Alterations

by Lucretia Stanhope

  “When did they change you?” Her tone was cold, colder than she intended. She sat up straight and looked at him with what she hoped was a withdrawn indifference. She actually felt a mix of rage and shock at how matter-of-fact he was sitting there, talking about what was expected.

  “I was told the change needed to happen, before, before I took on my new role.”

  How could Timofei and Matvei expect something so arranged would ever work for her? For all the time they spent in her mind, they must know she didn't take matters of the heart lightly. “I will need to talk over things with Timofei and get back to you.”

  “Have you had dinner?” He started to stand while he spoke.

  The casualness in his voice made Gwen wonder again what he knew or had been told. “I'm too busy I am afraid. I have a meeting in an hour.” She stood and reached out a hand, shaking his. “It was nice to meet you.”

  His eyes sparkled when their hands met. “It has to be awkward, it doesn't have to be awful.”

  “It? I'm not a chore, Lucian.” She let out a breath and tried not to focus too much anger on him. He was an instrument, like she was.

  The energy in the air popped with static as her irritation rose. She felt the full force of how graceless the set up was, smack against her. Timofei was supposed to cherish her, want her as his own. She did not want to get to know Lucian, she did not want another witch to be entrenched in the vampire hierarchy, and most of all, she did not want another child involved.

  Thinking of a child brought her back to Kyna and Brac. Every time she thought of Brac, she desperately wanted to get back to council so she could get a real assessment of Malvina from Mikhail. When she thought of Kyna, something deep down felt right about her leaving. Right until Timofei got back. His rage was going to simmer over.

  She pulled herself back in the room to see Lucian staring at her. “You do understand what this is?”

  “Not a chore. Are you sure you wouldn't like to go eat? You've had a hard few days.” He reached out a hand.

  She ignored his hand. “What would you know about my last few days?”

  “It never rains. We water witches have to pull moisture from the depths of the earth to nourish crops and people. Only one witch is powerful enough to make the whole realm rain, for days. So much sadness has come from you, it fills the air.” He walked over and stood close to her.

  She backed up a step, tears welled in her eyes. “Do they talk about me, the witches? They hate me here too?”

  “No one hates you. We weep with you. We have held rituals each day to end your suffering. You are our blessed high priestess.” He caught a tear that fell down her cheek. “Everyone loves you.”

  “I'm not someone to deify either. I'm not a prize. I'm not a thing.” She balled her hands into fists at her side. Outside the storms intensified. “I'm sorry you won't meet your objective this visit. Leave.”

  His eyes reflected hurt, sadness, and fear. “I will talk to Henry about what is expected to fill in for Yvette. I am sorry if I added to your sorrow.”

  She watched his back as he left and wondered if his fear came from her anger or some threat they made to him.

  It would not surprise her if they had given him a checklist and a deadline.

  Anger built as she gathered her things for the meeting.

  At the meeting with her festival committee, they covered everything except the thing she saw in their eyes. They wanted to know if she would still be sad, and effectively cancel things with her rain. It was good they were worried. It would be more people to convince Timofei she was really in mourning.

  The storms intensified and raged for the entire meeting. Before she left for home, several witches stopped her, all wanting to talk about the upcoming celebration. Gwen made sure all of them saw her despair. There could be no weak links, no one that knew she wasn't a mess over Kyna being gone.

  M atvei sat relaxed on the couch with his feet up. “I expected the rains to stop during your interview.”

  Gwen sat in the chair across from him and drowned her sorrows in cake. Everyone knew her preferences and she had been fed more cake over the last few days than when Timofei was teasing her during their courting. The extra food helped her stay on her feet and recover from all the feeding Matvei did. Either he really wanted to help her appear weary or he, like Timofei, was hooked on the feeling and taking advantage of a bad situation. She figured it was a mix of both. If he had any good intentions, she knew they would be blended with his own self-serving ones.

  “You should know it didn't go well.” She put the fork down on the plate.

  He rubbed the knuckle of a bent finger over his lips. “He has all the features you humans require. Good looking by most standards. Not good enough for you?”

  “He looks fine. That isn't what matters most to us humans.” She wrinkled her nose in disgust at his suggestion.

  “Too sweet? I figured as much. You do need a monster, don't you?” He opened and snapped his mouth shut loudly.

  “You are more than enough monster in my life, thank you.” She put her plate down and picked up her coffee, sipping it.

  “I was not playing with you, when I said you need to do this. Timofei will be back any time now. It will add to your security.” He re-crossed his legs.

  “I'm not a broodmare.” She sat her cup down and stood, pacing.

  “You are and you need to be. Make yourself invaluable.”

  “I am! Do you realize how often I hear about how one of a kind I am? Enough to know that is all I am. Some damn prize.” A fire started to burn on its own in the fireplace. She waved a hand and put it out. It was too hot for a fire.

  “Anger? No, find your sadness. Go mate with Lucian. It will break your heart. Your heart needs to be broken.”

  “Stop pretending to help me. If you wanted to help me, you would show me how to get out of here. Show me how to navigate the veil. Show me how to maneuver without being seen. Show me how you track things. Teach me how to not be tracked. I don't need help with a broken heart. You both break it every single day. It's broken, it's crushed in so many pieces it no longer feels.”

  “Untrue. If you no longer felt, then you wouldn't care about being our prize. You wouldn't care about being a breeder. You do care. Go. Break your heart. Thank me later. Thank me when you survive to our next lesson.”

  She stopped pacing and stared at him. “I hate you. I hate you with all the broken pieces of my heart.”

  “That's a start. Go, before I steal your energy to move.”

  She closed her eyes a moment and then started for the door.

  He snarled at her as she walked passed him.

  G wen found Lucian without much effort. His aura pulsed with such a strong intensity that it almost called to her now that she knew it was there.

  If she spent less time at council and more time on colony grounds, she would have noticed him before.

  She stood in the rain and watched his house. She watched the light in the window.

  All the way there she was filled with anger and had all the motivation she needed to bang on his door. The courage vanished as soon as she could see his home.

  The monster, Matvei, knew this would break her heart. His monster father must have known too. She stood in the shadows of the trees across from Lucian's house and wondered why then? Why had Timofei wanted her to himself for twenty years? What changed? Was he waiting to see if the fourth power developed? If so, why not keep waiting? They had forever.

  She watched as the door opened and he stood framed by the light from inside. She wanted to leave, but her feet stayed planted and betrayed the order to walk away.

  He walked in deliberate steps toward her.

  She didn't move.

  He stopped inches from her face. No smile played on his lips.

  Rain poured down on them while they stood under the trees.

  “You're wet. Come inside.” He reached out a hand to her.

  She regarded his hand, but did not move. “No.
Not in your home. This is not personal.”

  “It could be.”

  She stepped back. “That would be dangerous for you.” She turned and walked into the woods with him following. When she stopped at an isolated clearing, she turned to him, not bothering to hide her tears.

  He pulled her into an embrace. “Please, don't make it awful. Can't you feel I don't want to hurt you?”

  She pushed him away. “It is awful. Can you imagine anything more awful than being ordered to do this?”

  “I can, many, many things.” He put a hand to her face and brushed back her wet hair. “Don't let those creatures hurt you.”

  She reached up and tugged his hand away from her face. “Please, not tender. Don't do that. I need to detest you. Do you understand that?”

  He sighed. The look on his face said he did understand.

  They both also understood the option was not theirs. They had no choice and did what was needed. It rained the entire time.

  She felt he wanted to talk, to make it somehow better, but she could not bring herself to look at him. She did not want to talk.

  “I'm sorry,” he said.

  Gwen left without another word and walked home in the downpour. Matvei was right about one thing, her heart still felt, and as she traveled home, it felt like it was being crushed.

  When she walked in the door, Brac pulled her down the hall to get her a towel.

  “Mom, you may not get sick, but please, you don't have to try. Where have you been? Dad is home.” He toweled her off. “Your aura feels awful.”

  “I was walking, thinking of Kyna.” She swallowed, her throat felt dry. Had Matvei been there? Did Timofei know yet? “Does your father know?”

  Brac nodded. “He's furious. He's livid. I am surprised you didn't feel the fit he had. I swear he was going to tear the place apart.”

  “Because Kyna was taken?”

  “No, because you were chased. Because Matvei let something near you. He says Kyna is replaceable. I've never seen him so angry at Matvei. I thought he was going to tear him apart. I really could feel him being slammed around.”

  She could see the worry on his face and she kissed his cheek. “It will be fine. Where are they?”

  “Matvei left. Timofei wanted him searching for Kyna while he is home. Stay with me until he comes for you. Don't pester him.”

  Gwen shook her head; she would have felt blessed if he tore Matvei to pieces. It was small comfort that he was being punished at the same time she was enduring her own nightmare. She let Brac walk her to her room. The sadness she projected was real, soul-deep, and grew heavier with every step she took toward their bedroom. She wanted to change into something dry, something that she hadn't worn to see Lucian.

  Brac walked with her to the door and waited outside. Him seeing her in such a fragile state made her even more sad. She always tried to save him from seeing the ugly side of things, but she couldn't get the feelings under control.

  When she stepped back in the hall, she felt Timofei moving toward them.

  “Mom, breathe. He is worried about you.” Brac held her to him and they walked toward the freezing presence.

  A few moments later, he came into view. Brac removed his arm and once he saw Timofei fold her into a hug, he walked away.

  “My sweetest, we will find her.” He kept her hugged to him. “You feel worse than I have ever felt you.”

  She kept her head pressed against him. “I feel worse than I have ever felt.”

  “I will make it better.” He stroked her hair.

  She wanted to ask a million questions about the war, but she knew that would not be the concerns of a mother in mourning. Instead, she allowed the thoughts in her secret place to drift to Lucian and she sobbed.

  He lifted her in his arms and walked her back to the sitting room. Once he had her in his lap on the couch, he planted small kisses on her forehead. He didn't feed on her. “Let Brac summon Jarrod to pull away your sadness.”

  “I don't think anything will help. Between Kyna and, other things, I just need time, Timofei. Time and a few days with nothing sad.” She closed her eyes while she spoke.

  “Other things? What else happened?”

  “What you wanted.” She turned her head away from him and let those horrible memories surface, where he could easily find them if he wanted to. Tears filled her eyes again.

  He rubbed his forehead. “I hoped that would be a nice distraction.”

  “No you didn't. You wanted to experiment with your toy. Now we get to see what happens.” She sat up.

  “Let us try not to do this bickering again.” He looked at her and frowned. “You are already too sad.”

  “I'm sleepy, Timofei. I have to go to the colony tomorrow and pretend all is well. I have to forget about Kyna. I have to make time for Lucian. I have to stop being sad before the festivities or I will rain everyone out. I just want sleep. It doesn't hurt when I sleep.” She stood up and turned back to him. “Will you be here long?”

  “No. Every realm I empty leads to two more. They retreat before I slaughter them. They are savages but with more civilized leaders. I have seen them now, they are in my sights.”

  She narrowed her eyes at him. That he shared such an unusual amount of information startled her. “You said centuries. You anticipated this. I am sure you will be successful. How often am I supposed to subject myself to…” she said, and paused, unable to even think of the words she wanted. She held her head high and breathed in deep. “You let Matvei know. I will excuse myself to snivel now.”

  She was glad he let her walk away. Her sadness was struggling to stay as she got angry about her night.

  A fter Brac left Gwen, he headed toward Jack’s house. No matter what happened to them, from the very first day they met at school when they were kids, Jack always cheered him up. He took nothing too serious and levelled out Brac’s intensity.

  He was a few blocks away when Maryanne ran up. “I’ve been looking for you everywhere, after what we did, how could you just leave like that? Did you know they wanted to move me? They are taking me from my family. Alone. Brac, you have to stop that.”

  Brac breathed deep and closed his eyes. “Do what they say. I’ve been, site two is lovely and we will have our own home there. It will be the best house on the whole site.” He knew that while Maryanne seemed to really care for him, she also really liked the idea of the privilege being his wife would bring.

  “Why? Why must I be away? If I am your wife, stepdaughter to the high priestess, why must I be hidden away on another realm?” Her blue eyes sparked with anger.

  He ran a hand across her face and through her strawberry hair. “Please, do what they say. When things here are less hectic, I will be there to help you decorate or whatever banal things you want to do.”

  “What I want is to be at the fortress with you. I want to meet your mom and dad formally. Why is Matvei arranging things? Why am I not welcomed in the family? Are you going to have wives on multiple sites?” She looked up at him with suspicion. “You have someone else here, already? We’ve only made love a few times, we aren’t even married yet and I’ve been replaced?”

  “Good grief, Maryanne. I am not replacing you. I am marrying you. It’s not about another wife, it’s about my mother. You do what they say or things get harder for her. She is your priestess too.”

  “She will always come first…”

  Brac stopped her by putting his whole hand on her mouth. “Don’t ever utter a bad word about my mother.” His brows arched. “Go pack your things.”

  “You should at least help me.” She fought back angry tears. “Where are you going?”

  “Jack’s. I need a drink.” He tapped the tip of one boot impatiently, and then kissed her casually. “I’ll see you in a little while to help, okay?” After she nodded, he left for Jack’s.

  Chapter Ten

  A fter half a day at the colony, Gwen accomplished all she needed to, and sat at home relaxing with her feet up. The tray of f
ood she ordered sat beside her untouched.

  Jarrod lay in her lap, as he had all day in her office. The peace he shared with her, gave her enough of an excuse to allow the storms to cease.

  She closed her eyes and frowned as she felt Timofei approach.

  “I expected you would come see me.” He walked over and leaned down to breathe in her scent.

  She didn't open her eyes. “I am trying to keep the storms at bay. Thank you for sending Jarrod with me today.”

  “I have to leave again. I can't be here for long while we are in such early stages of battle. The buffer between them and us needs to be much larger before I can delegate this back to my generals.”

  “I know you will do whatever is best.” She opened her eyes and looked from him to the full tray of food. She reached over and picked up a chunk of cheese.

  He looked to the almost empty wine glass and frowned. “Let me help. What can I do for you?”

  “I need a distraction.” She chewed a bite of cheese and chased it with a sip of wine.

  “Lucian? Go.” He stroked her hair.

  She sat her glass down and looked at him with a blank expression. “You really don't understand me at all. I don't want to see Lucian. I will do that because you ordered it. In fact, I would rather he not be a leader. Why must you shove him in my face?”

  “What sort of distraction does my queen need?” He ignored the bait to argue.

  “I want to go to my home and tie up all the loose ends there. Make estate arrangements, say goodbye to Shane at the grave. Watch my friends. Everything here reminds me of Kyna. I would just like one night. Please, send me with Sergei after you leave.”

  His lips pursed and he sighed loud. “You know you are needed here. The colony is buzzing with excitement as it always does before a big celebration. Can't you get lost in planning here? Why must you go back there at all?”

  She stood and locked eyes with him. “Don't ask me what I want, if you don't care. When do you leave? I have your nasty business to attend to still tonight.”

  He reached a hand out and cupped her face. “Soon, my love. I leave very soon. Stay here, for me. I need to be able to concentrate on pinning down our enemies.”