Fix Me

by Lexy Timms

  A tap on my shoulder nearly sent me into a heart attack. I spun around, shouting at Alexa to turn down the volume. “Hello?”

  “It’s just me,” Luke said, with laughter in his voice. “I had no idea I was going to be treated to a concert.”

  “Stop it. You shouldn’t sneak up on me like that.”

  “I called your name, but you obviously didn’t hear me.”

  “What are you doing back here?” I asked.

  “She’s taking a nap, so I came to make sure you’re set up for dinner. Are you sure you don’t want me to stay in here with you tonight?”

  I smiled, shaking my head. “You don’t get to use me as an excuse to avoid your sister. I told you, I’ll be just fine. I don’t mind being alone. I’m going to take a hot bath and go to bed early.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Luke, I’m positive. What’s up with your sister anyway? You obviously got all the kindness and tact in the family.”

  He laughed. “She’s a little rough around the edges.”

  “I sensed a little tension between you,” I said, hoping he would just tell me what it was.

  “We haven’t talked a lot over the years. She moved away and we just don’t really know each other all that well anymore.”

  “It sounded like more than that,” I pressed.

  “It’s nothing more than that. We’re just not that close.”

  It was clear he didn’t want to talk about it, so I let it go. He hung out for a while before I forced him to go back to the cottage. I was actually looking forward to a night all alone in the house. It would be my first since the accident.

  Chapter Six

  Luke

  IT WAS VERY WEIRD TO be sitting in the living room with my sister. I hadn’t seen her in years, and had barely said more than a few words to her in all that time as well. To have her sitting beside me on the couch, eating a slice of pizza and drinking a beer made me feel like I was in some alternate universe.

  “You two are a thing, aren’t you?” Lisa asked.

  “Who?” I replied, playing dumb.

  “You and Bree.”

  “No.”

  “Liar. I can tell by the way you look at her. You look at her like she’s a fragile little thing that only you can take care of.”

  I shook my head. “She isn’t fragile. She’s tough and can be really strong.”

  “Luke, I know you. You like her.”

  I sighed, knowing she wasn’t going to let it go unless I confessed. “We had a very brief thing. I ended it. We want to be together, but I can’t be with her when I’m being paid to be her caregiver.”

  She grinned. “I knew it! I know she doesn’t necessarily see you, but she has that look on her face when you are around. She likes you.”

  “I know she does. I like her, too.”

  “Why did you end things?”

  I shook my head. “Because it’s hard to be both a boyfriend and the guy that has to tell her when to get out of bed or that she needs to exercise. It’s also very weird to get paid to spend time with your girlfriend. I don’t want to leave her just yet, not until I know which way things are going to go. I want to be there for her. I can do that if I’m working. If I have to get a different job, I won’t get to see her very much.”

  “Are you worried she’ll fall for the next guy?” she asked.

  I knew my sister well enough to know that she wasn’t trying to come off as rude. It just came naturally to her. She had no filter, no tact, and she could sound obnoxious without even trying. “No, I’m not worried at all. I want what’s best for her.”

  She took a drink from her beer before turning her blue eyes that looked so much like my own to focus on me. She was studying me, making me squirm a little. “How hard is it for you to be near her and not touch her?”

  I smiled. “Very.”

  She laughed. “I knew it. Explain again this little break the two of you are on.”

  “As you heard, she has the chance to get her vision back, assuming the surgery is a success. She isn’t sure if she wants to do it. It’s been a long road for her. Doctors get her hopes up only to dash them. She’s battling some serious depression. She’s afraid to get her hopes up only to come out of the surgery with no eyesight and possible complications.”

  “But I imagine Ellis is really good at what she does,” Lisa said.

  “I’m sure she is, but Bree has been to several other doctors that were supposed to be the best in the field and they let her down.”

  “Why wouldn’t she want to try though? I mean, if there is a chance, who in their right mind wouldn’t jump at it?”

  I shrugged. “I guess it’s kind of hard for us to know what goes through her mind since we’re not in her shoes. I would guess she is scared of what it means if the surgery fails.”

  “If the surgery fails, she’s blind, but she’s already blind. What does she have to lose?”

  I reached for another slice of pizza. “Hope. She has hope to lose. If the surgery fails, then it means all the other doctors were right and that she’s permanently blind with no more options. Can you imagine what that must be like for her? I think she wants to know that others have gone through this surgery and come out just fine. Not a handful of people, but like something as simple as getting your appendix out.”

  She nodded with understanding. “I get it, but I still don’t understand why you are on the break. What happens if she doesn’t get the surgery?”

  “Then I quit as her caregiver and she learns to live independently. Then we can be together, as boyfriend and girlfriend.”

  She sighed, shaking her head. “Luke, you are going to be her caregiver still. The only difference is you won’t be getting paid and you will be an emotional hostage all over again. You told me you were leaving Texas to get away from mom, yet you immediately find yourself the only woman in California that is a version of mom. You can’t always take care of someone.”

  “It isn’t like that and you know nothing about the situation,” I snapped.

  “Isn’t it? You are attracted to sickly women.”

  “No, I’m not. Bree isn’t sick and I sure as hell wasn’t attracted to mom.”

  “You know what I mean. You gravitate to people who are needy. She’s only going to suck the life out of you just like mom did. You’re going to find yourself miserable and looking for an escape.”

  I shot her a dirty look. “You would know all about escaping, wouldn’t you?”

  She looked properly ashamed. “I suppose I do.”

  “Bree isn’t mom. She is struggling right now, but I know she’s going to get better and I don’t mean getting her sight back. She’s going to learn to cope. A couple weeks ago, she was doing really well. We were going to the beach, out to lunch and doing things that she loved. She came alive. I know that if she chooses not to get the surgery, it will be okay. She has to decide what is right for her. I can’t make that decision for her and neither can her father. Once she makes her decision, she’ll go all in.”

  Lisa was quiet for a few seconds. “Don’t let yourself get strapped down with someone who only has their own interests in mind. You deserve to be loved and treated well. You deserve to have someone look after you now and again.”

  I scoffed. “That’s rich coming from you.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “You bailed on me the first chance you got. You left a fifteen-year-old boy to take care of an ailing woman.”

  She rolled her eyes. “She wasn’t ailing. The only part of that woman that is sick is her brain. I couldn’t live in that toxic environment another minute. When Alan came along, I jumped at the chance to get the hell out of that house and out of Texas.”

  “And you left me!” I shouted. “Dad left. You left. All of you left me. I was the one stuck holding the bag.”

  “I’m sorry Luke. I really am, but you seemed to be okay with her. It seemed like you enjoyed taking care of her. She doted on you and acted like I was the s
pawn of Satan. I couldn’t live like that another minute. It was draining me. It was slowly killing me and I know it would have if I would have stayed there. I had no other options. I’m not smart like you. I wasn’t ever going to be able to afford to go to college. Alan was my best chance. I took it. I didn’t think about what it would mean to you. I’m sorry.”

  I shook my head. “No, I don’t suppose you did think about it. None of you did.”

  “Why didn’t you leave when you turned eighteen?” she asked.

  “I couldn’t,” I answered truthfully. “I got accepted to the University of Florida and I even had a full scholarship.”

  She groaned. “Oh Luke, why didn’t you go?”

  I looked at her. “You know why. She suddenly took a turn for the worse. She spent weeks in the hospital. It’s not like I could just leave.”

  Lisa shook her head. “I didn’t know. I thought you wanted to stay because of your modeling jobs.”

  “I could have modeled in Florida,” I spat. “You didn’t know because you didn’t want to know. You washed your hands of the whole situation.”

  “I called to check on you several times, Mom always told me you were gone or you were busy. You weren’t exactly talking to me either.”

  “Because I was pissed. I’m still pissed.”

  “You’re much stronger than I was,” she said in a soft voice. “I saw you with her and you were so patient. You were a natural when it came to taking care of her. I couldn’t do it. I just got angrier and angrier and hated her more every day. She wasn’t exactly fond of me either.”

  I was still mad and I was still hurt that she had been able to walk away from me without a second thought, but I understood her reasons. “Are you going to see her?” I asked.

  “I don’t know.”

  “You should,” I told her.

  “I want to, but what if she hates me?”

  I heard the childlike fear in her voice. “She doesn’t hate you.”

  “She has never forgiven me for leaving. She’s pissed that I got married without saying anything to anyone. She’s pissed that I wasn’t around.”

  I shrugged. “She’ll get over it or she won’t. You don’t have to worry about it; you’ll be going back home. If she doesn’t want to talk to you, that’s her loss.”

  “You’re a pretty smart kid, even if you are a pain in the ass,” she teased.

  “I haven’t been a kid for a long time. I’m not sure I was a kid when I was actually a kid.”

  She shook her head, taking a bite of pizza. “No, you weren’t. We were both forced to grow up way too fast. I blame her.”

  “I blame dad,” I replied.

  She laughed. “We got a really shitty deal in the whole parent situation.”

  “Yes, we did, but I think we both turned out okay.”

  “Speak for yourself. I’m a hot mess.”

  “I’ve got my own issues, but in the grand scheme of things, we’re doing alright.”

  She smiled and for one brief moment, I was taken back to happier days when she and I would hang out and eat pizza while mom slept off one of her headaches. “I have to say, when I heard you were moving to California, I really didn’t think it would stick. I figured you would turn around before you ever made it to the west coast.”

  “I almost did, several times, but I’m determined to break free. I have to.”

  She reached over and put her hand on my arm. “Yes, you do. You’ve got a good thing going here. I’m not sure I like the idea of you taking on another invalid, but I like you trying to have your own life.”

  I frowned. “Bree isn’t an invalid.”

  “Then she should stop acting like one.”

  “She’s trying.”

  “Is she?” she questioned. “That surgery certainly seems like a ticket out of her misery. Think about Mom. Think about the choices she’s made. She doesn’t have to be sick. You and I both know most of the time she isn’t sick. She makes herself sick and expects everyone else to take care of her and pity her. She’s made a life out of being a victim.”

  “Bree isn’t like that.”

  “Mom didn’t use to be like that either. You might not even remember her when she was healthy and happy. It was like one day she caught a cold, and the next thing I knew, it was ten years later and that cold had morphed into every serious illness on the planet. She liked the attention she got and couldn’t let it go.”

  “Bree isn’t Mom. She’s going to get through this. It’s still very new and there is a lot of trauma to deal with.”

  “Okay, but don’t let it go on. If she wants to be sick, that’s her choice. You don’t have to be the one that takes care of her.”

  I nodded. “I know. I get it. I won’t do that again.”

  Chapter Seven

  Bree

  I WAS NOT IN THE MOOD for company, but Mel was insisting. I tried to remember I had to be a good friend and try to repay the kindness and patience she had shown me. It was hard. Mel wanted to have a girl’s night. We had plenty of them in the past and always loved them. But things were different now. I was different.

  I couldn’t go to the club with her. I couldn’t go to a movie with her. We couldn’t sit around the house and watch a movie. I didn’t understand the point of having a girl’s night. There was nothing to do but sit around and talk. Honestly, I was talked out. The conversation would inevitably end up on me and my eyes and the fact they were broken. She would tell me to get the surgery. I would tell her I was considering it. Then she would tell me to quit thinking so hard about all the possible things that could go wrong.

  It was the same conversation I had been having with everyone in my life. I was over it. If they would just give me five fucking minutes alone with the matter, I could come up with my own conclusion. It was beating a dead horse. I felt like the dead horse in the equation.

  I thought about calling and telling her I just wasn’t feeling up to it, but I knew that wouldn’t stop her. The cold I’d been fighting seemed to be gone, but I still felt icky in general. Luke had hung out with me for a bit and his official medical opinion was that I wasn’t feeling well because I wasn’t getting enough activity. He said that depression was making me feel under the weather. I didn’t see how that was possible, but whatever.

  I would do the stupid girl’s night and be a good friend and then go back to feeling like shit. I heard the gate alarm buzz and knowing it was just me in the house with Luke at the cottage and my dad gone, I made my way to the security panel on the wall. “Who is it?”

  “You know who it is,” Mel called out. “Buzz me in.”

  For one brief moment, I considered not doing it. I felt for the button and pushed it, opening the gate for her. I went to the living room, knowing she would let herself in. It wasn’t long before I heard the clacking of her heels on the hard floor.

  “In here,” I called out.

  “Ugh, it’s so quiet in here,” she complained. “We need to liven this place up.”

  “I’m not sure I’m in the mood for a party.”

  “I didn’t say party. I said liven it up. It’s like a tomb in here. I brought wine and a lot of it. Do you want to order Chinese, pizza, junk food?”

  I shrugged. “All of it.”

  She let out a loud whoop. “That’s my girl.”

  She called out to Alexa, demanding that club music be played. Seconds later, the house was filled with the loud beats of a bass drum mixed with lots of techno.

  “I’ll get glasses for the wine,” I told her, speaking loud enough to be heard over the music.

  “Did Luke and his sister go out?” she asked.

  “I have no idea.”

  “We should invite her to hang out with us,” she suggested.

  I grimaced. “Why?”

  “Because you’re dating her brother. It’s a great way to get information about him.”

  “I don’t get the feeling she likes me all that much.”

  “Then we are definitely inviting her o
ver. I’ll feel her out.”

  I groaned. “No.”

  “Come on. You look pasty. You need to get out of the house. Luke is failing. You were looking so good and now you look like a member of the Addams family. We’ll pop in at the cottage. It will earn you points with your man if you play nice with the sister.”

  At least I now knew I looked as bad as I felt. Luke would never tell me I looked bad. “Fine. But I’m going to need a glass of wine for the road. I told you our first meeting wasn’t exactly great.”

  “But now you have me here,” she said. I could hear the wine being poured into the glasses. “I’ll tell you what her face says.”

  “Thanks,” I said, wrapping my fingers around the glass she put in my hand.

  We slowly walked to the cottage. The warm evening air felt good. I had been inside the whole day. She knocked on the front door of the cottage and I suddenly felt very foolish.

  “Is everything okay?” Luke asked.

  “Fine,” Mel answered. “We were wondering if Lisa would like to hang out for a bit. We’re having ourselves a girl’s night and thought we would invite her over.”

  I had no idea what was being said between them without words. I felt completely in the dark—literally. “Are you sure you don’t mind me crashing your party?” Lisa asked.

  “I would love to have you over,” I said with a big smile.

  “Can you handle being alone?” Lisa said, I assumed to Luke.

  “Yes, go. You’re on my last nerve as it is.” I heard laughter in his voice and knew he was teasing. I was happy to know they had made up or at least were on better terms than they had been.

  “We’ll have her back before midnight,” Mel promised.

  The three of us walked back to the main house, Mel’s arm hooked through mine like we used to do when we were younger.

  “Who are you?” I heard Lisa ask.

  Mel burst into laughter and I quickly realized we had made no introductions. “I’m sorry,” I said. “This is Mel, my best friend. Mel, I suppose you figured out the woman in Luke’s house was his sister. At least I hope you’re his sister.”