Finding Mother

by Allen, Anne

  ‘Where are we headed?’

  ‘Le Grand Havre, a sandy bay with a little harbour. It’s quieter than some of the other beaches but has a kiosk in case we run out of food.’

  As they passed Cobo and The Rockmount, she noted how busy it looked. Still, bound to be on a sunny Saturday afternoon. Less than ten minutes later Ben pulled off onto a gravel car park serving a stretch of golden sand, with boats bobbing in the distance.

  Grabbing their things they walked across the beach, sheltered by low slung sand

  dunes.

  ‘Oh, this is lovely!’ cried Nicole, gazing around at the mass of nearly empty sand, dotted with rocks near the water’s edge.

  ‘Isn’t it? I come here to clear my head after a heavy week at work. Although normally I like the sound of children, sometimes it’s nice to have some quiet.’

  ‘Uh huh. So why is this not as popular? It’s gorgeous!’

  Ben grinned. ‘The toilets are a bit of a hike round the next bay. You’ve been warned!’

  Making a mental note to watch how much she drank, Nicole settled herself on her towel while Ben unpacked the picnic. Her mouth watered as he set out crab ciabatta sandwiches, tubs of olives, a bowl of mixed salad and the requisite cutlery and plates. Reaching into the cool-bag, he pulled out a bottle of white wine.

  With a flourish, Ben produced a white tea towel, placed it over his arm and gave a short bow.

  ‘Lunch is served, Madame.’

  Nicole giggled. ‘Idiot! But it looks wonderful, thank you. You did remember the bottle opener and glasses?’

  Ben reached into a bag, producing the very same.

  ‘Happy now?’ he smiled, before opening the bottle and pouring two glasses.

  ‘Santé!’

  ‘Santé!’ Nicole replied, as they touched glasses. You couldn’t really clink plastic.

  Stretched out on their towels, they helped themselves to the food.

  ‘Mm, this crab’s delicious. Did you make the sandwiches yourself?’

  ‘With my own fair hands! Which, by the way, got pretty messed up in the process. A friend catches crab in pots and I bought a couple off him, but I’d forgotten what a performance it is to pick crab. You might need to watch for elusive bits of shell. They’re a bugger to find once you’ve picked the meat.’

  Nicole nodded, her mouth full of crab sandwich.

  Once they’d eaten their fill, Ben reached into the cool-bag for a bowl of mixed fruit. A few handfuls later Nicole, succumbing to the combined effects of wine and sun, yawned and said she’d like a nap. After packing away the detritus, they stretched out on their towels and closed their eyes, the sound of waves gently hitting the shore providing a soothing lullaby.

  Their lazy afternoon was rounded off by a lengthy swim, incorporating much splashing and chasing in the shallows. Laughing and invigorated, they raced to reclaim their towels and get dressed. Moments later they were on the way home.

  As Nicole unlocked the front door she felt like a usurper. After all, this wasn’t her house but for the next week she was in sole charge. And here she was with a man in tow! Albeit one who had full permission to be there. Shaking her head she pushed open the door saying, ‘Welcome! To my not so ’umble abode.’

  Ben grinned as he carried in his bags.

  After they’d cleaned up the picnic items they headed out to the garden with glasses of chilled wine.

  ‘Hey! The garden’s looking great. Who’s the gardener?’

  Nicole explained how she’d wanted to surprise her grandmother before she went to the nursing home.

  ‘Well, if you like gardening so much mine needs some work, as you probably noticed.’

  Nicole recalled the garden so overgrown that you couldn’t even sit outside. A good size, it had potential to be beautiful once the shrubs and trees were cut back. Tiered areas of paving and grass added interest. Or they would if you could get through the brambles and weeds.

  ‘Some work! A bit of an understatement, don’t you think? I might be prepared to give you a hand if you’d clear it first. I’ve always thought walled gardens were a bit magical, but yours needs a large dose of fairy dust to pave the way. If you’ll excuse the pun!’ She smiled.

  ‘Haha! You could be right. Sitting out here, surrounded by beauty – and I’m not just referring to the garden – does make me want to have a beautiful garden.’ He sighed. ‘It’s the old problem, lack of time. I’m still struggling with the inside, let alone the outside. And I don’t possess one green finger.’

  Nicole, who hadn’t missed the compliment, reached over and kissed him.

  ‘If I do stay here a while, I might lend you my not-very-green-fingers, but you’d need to get a professional in first for the heavy clearing. This garden,’ she waved her arm, ‘only needed light digging, weeding and pruning. Yours needs a man with a digger and a machete!’

  ‘Garden apart, do you think you’d like to stay here? As in get a job and somewhere to live?’ Ben put his arm around her shoulders. She liked the feeling and cuddled into him. She was so in love with this man. But was he in love with her?

  ‘Mm, I’ve thought about it, of course. Particularly since I’ve no pressing reason to go back to England, or even Jersey. I feel I’m in a Catch-22 situation.’ She trailed her fingers down his arm. ‘If I wanted to spend more time with you, then I’ll need to stay and get a job. A big commitment. It depends on how you feel about me. You’ve seemed a bit reluctant to get…serious. And I’ve got my own issues after Tom. So…what do you feel about me?’

  Ben cupped her face in his hands before kissing her lips.

  ‘You’re right, I didn’t want to rush into anything. But I knew you were special from the first time I saw you.’ He stroked her face, letting his fingers brush her lips. She felt her heart pumping away so fast surely he was bound to hear. ‘I think I might be falling in love with you, but we both need time to see where it leads us. Would you be willing to take the risk and stay here? Without any promises?’

  What had she got to lose? There wasn’t anything waiting for her elsewhere, she might as well stay here – and hope.

  ‘Yes, I’m willing.’

  chapter 30

  Nicole woke up the next morning and stretched. Her hand hit something soft and warm and she smiled. A big, full-of-wonder smile. Turning on her side she gazed at the recumbent form of Ben beside her. His hair spiked up from his head on the pillow, his mouth curled up in a smile. Mm, wonder what he’s dreaming of? She continued to take in his face, resisting the urge to stroke it. He needed his sleep, she reasoned, particularly after such a night. Their lovemaking had reached an even higher pitch, Ben tender but insistent and she, well, “brazen hussy” came to mind. Perhaps Hélène was right, and food was the way to a man’s heart. Ben had complimented her on the supper which, she admitted modestly to herself, had been delicious. They’d ended the meal by feeding each other strawberries dipped in cream. Messy but so erotic! The memory stirred her body in response, and she was considering waking Ben for a repeat performance when he stirred.

  Opening his eyes he turned towards her, pulling her close.

  ‘Morning, darling. Sleep well?’

  ‘Mm, yes. Like the proverbial log. Though how logs can sleep…’

  Ben’s kiss silenced her and within moments all thoughts of logs vanished.

  An hour later they sat in the garden enjoying breakfast. Nicole felt as if she’d burst with happiness. Their fingers constantly sought each other’s, making it hazardous to drink steaming mugs of coffee.

  She giggled. ‘Perhaps we should focus on our breakfast or we’ll be here all day.

  ‘Okay. If we must.’ He gave an exaggerated sigh before continuing, ‘What shall we do for lunch? I’m happy to take you out somewhere.'

  ‘Honestly, you men! Always thinking about your stomachs! Don’t forget, Doctor, that we’re visiting my grandmother this afternoon.’

  ‘Us men need to keep our strength up, par
ticularly if we have demanding girlfriends like you!’ He grinned before kissing her cheek. ‘Okay, let’s have a scratch lunch with yesterday’s leftovers. We can go out for dinner tonight instead.’

  ‘Sounds good. So, how about a walk on the cliff this morning?’

  The private nursing home looked welcoming as they swept through into the drive. The abundance of flower beds helped to create the appearance of a large, family home. The front door stood wide open, leading onto a tiled entrance hall furnished with polished tables topped with vases of flowers. Although Ben had assured her that the home was one of the best, Nicole had been concerned at what she’d find. So far, so good.

  He held her hand as he guided her down the hall to a large, but homely, sitting room. Nicole searched for her grandmother, spotting her in a chair by the French windows. She grinned. Nothing changes! Before they could move, a nurse approached them, crying, ‘Doctor Tostevin! How nice to see you. Are you here to see Mrs Ferbrache?’

  ‘Yes, but not as her doctor, just a friendly visit. This is her granddaughter, Nicole Oxford. She’ll be visiting every day while Mrs Ferbrache is here.’

  ‘Of course. Nice to meet you. Your grandmother’s told me all about you. She’s settling in very well and has already made a friend or two.’ The nurse smiled warmly at Nicole before bustling off to welcome more visitors.

  ‘Hello, Grandmother. How are you?’ Nicole bent to kiss her cheek.

  Eve looked up and smiled.

  ‘I’m well, thank you. Can we go out into the garden?’

  Ben helped her with the frame and they found seats on the lawn, nestled under a spreading oak tree.

  ‘Ah, that’s better. The staff aren’t keen on my coming out on my own in case I fall. I told them I’m perfectly capable of walking a few yards but they didn’t listen.’ Eve grumbled. Ben and Nicole exchanged glances.

  ‘Are they looking after you all right, Mrs Ferbrache? Any problems and I’d be happy to talk to Matron.’

  ‘Oh, no. Everyone’s been very good to me. It’s not like being at home, of course, but I can’t complain.’

  Reassured that all was well with his patient, Ben left the women to chat while he went in search of tea.

  ‘You and the doctor seem to be getting on well, my dear.’ Eve scrutinised her granddaughter. ‘You in love with him?’

  Nicole gasped. Nothing gets past this old lady!

  ‘I…think so. I’ve decided to stay in Guernsey and look for a job and see what happens between us.’ She looked her grandmother in the eye. ‘Do you approve?’

  Eve chuckled.

  ‘Wouldn’t matter if I didn’t! But, as it happens, I do. I’d like to see both you and your mother settled before I…’

  ‘Grandmother! Don’t talk like that. You’ll be with us for a few years yet. I promise.’

  Eve looked as if she were about to say something, but changed her mind. Ben arrived with tea and cake and the conversation shifted to what Eve had been doing since her arrival.

  Before they left, Eve showed them her room. On the ground floor, it had a large window onto the garden and Nicole thought it looked very comfortable, if a tad small compared to what her grandmother was used to at home.

  Nicole’s sat lost in thought as they drove away. She didn’t like the idea that her grandmother might not have long to live.

  ‘Ben, is Grandmother very ill? She spoke to me as if she was.’

  He remained quiet a moment, as if pondering how much to tell her.

  ‘She has a dicky heart and is refusing to have the operation that could give her a few more years. Both your mother and I have tried to persuade her but…’

  ‘I see.’ She felt her throat tighten. ‘How…how long has she got?’

  Ben looked at her, his eyes full of sympathy.

  ‘About a year, perhaps less. I’m sorry.’

  Nicole nodded, feeling tears threaten. Ben squeezed her hand before concentrating on his driving. She searched out a tissue from her bag and blew her nose.

  ‘She’s been telling me about the time she spent in England during the war and how she fell in love with an airman. I think she’s holding something back and I’m wondering if she doesn’t want me to know until after she’s…she’s gone.’

  ‘Hmm. If she does have a secret then it’s up to her whether or not to share it. You don’t think she’s told Hélène?’

  Nicole shook her head.

  ‘No. Hélène’s been surprised that Grandmother talks to me about the war. And I haven’t repeated anything she told me as I wasn’t sure if I should, or if Hélène would be interested. They weren’t all that close, as you may have gathered. But I think that’s changing. I hope so.’

  Despite her concerns about her grandmother, Nicole enjoyed the rest of the day with Ben. After dinner they returned to La Folie for a nightcap. Ben didn’t stay the night, having an early start on Monday, but he promised to cook her a meal the following night. He also agreed to engage a heavy-duty gardener at his house, Santa Rosa, to prepare the way for Nicole’s “finishing touches”, as he put it, grinning.

  The next day Nicole sat on the terrace drinking coffee while browsing the Situations Vacant pages of The Guernsey Evening Press. The preponderance of vacancies were in the finance sector, of which she knew nothing. Her experience in the world of media was extensive, but she knew opportunities on the island would be scarce. A memory stirred in her brain, prompting her to dig out the phone book from under a pile of newspapers in the kitchen. Finding the number she made a call. Pleased with the outcome she thought, guiltily, that she hadn’t phoned her parents for over a week. I mustn’t forget how important I am to them and how much they mean to me. Which they do, in spite of my “new” family…

  ‘Hi, Mum. How are you?’

  ‘Oh, Nicole! We’re both fine, thanks. It’s so good to hear from you, how are things?’

  ‘Well…’ Nicole told her mother about Tom turning up unannounced but not about his outburst. And that she wanted a divorce. She went on to tell her about Ben and that she was planning to get a job and stay in Guernsey.

  ‘My! Things are happening so quickly! Are you sure it’s not a rebound thing? I don’t want you getting hurt, darling.’ Her mother sounded concerned.

  ‘No, don’t worry Mum. And I’m sure you’ll both love Ben. Perhaps you could come over to meet him and…and Hélène soon. You could combine a visit with a trip to Jersey, couldn’t you?’

  Her mother was silent for a moment and Nicole heard muffled whispering and guessed she was conferring with her father.

  ‘Your father and I think that’s a wonderful idea. We were planning to come to Jersey later in August when it gets too hot here. But where will you be living? Not with Ben, surely?’

  ‘Oh, no, it’s much too soon for that! Hélène is happy for me to stay here until I get a job and then I’ll rent somewhere until my divorce settlement comes through. I might then be able to buy something.’

  Her mother sounded relieved. ‘That seems very wise. And have you met Adrian’s family yet?’

  Nicole told her mother about Karen, Michael and Luke, leaving out Karen’s reaction. Her father came on the line and they chatted for a few moments before they said their goodbyes, promising to meet soon.

  One more call to Susie and she could relax.

  ‘Hi, it’s me! I’ve sooo much to tell you!’

  After lunch Nicole popped in to see her grandmother who, although clearly pleased to see her, didn’t want to talk much. Nicole felt she looked tired so didn’t stay long. She fitted in a quick swim at Vazon before returning home to change for the evening.

  Ben cooked a simple spaghetti bolognese with a side salad. After they’d chatted about their day, he gave her a quizzical look.

  ‘Something you’re not telling me? Only when I asked what sort of job you were looking for, you went a bit vague. Is there a problem?’ He stroked her hair as they cuddled on the sofa.

  ‘No, not exac
tly. It’s just that there’s not much call for high profile TV journalists in Guernsey. I think I’ll have to lower my sights a bit,’ she sighed.

  ‘Uh huh. Are you having second thoughts about staying here?’

  Nicole quickly reassured him.

  ‘Oh, not at all.’ She gave him a lingering kiss. ‘I want to be here with you, for sure. But I’m having to reassess my career and I guess it’s unsettling. I’ve put out some feelers so we’ll see what happens.’

  ‘Right.’ He dropped a kiss on her head as he got up to refill their glasses. ‘By the way, I’ve arranged for a gardener to come and have a look tomorrow and all being well, he can start later this week. So you might have a job of sorts soon!’

  Nicole laughed.

  ‘But not a paying one! Unless…’

  He wrapped his arms around her. ‘I’m afraid I only pay in kind…’

  The following morning Nicole studied her reflection in the bedroom mirror. She’d chosen a knee-length linen skirt, matched with a silky T-shirt and a toning linen jacket. Smart but not over the top. Glancing at her watch she saw it was time to leave. Climbing into the car, Nicole was struck by the thought that she ought to look at buying a car. If all went well today she’d make it her priority.

  As she drove towards St Peter Port Nicole pondered on life’s synchronicities. An old colleague from Bristol had moved to Guernsey a few years previously to work for Channel Television. Knowing it was a long shot, she’d phoned her yesterday to see if there might be a slot coming up for an experienced TV reporter. Cheryl had suggested she pop in for a chat as there might be something in the pipeline and could she email her CV to the boss.

  Half an hour later she pulled into the Channel Television car park on Bulwer Avenue. Nervous butterflies danced around her stomach as she approached the front door. She hadn’t had a job interview for years…