Finding Mother

by Allen, Anne

  ‘Do you still feel like coming round later?’

  ‘Yes, of course. The carer’s back this evening so Hélène will have help. And perhaps Adrian will stay over now that they’re practically married!’ She grinned.

  After sharing a passionate kiss, Nicole promised to be round later.

  As Hélène and Nicole prepared a salad for lunch, Nicole asked how Adrian had proposed.

  Her mother smiled dreamily at the memory.

  ‘It was so romantic! We had arrived at this fabulous chateaux hotel in Le Loire a couple of hours before dinner. I was having a quick shower when I heard a knock on the door. Adrian answered and when I came out there was a bottle of champagne on ice and two flutes on a tray. I was just about to say there must have been a mistake when he kneeled down and said, “My darling Hélène, will you marry me?” What could I say but yes? So he popped the cork and we got sloshed on champagne. We only just made it to the restaurant in time!’ She giggled.

  Nicole put her arm round her mother.

  ‘That’s so cool! I hadn’t thought of Adrian as the romantic type.’

  ‘Neither had I!’

  Just then the man in question popped his head round the kitchen door.

  ‘Table’s set on the terrace, ladies. Do you need anything else carrying out?’

  The women exchanged grins before Hélène replied that the salad was ready. She went off to check on Eve while Nicole and Adrian carried the food outside. Nicole shifted restlessly in her chair before Hélène returned with the news that Eve was awake. Nicole breathed a sigh of relief.

  ‘How is she?’

  ‘Exhausted. She doesn’t want to eat yet so I’ll take her something later. But she wasn’t too tired to notice my ring!’ Hélène gazed at it before looking at Adrian. ‘Mother is very happy for us and wants to know if we’ve set a date yet. I told her we needed to confer with the family, but we expect it’ll be within the next few months.’

  Nicole gripped her hands under the table. Please, please let them make it soon!

  Later that afternoon Nicole pulled up outside Santa Rosa. After the trauma of hearing about her grandmother, and then the admittedly, happier news from her parents, she felt badly in need of a diversion. Planning Ben’s garden might prove to be just what she wanted.

  After she told a relieved Ben that Eve was awake and seemed okay, he led her outside.

  ‘What do you think?’

  Thinking it looked like a war zone she remained silent. As she gazed at the heaps of shorn-off tree branches, massacred hedging, clumps of weeds and dead plants, Nicole wondered if she’d bitten off more than she could chew.

  As if reading her mind, Ben said, ‘I know it looks awful now, but when all the rubbish is taken away, it’ll look a lot better. But if it’s too much for you, I could ask Jim to come back.’

  She nodded, heading off to explore, side-stepping the piles of detritus. On closer inspection, Nicole acknowledged that there was cause for optimism. A circular design of pretty terracotta tiles created an ideal space for dining, with room for the ubiquitous barbecue. The area must have been hidden under layers of brambles, now pushed to one side. Old granite walls had been exposed, previously obscured under the neighbours’ encroaching hedges. Rampant ivy had been cut back and the herbaceous borders weeded and cleared of dead planting. A few lonely flowers created splashes of colour in the wasteland. The clearance made the garden look wider and longer.

  ‘Well, there’s not many flowers left, are there? And even I know that it’s not the right time to plant. We’ll need to wait until autumn.’ Pointing to an attractive arch formed of overhanging trees she added, ‘That’s a great focal point to work from. Your garden’s got potential but you won’t see much improvement this year.’ She flung her arm out. ‘I could clear the moss and weeds from the tiled areas which will give you space for a table and chairs. All you need for a cold beer on a hot day!’ she grinned.

  ‘Sounds good to me! There’s no rush with the rest. I definitely don’t want you wearing yourself out.’ He pulled her close, kissing her gently on the lips.

  ‘Don’t worry, I won’t. Have to save my energy for more important things,’ Nicole murmured, with a saucy wink.

  Laughing, they returned to the house and while Ben applied himself to preparing dinner, Nicole sketched out ideas for the garden. When her own garden had been landscaped, she’d noted how the designer had started with rough drawings and notes of plantings. Although it was early days, perhaps, just perhaps, one day she might be sharing this garden. Better get it right!

  ‘How’s Grandmother today?’ Nicole asked Hélène, finding her in the kitchen the next morning.

  ‘Not good. She seems very listless today. I don’t know whether or not to bother Ben.’ Her face creased with concern, she looked up and Nicole saw that yesterday’s glow had dimmed.

  Not knowing what to say, she put the kettle on. She’d left Ben finishing a hearty breakfast and knew he wouldn’t mind coming round, but what could he do? Or say?

  ‘Tell you what, shall I ring him and see what he says?’

  Hélène’s face cleared.

  ‘Would you? I’d feel happier.’

  Nicole went outside to make the call. As she’d suspected, Ben said there was little he could do and if he came round he’d need to tell Hélène the truth. The alternative was to give it another day and see if Eve rallied. They agreed on the latter and Nicole returned to the kitchen.

  Crossing her fingers behind her back, Nicole said that Ben wasn’t surprised at Eve’s tiredness and not to worry, he’d pop in on Monday to look at her. In the meantime, if Eve worsened, she was to ring him.

  Hélène looked relieved.

  ‘Thanks. It’s such a worry, having an ageing parent. You never know…’ She shook her head.

  Nicole, feeling decidedly guilty, gave her a hug. Trying to lighten the mood, she joked, ‘And you’ve only got one parent to worry about – I’ve got three!’

  Hélène managed a smile.

  ‘You’ll have your work cut out then! But let’s hope not for many years.’

  Finishing her coffee, Nicole asked if she could look in on her grandmother. Hélène said yes, but not to stay long.

  ‘Good morning, Grandmother, how are you?’

  Eve, propped up on pillows, turned lacklustre eyes towards Nicole.

  ‘Tired, my dear. So tired. Odd, as I slept deeply yesterday. I think that doctor friend of yours gave me something that knocked me out.’ Eve grimaced. ‘Perhaps he can give me something to wake me up next time!’

  Nicole clasped the old lady’s hand. It felt weightless, the skin like paper. Her heart hammered in her breast with the knowledge that Eve’s days were numbered and wondered if she herself knew.

  As their eyes met, Nicole saw that she did.

  ‘The doctor didn’t need to tell me, my dear. I knew, and have done for a few weeks now. I think people do you know, when…when it’s their time. But am I right in thinking my daughter hasn’t been told?’

  Nicole, her eyes blurred, shook her head.

  ‘No, we…we didn’t want to spoil the happiness of the engagement.’

  Eve nodded.

  ‘I’m glad. I’ve never seen her so happy. She radiates joy. And it’s what I wanted for her…’ Tears ran down Eve’s cheeks.

  Nicole handed her a tissue before wiping her own tears.

  ‘We think she should be told, Grandmother. They’re talking of getting married in a few months and – ’

  ‘I may not be around.’ Eve blew her nose. Releasing a sigh, she continued, ‘I want to be there so you’re right, Hélène will need to know.’

  Nicole twisted the tissue in her hand.

  ‘Ben’s planning to come round tomorrow and will talk to her.’ More twisting. ‘And Adrian’s telling his children about the engagement today and hopefully they’ll be okay about it and a date can be set.’

  Eve lay back on the pillows, her face
pinched.

  ‘Look, I’d better go now, I hadn’t meant to stay so long and I’ve tired you. I’m sorry.’

  ‘I’m glad we had this…chat, my dear. Cleared the air. Tell your mother I want to sleep now, there’s a good girl.’

  Nicole kissed her cheek and left.

  ***

  Adrian knew he shouldn’t feel nervous but he did. It was almost worse than preparing to propose to Hélène. And that had been nerve wracking enough. As his mind slipped back to their time in France, he smiled. It was as if all the long years apart hadn’t existed. As if they’d picked up where they’d left off more than thirty-five years ago. Only this time it was better, they were free to go about as a couple, without fear of censure. And in France they were taken for a long-married couple, so at ease were they together, Hélène even laughing at his jokes. It had been fun finding out what they shared, including a love of exploring old chateaux. Hélène told him of her own trips she’d made to France over the years. And she proved to have a much better sense of direction than him, getting them back on the right track a few times. In all senses of the word, he thought. She was good for him and he couldn’t wait to make her his wife. And the passion they’d shared so long ago was still there…

  ‘Dad! We’re here!’

  At the sound of Michael’s voice, Adrian shook himself and went to the front door.

  ‘Hi, Dad. You look well. Did you have a good holiday?’

  ‘Yes, thanks. Very good. Come in, all of you. Hello, Luke! Granddad’s got something for you,’ he ruffled Luke’s hair.

  Karen, holding Luke’s hand, followed Dave and Michael into the sitting room. She kissed his cheek before sitting in the armchair that had been her mother’s.

  Adrian handed a large, oddly shaped package to Luke, who began ripping off the paper, a look of glee on his face. Everyone watched with indulgent smiles.

  ‘A boat! Ganddad give Luke a boat!’ Luke smiled broadly as he pulled the paper away from what was actually a ship, furnished with tall sails, rigging and miniature crew. The Jolly Roger flew at the mast head. ‘It’s a pirate ship, darling,’ Karen said, ‘and what do you say to Granddad?’

  ‘Tank oo, Ganddad.’ He gave Adrian a big kiss.

  Karen smiled at her father.

  ‘That’s a lovely present, Dad, thank you. He’ll love playing with it. So, the holiday went well?’ She leant back in her chair.

  ‘Yes, it did. You know how I love France, particularly the food and the wine!’ he laughed, patting his stomach. ‘And I’ve gifts for you grown-ups as well. Wine and cheese, hope you like them.’ He handed round the presents.

  ‘Great, Dad, thanks. I always appreciate adding to the ol’ cellar!’ Michael grinned.

  Karen looked puzzled. ‘It’s lovely of you, Dad, but you don’t normally buy us stuff when you go away. What’s so special this time?’

  Adrian knew it was time.

  Taking a deep breath, he looked at the three faces staring at him and said, ‘I…I wanted to share with you the good time I…we had in France. And I asked Hélène to marry me and she said yes.’

  There was a stunned silence.

  Michael was the first to react, jumping up and throwing his arms round his father,

  ‘Congratulations, Dad! That’s great news, I hope you’ll be very happy.’

  ‘Yes, congratulations, Adrian, please accept my best wishes,’ Dave said formally, joining Michael at his side.

  Adrian looked at his daughter’s white face. Please, Karen, please allow me this happiness…

  After what seemed hours but was only seconds, Karen stood up and walked towards him.

  ‘I can’t deny that I’m not thrilled at your news, Dad, but I can see that…that Hélène makes you happy, so I wish you well.’ She pecked his cheek before walking out through the French windows and disappearing into the garden hut that had been her refuge as a child.

  But not before Adrian saw the tears running down her cheeks.

  chapter 33

  Nicole set off for a walk on Monday morning, in need of a mental and emotional clear-out. As she strode along the cliff path towards Pleinmont she reviewed the events of the past few days. On the plus side was the engagement of Adrian and Hélène, something that had pleased everyone. Or nearly everyone. Hélène had heard from Adrian that Karen wasn’t exactly ecstatic and no-one knew if she’d come to the wedding. Another plus was her relationship with Ben. Just thinking about it brought her out in goose bumps. As much as she’d love to live with him, it wasn’t possible until her divorce came through. She didn’t want any chance of him being cited for adultery. Much better to wait. Though hard.

  As she picked some wild flowers, the minuses popped up. The number one being her grandmother’s health. It felt like a black cloud hanging over her and she couldn’t shake it off. At the moment Hélène didn’t know, but Ben would be round that afternoon and then…She sighed. Hélène’s bubble of joy would be burst. The other minus was her divorce and that she really needed to return to the UK soon. Not only did she need to sort out her belongings and arrange for their transportation to Guernsey, but she wanted to meet with her solicitor. She wanted to be free as soon as possible and, all going smoothly, that could be as soon as three months. Afraid that Tom would change his mind, she wanted it done and dusted before he had time to reconsider.

  Unthinkingly tearing the petals apart, Nicole worried about being away with Eve so ill. If only she knew nothing would happen while she was in the UK! Nicole stopped for a moment to stare out to sea, focusing on the outline of Jersey emerging from the early morning sea mist. It was where her life had begun, although created here in Guernsey. And now her biological parents were shortly to be married. Both their lives and her own were being irrevocably changed. For the better, admittedly, but not without pain. She thought of her adoptive parents and how difficult it must be to share her with Hélène and Adrian. She’d be living in the same island and they could see her as much as they wanted, while her “proper” parents were a thousand miles away. Oh my God! Perhaps her parents could be here for the wedding!

  Wondering if her walk had cleared her thoughts or caused more confusion, Nicole turned back. Lots to organise.

  Ben arrived mid-afternoon and Hélène took him in to see the still bedridden Eve.

  Nicole boiled the kettle and set chocolate cake on the trolley. It seemed important that the normal routine was followed. Hélène joined her, worry etched into her forehead.

  ‘Thank you, Nicole. We’ll have it outside, I think. I’ll take Mother’s in when Ben’s finished examining her.’

  Ten minutes later they heard a door open and shut and Nicole made the tea while Hélène led Ben outside. As Nicole pushed the trolley onto the terrace she heard Hélène asking Ben about Eve.

  Ben and Nicole exchanged glances before he turned towards Hélène, reaching for her hand.

  ‘There’s no easy way to say this, I’m afraid. But your mother is worse than we thought. Her heart is weakening and, I’m sorry, there’s nothing we can do.’

  Hélène’s hand flew to her mouth.

  ‘Oh, no! But what about the operation?’

  Ben shook his head.

  ‘It’s too late. Even if she agreed to it, which I doubt, we couldn’t risk it. Her heart’s too weak.’

  Nicole poured the tea while Hélène sat stunned.

  ‘How…how long has she got?’ she whispered.

  ‘A matter of weeks. I can make her comfortable and she won’t be in any pain.’

  Nicole put her arms around Hélène, who finally let go the tears. Ben, tactfully, grabbed his cup and walked away down the garden.

  ‘I’m so, so sorry.’

  Hélène’s tears slowed and she wiped her face. Looking at Nicole with reddened eyes, she said, ‘You already knew, didn’t you?’

  ‘Only since Saturday, when Grandmother came home. We didn’t want to spoil…’

  ‘That was kind of you. It must
have been hard not saying anything.’ She reached for her tea, sipping quickly.

  ‘It’s a shock, we thought she’d got so much longer…’ Hélène managed a small smile. ‘We must get the wedding arranged as soon as we can.’

  ‘Yes, she would like that, she’s so happy for you.’ Nicole picked up her cup. ‘Grandmother knows she hasn’t long. She…she told me she’d known for a while. And I think she’s ready.’

  Her mother nodded, still dabbing at her eyes.

  ‘Mother’s always been strong. I’ve never known her to be afraid of anything. Oh! Her tea! I completely forgot.’

  ‘Don’t worry, I’ll take it. You relax a minute.’

  While Nicole went off, Hélène sat nursing her drink, awash with emotion. Somehow she’d always assumed that her mother would go on forever. Even with a weakened heart she seemed invincible. God knew they’d had their differences, but these past few weeks she’d felt closer to her mother than she ever had. Ever since Nicole had erupted into their lives, demolishing the wall of resentment that lay between them. Hélène sent up a small prayer of thanks for her daughter. She would be a great comfort when…when the inevitable happened. And her beloved Adrian, of course. Oh, they had to be married soon!

  Nicole returned, giving Ben the signal to re-join them.

  ‘Feeling calmer?’ Ben asked Hélène.

  ‘Yes, thank you. Mm, Ben, is Mother going to be bed-bound now? Or could she be pushed in a wheelchair?’

  ‘I think she’ll spend more time in bed, for sure. But there’s no reason why she couldn’t sit in a wheelchair occasionally. She’d need lifting in and out, that’s all.’

  Hélène nodded. Then she looked at Nicole and Ben’s enquiring faces.

  ‘I was thinking of the wedding. I desperately want her to be there with us, so if she can be in a wheelchair that’d be perfect.’

  ‘Have you thought of where you’d get married?’ Nicole asked.

  ‘I’d like it to be at Torteval Church and then come back here for the reception. And the church has a wheelchair ramp. We weren’t planning on anything grand anyway, so if we have to…to be quick then we can still do that.’ Hélène topped up her tea.