bad example. Ya. Ya.” Buelita’s glare swept the table.
Everyone went back to work, singing along as “O Christmas Tree” came on.
Selena kept the boys entertained as she added the cheese. Smiles and laughter floated around the kitchen.
This wasn’t a one-time thing. For his boys, this was family life, a safe place where they could g
row and explore the world around them without fear or doubt.
Elijah reached across and helped his daughter with her tamale. He had the natural ease of a man who knew the value and worth of the people in his life. Xavier had prayed for Elijah, and Belle and Damian and Gabby, to have this. Back when he’d believed his mother when she said God was listening. Then she was gone, dead, and he stopped believing.
But in the jungle, he had instinctively reached out to God. God had never left him. Even though he hadn’t known who he was, God did, and He was here now, in this kitchen.
Xavier’s heart pounded.
Their sons were surrounded by a loving family. Selena had created this without any help from him. Maybe because he hadn’t been here to get in her way.
His father was in his blood. What if he destroyed this safe haven she had built for her family?
Finn slammed his hands flat against the tray and bits of masa went flying. Specks landed in Selena’s hair.
“Finn. No.”
Sawyer banged on his tray. “No. No, no. Finn. No.”
Oliver pressed his face against the tray and licked the surface.
“Don’t do that, Oliver,” Selena scolded. “Stop licking your tray.” He giggled and did it again. This time, his brothers licked the surface of their trays, too. She sighed in defeat.
Xavier tilted his head and studied the boys. “What are they doing?”
“I have no idea, but once one of them does it, the other two will follow.” Going to the sink, she ran a towel under the water. “I think the boys hit their tamale-making limit. I’m going to take them to their room. It’s past nap time.” She wiped down the one closest to her. “Ready for mimis?”
That word hit him hard. A clear memory of his baby sister holding his hand and asking for him to go mimis with her. It was baby talk for “sleeping.” Gabby had used it well past her toddler years. She’d been afraid of going to sleep unless one of her big brothers stayed with her.
“No. No mimis.” Sawyer frowned.
Oliver yawned. “Mimis.”
“Will y’all be okay without me?” she asked Buelita.
“Sí. Sí. We have this. Take your boys.” She looked at the triplets. “Muy buen.”
“Let me help.” Xavier dropped his last tamale into the tub.
Shaking her head, Selena turned away from him. “Stay and help with the tamales.”
Xavier looked to the mess on the counter, then to Selena. She went to Finn and unbuckled his seat, so Xavier went to Sawyer.
“It’s okay. I’ve got the boys. I’m used to this.” Putting Finn on the ground, she moved to Oliver. “Really, Xavier. Help with the tamales. I’ve got the boys.”
She took Sawyer from him and walked to the door. Oliver followed, but Finn took off in the opposite direction. “No mimis.”
“Belle, would you mind getting him?”
“I’ve got him.” Xavier dropped his last tamale into the tub and went after Finn.
She sighed and held out her free hand. “I can carry him upstairs.”
“No.” Finn arched his back and screamed. “No mimis.”
“I can take him up.”
“He does this all the time. Just hand him to me.” Her jaw was flexing.
Why wouldn’t she let him help? He glanced at the others. All the adults were trying very hard to be busy with the work at hand. The kids stared at him with curiosity, waiting to see what he would do.
“You’ve got three of them. Let me help.” Not letting her say no again, he threw Finn over his shoulder fireman style and patted his padded bottom. The boy went from screeching to giggling. “Lead the way, Mama Bear.”
She rolled her eyes but didn’t offer any more arguments. Unlatching the safety gate at the bottom of the stairs with one hand, she called Oliver back to her. He shook his head and ran across the room to the couch.
“Oliver, come over here.”
He shook his head and climbed onto the large L-shaped sofa. He struggled a bit, but finally pulled himself up. “Mimis.” He pulled one of the overstuffed cushions down and threw himself on it. Laughing, he did it again.
Not able to hold back his smile, Xavier went over to scoop up the smallest triplet. The boy scurried over the cushions and onto the back of the sofa. “No!” he yelled at Xavier. Then he fell off the back of the couch with a hard thunk.
Xavier’s heart stopped. Before he could respond, Selena was behind the sofa and picking Oliver up with her free hand, Sawyer balanced on her opposite hip.
After she’d determined Oliver hadn’t injured himself, she glared at Xavier as if he had caused the child to fall. He wanted to defend himself, but it was probably his fault. He followed her to the stairs.
In his arms, Finn started crying. Xavier lifted him over his head and made zooming sounds as he pretended Finn was an airplane.
The crying stopped, and Xavier lowered him.
“Zoom. Zoom. More.” Finn bounced against him.
Laughing, he lifted the boy up in the air and rushed up the stairs, dipping him over the banister when they reached the top.
Sawyer clapped. “Zoom. Zoom. Me!”
“Xavier. I need them to calm down or they’ll never go to sleep,” Selena commanded as she put a safety gate in place.
He brought Finn against his chest. “Sorry.”
Pushing on him, Finn protested. “No mimis. Zoom. Zoom.”
Selena shook her head. “Their room is this way.” She turned to the left.
He hadn’t been up here. At least, he didn’t have any memories of it. He stopped and looked around.
Straight ahead at the top of the stairs was a cozy reading nook with a ton of pillows in the window seat. Two floral armchairs sat opposite a tidy desk. Drapes were pulled back on the French doors leading to the balcony.
The space around the banister was open to the floor below. There were two closed doors on the right and two to the left with one at the back. Selena had disappeared behind the door to the left.
“Xavier.” She poked her head out the door. “What are you doing?”
“Just getting my bearings. The balcony is through those doors, right?”
She bit her lip and nodded. “Sorry, I hadn’t thought about your memories up here. Do you want to go to the balcony? We spent a lot of time there.”
“Zoom. Zoom.” Finn pushed on him.
“Zoom. Zoom.” Sawyer did the same to her.
He laughed at her expression.
“Don’t encourage them. No zoom, zoom.” She went back into their room.
“Come on. You heard your mom. Time for bed.” Xavier bit back a smile as Finn’s bottom lip stuck out. “I’ve seen that look before.”
The image of a young Selena danced in his brain. She had wanted something... What was it? He closed his eyes to let the memory float to the surface. The therapist he was seeing had given him a few strategies to help reclaim memories. According to him, there was a good chance they were still there, just locked away.
But nothing surfaced.
Inside the boys’ room, soft instrumental music was playing. The lights were low, and images of animals and stars floated across the light green walls and ceiling.
Oliver was already in his crib, his butt in the air. Selena had Sawyer on the changing table. “Does Finn need a change?” she asked him.
“Affirmative.”
She held Sawyer out to him and they exchanged boys. As he held him, he swayed and told Sawyer about the airplanes he had been in. The small ones that took him into the wildest jungles and the huge planes that took him across the oceans.
He stroked the dark curls away from the tiny face as he studied the perfect little features. Sawyer’s lids grew heavy and his head lay against Xavier’s chest. He wanted to burn this image into his brain where it would never go away, no matter what happe
ned or how old he got.
Gentle hands separated them. “Nice job. You got him to sleep.” Selena kissed the boy on his head and turned to put him in the empty crib.
She stood there for a while, looking down on him. “They’re outgrowing their cribs,” she whispered, before turning to him. She jerked her head to the door and he followed her.
Going to the front of the landing, she paused at the reading nook. “Do you want to go to the balcony? Do you think it will help your memories?”
His heart lurched. What if it did unlock forgotten moments? Was he ready for the truth? What if he hadn’t loved her at all and that was the reason he couldn’t remember?
Swallowing back the fear, he nodded, then stepped through the door behind her.
Chapter Eight
She sighed, pushed back the sheer white panel hanging over the glass door and opened it. She stood to the side and waited for him to join her. Without a word, he stepped onto the large balcony.
The front was wide-open, with a view over smaller houses right to the Gulf. The sides were surrounded by tall walls that went up to the roofline. Another small balcony was above them. “What’s up there?”
“Oh, that’s more for show than any real use. The attic is up there. We had talked about turning it into a huge family playroom with maybe a guest room, but it needs a lot to make it livable and it would need easier access. Right now, the only way up there is a pull-down ladder in the guest room. We decided converting the garage was easier. It had been an add-on and you wanted to tie it in better. It stuck out.”
He nodded, then turned to the Gulf view. The waves rolled onto the beach, pelicans diving into the water. Way off on the horizon he could make out structures. “Do you spend a lot of time up here?”
“I have a coffeemaker in my room, so in the early morning when the boys want to play and the weather is nice, I bring them out here. I go over my schedule and sip my first cup of coffee. It’s my favorite time of the day.”
Against one wall were two chairs with a small table between them. A colorful area rug made for a nice play area. He sat in the chair closest to the wall.
“What are the plans for the rest of the week?” He tilted his head back and let the sounds of the small-town wash over him.
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