Finding Mother

by Allen, Anne

  ‘Who did, you and Philip? Were you in love?’ Nicole held her breath, worried that her grandmother would be upset.

  ‘Yes, we were in love, but it was a secret. His parents wouldn’t have approved, you see. They had a far more eligible young woman in mind for their eldest son than a mere Land Girl!’ Eve’s tone was bitter and for a moment Nicole wondered if she should call a halt to their chat. But Eve took a deep breath and smiled at her.

  ‘We had an ally in the form of his grandmother, who lived in the Dower House. She stayed on there after the Hall was commandeered and I used to deliver her produce from the farm. We got on like a house on fire!’ Eve chuckled. ‘Turns out she wasn’t exactly Top Drawer either. Her family owned a factory up North and although they were wealthy were considered only middle class.’

  ‘So what happened? How did she meet Philip’s grandfather?’

  ‘She was sent to a boarding school where she became best friends with the sister of Edward, her later husband. One year she was invited to spend part of the summer with the family. Apparently it was love at first sight when they met and Edward never wavered in his desire to marry her when she was older. And Lady Helen told me they were extremely happy.’

  ‘Lady Helen? Did you name my mother after her?’

  Eve shifted in her chair.

  ‘Yes, she was such a lovely old lady and I…became very close to her. I was like a granddaughter to her and she was on her own a lot so I’d pop round whenever I could.’ Eve chuckled. ‘She could tell such stories! Just imagine, after she’d married Edward, she was introduced to Queen Victoria! Her husband had loads of influential friends so she enjoyed quite a social whirl.’ Eve paused for another sip. ‘For someone with my background, her stories were mesmerising. So I happily kept her company.’

  ‘Did Philip tell her he loved you?’

  ‘Yes, she wasn’t a snob like his parents. And she’d organise it that if I called in while he was visiting her, she’d say she was tired and leave us alone for a while.’

  ‘That was kind of her. She must have been very fond of you both.’

  ‘Philip was her favourite grandson. His younger brother, Richard, took after Sir Michael, an arrogant man.’

  ‘What happened to Richard?’

  ‘I’ve no idea. He was a Captain in the army in the Far East and hadn’t returned before I left. He was the heir by then, of course…’ Eve’s face clouded over and Nicole reached out to take her hand.

  ‘I’m sorry, it must be painful to rake up the memories.’

  Eve shook her head.

  ‘No, it’s all right. It was so long ago and I’ve had a good life since.’

  ‘Did you stay in touch with Lady Helen after you left?’

  Eve looked surprised.

  ‘Oh, I haven’t told you, have I? The dear lady died a few months before the end of the war. Before Philip was killed.’

  Nicole wondered about her grandmother’s relationship with Philip. She’d got the impression that they would probably have married if he’d lived but hadn’t wanted to probe too deeply. If she wants to tell me, she will. That didn’t stop her speculating why her mother had been named after Lady Helen. Could it be that…? No, surely not! If her mind had not been taken up with where, if anywhere, the relationship with Ben was heading, together with the now ever-present spectre of Tom, she might have given it more thought. Added to which, Hélène and Adrian were going away that weekend and she was feeling decidedly unsettled.

  Hélène had driven off to the shops and Eve had retired for a nap when it happened. Nicole was in the garden, tackling the ever-present weeds when she felt arms grab her from behind.

  ‘Who…’ she cried before she was spun round to find Tom, dishevelled and bleary-eyed, staring at her. Her heart quickened in fear.

  ‘Tom! You’re supposed to be in England. What –’

  ‘I missed the plane and anyway, I wanted to talk to you, darling. You didn’t let me –’

  ‘I don’t want to hear what you’ve got to say! Can’t you understand that it’s over between us?’ Taking a deep breath, aware she had to diffuse the situation, she went on more calmly, ‘I’m sorry, Tom. Really, really sorry. But I…I can’t be married to you anymore.’

  Letting her go, he pushed his hand through his unkempt hair. His eyes pleaded with her as he said, ‘Why? I know I’ve not behaved properly in the past, but I can change. I love you, Nicole. If I lose you it’ll be like losing part of me!’

  Nicole dropped her eyes, unable to look at him.

  ‘I…don’t love you the way I used to. It’s over, Tom. You just have to… accept it.’ She stepped back, afraid of his reaction. But he just stood there, white and still. While she held her breath, he suddenly straightened up, saying, ‘I see. You really mean that, don’t you?’

  ‘Yes, I do. Please go home, Tom. Let’s sort this out in a…civilised way. So we can both move on.’

  ‘You’re in love with someone else, aren’t you? The man you were seeing last night?’ His look was accusing.

  ‘I…I’m not sure. But that’s not the point. I’ve stopped loving you, Tom. So please…’

  It seemed to her that Tom was dredging up all his strength as they faced each other.

  ‘All right. I’ll go. You can have your…divorce.’ His voice broke before he added, ‘Goodbye, Nicole. And…good luck.’ He quickly kissed her cheek before striding off towards the front of the house. As she stood still, feeling completely spent, she heard the welcome sound of a car starting up and being driven fast down the drive.

  Slumping down on the grass, she wept.

  chapter 29

  It had taken a while for Nicole to compose herself after Tom had left and was still in tears when Hélène arrived home. After telling her all that had happened, Nicole felt as if she could finally let it go. That Tom now accepted the inevitable and that she could make her own plans for the future. She wasn’t sure what they’d be yet, but at least she was free. Or would be soon.

  Before leaving for her drink with Ben, Nicole, wanting reassurance, phoned the farmhouse. After a few rings, while her stomach tied itself in knots, it was answered.

  ‘Hello, Tom Oxford speaking.’

  Relief flowed through her as she put the phone down. He had gone home! Good, now she could focus on Ben and whether or not they could be a couple.

  They were to meet in The Ship and Crown, overlooking the harbour, and Nicole felt the familiar butterflies in her stomach as she walked in and saw him at a table by the window.

  ‘Hi, how are feeling now?’ he asked, kissing her cheek.

  ‘Much better since I found out Tom’s left,’ she replied, going on to tell him what happened that morning. Ben looked shocked but she said she was fine and believed that Tom had finally agreed to a divorce.

  Nicole asked him about his day and they drifted into a relaxed conversation. When their hands touched she felt the electricity shoot through her. Oh, surely he must feel it too? It can’t just be me?

  ‘Right, shall we make tracks? It’s not far but I’ll make sure you’re still following me.’

  She drove up St Julian’s Avenue and into The Grange, turning right behind Ben’s car near the top of the road. A few minutes later he pulled into the small drive of a white stuccoed end of terrace, leaving her room to park alongside. As he opened the front door Ben said, with a grin, ‘Remember it’s a work in progress, so please ignore the mess.’

  He was right. Lovely proportions, original covings and woodwork abounded but so did bags of plaster, boxes of tiles and pots of paint. Normally happy to explore other people’s houses, Nicole had other, more pressing things on her mind as Ben led the way to the kitchen. This at least looked user-friendly, though not quite finished.

  ‘Drink?’ Ben asked, reaching for a bottle of wine.

  ‘Please.’

  ‘Here you are. Let’s go to the sitting-room, one of the few rooms that I have finished.’

 
‘Oh, this is lovely, Ben! And you did this yourself?’

  She gazed around at the spacious room, admiring what looked like the original wooden floor and fireplace, the walls painted a soft buttery cream. Two sides of the room possessed tall windows dressed with their original wooden shutters. An enormous old brown leather chesterfield took pride of place along another wall, complimented by an antique dark red rug.

  ‘Yep. Apart from the electrics and plastering, I leave that to the professionals. Make yourself comfortable while I close the shutters.’

  He joined her on the sofa, nestling up close. Lifting up her chin, he stroked her face before planting a light kiss on her lips.

  ‘Is this okay? If you’d rather not – ’

  ‘No, it’s fine, honestly.’ More than fine, she thought, desire coursing through her body.

  Ben took her glass, placing it on the nearby table before pulling her down on the sofa. His kisses became more urgent as Nicole felt her need for him quicken. She began undoing his shirt buttons as his hands cupped her breasts under her top. He pulled back, whispering, ‘I think it’s time for bed, don’t you?’

  Happy to agree, Nicole let Ben lead the way upstairs. From her quick view of it, before she fell on the ultra-modern bed, his bedroom looked mercifully finished. Ben closed the shutters before joining her, helping her to slip out of her clothes. Nicole undressed him with practised ease and they slid under the duvet. Hands explored bodies and her breath quickened as Ben’s fingers brushed first her breasts and then her stomach before slowly caressing her inner thighs. Her own hands stroked his muscled torso as they kissed. Her emotions threatened to overwhelm her. She’d wanted this man since that first, electrifying look. Hoped it was love and not lust. Now she knew it was love and she couldn’t wait to share herself with him.

  Passion drove them on and Ben entered her gently as she laced her legs around him.

  ‘Oh, Nicole! I’ve wanted to do this since we met. It’s been so hard to wait…’ Ben groaned as he covered her with kisses, thrusting deeper and deeper inside her. She didn’t want it to end, feeling the delicious rise of her body’s response engulfing her in a tide of exquisite pleasure. As she let out a final cry, Ben shuddered and pulled away. Reaching out he curled his arms around her, murmuring, ‘My darling, darling Nicole.’

  She kissed him, feeling euphoric. He loves me, I think he loves me. Her last thoughts before she drifted off, content.

  Nicole woke the next morning feeling on top of the world. The memory of the previous night’s love-making stirred her body and she reached out for Ben. To find an empty space. Frowning, she sat up quickly before spotting a note on his pillow “Sorry to leave you like this, Sleeping Beauty, but one of us has to go to work. Catch you later. Ben x”

  Grinning, she showered and dressed before going downstairs to find the ingredients for breakfast laid out in the kitchen. As she ate she felt as if she’d never been happier. It had been so long since she’d felt so in love…

  Over the next few days she saw Ben in the evenings, staying over a couple of times. He made her laugh and she felt the hurt of the past few months melt away. During the day she either went to the beach or continued licking the garden into shape. Hélène gave her a hand when she could and by Friday they declared themselves satisfied with their handiwork.

  ‘I can’t remember when the beds looked so gorgeous,’ Hélène remarked, tossing down her trowel. ‘My parents were struggling to cope years ago but couldn’t afford help and I could barely manage my own garden. I feel guilty about not doing much since I moved in,’ she sighed. ‘I was so resentful about giving up my home that I didn’t care about this garden. Which was mean and stupid of me.’

  Nicole gave her a hug.

  ‘Don’t be so hard on yourself. It was a big deal coming back and not having any support, emotional or physical. That’s now changed, so it’ll be easier to enjoy it.’

  Hélène smiled. ‘How come you’re so wise and I’m so stupid? Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around?’

  Laughing, Nicole said ‘I don’t know about wise! I’ve got a lot of things wrong over the years but I’m slowly learning. Now, I’ll put away the gardening tools and how about we bring Grandmother out for a tour of inspection? Followed by a celebratory glass of wine, perhaps? I think the sun’s over the yard arm by now.’

  ‘Good idea. I’ll open a bottle of white and we can sit on the terrace.’

  Hélène brought out the wine while Nicole fetched her grandmother.

  ‘Please have a little walk round the garden and tell us what you think.’

  Eve used her frame to walk onto the terrace, smiling as she saw Hélène with the wine.

  ‘What’s the occasion? We don’t usually have wine at this hour.’

  ‘No we don’t, but we thought we’d celebrate our work on the garden. Mainly Nicole’s, I have to admit. So, if you’ll allow us to escort you, Mother, and then we’ll sit down with a glass.’

  Eve went ahead while Nicole and Hélène kept pace behind. Eve stopped at intervals to gaze at the full blooms of the herbaceous borders so long neglected. Now a riot of colour, with oriental poppies jostling roses, delphiniums, lupins and hollyhocks ranked against the fragrant hedges of escallonia. As Eve turned round Nicole saw the tears in her eyes.

  ‘Are you all right, Grandmother?’

  Eve pulled a tissue from her pocket and blew her nose.

  ‘I…I’m overwhelmed. You must have worked so hard! It’s lovely, thank you both so much.’

  Nicole and Hélène shared a quick grin before they turned back. Hélène made Eve comfortable on cushions before pouring the wine.

  ‘Here’s to La Folie and its amazing garden!’

  They clinked glasses and sipped their wine.

  ‘It’s hot enough to eat supper out here tonight. Would you like that, Mother?’

  Eve nodded.

  ‘That would be most pleasant. A lovely memory to take with me when I go to the home tomorrow.’

  Hélène’s brow creased.

  ‘You are all right about going – ’

  ‘Yes, of course I am. It’s only for a week and then I can come back to my lovely garden. Something to look forward to.’

  ‘And don’t forget I’ll be popping in every day to check up on you. Hélène’s told me they have a beautiful garden so we can sit outside if it’s fine.’ Nicole had a sudden thought. ‘Why don’t I pick some flowers for you to take in with you tomorrow? Remind you of home.’

  ‘Thank you, my dear. I’d like that. Now, my glass is empty. More wine, please Hélène!’

  Saturday morning saw La Folie in a state of bustle unknown for years. Hélène rushed about, checking that nothing had been missed from her mother’s case, while finishing off her own packing. Nicole helped where she could, assuring Hélène that anything missed from Eve’s case could be easily remedied. Gazing at her mother, Nicole couldn’t help thinking how much she had changed since their first meeting. Not only were her eyes brighter but her mouth seemed less pinched, even though she was stressing herself over the packing. Nicole really hoped that the holiday in France would be worth it. She’d caught a glimpse of Eve’s face in an unguarded moment and seen the pain and doubt reflected there. Her grandmother was putting on a brave face, but it looked as if she wasn’t as happy about the respite stay as she’d maintained. Probably doing it to repay Hélène for her sacrifices. Nicole popped outside to pick the biggest bunch of flowers she could without denuding the garden.

  Adrian arrived to pick up Hélène and emotional farewells were exchanged.

  ‘Bye, Mother. I do hope you enjoy your stay – ’

  ‘Yes, yes. I’ll be fine. Get along now and have a good holiday. And Adrian, you look after my daughter, now.’ Eve glared at Adrian as he bent down to give her a peck on the cheek.

  ‘I will, promise. Is there anything you’d like us to bring back? Cheese, wine, chocolate…?’

  ‘A new heart would be w
elcome! But failing that, I’m quite partial to a nice Brie. Now you’d better go, don’t want you to miss the ferry, do we?’

  Nicole hugged and kissed Hélène, whispering, ‘Good luck.’

  Hélène whispered, ‘And you’ before getting into the car. A quick hug for Nicole from Adrian and they were off.

  A few minutes later the ambulance for Eve arrived and Nicole helped carry her case and the flowers.

  ‘I’ll pop in tomorrow afternoon. Give me a ring if you need anything.’ Nicole kissed her grandmother before waving her off.

  It felt strange walking into the empty house and for a moment Nicole felt as if she’d been abandoned. Shaking her head at the daft thought, she headed for the kitchen to make a much-needed coffee. Only ten o’clock, it felt as if she’d been up for hours.

  As she sipped her drink on the terrace she smiled at the thought of the weekend ahead. Ben was coming round at lunch time and they’d head off to the beach for a picnic. The deal was he’d supply everything for the lunch and Nicole would cook supper that night at La Folie. A worrying thought as she’d not cooked properly for yonks, but Hélène had dug out some recipe books for inspiration. Flicking through them, Nicole decided that fish was a safe bet for the main course, preceded by a starter of Parma ham and figs. The dessert could only be strawberries and cream, she thought. Easy-peasy!

  By the time Nicole had unpacked her grocery shopping it was nearly time for Ben to arrive. She dashed upstairs to change into T-shirt and shorts, grabbed her bathers, towel and sun cream and ran back down to hear Ben’s car crunching on the gravel.

  ‘Did they get away okay?’ He asked, planting a kiss on her lips.

  ‘Yep, so I’m Home Alone!’

  He grinned. ‘Not this weekend you aren’t! I’ve packed my toothbrush,’ he pointed to a rucksack on the back seat. ‘Right, let’s head for the beach.’

  Ben headed up to the north-west of the island, the road winding round the coast. Nicole had driven on the same road on her island tour but now enjoyed the luxury of being able to focus on the scenery while he drove.