by Harlow James
“Fuck you feel good, baby. Damn, this was worth it, Jess. You are worth it. Don’t ever think otherwise. I want you. I need you. Every day.” His voice is low and full of need as he thrusts in and out of me, our hands moving and exploring each other as we connect.
“I need you, Brooks.”
Time stands still as he slows down and then speeds up, plunges deep and then makes shallow dives, teasing me and pleasing me until I wound up so tight, I’m itching for my release.
“Sit up,” he commands, pulling out of me and making me miss him instantly. But I follow his directions and wait for the next ones. “Turn around and back up to me.” He sits up on his knees and then guides me to him so my back is to his front and his knees are between my legs. “Lift up for me now,” he whispers and then lines himself up to me once he can feel my entrance. “Now slide back down me, sweetheart.”
And I do—God, do I slide down every delicious inch of him and revel in the feeling of him being so deep inside of me it takes my breath away.
“Oh, my god,” I breathe out before lifting up and sliding back down him, over and over again.
“Fuck yes. Ride me, Jess.” His hands grip my hips and help move me up and down as we chase our release, chase the high. I can feel the sweat on his chest as he moves one hand up to cup my breast and the other between my legs, his fingers rubbing on my clit as he pulls me back towards him, changing the angle of him inside me, which sparks my orgasm. His lips find my neck, peppering my skin with kisses and soft nips as he pushes up into me from beneath before I reach behind and wrap my arm around his neck for leverage as we move together.
“I’m gonna come, Brooks,” I declare, sensing my orgasm is only a few seconds away.
“Me too, babe. Come with me,” he growls as we move once, twice, three more times, before crying out in ecstasy together.
When I finally stop moving and Brooks keeps me pressed to his torso, the sound of our breathing is the only thing filtering through the room besides the hum of the air conditioner. It takes a minute before we’re relaxed enough to move because we’re both still trembling and struggling to catch our breaths. Brooks helps me off of him and lays me down on the bed before getting up to take care of the condom. When he returns, he slides the covers down the bed and ushers me under, bringing me back in his arms as we lay there, facing each other with our heads propped up on our elbows, reading between the lines.
That was incredible, so sensual, so easy, and comfortable—why the hell were we waiting?
“I will take full responsibility for the stupid decision to prolong doing that for as long as I have,” I say, joking obviously, and hoping that Brooks senses that. By the laugh he grants me, I’d say he agrees.
“I mean, I’m not gonna argue that it was your decision,” he says with a smirk which only makes me grin in return and throb for him again already. “But I’d say it was worth the wait.”
“Definitely.” I take a deep breath and then muster up the courage to tell him about our common ground, the bit of information that made me realize that this man is worth letting in. “I—I need to tell you something, Brooks.”
His face shifts instantly from elation to worry. “Okay…”
“First, thank you for finally telling me what was going on. I’m glad that I can understand you more.”
“Again, I’m so fucking sorry for keeping something from you, Jess.”
I reach up and cup his cheek, stroking his skin softly. “I know. I get why you did though, Brooks. I understand exactly what you’re going through.” I emphasize the word so he can start to sense what I mean.
“What?”
I clear my throat and then let it out. “My mom had breast cancer too, Brooks.”
I can see his throat roll as he swallows hard. “Fuck…”
“And that’s how she died.”
He closes his eyes instantly and drops his head, laying down on the pillow, so I follow suit. “Shit, Jess. I’m so fucking sorry. But why didn’t you say something earlier?”
“I didn’t want your confession to be about me. I wanted you to know that I was listening to you—to your feelings, your thoughts, your fears. I was twenty-two when she passed, right before I went into nursing school. I didn’t have anyone who was looking out for me, asking me how I was doing. It was just me, my sister, and my dad, and the three of us were so distraught with anger and grief that we didn’t speak much. My sister and I did after she died, but my dad never wanted to talk about how he was feeling or wondered how my sister and I handled it. It was tough. I was with her when she took her last breath. I saw the life leave her body,” I say as tears escape my eyes now. “And I think watching her leave has made me so afraid of truly living, afraid that everything will be ripped from me like it was from her. My mom was fine one day and gone four months later. She had a wonderful life, did everything right, and she still died. Life isn’t fair. And I’m not telling you this to make you scared that your mom would pass too. We don’t know what her fate is. I’m telling you this so you know that you’re not alone. I know exactly how you’re feeling, and that is why I want to make sure that you know that there is someone here for you.”
Brooks eyes are filled with unshed moisture as he stares back at me. The silence between us now is deafening as I wait there for him to say something in response.
“Fuck, Jess. I’m so sorry. I hate that you had to go through that. But fuck… as much as my heart aches for what you went through, I can’t help but feel relieved that there’s someone else besides me that gets it.” He pulls me closer and kisses me, pushing our bodies together as the reality of our connection floats between us.
It’s rare to find someone in life that you share a common experience with.
But that’s what Brooks and I have, and I’m going to never let him feel alone throughout the coming days.
Chapter 21
Brooks
“Mom, Jess is gonna be here soon. Do you want something to drink really quick while I’m in the kitchen?”
She eyes me from the sofa, her pale brown eyes tracking my movements around the house. Even though the color has left her skin, I’ve never found her to be more beautiful, wrapped in a pink headscarf and matching blanket. My mother has taken the opportunity to accessorize her headwear since shaving her head, trying to find the slightest bit of pomp in her circumstance. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were nervous for me to meet this girl.”
Hell yeah, I’m nervous—not because I don’t think my mom won’t like Jess or the two of them won’t hit it off. No, I’m nervous because I don’t know how Jess might react when she sees my mother’s state and the memories it might bring up for her. I’m nervous because now that all of our secrets are out, I know without a doubt that I’m truly, madly, and deeply in love with this girl and want nothing more than for her to fit into my life seamlessly.
After Jess confessed the factors that lead to her mother’s death, she opened up to me more about her. Turns out our mothers are pretty much the same person, down to their love of butterflies and affliction for plants. She also told me that her tattoo is in memory of her mother, and I revealed that my mom has one as well. That tiny connection shocked us both. I wanted to tell her that in the heat of the moment, but I thought it better not to mention my mom when we were about to have sex.
But now she knows it all—my mother’s illness, my deepest fears, and how much she means to me. And now all I need is for her to see that she’s the future I want.
“I’m not nervous,” I deny while filling a cup of water from the fridge and bringing it to her anyway. “I just… fuck, I’m falling for her, Mom.”
She smiles up at me adoringly and then cups my cheek. “I’m so happy for you, Brooks. If she’s tamed your free spirit, she must be incredible. I can’t wait to meet her.”
“She is. I’ve got to finish a few things for dinner before everyone gets here, so let me know if you need anything.” I stand and kiss her cheek before returning to the
kitchen to finish dicing the toppings. My mother actually had a craving for tacos, so I made sure to have all the fixings for her so she could enjoy a meal. Her appetite has been hit or miss, so she usually snacks rather than eats a heavy helping of food, but I’m hoping she’ll be able to enjoy this dinner with everyone tonight without getting sick.
A few moments later, my Aunt Liz and Ethan arrive with his girlfriend Mariah in tow. I figured for the sake of introductions, Jess should meet all of my family at once. Each of these people knows how much she’s grown to mean to me, so I want them all to witness the incredible strength she’s given me. Plus, it’s rare that we can all convene at the same time.
After we made love in the hotel room last week, we woke the next day and explored the town of Brookings, Oregon. As heavy as the topics were that we discussed the night prior, the rest of our trip seemed to be light-hearted and adventurous. We traveled to the tide pools nearby, sampled amazing food from several restaurants, did some shopping, which apparently Jess loves to do, and then devoured each other’s bodies the second we returned to the hotel room and long into the night.
The woman is addicting, as if I didn’t already know that before that weekend. But now that she’s given herself away to me completely, I know that I don’t want a day in my life without her in it. I’m in love with her—her spirit and heart, her timid nature that I love breaking down, the way she’s opened up to me in a way that she has for no other man.
Who would have known that I’d fall for a woman who not only understands my job, my thoughts, my fears—but knows what it’s like to be in my shoes right now with my mom? I’m dumbfounded, but oh so grateful.
“Can I put this cheesecake in the fridge?” Mariah strides into the kitchen holding a glass plate with a remarkable-looking dessert on it.
“Sure. You might have to move some things around, but it should fit.”
“It looks great, babe,” Ethan says before planting a kiss on her lips as she exits the kitchen. Then he turns to me after watching her walk away. “Hey, man. How’s it going?” He hands me a beer while leaning against the counter, a welcome bout of liquid courage I feel is warranted at this point.
“It’s going,” I answer before taking a sip and then returning to dicing onion and tomatoes.
“You nervous for this? It’s a big step.”
I bite my cheek, trying not to show my true feelings because my stomach is actually in knots. “Yes, and no. I know I want her to meet everyone, but I’m kind of afraid of how she’s going to feel seeing my mom.”
“Why would she be rattled by seeing your mom? She’s seen cancer patients at the hospital, I’m sure. And she knows about her now, right?”
I huff and then set down my knife. “This stays between you and me, okay? I mean, it’s not like a giant secret or something, but I don’t want Jess to feel like I’m telling everyone her business.”
Ethan nods. “You got it.”
“Her mom died from breast cancer.”
“Oh, fuck.” Ethan’s eyes go wide and then he takes a few large drinks from his beer. “Damn. When did you find this out?”
“Last week on our trip. I opened up to her about everything and then she told me she knew exactly what I was feeling. I was shocked and then felt so fucking bad for her. Not only does she know what I’m going through, but her circumstances turned out in the worst conceivable way.”
“And you think that her seeing Aunt Viv is going to bring all of those emotions back, don’t you?”
I lift up the knife again and point it in his direction. “Exactly.”
“Well, let’s hope she doesn’t freak out once she arrives. Let me know if there is anything I can do to make the evening run smoothly, alright?”
“I appreciate that. So how are things going with Mariah?” I direct the knife towards the living room now on the other side of the wall.
Ethan’s lip split open in a shit-eating grin. “I’m so far gone where that woman is concerned, man. She’s it. She’s the one.”
My eyebrows shoot up, even though I know precisely how he feels. “No shit. That’s fucking fantastic, man.”
“Thanks. It’s crazy. I know it hasn’t been that long, but I feel it. She makes me so fucking happy. It’s like I finally understand what I’ve been waiting for. It was her.”
“Damn. It’s like you’re taking the words right out of my mouth.”
“You feel that way about Jess?”
I bob my head up and down as I scoop the onions into their bowl and then grab a different cutting board to start on the tomatoes. “I knew that my attraction to her differed from anything I’ve ever felt before. But after these past few months, and especially last weekend, I’m right there with you. She’s the woman for me.”
Ethan chuckles before taking a drink of his beer again. “Look at us, man. Falling hard at the same time. I don’t want to get all mushy with you, but fuck, I’m glad you moved home. You’re not only my cousin, but one of my best friends, Brooks. I know things are tough right now, but I feel like we’re all going to be okay, especially with these women by our sides now. Who knew that speed dating would change our lives, huh?” He winks.
“Right? And I’m glad to be home too, man.” We clink our bottles and then I finish chopping the vegetables and place all the toppings, chips, and salsa out on the counter. I made the chicken in the crock pot and shred it so it stays warm. The only thing we’re missing is Jess, so then we can eat.
“Everything smells wonderful, Brooks.” Aunt Liz comes up behind me and inhales the chicken once she lifts the lid off of the crock pot.
“Thanks. I hope mom will be able to enjoy it and keep it down.”
“She should be find tonight. Next week will be rough though after her next round of treatment.”
“I know.” The peace I just felt from my conversation with Ethan is quickly replaced with my looming reality.
“Hey,” she says while placing her hand on my shoulder. “She’s doing much better since her fainting spell. I’ve made her rest the past week and a half, and believe me, her thorniness hasn’t subsided one bit.” She laughs and then squeezes my arm. “She’s doing the best she can. Try not to focus on her sickness tonight, Brooks. Try to focus on the memories you’re making with her and introducing her to this woman that’s taken you by surprise.”
My lips spread up on their own accord. “Thanks, Aunt Liz.” I kiss her cheek and make my way back into the living room just as the doorbell rings. Taking stride towards the door, I look back at my cousin, aunt, and mom, all grinning from ear to ear as they wait to meet the woman that I’m hoping that will soon fit in seamlessly with my family—because she’s come to mean as much to me as these people do, and I’m committed to keeping it that way.
Chapter 22
Jess
“You can do this. It’s going to be fine.” I give myself a much-needed pep talk as I close in on Brooks’ mom’s house where I’m minutes away from meeting his aunt, cousin, and mom. The ironic part is I’m not nervous about meeting his family, I’m more anxious about seeing his mom, afraid that being close to her will bring back memories of my mom fighting for her life. The last thing I want to do is have to excuse myself to the bathroom to choke back sobs, or make a fool of myself for crying for no reason.
Of course, there would be a reason for my tears, but I don’t want to have to explain that. Not tonight. I just want to meet the people that Brooks deems the most important people in his life and fantasize about the future we could build together.
Brooks insisted that I didn’t need to bring anything, but I still stopped for flowers and a bottle of wine because I hate showing up anywhere empty-handed. I know Vivian probably wouldn’t drink, but I figured maybe someone else would partake in a glass. However, I figured flowers were a safe gift for her, so I opted for a purple tulips that just called to me. My mother loved tulips, so I hope Vivian appreciates them too.
I park on the curb of the house Brooks grew up in, noticing immediately the
front yard and porch covered in plants. He shared with me his mom’s love for gardening last week, which took me by surprise when I revealed that my mother was the same way. The more we discussed, the more I realized that seeing Vivian today and talking with her might be like seeing a version of my mother again. And as I lock my car and make my way up to the door, I can hear my heartbeat in my ears and feel my chest pound with each pump of blood.
“It’s going to be okay. You’re doing this for him, remember. He’s worth it.” My hand rises and hits the doorbell, the ringing inside so loud that I can hear it on my side of the door.
And then the door opens and the larger-than-life man that makes me weak in the knees smiles down at me. “Hey, babe. Thanks for coming.”
“Of course. I brought flowers and some wine,” I say through trembling lips, which Brooks picks up on right away.
He lowers his voice and then leans in close to me, brushing my cheek with the back of his hand. “There’s no need to be nervous, babe. Everyone is gonna love you.”
“I’m sorry. It’s just been a long time since I’ve met a guy’s family.” And I’ve only done it twice before, so the pressure I feel is real.
“Well, next I get to meet yours, so you can return the trepidation favor soon, alright?” His tone is playful, which helps ease the tension a bit.
“Deal.”
“Come on.” He waves me inside and then ushers me through the door with his hand on my back as I take in four faces staring back at me with borderline scary smiles on their faces.
“Shit, guys. You look creepy as hell!” Brooks berates his family as the four of them visibly relax and start laughing.
“Sorry, it was Ethan’s idea,” Brooks’ aunt admits as everyone agrees.
“Don’t think I won’t get you back one day, Ethan,” I reply with a lift of my brow, the women all chuckling at his reaction of surprise.
“Oh, I like her already,” Vivian says before waving me over. “Come here, Jess. Come sit. It’s so lovely to meet you finally.”
