Chaos

by Alexis Noelle

  “Okay, well if you end up bored, Lucy is going to come hang out for a girl’s night.”

  “All right, thanks!” I say as I walk out the door and head to my car.

  “Tracie!” I hear him calling me, but I don’t stop. I don’t want to face him. I open my door just to have it slammed closed. “What the fuck, Trace?”

  “Excuse me?” I turn to face him. Don’t let him see you crack.

  “You really gonna go see that asshat? After last night, after I made everything clear to you, after—”

  “Yeah, I am. I told you I’m not interested.” I hold his gaze for a few seconds before turning and letting the mask fall. I fumble with my keys trying to remain strong.

  “Yeah, well, you’re a fucking liar.” I hear his footsteps and breathe a sigh of relief that he gave up. As I get into the car, my eyes fill with tears that I refuse to shed.

  This is for the best, for both of us.

  I head to the club needing to distract myself with something other than thoughts of Torch. Each time I look in my rearview mirror and don’t see his bike it hurts. I’m an idiot. My aim was to push him away and now that I did I’m upset about it.

  Pulling into the lot, a chill runs down my spine as I remember the last time I arrived here alone. As I walk to the door, I scan the area around me nervously making sure that no one else is around. Everyone in the club is tense and I know that there is stuff going on that I have no idea about. That’s the way it always is though. The women are just expected to keep quiet and be at the man’s beck and call. Screw that. Even if I wanted to end up with a biker it would be with one who could handle me and understand that in no way would I be the quiet little wife who stays at home and bakes goddamn cookies.

  The club is dark and it seems so eerie in here when it’s empty. The draped curtains seeming as if they could be hiding unknown evils.

  I’m seriously losing it.

  A knock on the door makes me jump and I hold in a scream. Should I go answer it? I don’t have any inventory deliveries scheduled today. I look over at the steel door wishing there were a peephole in it. A knock comes again and I will my feet to move forward. I crack the door open just enough so I could see out.

  A man is standing there in a white button up shirt and khakis, with a baseball cap on. “I have a delivery for Miss Moore.” He holds up a white box in his hand.

  Taking a deep breath to try and calm myself I open the door and pretend as if I’m not ready to jump out of my own skin. “That’s me.”

  “These are for you if you’ll just sign here.” He holds out a clipboard to me and I scribble my signature on it. He hands me the box. “Have a nice day, ma’am.”

  I shut the door walking over to the bar and placing the box down. There is no card attached, maybe it’s inside.

  Lifting the lid an envelope falls to the floor as a scream rips out of my throat. The box is full of wilted flowers with maggots crawling all over them. I move to step away but trip and fall to the floor. The envelope catches my eye and I reach for it, opening the seal, knowing that there isn’t anything better in here.

  These reminded me of you.

  Something that used to be beautiful but now is dead and infested.

  Your bodyguards can’t protect you forever.

  Especially when you act like such a slut.

  You’ll get what’s coming to you.

  The card falls from my hand and I scoot as far away from the box and the hateful card as I can. I end up crouched under one of the small tables, trying to stay grounded. I’m fighting not to get lost in my own head. I should call for help. My phone is on the bar, next to the box. I’m frozen as the words from the card replay in my head.

  Who could be doing this? What do they want?

  Tucking my knees to my chest and retreating into the safety of my own world is all I can do. I know I should get up, get help. I feel like I did all those years ago.

  Helpless.

  His retreating footsteps give me no comfort. The damage is already done. He took a piece of me that I’ll never get back.

  I should get up.

  I should go find one of the boys.

  Then I hear his threats.

  “They won’t believe you. I’m their brother. You’re just the bitch that cleans up after us. Even if they did believe you, you really think they’ll get rid of me because of it? Say one word and I’ll fucking kill you.” His voice vibrated in my ear as his hand tightened its grip on my hair.

  I can feel my skin ripping.

  Even though he has walked away from me I know that I’ll never rid myself of him.

  “What the fuck!” I jumped at the loud voice. “Tracie!”

  I don’t move. I should call out to him.

  “Find her!” His voice echoes off the walls.

  He came back.

  As he takes a step, his foot hits the card laying on the floor. He picks it up and as his eyes scan the words he lets out a roar.

  I see other people moving around but I can’t take my eyes off him.

  The man I want to rescue me.

  The man who could also destroy everything I am.

  His eyes meet mine, and in a second he rushes over to me. His hands grab my arms as he pulls me against his chest.

  “I’m so fucking sorry I wasn’t here.”

  I don’t answer him.

  I’m used to being alone.

  Chapter Nine

  Torch

  When I walked into the club and saw that box of fucked up shit I didn’t know what to think. I was instantly filled with fear that something had happened to her. I didn’t follow her here right away because I needed time to get over the fact that she once again pushed me away.

  If something happened to her it would be my fault, and I’d never forgive myself. Then my eyes met hers and seeing that she was here calmed me. Pulling her out from under that table, I held her to me trying to ease her nerves. She was shaking. The fear written all over her face gutted me. She shouldn’t have been here alone.

  “I’m so fucking sorry.” She doesn’t answer me and hasn’t moved since I pulled her out from under there. I stand up taking her with me and walk over to one of the couches lining the wall. Once I put her down I can’t help the need to inspect her, and make sure she wasn’t hurt in any way. “What happened?”

  She doesn’t speak, just stares straight past me.

  “Trace, listen, I know that you’re scared but I need you to talk to me.” My hands brace the sides of her face.

  “There isn’t anyone else here. All the other doors are still locked,” one of the guys says from behind me.

  “Ok, get Shooter and Twisted on the phone, let them know what we found here.” I hear them walking away. This entire time I haven’t looked away from her. “Please, just talk to me.”

  “I—” Her voice breaks. “They were delivered. I signed for them.”

  These motherfuckers have no idea who the hell they are screwing with. I will kill every single one of them for even thinking of looking her way.

  Tracie’s gaze moves back toward the box. Her body shivers beneath my hands and I want to throw my fist through the wall.

  “I should have been here with you. Be mad at me. Yell at me. Fucking hit me if you need to. Anything is better than seeing you like this.”

  She just shakes her head and then breaks my hold on her as she lies down on the couch. I want to sit down, pull her against me. I want to tell her I need her to be mine. I want to protect her from all of this, but that’s hard when I don’t even know what’s going on, or who is doing it.

  I make a silent promise to her that I will find the person doing this and I will make them pay. The door opens and I see Shooter and Twisted walk in. “I’m gonna go talk to the boys, I’ll be right there if you need me.” I wait for an answer but it doesn’t come.

  “What the fuck happened, Torch?” Shooter is looking at me like he wants to tear my head off. “Where were you?” His voice shakes with anger.

&n
bsp; “I didn’t follow her right here and that was my fault. I own that I just—”

  “No. I wanted to put someone else on her but you insisted. It had to be you. I told you not to let your shit get in the way of this. That girl might as well be my goddamn daughter.” He’s in my face, and I can tell that if we weren’t brothers he would lay me out right here. “I’m putting someone else on her.”

  “No, you can’t.”

  “I can and I fucking will. You fucked this shit up.” His finger points at me before he walks to where Tracie is still lying.

  “What the hell, brother?” Twisted says. Not him too.

  “Listen, I get it. I fucked up. You can’t say shit to me that I haven’t already said to myself. I let my pride get in the way and I fucking regret it.” I walk over to Shooter and Tracie.

  “You can leave,” he says without even turning around.

  Tracie’s eyes meet mine and I try to say everything I need to without ever uttering a sound. I need her to know I would have never put her in danger intentionally. I need her to see how much I regret not following her as soon as we left.

  “No.” Her small voice is barely heard.

  Shooter looks back at me contempt still in his eyes.

  “I want him around.” She sits up. “This wasn’t his fault.”

  “The fuck it wasn’t. You shouldn’t have been alone.” Shooter’s hands rub up and down her arms. “Trace, you’re like the daughter I never had. I want you protected. I want you safe.”

  “Then you’ll let Torch stay.”

  Hearing her say that gives me renewed faith. I’ve broken through her barrier somewhere. She, at least, knows that I won’t let anything happen to her. I won’t leave her side until we find these assholes and make them pay. I smile at her.

  Maybe if I cause enough cracks in her wall, eventually it will just fall down.

  Chapter Ten

  Tracie

  I leave the club not really wanting to be there anymore. I don’t want to go home either. I know that the club will be buzzing with everything that’s happened, and I just don’t want to deal with it. It’s times like this that I wish I had a place of my own, one separate from the club and everything that surrounds it.

  I drive over to Lucy’s hoping that hanging out with her and Nikki might help my mood some. I can see Torch following me on his bike. I had my out today and I didn’t take it. Shooter was going to assign someone else to me and I wouldn’t have had to deal with Torch anymore. The truth is that I know if I hadn’t been such a bitch to him that he never would have left me alone.

  Pulling into the driveway, I grab my purse and get out of the car. Before I reach the steps, Torch grabs my arm. “Hey, I know I already said it but I’m sorry that I wasn’t there today. I was a dick leaving you. Just know that I will make sure whoever this asshole is that he doesn’t get to you again.”

  I don’t know what to say to him and before I know it, I wrap my arms around him. Being close to him like this messes with my head. When he wraps his arms around my waist it feels almost like a shield. Like nothing can touch me, I’m invincible. I pull away and give him a quick smile before heading up the stairs to Lucy’s house.

  I knock on the door, looking back to see Torch sit down on the step clicking the lighter he always has with him open and closed. “What’s the deal with that?”

  He looks up at me. “Maybe one day I’ll tell you.”

  The door opens and Lucy smiles at me in surprise. “Hey, I didn’t think you were coming.”

  She steps aside and I walk in. “Yeah, well, I guess you haven’t heard yet then.”

  “Lucy, you won’t believe what just—” Nikki stops talking once she sees me. “Holy shit. You okay, Trace?”

  I nod at her.

  “What happened?” Lucy looks between us in confusion. I explain to them what happened once I got to the club and I hate the horror on their face, what’s worse is that it’s mixed with pity. “Jesus, how are you?”

  “I’m fine.” I lie. “I figured I would come here and try to distract myself.”

  We spend the day eating junk food and watching trashy movies. Magic Mike is on when Whip, Twisted, and Torch walk in. They all stare at the screen as the guys perform one of their routines.

  “This is the shit you guys watch?” Torch looks over at me.

  I shrug. “It makes for good dreams at night.”

  “Those douches? They probably aren’t even straight.” The rest of the guys grumble something along the same lines as they move about the room. I jump when Torch’s voice is right in my ear. “If you really want to see some moves, all you gotta do is ask.”

  I turn around and glare at him. “Don’t start.”

  “See, that’s the thing. If you’d just stop fighting me, you’d be begging me to finish.” He winks at me before standing up straight and walking into the kitchen.

  I can feel the blush on my cheeks and I curse my traitor of a body.

  It wants Torch, bad.

  I haven’t been able to stop thinking about our kiss; the way his lips felt against mine. How he excited me and scared the shit out of me all at once. I felt alive and more turned on than I’d been in a while.

  I catch Nikki looking at me with a smile on her face. “You’re screwed, girl.”

  Don’t I know it?

  “Hey, Luce! Don’t forget my mom is coming in next week to help with things,” Whip calls from the kitchen.

  Lucy rolls her eyes, which is weird because her and Jordan’s mom have always gotten along “Okay, babe!” she yells back. She looks at Nikki and me before sighing. “Guys, this might just be the pregnant bitch in me, but his mom has been driving me insane. She wants to be involved in everything, and even though her intentions are good it’s driving me a little bit crazy.”

  “That’s normal and, honestly, as far as I’m concerned take advantage of being a bitch while you’re pregnant. You have an excuse.” Nikki laughs.

  Lucy shakes her head. “Thanks, Nik. I don’t want her to hate me though.”

  “Listen, Mary, no one could ever hate you.” Lucy narrows her eyes at me. She hates when I call her that. “Just take a deep breath and if you need someone to come save you, text one of us. Or you could take your bitchiness out on us, that way you don’t let it slip on his mom. It could be worse. You could have a stalker on your ass twenty-four seven like me.”

  “Oh, please. Twisted told me that Shooter tried to give you someone else and you wouldn’t have it. Whether you want to admit it or not, you love having that man follow you around.” She cocks an eyebrow at me.

  “I just didn’t want someone I didn’t know hanging around.”

  “Lie. If you think we can’t tell, you’re crazy.” She throws a piece of popcorn at me. “You should really just put the both of you out of your misery and get it on.”

  “Really mature, Dr. Phil.” I pick up the throw pillow behind me and throw it at her.

  “Call me whatever you want, all I’m saying is that it’s pointless to fight the inevitable. Plus, let’s be honest we have all heard stories about Torch, you won’t be disappointed.”

  “Seriously? One, eww. Two, if I did want him, I definitely don’t want to be reminded about stories from other girls he’s been with.” I stand up needing to leave because I can’t keep pretending like I don’t want him.

  I do.

  Every inch of me feels like it’s calling for him.

  I just need to get myself to shut the hell up.

  Chapter Eleven

  Tracie

  Tonight I decide to go surprise Randy. My attraction and pull toward Torch has been getting more intense and I’m hoping if I get closer to Randy it might go away. I know that I’m being stupid and that using him this way is wrong. I need things with Randy to work, because if it doesn’t, I swear it’s almost like a sign that I’m not meant to have a normal relationship.

  The past few days Torch has kept his promise and hasn’t left my side. The problem with that is tha
t he hasn’t left my side. He is there every time I turn around and my resolve to push him away is weakening.

  I almost let him kiss me again the other day at the bar.

  Standing on my tiptoes, I lift the crate up to slide it onto the top shelf. When it teeters and I start to lose my grip, I brace myself to get knocked over the head with a crate full of bottles when the crate is lifted up and put on the shelf.

  I turn to see Torch standing behind me. “You really need to start asking for help, princess.”

  “You need to know when to take a hint, and go away.” I try to move past him but he steps in front of me.

  Taking a couple steps toward me I take a few in retreat until he presses me against the shelf. “What kind of hints should I be taking? The way your face turns red when I say something dirty to you? The way your body seems to relax when you get out of your car and see me walking behind you? The goose bumps that cover your skin every time I get close to you?” My insides clench at his proximity and knowing that what he is saying is true. I’m in a constant state of need around him. His face comes closer. “How about the fact that I know your panties are wet and all I can fucking think about is burying my face in between your legs.”

  Holy shit.

  My heart is pounding as I’m holding his gaze.

  He inches closer again.

  I don’t move.

  I don’t want to. I want him to kiss me.

  Thank God, at that moment, one of the bartenders walked into the stock room breaking the spell he had on me. He can see my wall crumbling down more every day and I know by his cocky smile that he is taking pleasure in his small victories.

  I take a look at myself in the mirror knowing that tonight I want to take the next step with Randy. I’m breaking out the red dress I rarely wear because of how much of a pain in the ass it is to get on. It hugs my body so tight that I swear it’s made by Spanx. Hopefully he’s an animal in the bedroom and I can forget about how dull he is in every other room. I roll my eyes, highly doubting that possibility. It’s not lost on me that I’m basically sabotaging myself. I’m going into a date knowing I have no interest in the guy, but with the intention to try and use sex to make it better. I swear to God I sound like a blurb on a self-help book.