Chaos

by Alexis Noelle

  “You better not fuck this up.” Shooter walks away from me.

  I walk back to the office and Tracie is where we left her. “Can I take you somewhere?”

  She looks up at me. “No, I-uh I still have work to do.” She stands up, unsteadily walking over to the desk and picks up some loose papers. Her hands are still shaking and I know she is trying to put on some bullshit act like she’s okay, but I see right through it.

  I walk over to her and take the papers from her. “It can wait.”

  Her eyes meet mine and the fear in them is overwhelming. I reach out to pull her to me, but she backs away.

  “I’m going home.” Reaching down she picks up her purse.

  “Okay, I’ll follow.”

  She stops walking mid-stride. “No.”

  She won’t even turn to face me for some reason. “I’m not askin’. Until we figure out what the hell is going on everyone is on high alert. Nikki and Lucy have prospects on them. The other guys are setting things up for their families. We aren’t leaving you unprotected.”

  “Then give me a prospect.” I can’t see her face, but her voice is lacking the normal confidence she has.

  “Sorry, princess, you’re stuck with me.”

  She doesn’t reply, she just walks out of the office door and toward the entrance to the club.

  Twisted is standing there giving orders to a few of the boys. When he sees Tracie coming he dismisses them.

  “Make him leave me alone.” She sounds kind of like Lily when she isn’t getting her way.

  He looks over at me trying not to laugh. His hand rests on her arm. “First, I’m glad you’re okay. Second, I think you’re kinda stuck with him right now. Resources are low.”

  I hear her release a huff of breath before she walks out the door.

  “Good luck, brother.” Twisted laughs as I pass him.

  I’m gonna need it.

  I follow Tracie back to the clubhouse, she immediately heads into her room. I debate whether or not to follow her for a minute before walking down the hallway. When she called me today and I heard the fear in her voice, I panicked. I thought for a second that I might lose her before I ever had the chance to have her.

  I open her door and see her sitting on her bed.

  “You know it’s customary to knock before you just walk into someone’s room.” She cocks an eyebrow at me trying to settle back into her normal tough bitch act but her eyes give her away. They are tired, and still full of the fear I saw in them earlier.

  “Yeah, well I’ve never been one for tradition.” I close the door and then lean against it. “You know you can drop the act. No one expects you to keep it up twenty-four seven.”

  Her eyes narrow at me. “Don’t pretend like you know me.”

  “I do. I have watched you for years now. The way you look behind you when you think no one else is around like you expect something to be there. How apprehensive you get whenever we get a new guy. The way you always seem to disappear from the parties before they get out of control. You might think you’re some big mystery, but you aren’t.”

  Her gaze doesn’t leave mine and neither of us speaks for the longest time.

  “Get. The. Fuck. Out.”

  Bullseye.

  Chapter Four

  Tracie

  I cannot believe Torch came in and tried to tell me about myself.

  Not that he was wrong.

  I thought I did a better job at hiding shit than I did.

  I wonder if it’s just him who notices that stuff.

  What happened today completely shook me. I haven’t been that vulnerable since the night I told the club what Viper did to me. He had gone after my best friend, Lucy, the night he came back. She was Whip’s old lady and when it was decided that she would tell her story she made me come with her. I had confided in her earlier and she knew the guys needed to know everything.

  Shooter was pissed at me that I hadn’t told him sooner. I tried to explain it to him but I just couldn’t get the words to come out right. Viper was already going away so it wasn’t like he’d be around for me to deal with, he had threatened to kill me if I ever told any of the boys what happened, and I was completely ashamed. As crazy as it was, I had blamed myself. All I could think was maybe I did something to bring it on, maybe I could have done something to stop it. I know now that none of it was my fault, but it’s taken a really long time to get to this place.

  My phone buzzes in my pocket, I pull it out to see it’s Randy confirming a time to meet up tonight. If Torch wants to babysit me I might as well make it a good time for him.

  Part of me is attracted to Torch and I hate it. I don’t want to think about him. I don’t want my body to break out in chills and my skin to heat every time he touches me. I don’t want to stiffen at the sound of his voice when he comes into the room.

  I don’t want to want him.

  Every time I think about what could be between the two of us, I hear my mother’s voice.

  I know you think it’s exciting, baby, but there is so much more out there. Don’t get stuck here just because it’s all you’ve ever known. Reach for more. Find someone who will keep you safe. A life where you won’t constantly need to look over your shoulder for the next threat. You want someone who will put you first, always.

  Those were the last words she said to me before getting on my dad’s bike. It was raining that night. The bike skidded. The roads weren’t busy at the time of the accident and the cops said they had probably been on the road for over an hour before the ambulance was called. Some nights I dream that I’m her. Lying on the road. Rain pelting my face. Each drop falling, taunting me, knowing no one is coming. A tear slips down my cheek but I push it away. I won’t break. I need to be strong.

  I’ve cried more today than I have in a long time and I fucking hate it.

  ***

  I walk out of my room ready for my date, and elicit whistles as I walk through the main room. I can feel his eyes on me as I avoid his gaze. We are going to dinner so I have a short black dress on that stops at mid-thigh and shows off just the right amount of cleavage. My long blonde hair is curled and hanging low.

  I would never have Randy pick me up here so I told him I would meet him at the restaurant. The last thing I need is the boys scaring him off. As I’m about to open the door, a large body stands in front of me. I don’t need to look up at his face to know it’s Torch. “Can I help you?”

  “Trust me when I say you want to rephrase that question, princess.” His deep voice rumbles close to my ear.

  I take a breath to steady my voice and my nerves. “What do you want?”

  “That question ain’t much better.” His hand rests on my hip and my skin catches fire.

  I want to lean into him. My body is trying to move as my mind fights it to stay put. “You need to get out of my way.” My voice shakes, not as confident as the other two times.

  I hear a small chuckle from him before he steps to the side. Pushing the door open, I can hear his footsteps behind me. Once I sit in my car, I take another deep breath. Calm down. You got this. You want this.

  I pull out of the lot and head to dinner. No matter how much I fight it, I can’t help but look back at my shadow following me. The sight of him on his bike, his cut contrasting against the blue sky behind us makes me want to forget all my reservations and fears.

  The restaurant is some fancy French place whose name I don’t even want to try and say because I know I’ll sound like an idiot. I walk into the lobby to see Randy waiting for me. At least Torch can’t follow me in here. He would definitely stand out like a sore thumb. All the women are wearing formal dresses, the guys in dress jackets. I have never been to a place like this, and truthfully I feel as out of place as Torch would look. I feel like an imposter.

  The hostess walks us back to our red velvet covered table, pouring us both a glass of wine and water before retreating with a small smile. Looking around I can’t help but be taken aback. The restaurant is draped
in shades of gold and red. Each table perfectly set; the silver and white settings not an inch out of place. All of the people speaking softly, eating with the best manners possible.

  “Everything okay?” Randy asks me and I look across the table at him. He’s wearing a navy button up shirt, his mid length hair slicked back.

  I nod. “Just taking in the scenery.”

  Needing a distraction, I open the menu. Holy shit. It’s all in French. Not just the names of the dishes, even the damn descriptions. How bad would it be if I pulled up a translator on my phone? I never told him I spoke French, the shit should be illegal. I mean why can’t they help the stupid people out and at least give us a hint or maybe a glossary to at least say what the hell chicken means in French. I kind of wish that we were somewhere normal, somewhere I can relax.

  I walk into the kitchen to see Torch making himself a sandwich. “Want one?” He looks up at me.

  I scan the counter looking at the endless amount of supplies he is piling on the roll. “Sure, but I don’t know if I’m down for having the whole fridge on it.”

  “That’s just because you don’t know how good it is.” He starts to methodically build my sandwich the same way he does his. “Sometimes you have to open up to trying something new and before you know it, you might just be addicted to it.” The plate slides in front of me and I look up to meet his gaze. He raises his eyebrow at me and I’m getting a feeling that he’s talking about more than just trying out his sandwich.

  He’s been flirting with me more lately and as much as I enjoy it, I can’t let myself go there. “Thanks.” I grab the plate needing to put some space between us.

  Once I get out of the kitchen, I lift the monstrous sandwich to my mouth. Taking as big of a bite as I can manage, I let out an involuntary groan because it really is that good.

  “Told you that you’d like it.” I look back and see him leaning against the doorframe, his arms crossed over his chest. “Maybe you should try some other things. Never know what else might make your toes curl.” He smiles and I swear it hits me right in my core.

  I practically run away from him, if I’m not careful he is going to get me into trouble.

  The waiter comes to the table snapping me out of my daydream, and I look up at him ready to make a complete ass out of myself. “Good evening. Would you like to hear tonight’s specials?”

  I’d say yes but I’m going to guess that they’ll be in French too.

  “That’s not necessary. We already know what we are having,” Randy answers him. He begins to rattle off a bunch of words that sound like gibberish to me. The waiter nods and smiles before walking away. For all I know he could have told him to feed me a steaming plate of cow testicles and I’d have no idea.

  Part of me appreciates that he ordered because I know there is no way I would have been able to. The other part is irritated because he just treated me like I wasn’t even here. He doesn’t know if I have allergies, or am a picky eater. My head is starting to hurt with all the thoughts swirling through it.

  “Excuse me, I’ll be right back.” I stand up heading toward the bathrooms. I need some air.

  I take a few minutes to calm down and convince myself that this is normal and normal is what I want, what I need.

  On the way back from the bathroom, I pass the large window by the front of the restaurant. Torch is standing there. He is just looking at me. His eyes staring holes through me.

  I hold his gaze for a moment before he licks his lips.

  I snap out of the hold he had on me going back to our table. I try to carry on a conversation with Randy at dinner but I can’t stop thinking of Torch outside. Not one of the guys I’ve dated has ever made me feel half of what Torch does with just one look.

  I need to forget about him, somehow.

  Chapter Five

  Tracie

  I’m cleaning up the bar and taking inventory when Lucy walks, or more like waddles in. She’s six months pregnant but the girl is all belly.

  “Hey! Where’s your shadow?” I laugh knowing that where Lucy is Whip won’t be far behind. Aside from the fact that she’s pregnant, the boys aren’t any closer to figuring out who broke into the club.

  “He’s outside talking to yours.” She smiles at me.

  My mood drops. Damn, Torch has been a thorn in my side. Every time I turn around he is there. “That boy needs to get a life.”

  “I think he’s trying to, but you’re making it difficult for him.”

  I stop wiping the bar. “Seriously, Luce? I told you I want nothing to do with him. I actually have another date with Randy tonight.” I thought he would have never called after dinner a couple nights ago, but he has.

  She tilts her head at me. “Come on, Trace. You aren’t serious about him.”

  “Why wouldn't I be?” I throw my hands in the air. “He has a good job, a house, and doesn’t have to worry about looking over his shoulder or having people watch out for his family when there is a threat. He’s safe.”

  “There it is.” She slams her hands on the bar. “I get that you’re scared, but that’s no reason to settle.” The door opens and the boys walk in. “This is so not over.”

  “Yeah, whatever you say. You ready to go get our dresses?” Lucy’s wedding is in two weeks and today she is picking up her dress, while Nikki, Lily, and I are getting ours. As long as I’ve been in the club I don’t know that we have ever had a wedding like this. Sure members have gotten married, but we’ve never done the whole, bridesmaids, church, reception thing. I told Luce she better make sure the church is made of brick because with all the people we are bringing in the shit might crumble to the ground.

  “Yes!” She practically jumps off her chair in excitement.

  We walk toward the door and I catch Torch following us. “Where do you think you’re going?”

  “I’m following you girls. Whip can’t because Luce freaked out about him seeing her dress.” He smiles at me before walking by.

  “Twisted will be there, we don’t need you.” I place my hands on my hips, knowing I’ve found a way out.

  “Sorry, princess. He’s got a meeting. He’s just dropping Nikki and Lily off.” Goddammit. He disappears out of the door as I look over at Lucy.

  She mouths the word sorry to me before walking outside. I get into my car and drive off knowing before I even look in the mirror that Torch is there.

  “Why are you so against him, babe?”

  I look over at my friend. “Not today. Let’s just have a good time. Plus, you are already getting me to put on some girly crap, I think you’ve done enough for today.”

  “Don’t pretend like you don’t like them.” The dresses Lucy picked out are a shade of violet and floor length. They are halter cut and hug our forms before becoming looser at the bottom. They’re pretty, but I’ll never tell her that. I enjoy giving her shit too much.

  Lucy and I first met when she was fourteen and I was twenty-one. She found the club by accident and had begged for protection from her crazy ass family. It’s how she and Whip met, he was assigned to watch over her till she was legal, and the rest is history. I used to give her so much shit but that’s the way I am. Honestly if I’m nice to you that’s when you should really watch out. We pull up to the shop and I see Twisted standing outside with Nikki and Lily.

  Those two are a whole other story. He fought tooth and nail for that girl, literally. Lily is the spitting image of her dad but with her mother’s personality in every way. I used to think he would never find anyone until I met Nikki. The girl had no filter and as much grit to her as Twisted. They are perfect for each other.

  We get out of the car and Lily comes running up to me jumping into my arms. “Aunt Race!” I pick her up laughing. She’s called me that since she was too little to pronounce my name and now she just sticks with it.

  “Hey, babe. You being good?” I put her down.

  “Always!” She winks at me with a smile before running back to Nikki.

  “All right, b
abe, I gotta get out of here. Torch is gonna make sure you get home and if I’m not done I’ll have someone come by the house.” He gives Nikki a kiss before giving the rest of us a wave goodbye.

  “Why we still standin’ out here? Dresses are inside!” Lily runs into the store and I look over at Nikki with a smile.

  “God help me.” She follows her daughter in the store.

  We’re all dressed and are waiting on Lucy to come out in hers. She’s been nervous about how it will fit with how fast her stomach has been growing, but I know that it will look great on her.

  She comes out and I swear the girl has never looked better. It’s a long, white, flowing dress. She chose empire waist because it would work best with her growing belly. The straps are jeweled and the place where the dress cinches under her chest is also jeweled. Standing next to my best friend I couldn’t be happier for her. If anyone deserves this happiness it’s Lucy.

  “Aunt Luce?” Lily tugs on the side of Lucy’s dress and we look over at her. “Maybe I should sit under your dress during the wedding.” All of us are completely speechless not really knowing what to say.

  “Lily, why would you do that?” Nikki asks.

  “In case the baby falls out I could catch it.”

  The room erupts in laughter.

  “You guys decide on a name yet? I still vote for Mary.” Lucy gives me a dirty look. Mary is the nickname I gave her when she came to the club because she was so pure and innocent.

  “I already told you there is no way in hell I would name the baby Mary.” She nudges my shoulder making me teeter in the heels I’m wearing.

  “I still think you and Uncle Whip should call her Princess. Aunt Race likes it too!” Lily smiles.

  I laugh “Oh I do?”

  She nods quickly. “Yeah, whenever Uncle Torch calls you Princess, your cheeks get red.”

  Everyone gets quiet and all eyes are on me. Kid is too damn perceptive.

  “Oh really?” That voice. Torch would choose now to walk in. “You noticed that too, huh, little mama?”