Shine

by Jessica Jung

  And apparently, fear for my life.

  “You’re right. That was… ahh… bumpy,” I say, laughing nervously at the driver next to me. Juhyun, Daeho, and Hyeri are sitting in the back seat, clutching the car handles.

  The driver bursts into hearty laughter. “That wasn’t the bumpy part. Here we go!”

  Okay, so maybe this ride is more up and down than my life. In fact, it probably makes my life look like a kiddie ride at Lotte World, spinning around in carefully engineered circles. I scream as we go racing down the road. The twins shriek in the back, totally exhilarated. Daeho looks like he’s about to throw up.

  The car swerves sharply to the left, and Juhyun bounces out of her seat, both her legs splaying up into the air, and lands right across Daeho’s lap. I look into the rearview mirror and see Hyeri’s face fall as Daeho blushes furiously. Juhyun giggles, rolling her legs back over to her seat.

  “This ride is wild!” she shouts.

  “Certainly the wildest,” Daeho agrees, red to the tips of his ears.

  Hyeri leans forward to the driver. “Ahjussi, you could go a little slower, you know.”

  “Don’t you worry. I’m a veteran driver,” he responds cheerfully. “Now, look to the left, everyone. Horses!”

  I catch Hyeri’s eye in the mirror and give her a sympathetic smile. She sighs and stares out the Jeep, resting her chin in her palm. My phone buzzes in my pocket, and I fish it out to see a new Kakao message from Jason. My own face goes as red as Daeho’s.

  Jason: Enjoying island life?

  He adds a sticker of Ryan, the Kakao character of a lion without a mane, sitting on a beach chair and flipping on a pair of heart-shaped sunglasses. I grin. I happen to have the same pair of sunglasses perched on top of my head right now.

  I snap a photo of the wild horses we drive by. They look content, flicking their tails as they munch on an overgrown field of grass and wildflowers.

  Me: The best, obviously. Meet my new friends.

  Jason: Jealous. Your friends are way cooler than mine.

  He sends me a picture of Minjun making a peace sign as he fits an entire burger into his mouth. I laugh. Jason and I have been texting more since we exchanged numbers. I keep thinking I should stop, I should keep my distance, I should not turn into the next cautionary tale the DB rumor mill uses to scare newbies about how dating will get you kicked out of the program, and more than anything, I should not text back that Apeach emoji right now.…

  But everyone knows that when you have the perfect Kakao emoji to send, you have to send it. And besides, texting isn’t dating. It’s harmless. It’s meaningless.

  I press my phone against my chest and smile as we bounce along the road.

  * * *

  Jason: Fun fact: I’ve been all over the world, but I’ve never been to Jeju.

  Me: You’re kidding. Does that mean you’ve never had the magical experience of eating a hallabong??

  Jason: Had it, just not on the island where it’s from. It’s not the same, is it?

  Me: Nope. You gotta have it on the island.

  Jason: Are you eating one right now? If you are, I need a play-by-play. I’m talking peeling-the-orange-and-eating-it-one-slice-at-a-time-level play-by-play. Got it?

  Me: No hallabong yet, but we’re about to meet some haenyo divers. Almost as cool as eating an orange, right?

  Jason: Just almost.

  In true Seoul International School fashion, the students had their parents insist that the school put us up at the most luxurious hotel on the island for our field trip. It’s the nicest I’ve ever stayed at (by far), with, like, five saltwater pools and a tropical garden on the rooftop, plus daily barbecues hosted on the hotel’s private stretch of beach, all cabanas and cozy chairs for people to eat their juicy, perfectly well-done gogi in style. Inside, my classmates are bouncing in their seats, eager to check out the PlayStation arcade and the gourmet bakery in the lobby, but truthfully, of all the things on the field trip roster, I’ve been most looking forward to meeting the haenyo.

  There are only a few of these legendary female divers remaining—the mermaids of Jeju, people call them, deep-sea diving every day, hunting through the ocean for abalone, clams, and seaweed—and we’re meeting three of them here today. As they walk in, I watch them closely, taking in their graying hair, the deep lines that stretch across their faces. They’re all in their late seventies and early eighties, but they seem to radiate a special kind of strength. They start to speak, and I lean forward, hanging on to every word.

  “It is difficult to do this work,” one of the haenyo says, looking at all of us with her hands spread wide, her words radiating across the room. “But we do it to support our families, to make a living, and to carry on a legacy. We are the last generation of haenyo, and we carry that proudly.”

  “Through freezing-cold waters and exhaustion that seeps through our bones, the most important thing for us is to remember that we are strong,” the second haenyo says. I feel my body come alive with goose bumps. “We are courageous. We are powerful. When we feel like we cannot do this any longer, we remember that we already have, and we will again.”

  The third haenyo lifts her chin. She is a smaller woman with a curved back, but she exudes authority with every word she speaks. “It is crucial for us to remind ourselves of our own strength, especially as women in Korea. Who else will tell us this? Nobody. It’s up to us to be independent, to tell ourselves the truth of what we are capable of, and to do everything we know we have the strength to do.”

  Unexpected tears well up in my eyes. I wipe them with the back of my hand and carefully store their words away in my heart.

  * * *

  Jason: Any pearls of wisdom from the haenyo?

  Jason: Get it? Pearls? ㅋㅋㅋ

  I roll my eyes but smile at his pun, then pause, fingers hovering over my phone. All of our conversations so far have been lighthearted at most. I’m not sure how to express anything deeper to him, and honestly, I’m not so sure I want to. It’s one thing to send Kakao emojis and jokes about eating tangerines. It’s another to be vulnerable about something that’s made a lasting impression on my heart. Something that feels so much like it was meant for me to hear at this very moment in my life.

  I click my phone off without responding to Jason and turn to Hyeri, who’s sitting in the beach chair next to me, gazing at the honeymooning couples lounging around us.

  “They all look so happy, don’t they?” she says, sighing. “Do you think Juhyun and Daeho will come here for their honeymoon one day?”

  “Oh, come on,” I say, trying to keep my voice light. I give her a playful nudge on the shoulder. “You know Juhyun doesn’t like him like that.”

  “But Daeho does like her like that, and with his charm, it’s only a matter of time before she falls for him too.” Hyeri slides down in her beach chair, covering her face with her wide-brimmed hat. “I’m just a ghost to him.”

  “A ghost with top-notch computer programming skills!” I say, pinching her cheek for a smile. I think of Daeho’s floppy hair and creased slacks and the way he keeps a laser pointer in his pocket at all times—even using it to give us an impromptu flower lesson during breakfast. See that flower over there? he had said, brandishing the pointer like a light saber and directing it across the hotel garden. That’s a rhododendron, the official provincial flower of Jejudo. Neat, huh? Not exactly what I would call charming, as Juhyun had barely looked up from her phone, instead checking her YouTube stats for the island-themed makeup video she had posted the night before.

  “To be honest,” I continue diplomatically, “I really don’t think he’s Juhyun’s type.”

  “Who’s not my type?”

  I glance up to see Juhyun walking toward us, looking stunning in a halter top and a pair of cargo capri pants, her long ponytail swishing behind her head. Only Juhyun could make capri pants look fashionable. I would just look like somebody’s mom.

  “Um, Kim Chanwoo from Oh My Dreams,” I say quic
kly. “So not your type, right?”

  “Yeah, he’s way too Prince Charming for me,” Juhyun says, wrinkling her nose. She peers down at Hyeri’s hat-covered face. “Hyeri? Is that you?”

  “Yes,” Hyeri says, her voice muffled and miserable.

  “Well, c’mon, I’ve been looking everywhere for you two.” Juhyun lifts the hat off Hyeri’s face and tugs her out of the beach chair. “I’m starving! Let’s hit the buffet!”

  * * *

  The hotel buffet stretches down the entire length of the main banquet room, and we devote ourselves to it, piling our plates high with freshly caught salmon, asparagus, sautéed bok choy, and steaming heaps of wild rice mixed with chestnuts. I spy a bibimbap bar in the corner and make a mental note to leave room for seconds. Juhyun, Hyeri, and I settle into a table next to a young couple sharing a bottle of wine with their salmon dinner. Juhyun glances at the wine and whistles softly.

  “Romantic,” she says.

  “Yeah,” Hyeri agrees, casting a longing look in the couple’s direction. “So romantic.”

  I sneak a glance, and it looks like the perfect romantic scene. The couple is dressed casually, both in soft-looking sweats and T-shirts. I can tell the woman has no makeup on behind her huge Chanel sunglasses, but even with ssaengul, her skin looks absolutely flawless. I’m kind of in awe. She’s pulling off that effortless chic look that so many celebrities aspire to have.

  I’m mortified when I realize that I’m staring openly at her face, and I look away quickly, but she hasn’t noticed—probably because she’s arguing with the man sitting across from her. Damn. Maybe it’s not a perfect romantic scene after all.

  “Why can’t we just have a nice meal together without you bringing this up all the time?” she says, her voice full of rage despite the fact that she’s talking in a whisper.

  “Because you never want to talk about it. When are we going to have a real conversation about our future?” the guy presses. He’s wearing a dark-gray T-shirt and has a buzz cut that would make most guys look intimidating, but somehow it makes him look softer. Or, at least, it makes the back of his head look softer because that’s all I can see right now.

  Their voices rise, and Juhyun and Hyeri glance over with concerned eyebrows. Suddenly, Juhyun gasps, clapping a hand over her mouth. She turns her head to us, dropping her own voice to a hush.

  “Don’t make it obvious, but look at that girl’s nails. See the seashell-swirl patterns with the French tips? That’s Samm’s design.”

  Hyeri and I blink at her, and Juhyun sighs. “Seriously guys? Samm? The most popular nail designer in Seoul? She’s so exclusive only the biggest stars can get an appointment with her! I would recognize her style anywhere.”

  Hyeri leans out of her seat to look at the nails, and Juhyun pokes her in the ribs. “I told you not to make it obvious!”

  I turn my head more discreetly to sneak a look as the couple’s conversation escalates.

  “Now is the best time to talk about this,” the guy insists. “It’s been seven years. Your contract is ending. Negotiations are coming up. You don’t have to keep living this way—the long hours, the labor, the constant stress. Now is the time to ask for what you want. What you deserve. Please! They treat you terribly. Why is this even a question for you?”

  “You know our contracts don’t work like that. Besides, K-pop is all I know. I can’t risk what they might do if I make those kinds of requests. And I can’t just think about myself! What about the fans? I can’t let them down.”

  My ears perk up. K-pop?

  “You’d rather let yourself down than your fans?” the guy says, shaking his head.

  “Don’t you dare make it sound so simple,” she responds fiercely. “I can’t just waltz out of Electric Flower like it’s nothing. How can you ask me to do that? I would expect you of all people to understand.”

  Electric Flower? Suddenly a light bulb switches on over my head.

  Holy shit. It’s Kang Jina, the lead singer from Electric Flower. No wonder she’s pulling off that effortless celebrity shabby chic look so well—she is a celebrity! I turn my attention swiftly to the guy. His voice sounds familiar, but I can’t place it. For a second I think he might be her manager, but I look at the way he reaches for her hand, his fingers intertwining with hers. Wait… is he her boyfriend? My brow furrows.

  Kang Jina has a boyfriend?

  I think back to the Electric Flower interview Leah and I watched together just a couple months ago. As part of the no-dating policy, DB drills us girls on the party line: we’re too busy to date; we’re not looking to get married until we can dedicate our lives to our husbands—and like all of us, stars and trainees alike, Jina went with the program. I close my eyes, trying to recall her exact response.

  Do you feel like you’re missing out? the interviewer asked.

  Not at all, I distinctly remember Jina saying. I love being single! All I really need are my Electric Flower sisters. How could I be lonely with them by my side?

  Jina drops her napkin on her now-empty plate and pushes her chair back. “Come on, let’s go outside. I need some air.” I hear Buzz Cut say something about paying the bill as he moves away from the table and walks toward the front of the restaurant.

  Jina sits for a moment, staring after him, and then pushes back from the table. As she walks past us, she glances down at our table and I see her eyes go wide. She stops, cocking her head at me.

  “Hey. Rachel Kim, right?”

  Hyeri stares at her with her mouth open. A piece of bok choy falls from Juhyun’s fork.

  “Uh… that’s me. Hello.” I gulp and force a bright smile.

  She grins back, lifting her sunglasses and winking. “I’m Kang Jina.”

  Duh.

  “I recognize you from your viral video. Genius move.” She laughs, laying her hand over mine on the table. “I wish I could have seen all the execs’ faces when they saw it blow up.”

  My shoulders relax and a genuine smile spreads across my face. “It was epic. But terrifying. Please tell me how you survived DB for all these years.”

  Jina turns back to us, her smile fading quickly off her face. She leans in, lowering her voice and looking me directly in the eye. “You want my advice about DB?”

  I lean forward, noticing Juhyun and Hyeri unconsciously leaning their bodies toward Jina as well. Jina’s eyes flick back toward Buzz Cut’s retreating figure.

  “Never get a boyfriend.”

  I gape at her. Do I have I can’t stop thinking about Jason Lee stamped across my face or something?

  “What are you talking about?” I ask.

  “Just trust me. You can’t be a K-pop star and fall in love. Having a boyfriend isn’t just difficult; it’s dangerous. Mr. Choo has Mr. Noh wrapped around his finger, and neither of them will ever shell out money for a female star that’s anything less than perfect. Single and perfect.”

  Mr. Choo? Mina’s dad? What does he have to do with anything?

  Before I can ask more, Buzz Cut approaches the table, putting his hand on Jina’s shoulder. “Come on, jagiya. It’s almost time for your flight.”

  She smiles at him. “I’m coming.” Jina gives me one last grim nod before disappearing behind her sunglasses and walking out of the restaurant.

  As the two of them leave, I look over at Juhyun’s and Hyeri’s faces. They both look dazed, like they’ve been sitting out in the sun all day. Hyeri turns to us and grins. “I can’t believe we just met Kang Jina!”

  Juhyun lets out a breath and laughs. “Kang Jina?! I can’t believe we just met Song Gyumin!”

  “Song Gyumin?” I say incredulously. “Like, the lead singer of Ten Stars, Song Gyumin? Like, currently rumored to be recording a K-pop/American pop crossover duet with Ariana Grande Song Gyumin? What are you talking about?”

  “Rachel,” Juhyun says, shaking her head. “Didn’t you see the guy Jina was with?”

  * * *

  I’m still stuck on the weirdness of the whole interact
ion later that day. All my classmates are on the beach in front of the hotel, playing volleyball as the sun is setting, their laughter ringing across the sand. I’m perched on a striped lounge chair near them, one eye on Hyeri and Daeho splashing around in the waves, one eye on my phone.

  Jason: Still waiting for my hallabong play-by-play…

  Me: I ate it too fast. I’m sorry! I only ate one. Okay, maybe three. Fine, four, I ate four.

  Jason: Wow. I may have to change your nickname from Werewolf Girl to Hallabong Monster.

  I pause typing, thinking about Jina’s words. Is it really so dangerous for a K-pop star to fall in love? She makes having a boyfriend sound like one of Leah’s movies with The Rock.… Also, how dangerous could it be if she’s here on vacation with her boyfriend right now? And her boyfriend is also an international K-pop star? Ugh. My head is spinning. I don’t know how to make sense of any of this.

  I jump as my phone pings in my hand, breaking me out of my thought spiral.

  Jason: Hello? You still there, Hallabong Monster?

  Me: Still here. Just thinking. A lot on my mind. Things have been hectic lately.

  Jason: Hmm. You know what you need? A self-care day.

  Me: Self-care day?

  Jason: Yes! A day to recharge and take a break from thinking about all the things you’re thinking about. C’mon, you’re from America! They’re all about that over there.

  I laugh.

  Me: A self-care day sounds like exactly what I need.

  A stretch of time passes before his next message pops up.

  Jason: So let’s take one. You and me.

  Wait… he wants to take a self-care day? Together?

  He adds a sticker of Ryan and Apeach rolling around in a field of grass, totally carefree. I bite my lip. I know I should say no. I’ve already gone too far just with all the texting. And now Jina’s words won’t stop swirling around in my head. It isn’t just difficult; it’s dangerous. I start to type “sorry, I don’t think so” when he sends another message.