Heart of a Kingdom

by Lisa Bain

  They weren’t quite sure what to expect when they arrived at the council chamber, but Ava came prepared with financials just in case. Paperwork always made her feel more prepared.

  They all stood as Libby arrived, but she motioned for them to be seated. Her blue hair was pulled back in a low ponytail, and she was wearing black jeans tucked into her black riding boots. She peeled off her black leather jacket to reveal a sleeveless navy silk blouse. She looked more like a rock star than a queen. All eyes were drawn to her new tattoo. It was huge, wrapping all the way up her left arm. She’d tattooed Jasper to mark her victory. It was distracting, and shocking. The ink work was beautiful and intricate. As Libby gestured, it almost seemed as if the tattoo was watching them with its brilliant blue eyes. The eyes were reflected in the dark sapphire ring she now wore instead of her wedding ring.

  There is way too much glitter on that for it not to have some magic. Corrine thought to herself. Great, now Dy is going to want a tattoo.

  “Thank you for being here. We have some important things to discuss. First, I want to formally thank you all for your loyalty and bravery in the face of adversity. Our Kingdom, owes you a debt of gratitude, as do I.

  “I’ll just get right to it then. I’m taking a short leave of absence. Before I assume the role of King and Queen I need to take some time to figure out what that means for me as a person. And I have a promise to keep that requires some time away. Awen and Sophia, Fynnigan tells me we’ve figured out how to anchor the barrier to a ley line, keeping the force field intact, even if something happens to me. I’m assigning Fynn the lead on that project, and we’ll implement that immediately. While I don’t love the idea of anchoring permanently, I’ll do whatever it takes to keep the Kingdom safe in my absence.

  “Ava and Corrine, you’ve done an excellent job as Co-Regents during the quest. You will continue in that role but include Dyanna and Kurtis as well so that they can continue their education on ruling the Kingdom.” She looked at her heirs. “You two have made me proud. I expect you to continue to learn. I expect you to be active participants, but to also respect the decisions the Co-Regents make, even if you don’t agree with them. When Ava goes on maternity leave, you will jointly take her role but will defer to Corrine’s judgement, as well as that of Geoffrey and Scarlett.

  Ava looked both shocked and relieved. She was going to get a break with her baby after all. Brilliant. Kurtis and Dyanna looked at each other in surprise. They were nervous and excited, but after facing Jasper this seemed easy. They’d matured a lot over the last year, but those big grins they both wore reminded Libby of how young they were.

  She looked at her security chief. “I know that you’re already mentally planning logistics for my journey. You can stop. I’ll be going alone.”

  For the first time anyone could remember, Sean stopped typing into his tablet. “You think you’re doing what?” he challenged. Sean was already planning out how his spy network could keep tabs on her.

  “I’m going alone, and without observation. This is necessary. My decision has been made. I will return no later than one year from now. I promise to stay in regular contact with you. Should a decision require my opinion or blessing, you know how to reach me, either by magic or by phone.”

  A year ago, there would have been vociferous arguments from the group, but their Queen had just done the impossible. They were uneasy, but there was little they could say to dissuade her.

  Libby looked at Scarlett and assured her, “I’ve already spoken with Larra. She hates this idea but has begrudgingly agreed to respect my privacy on the condition I check in weekly. The day I’m one minute late you have my blessing to set her loose on the Normal world. During my absence she will be doing some travel of her own but will also be accessible.”

  Scarlett replied hesitantly, “Okay. I guess. Not one minute late. And since we’re all here, I want to make it clear that I’m not postponing my retirement plans any further.”

  “I wouldn’t ask you to. I’ll be back before then. I have complete faith in all of you to carry on, business as usual, in my absence. I trust the decisions you make. And again, I’ll be available to discuss anything you feel needs my attention.”

  She was already packed, so Libby said her farewells to the group, and rode off with Hoss for the overnight trip to a border town where she had a friend. The Gallagher farm was a peaceful oasis, and the mistress always welcomed Libby with open arms. Libby wasn’t staying this time but was leaving Hoss. Hoss was furious, but once she left the barrier, horseback was no longer an option. Hoss was safer here. “Hey Buddy, I promise I’ll be back to get you. I love you. I’ll be gone a while but will need you here waiting for me when I get back. They’ll take good care of you here. I’ll miss you. And don’t worry, I’ll have Jasper with me.”

  Hoss bared his teeth and snapped at her left arm. He could smell Jasper on her, even though humans could only smell her lilac perfume.

  “Hey boy, it’s okay. I’ll be okay.”

  She gave him a long hug before turning towards the house to speak with Mrs. Gallagher. After, she headed to the break in the barrier that would take her to Cavehill in Belfast and the start of her adventure.

  Chapter

  Anonymous

  Just like she always did when she didn’t know where to start, Libby began in Belfast. While she had friends there, she was happy with the anonymity. With the exception of Dee and Mark, people here didn’t know who she really was, and no one had met Dale. She could be anyone. Meet anyone. Do anything–go dancing, kiss handsome flirty men in pubs, do crazy things–and no one cared.

  There was no one giving her the look of pity, and no one was looking over her shoulder, trying to protect her. That was probably the hardest, and the biggest surprise. Dale had full faith in her abilities but tended to be overprotective and treated her like a fragile china doll. It had been annoying at times, but she realized now she missed it terribly. She didn’t need anyone to take care of her, but she missed having someone want to. She missed not having to be strong all the time. She missed having him to lean on.

  It was liberating to have no one looking to her to save them or lead them or do anything for them. She didn’t miss that feeling of everyone wanting something from her, and the sense of obligation that came with her role in life.

  Still, the loneliness was overwhelming. She willed herself to fight through the waves that threatened to drown her. There was no way she’d dishonor Dale’s memory by failing to live the most out of every minute of this life she’d never planned on, even if it hurt. So she threw herself into it, dragging Jasper along for the ride.

  Belfast had always been good to Libby. So had Dee. The two women picked up right where they’d left off, which always meant Friday nights at McHugh’s Pub to see Dee’s husband, Mark and his best friend Gary play. On this Friday night, the one Libby would later recall changed everything, it was wall-to-wall people. Dee was tall, beautiful and regal; exactly what you’d expect from a direct descendant of the ancient Irish King Brian Boru. Since Libby was short, it was sometimes a challenge to elbow her way to the bar on nights when it was this crowded. So while Dee headed off to get the first round, Libby looked around to find them some seats. She managed to find two, conveniently located next to the most beautiful blue eyes she’d ever seen. She gave their owner a big smile and he motioned for her to come over.

  When Dee finally made her way to the table with their drinks, Libby and the handsome red-haired man were deep in conversation. The music and the crowd were loud, giving them an excuse to sit even closer together so they could hear each other. Dee caught Mark’s attention from the stage, and made a motion as if to say, “Are you seeing what I’m seeing?” Mark blew her a kiss and grinned through most of his next set. Libby McGregor only had eyes for the handsome man next to her and was oblivious to all of it.

  The next morning, Dee grilled Libby over tea.

  “Well, tell me everything!”

  Libby grinned in spite of
herself. “What’s to tell?”

  “You were practically sitting in his lap, and it was like the rest of us were invisible. Spill it.”

  Libby laughed. “We used to know each other a long time ago. It’s been years. He’s smart. And funny. I enjoyed talking to him. And, damn, time has been good to him. He wants to see me again, but I’m not sure I’m ready to think about anything else.”

  “Libby, we never know what we want–”

  Libby interrupted and finished Dee’s favorite bit of advice, “We just learn what we don’t want. I know.”

  “How will you ever learn if you don’t try?” Dee paused to drink some tea. “Just have fun and see what happens.”

  “We’ll see.”

  “Hmph. Well, what have you learned you don’t want?”

  Libby sighed. Dee wasn’t going to let this go. “I don’t want someone married. I don’t want someone that makes me feel like an afterthought. And I sure as hell don’t want someone who thinks they have to compete with Dale.

  As for what I want? I don’t exactly know, but the bar has been set high. I’m not looking for a replacement for Dale. That’s not even possible. But even if you take Dale out of the equation, the other men in my life have set the standard, and that includes my fifteen-year-old nephew! They have my best interests at heart. They love me for who I am, not who they think they can fix me to be. They pull no punches, but still care about my feelings. They believe in me and remind me of my worth when I forget. They check on me, despite knowing I can hold my own. They let me figure out how to make my own decisions, even if it means maybe making a mistake. So I don’t know what exactly it is that I want, but I at least want that.” Libby’s voice had gone up an octave with the emotion behind her words.

  Dee just sat there sipping her tea, feeling proud of herself for getting Libby to put some thought into it. Now that the conversation had lulled, Libby was lost in thought. Every now and again a smile would cross her face. Since Libby wouldn’t even volunteer his name, Dee was forced to give the mystery man a nickname. Redman seemed to fit his red curls, and was easier to say than “Friday Night McHugh’s Guy.” She smiled again as she calculated how long she’d have to wait to start digging for information on Libby’s past with Redman.

  Tender is the ghost

  The ghost I love the most

  Hiding from the sun

  Waiting for the night to come

  Tender is my heart

  I’m screwing up my life

  Lord I need to find

  Someone who can heal my mind

  Tender, Blur

  She woke up and, for a few minutes, thought she was back in the palace. Then Libby realized she was in the flat she’d rented in Belfast a few weeks ago. She should have just bought one years ago but had kept dragging her feet. Since she could come and go through the portal it had never seemed like a priority. She got up to pull open the curtains, and quickly dove back into the warm bed. She felt she was being watched and sat up quickly, rubbing her eyes awake. She saw Dale sitting at the foot of the bed, like he used to when he was alive.

  “Good Morning, Babe,” he said, smiling at her.

  “Make yourself useful and bring me coffee.” She grouched, punching her pillows so she could lean up against them.

  “Hilarious. Still a morning person, I see. You know I’d make it for you like always if I could.”

  “I know. I miss you. Why’d you have to leave me?”

  “I’m right here.”

  “It’s not the same”

  “I know it’s not. That’s what I’m here to talk to you about. I think it’s great that you are moving forward and still living life, but I don’t want you to be alone.”

  “I’m not alone,” she interrupted.

  “You know what I mean. I know you have lots of friends. But Ash, it’s time for you to take a chance on someone. Don’t be alone. And before you say it, that fucking snake around your arm doesn’t count.”

  “Fuck off, Dale. I told you, I’m not having this conversation with you. And you know I’ve been trying.”

  “You know damned well that’s not what I mean. Chatting up guys in pubs and going on dates is fine, but you have to let someone know the real you. I know John tells you all the time, I like that guy more and more by the way, but you are a diamond. Diamonds don’t try to get found. People come looking for the diamond. But when the right guy finds the diamond in you, you have to let him try to love you. I know how lonely you are, and how afraid you are. This arm’s length bullshit has to stop. And I’m not going to lie, it will take time to find the one that is strong enough to love you; that is worthy to love you. The real you. You have to keep letting them try. But before any of that can happen, you have to figure out who you are first.

  “I know you love it here, but you need to hit the road. Belfast will always be here, but it’s too comfortable. Go out into the world again. See beautiful new places, meet interesting people. Go have stupid reckless adventures that you know I’d try to talk you out of. Go have fun.”

  Libby sighed and pulled the pillow over her head. “If it’s that important to you, why don’t you just find the right guy and send him my way?”

  “Where’s the fun in that?” He laughed. “Seriously, Ash, you know that’s not how it works. No matter what a spirit may think or try to maneuver, the living have free will. Most guys are intimated by you. Not everyone can be as awesome as I am. As I was,” he corrected, shaking his head. “Trust me. These yahoos you keep finding really do care about you; they just worry you’re out of their league–which you are–and don’t know how to handle it. Nothing I can do about that. In fact, their inability to deal with it makes them all wrong for you, no matter how much you may like them. I know you and Krystal have already talked about this. Why do you waste so much time asking questions you already know the answer to?”

  “Where’s the fun in that?” she snarked back.

  “Babe, just do it. Give them a shot. You’ll know if I don’t like them. Stay away from musicians, though. You’re too susceptible to the music magic and you don’t think clearly. And get rid of that dragon as soon as possible.”

  She could hear him laughing as she flipped him off and rolled over.

  “Super helpful, Dale. Thanks for nothing, Fucker!” She fought back a wave of loneliness and fear. “Fine. I guess it’s time to go. Where should I go next?”

  “If I weren’t bonded to you, I’d vomit right now,” snarked Jasper. “The least you could do is let me sleep. No. You have to wake me up with that drivel. Whining about a man? I expected better of you, Libby. I’m disappointed.”

  “Good thing I give zero fucks what you think, Jasper. I thought you weren’t to speak to me unless I spoke to you first?”

  “You did. You asked where you should go next. I hate the cold here, and the fucking annoying music and happy Irish people you seem to love. Go someplace warm with a beach where I can sun myself and pretend I’m not trapped with you.”

  “You can’t hide here forever,” he persisted.

  “Wanna bet?”

  “You know you won’t abandon your Kingdom for a man. Even if you found the right one. I don’t even know what to say about your choice in men, other than you clearly lucked out with Dale. Wait, your dad picked him out, so maybe you just need someone else’s help.”

  “Shut up, Jasper.” Anyone else would have heard the warning in her tone and backed off. Not Jasper.

  “Let’s review. First, you find the Widow Hunter. Ridiculous and stupidly gullible. Then, you fall for the famous musician who you know is temporary. Any fool can see that you’re choosing men who aren’t available because you aren’t ready for a relationship. This diversion needs to be over. It’s time for us to go.”

  Libby was angry, but more at the truth of what Jasper was saying than the words he was using. She sighed. She didn’t want to admit it, but she’d felt the familiar stirrings of itchy feet. He was right. She still wouldn’t trust anyone enough to let them
get close. Maybe she didn’t trust herself not to make a mistake and chose men who wouldn’t put her in a position to make a choice? “Damn it, Jasper!”

  While she hadn’t admitted it to herself until now, she hadn’t been able to stop thinking about the blue-eyed Redman she’d run into that night at McHugh’s. Dee’s nickname had stuck, and that’s how Libby also referred to him these days. She knew he travelled as much as she did, and wondered where he was now, and if he ever thought about her.

  She shook her head and stopped that train of thought, and muted Jasper. Jasper felt the loneliness and sadness come rushing back the minute she’d made the decision to leave Belfast. He didn’t understand. How could someone like her, a Warrior Queen who’d bested him in combat, be so dependent on another human for love and companionship? It is their need for love that makes humans so weak, he thought derisively to himself, even someone like Libby. He shook his head and went back to sleep now that he knew they’d be on the road soon.

  Chapter

  Time to Go

  I like that you’re broken, broken like me.

  Maybe that makes me a fool.

  I like that you’re lonely, lonely like me.

  I could be lonely with you.

  ~Lovelytheband, “Broken”

  Libby spent months traveling the globe, as Dale had instructed. She met people, had adventures, went on dates, and even had a few thoughts about trying a relationship. But more often than not she was on her own. Over time, she got used to both being alone and the loneliness that came with being a widow. She still had no idea of who she was supposed to be, or what she was supposed to do with Jasper. Eventually, she got used to that too.

  That didn’t mean she’d stop trying to connect with someone beyond a platonic friendship. After that night in McHugh’s, when she’d reconnected with Redman, they’d stayed in touch. Their old familiarity had eventually won out over her understanding that a future with him wasn’t destined to be, no matter how much she’d like it to work. She quickly found herself back in the warmth and safety of his embrace.