Chaos

by Alexis Noelle

  Kill me now. Right here.

  I refuse to turn around. Lucy is smiling at me and Nikki can’t help but laugh. They’re all goddamn traitors. I walk into the dressing room.

  Stupid dress.

  Stupid Torch.

  When I walk out everyone else is getting undressed and it is just me and Torch. I walk up to the register to pay for the dress.

  I can feel him watching me.

  “You know you’re only delaying the inevitable right?” His breath is hot on my neck.

  “If by the inevitable you mean me shoving my knee into your balls, then I could stop delaying it if you want.” The girl ringing me up gasps as her eyes grow wide.

  “Keep up this little act all you want. Eventually you’ll give into me and it’ll make all this back and forth worth it.”

  I turn to respond but he's no longer standing behind me.

  Avoiding that man is like a full time job and sometimes I just want to quit.

  I imagine what it would be like to be with him.

  Every time I do though I imagine myself on that road, the rain pouring down, the life slowly draining from my body like the water draining off the road.

  I don’t know which option is worse.

  Being with him.

  Or being without him.

  Chapter Six

  Tracie

  I got a text from Twisted asking if I could babysit Lily so that he could take Nikki away for the night. I told him no problem, it’s not like I have a life or anything. I saw Randy again last night but it was the same thing as always. Dinner, dull conversation, going home to take care of myself.

  Of course since I’ll be there tonight so will Torch. My nerves are running high knowing that we will both be in the same house all night long with each other. Sure we are both at the clubhouse a lot of times, but that’s different. We aren’t alone.

  I walk in and Lily runs to me like she always does. I’ve never been someone who wanted kids but this little girl makes me question that sometimes.

  “Thanks for doing this, Trace.” Twisted walks into the room with a duffel bag in his hand.

  “No problem.”

  Nikki comes walking out and doesn’t look like a woman excited to be getting a night away.

  “You okay, Nik?”

  “Mommy’s mad because daddy has a pig head.” Lily skips off to her room and I can’t help but laugh.

  “Can’t ever say the kid is oblivious.” I walk over to Nikki. “They’re all pig-headed. Don’t pretend like you haven’t known that shit for years.”

  She cocks an eyebrow at me. “Yeah, don’t pretend like you haven’t been avoiding that shit for years.” Her eyes go past me to the door where I’m sure Torch is standing.

  “I hate you.”

  She gives me a hug goodbye. “You don’t, but thanks for watching the monster. Lily, we are leaving, baby!” Lily runs out giving her mom and dad hugs and kisses.

  “Uncle Torch!” She runs over to him giving him a huge hug. “Can we watch Frozen?”

  “Jesus, good luck with that shit, man,” Twisted says before he walks out of the house.

  “We can do whatever you want, baby girl.” He puts her down and I can’t help but smile at the way he is with her.

  “Okay! I’ll go get it!” She runs off and it’s just the two of us.

  Neither of us says a word. The room has a charge to it. A force that feels like if we lit a match the whole place would explode. It’s been like this with us for years, which would be why I’ve always avoided him.

  “Got it!”

  Lily puts the movie down as Torch gets a takeout menu and orders pizza and wings.

  Once the movie starts with a song, Torch groans next to me. “They sing the whole movie, Lil?”

  “Um, yeah!” she says like he just asked the stupidest question ever.

  The pained look on his face makes me laugh.

  After a half hour or so the food comes. He ordered two pizzas and two orders of wings: one barbecue and one hot. He hands the barbecue order to me “Here, these are for you and Lily.”

  “How do you know I wanted these and not the hot ones that you have?” I don’t generally enjoy spicy things but I just like to give him a hard time.

  “Trust me when I say that you can’t handle what I have,” he mumbles as he walks past me and into the living room.

  “Oh really? You wanna make a bet?”

  His face lights up. “A bet? You sure about that, princess?”

  No. “Yes.”

  “And what would the terms of this bet be?” He raises an eyebrow at me. I shrug my shoulders. I hadn’t thought about this. “How about the sleeping arrangements tonight?” Torch and I had been fighting all day about where he was sleeping. Twisted and Nikki only have two rooms: Lily’s and theirs. I told him he’d be on the couch and he kept telling me that he’d be in the bed.

  “How many do I need to eat?”

  He smiles at me. “One”

  “Deal.” You’re an idiot.

  He opens his container spinning it on the table till it faces me. The orange tinted chicken taunting me. You can do this. You might not like spicy stuff but you can eat it. It’s just one wing.

  I uncap my water making sure it’s in reach. Taking a deep breath, I bring the wing close to my mouth, here goes nothing. I take a bite. This isn’t that—HOLY FUCK.

  I want to scream but my mouth still has food in it. I grab the water filling my mouth with the liquid. OhMyGodOhMyGodOhMyGodOhMyGodOhMyGodOhMyGodOhMyGodOhMyGodOhMyGod.

  I can’t breathe.

  I quickly chew and swallow the piece of demon flesh in my mouth.

  “What the hell is this shit?!”

  I down the entire bottle of water but it doesn’t help.

  At this point I’m jumping up and down hoping for some insane reason that this will help.

  “My mouth feels like the fires of hell!”

  I go running for the kitchen turning the faucet on cold and leaving my mouth open under it so the water is just running into it. I can hear Torch and Lily laughing.

  “What did you do to me?” My eyes are watering, my nose is running.

  I grab another water bottle drinking half of it.

  “My insides hurt. It feels like I’m having a goddamn heart attack!”

  The both of them are red-faced on the couch having the time of their lives.

  “It’s not funny!”

  I drink the rest of the water while I grab a few ice cubes sticking them in my mouth.

  I walk back over to him. “Eat one,” I say through a full mouth of ice.

  He smiles picking up a wing, which I’m still convinced came from some sort of a hellhound. He takes a bite, eating almost half of it at once. As he chews, I’m waiting for it to hit. For him to collapse, burst into flames, something.

  Nothing.

  “Are you possessed?”

  He laughs again.

  “Aunt Race, do you want some of my barbecue chicken?” Lily holds out the takeout container to me. Little traitor.

  Torch smiles up at me. “You finishing that?”

  I look down at the chicken wing with the small bite taken out of it. Heart attack or sleeping next to Torch? It’s not as easy of a decision as you would think.

  I pick up the offending wing, take a deep breath, and throw it right at his face.

  I wash my hands, making sure all traces of that horrible shit is off of me.

  Somehow he managed to eat the entire container of those wings and I have to admit I was a little impressed. The movie continues with Lily getting up during each song, dancing and twirling to the music. When the movie is over, it’s finally time to tuck her in. I read her a story and say good night.

  When I walk back into the living room, Torch is cleaning up the takeout mess, so I help before the two of us go sit back down on the couch. He lands on some scary movie and I look over at him.

  “Let me guess. I’m supposed be scared and come cuddle with you?” I roll m
y eyes.

  “If I didn’t know your attitude was a defense I would be offended.” He holds his hand over his heart.

  I shake my head. “A defense for what?”

  “A defense against me. Against what I make you feel. Against what is between us.” With each sentence his voice gets deeper.

  I stand up needing to leave the room. Torch catches up with me in the hallway. His hand grabs my arm and spins me toward him. His other hand comes to rest at the back of my neck as he steps forward pushing me against the wall.

  “Tell me why? Why do you fight me so much?”

  My heartbeat speeds up, because he is so close to me and as much as I hate it I like it. My anxiety rises from the position we are in and the memories it holds.

  “Because I don’t want you. You’re like my brother.” I spit it at him, hoping it cuts him enough that he lets me go.

  He smiles before his mouth crashes against mine. His tongue forcing its way into my mouth. He puts all the passion he’s been holding into me and it takes my breath away. My hands grip his T-shirt, and I thank God that the wall is behind me to hold me up. He is coaxing me, his tongue stroking my mouth, eliciting a moan I didn’t know would escape.

  “That feel like your fucking brother?”

  His phone rings breaking the silence of the hallway and making both of us jump.

  “Shit.” He releases me and digs it out of his pocket. “We are not done.” He points at me before walking toward the front door and answering the phone.

  Yes, we are.

  We have to be.

  That felt too good for me to let it happen again.

  Chapter Seven

  Torch

  I get off the phone with Whip and head inside to find that Tracie isn’t there anymore. Of course not. As much as I wanted to I couldn’t ignore my phone. With everything that’s going on right now it could be important. I flip open and closed the silver lighter in my hand. Watching the flame appear then putting it out each time. Controlling the uncontrollable. It’s amazing the fear I still feel every time I see a flame. The way it forms a pit in my stomach but the excitement I get when it’s my hand that starts or stops it. I can still hear them when I close my eyes. The way they screamed. The blackness that could swallow you whole if you let it. A cold breeze catches me, jolting me out of my own head.

  I shut the door making sure it’s locked. There has been buzz of a new MC that’s been forming. Stupid motherfuckers who watched too much goddamn TV and now they think they’re badasses. They’ve been hitting different spots around town, no doubt trying to build up their bank and give them something to work with. Problem is everyone we talk to has no idea who they are. They call themselves the Black Ghosts and that’s just what they are, fucking ghosts. The other places they hit were identical to what happened at the club. We know that it’s them and now they’ll pay.

  We will eventually find them, but guys like this can be dangerous. They want to make a name for themselves and to do that they think they need some sort of big act. Something to show the other clubs not to mess with them. That’s the biggest reason none of us will leave the girls alone. They all think it’s just because of the break in, that’s just because we can’t tell them this other shit.

  Twisted took Nikki away but is also having a late night meeting with a few other VPs at that hotel. It will be in the middle of the night and hopefully Nikki doesn’t catch him sneaking out or in because she’ll probably beat his ass.

  I knew once Twisted told me the plan for tonight that I would try to get Tracie to see how things could be. That if she would just stop pushing me away we could be amazing.

  Kissing her tonight gave me a taste and now I’m ravenous.

  I need her and I can’t take no for an answer anymore. I’m going to get her to tell me why she is so intent on keeping ten feet between us. This game has been going on for years now, and it’s getting old. I’ve been giving her the space she needed, it hasn’t worked. I’ve let her see how none of these other guys she busies herself with can do anything for her, it hasn’t worked either.

  I watch one of the prospects flirting with Tracie and my blood starts to boil. If he lays one finger on her I swear to God I’ll rip his damn hands off. She is laughing and leaning into him, and then she glances over at me. A smile crosses her face. She’s trying to make me jealous. “Jones!” I yell and the prospect quickly runs toward me and away from Tracie. He stands in front of me waiting for orders. “You ever talk to her again and patching in won’t be a possibility because I’ll have your ass buried six feet under within minutes.”

  His eyes grow wide as he gives me a nod and walks away.

  “What the hell?” Tracie comes stomping over to me.

  “Just making sure the prospects know their place.” I shrug.

  “It’s not your place to scare off guys I talk to! We aren’t together.”

  I grab her arm pulling her close to me. “Yet. We aren’t together yet. That shit will change.”

  I need to just stop beating around the damn bush and make her see how good this could be. There is so much fear and shit in her eyes when I look at her and it is the reason I haven’t pushed before.

  All I need is for her to just let me in once and she’ll see that there is no reason to be scared. I know part of the shit in her head has to do with that asshole, Viper. Luckily, he won’t be coming around anytime soon. The club kept tabs on him after he was kicked out. He wrecked his bike a couple years ago and died in the hospital. I know Shooter said he told Tracie but I don’t think it matters in her head, he’s still real in there.

  I walk into the bedroom to see her lying under the covers, her eyes closed. I stare at her chest seeing the quick rise and fall, she’s faking.

  “If you think you’re fooling anyone, you’re kidding yourself. I’ll let you think you’ve won for tonight though.” I move to the other side of the bed taking off my cut and put it on the back of the chair. I lift my shirt over my head and drop my jeans to the floor before slipping in next to her. “We both know that I’m the one who really won.”

  I wrap my arm around her feeling her tense. I’m about to pull away when she relaxes against me.

  That’s my girl.

  Chapter Eight

  Tracie

  I hold onto Torch’s waist as we ride. Whenever we are on his bike it’s like we are one person. We move in sync as we take the turns. I rest my cheek against his back, a smile gracing my face. This is all I’ve ever needed. That’s when I hear her voice, my mom. “I tried to warn you.”

  The back tire skids out from under us and all of a sudden Torch is fighting for control. We start to lean sideways before we completely flip over. My arms lose him as I fly through the air, my body flipping repeatedly each time smashing against the hard gravel.

  I land on my back, a scream ripping from my chest. My head flops to the side and I see Torch. His head is bent at an unnatural angle. There is blood all over his face. I scream for him but he doesn’t even flinch. I can feel myself drifting away, my hold on this earth and my vision fading in and out. The raindrops stinging my eyes as they taunt me knowing I can’t move enough to take cover from them. Knowing that even after I leave this world they’ll still be here.

  I should have listened to her.

  I should have stayed far away from this life.

  “Aunt Race!” I jump when Lily comes in the room. I’m breathing quickly and shaking.

  “Hey, Lil, how about you meet me in the kitchen and we’ll get some waffles?” Torch says from next to me. She nods and walks out of the room.

  It felt so real. I felt like I had died. My hands skim my body as if I’m checking for injuries.

  “Hey.” Torch’s hand touches my shoulder and I jump. “Sorry, are you okay?”

  “Yeah, I-I’m fine.” I stand up fixing my clothes and running out of that room as fast as I can before he can ask another question.

  Standing in the bathroom in front of the mirror I try to get a hold of myse
lf.

  You’re fine. It was just a damn dream.

  “Tracie!” A bang on the door makes me jump.

  I open the door to see him standing there in only a pair of sweatpants. I pause for a moment because no matter how annoying he is the man is definitely a sight to look at. “Jesus, don’t you have anything better to do?”

  “No, not really. What is going on?”

  “Nothing.” I cross my arms over my chest.

  “Bullshit.”

  “None of your business.” My irritation is growing and all I want him to do is get the hell out of my way.

  He smiles at me. “Bullshit again.”

  “Oh yeah? Why the hell is it your business?”

  He takes a step closer to me so that we are basically nose to nose. “Because everything to do with you is my business.” He places a kiss on my lips before taking a step back. “Now come eat my food, woman.”

  I stand there not knowing what to do for a minute. I need to push him away. I let him in last night and then look at what I dreamt about. I’ve never had one like that. It’s a sign. Our relationship could only result in tragedy. I have to make him give up on me, not like that’s been easy.

  I walk into the kitchen to see him and Lily sitting at the table with plates of waffles and see an empty plate and chair for me. “You made all this so fast?”

  “Well, no. Eggo did, I used the microwave though.” He motions for me to sit down.

  “I poured the syrup!” Lily shouts.

  I totally could have figured that given there is about an inch of it on my plate. “Thank you,” I say to him. Giving him up is going to suck.

  After a couple of hours Twisted and Nikki come home and we are relieved of our duties. “You have any plans tonight, Trace?” Nikki asks as I grab my stuff.

  “Not yet, I think I might end up hanging out with Randy again.”

  I hear a deep groan from behind me and I don’t have to turn to know who it is. I don’t have plans with Randy. I need him to hate me. I need him to think after he tried that I still don’t care. I need him to buy the lie.