Fix Me

by Lexy Timms

  “I’m his sister,” Lisa said with a small laugh. “Although, I don’t know if he’s always willing to claim me.”

  Mel poured more wine for all of us, placed orders to several different restaurants and then we all settled into the living room once again. I quickly changed the music to something a little more mellow. It was hard to have a conversation with club music bouncing off the walls.

  “How long are you in town for?” Mel asked.

  “I leave tomorrow.”

  “So soon?” I asked with surprise. “I thought you were staying a few more days?”

  “Luke has convinced me to go see my mother,” she answered. It was clear she wasn’t looking forward to the idea.

  “You don’t sound thrilled,” Mel commented.

  “I’m not, but it’s been a long time.”

  I wanted to ask about the mom, but refrained. Luke had been very close-lipped about it and I didn’t want to stick my nose where it didn’t belong. “I’m sure she’ll be happy to see you,” I said, which was the only thing that came to mind.

  Lisa laughed. “I doubt it, but I’m going anyway. Tell me about you and Luke.”

  I almost choked on my wine. “What do you mean?”

  “He told me you guys are on a bit of a break while you figure out what your next move is,” she answered in her usual blunt way.

  Swallowing the wine, I waited for Mel to jump in and help me out. She didn’t. “Luke and I are waiting until after we know for sure what my future looks like.”

  “Bree tells me you know the doctor that wants to do the surgery,” Mel chimed in.

  “I do. We all grew up in the same area. I didn’t really spend a lot of time with Ellie, but she and Luke were very close.”

  I flinched at the word. “Close?” Mel asked and I could have kissed her. She was digging for information and saving me the indignity of sounding like a jealous girlfriend.

  “Friends,” Lisa said. I wondered if she was smiling when she said the word. If she was, that would indicate she knew why Mel was asking and was okay with it. I hated not being able to see expressions! “They were only friends. You have nothing to worry about.”

  “Are you talking to me?” I asked.

  “I am.”

  “I wasn’t,” I started to defend myself.

  “You have every right to ask about a woman that comes into his life,” Lisa answered. “He really does like you. Luke never really had girlfriends, at least not when I was living at home. He was always busy with his modeling career, work or taking care of our mother.”

  I slowly nodded. Again, I wanted to ask about the mom, but kept my question to myself. “He’s a good guy.”

  “He’s an empath,” Lisa said. “He can’t help but want to take care of everyone in his life.”

  It seemed like that may have been directed at me. “If he and I decide to pursue a relationship, he won’t need to take care of me. No matter how this turns out, I can take care of myself.”

  I heard a slow clap and knew it was coming from Mel. “Damn right you can.”

  “I’m getting there,” I said. “My dad isn’t going to let me be alone. If Luke isn’t my caregiver, someone else will be. I don’t want anyone else. Luke understands me and we have a good relationship. He pushes me when I need to be pushed.”

  “And he takes care of you when you need it,” Lisa added.

  “Yes, he does.”

  “It’s what he does best,” she said, her tone a little glib.

  “What’s it like living in England?” Mel asked, quickly changing the subject.

  “It’s good. It was a little weird at first, but I adjusted. I like it there.”

  “Do you have any kids?” I asked.

  Lisa laughed. “No, definitely not. My husband is a little older. We like our lifestyle just the way it is. We do a lot of traveling for his job, which would be difficult, if not impossible, if we had children.”

  “Do you work?” Mel asked.

  Lisa giggled. “Nope. I married a sugar daddy.”

  “Good girl,” Mel said with a laugh.

  “Honestly, I didn’t marry him for his money, though. I married him for his accent and the promise to take me out of Texas. The money was a bonus.”

  I smiled, listening to her story. She was a little abrasive, but I could hear her softness underneath it all. I did like her I decided, though I wasn’t sure if I would at first. “Is your husband here with you?”

  “No, he had to be in Seattle for the week. I figured since we were going to be in the states, it would be a good chance to catch up with Luke. I wasn’t planning on visiting my mother, but she is getting older and I’m not sure when I’ll be back.”

  There was a brief silence before the gate buzzed, announcing that our food had arrived. “I’m going to get the food,” Mel said. “When I get back, there will be no more talk about getting old or anything serious. We are here to kick up our heels and have a good time.”

  I raised my glass. “Do I need more wine?”

  They both burst into laughter. “I’ll get you a refill,” Lisa volunteered.

  We spent the next two hours talking about celebrities, silly fashion trends and life in general. I was glad I had agreed to the girl’s night. I had been worried it would be boring and uncomfortable with me not being able to see, but it had been fun. It felt good to forget all about my worries and just be one of the girls for a while.

  Chapter Eight

  Luke

  I WALKED THROUGH THE door of the cottage and immediately kicked off my shoes. It had been a long day. I had to get Lisa to the airport bright and early that morning. That had been a hell of a send-off. She was trying to back out of going to see Mom. I did have an ulterior motive for encouraging my sister to go visit her. I was hoping it would distract Mom’s attention away from me. I was hoping that with Lisa there, my mom would give me a break and quit calling me all the damn time.

  When I got to the house to work my normal shift, Bree was in a hell of a mood. She was down and out, but I didn’t know why. I had dealt with depressed people before, but it was different with her. She had been so vibrant before the doctor appointment. I missed the small glimpse of the woman I had gotten to know. I missed her smile and her laughter. It was like she crawled back inside the box she had been in when we had first met.

  I knew enough about depression to know there wasn’t always a reason. Sometimes, they were just sad. Sometimes, they got angry. Sometimes, they didn’t have the strength to get out of bed or take a shower. That’s where things stood with Bree. It seemed like she was sinking deeper instead of coming out of it.

  I took it personally. She was in my care and I couldn’t seem to fix her. I felt like I was failing her. Paul told me as much just before I left for the day. I told him Bree needed to work through this and she would, but it would take time.

  Paul didn’t want to wait. He wanted her fixed and he wanted it right then. They fought. Then they were both mad. It only made the situation with Bree worse. I grabbed a beer from my fridge and flopped on the sofa.

  I heard my phone ringing and reached for it. It was my mother. “What the fuck?” I mumbled.

  Lisa was on duty. Lisa should be dealing with her. I wanted two days of peace. I didn’t have to guess what happened. They got into an argument and my mom was calling to complain about it. I didn’t have the strength to deal with her bullshit.

  Dropping the phone back onto the sofa, I stared at the wall. When the chime alerting me to a new voicemail echoed around the room, I thought about ignoring it. I couldn’t. I needed to know everything was okay. I left the phone on the sofa, hit the voicemail button and turned on the speaker.

  “Hello, Luke. It’s your mother. I suppose you’re not taking my calls again. I guess that’s okay. I just want you to know that I love you. I’m growing weaker by the day and I’m not sure if I will have the strength to call you again. The doctor switched me to a new medicine and it is making me nauseous. I can’t seem to keep any
weight on. He’s talking about getting me on a feeding tube, but you know how much I hate those things. I just can’t do it. I’ll die, I guess. Slowly. But don’t you worry about me. You keep living that life out there in California. Lisa said you live in a mansion and have a beautiful girlfriend. You just don’t have time for me anymore. Goodbye son. If I don’t hear from you before things get bad, I’m not angry with you.”

  I rolled my eyes, shaking my head as I hit the button to delete the voicemail. I wanted to tell her she’d been dying for about twenty years. That gave a whole new meaning to slow. She loved to pull at my heart strings. Loved to play the victim with the shitty family that abandoned her. She loved her role and she played it well.

  The day just wasn’t getting any better. I finished my beer and decided I was in the mood to get shitfaced. I grabbed my phone and called Austin. He always seemed up for a party.

  “Hey,” I said, when he picked up the phone. I could hear loud music in the background and smiled. I knew he’d be the right person to call to forget all about my worries.

  “Come over,” he shouted. “I’ve got a few people over. I got a new arcade game. It’s a total blast. You have to check this thing out.”

  I laughed, not surprised in the least. Austin was one of the loneliest people I knew. He always had people around him, but he was lonely. I felt bad for the guy. He had everything a man could want in the world, except love and genuine friends.

  “I’ll be there as soon as I get an Uber,” I told him.

  “Great! Hurry up!”

  I shouldn’t be going out on a work night, but I told myself I would hang out for a couple hours. I just needed to blow off a little steam. When I got to his house, I was immediately handed a drink.

  “You look like you need that,” Austin said with a laugh.

  “I do,” I said, taking a long drag from the stiff drink. “Why do you need that?” I nodded at the drink in his hand.

  He grinned. “I lost a couple million dollars today.”

  My eyes widened. “Oh shit. How?”

  He shrugged. “It happens. A deal went sour and I got left holding the bag.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  He smiled and took a long drink. “Don’t be. I’ll make ten times that tomorrow, but for today, I’m a little pissed about it.”

  I slowly nodded. I had no real idea just how wealthy the guy was, but now I knew he could afford to lose a few million and not have to sell one of his many cars. “Show me this game.”

  There were a few other people milling about. I recognized them all. They were his entourage. The hangers-on. He didn’t seem to mind them and it was none of my business if they were using him. “Let’s get a refill first.”

  I looked at my glass that was still half-full. I quickly downed the rest of the drink and followed him to the full bar. He mixed us up a couple more drinks and led me to his game room that rivaled that of a real arcade, but with less noise and more alcohol.

  “This is awesome,” I told him after a couple rounds inside the massive machine that gave you the impression you were truly on Mars driving some off-road vehicle.

  “Pretty soon, I will never leave the house.”

  “Is that a good thing or bad thing?” I asked him.

  He shrugged. “I don’t know yet.”

  “If and when you have kids, you are going to be the coolest dad on the planet. The whole neighborhood is going to want to hang out at your house.”

  He laughed. “No thanks. I like my toys and I’m not sure I want to share. What’s got you in the mood to get drunk on a Monday.”

  I groaned. “Long story.”

  “Let’s go upstairs where it’s a little quieter. I need something to eat before I get really drunk.”

  I was feeling the buzz myself. I followed him into the kitchen and gladly took the cheese and crackers he offered. “Thank you. I didn’t realize how hungry I was.”

  “You and your lady having problems?” he asked.

  “Not really us having problems, but she’s in a rough way. It’s a little tough to handle.”

  “What did that doctor friend of yours say? Didn’t you tell me there was going to be some big meeting between them?”

  “There was and I thought it went well, but Bree isn’t quite ready to pull the trigger on anything just yet. She says she can still do the surgery, but it would have to be in Chicago. That’s where the ophthalmologist that would be partnering with her is bases. I’m not sure Bree will agree to that. I don’t know if Bree is up for traveling.”

  He nodded. “I see. And what about the two of you? Are you still on a break?”

  “Yep,” I said feeling very drunk all of a sudden.

  “Damn, that’s got to be hard. Being around her all the time and not being able to get a little something extra.”

  I laughed, shrugging my shoulders. “It is definitely hard but it’s for the best. I just need her to make up her mind one way or another. I’m going crazy with the back and forth.”

  “I bet man. Are you still looking for work?”

  I sighed. “I don’t know. The longer she waits to do this surgery thing, the more I think I need to. If there is going to be any chance for us to be together, I have to find another job. But it will suck not being able to hang out with her and I’m going to worry like crazy about her.”

  “Hire another caregiver,” he offered.

  I shook my head. “Not really an option. Maybe a visit a couple times a week, but if she is going to do this, she has to find her independence. She can’t be dependent on someone else. It will just sink her further into depression.”

  “What about a companion? I’ve heard of people having companions that hang out with them.”

  “That’s basically what I am. She’s not sick. She doesn’t need medical help. Not the kind I can offer.”

  “I’m sorry man,” he said, taking a long drink from his glass.

  I offered a drunken smile. “I’m sorry you lost a bunch of money.”

  “Me too. Underneath this very good drunk, I’m very pissed. The dude that turned me onto this deal set me up. I told myself to take a day or two before I did anything I might regret, but damn if it doesn’t piss me off.”

  I could see the stress on his face. He was trying to play off his anger, but I could see it all over his face. I got out of my chair and slapped him on the shoulder. “Let’s go back to Mars. It seems much nicer there.”

  He chuckled and followed me back to his game room. We played a few more rounds before I looked at the time. It was getting late and I was working tomorrow. “Not yet,” he said, when he noticed me checking the time.

  “It’s almost eleven.”

  He laughed, his eyes glassy from the alcohol. “Remember the days when you didn’t even leave the house until eleven?”

  “I wasn’t ever much of a partier, but yes, I do remember.”

  “One more drink,” he said.

  “I’m going to feel like shit tomorrow,” I complained.

  “You’re already going to feel like shit. You may as well make it count.”

  “You’re a bad influence.”

  He walked to the bar and made us a couple more drinks. The others had left a while ago, each of them stopping by to say goodbye. It was just me and him. He didn’t want to be alone. I understood. The guy had done a lot for me. The least I could do was hang out with him a bit longer. Once he got close to passing out, I would leave.

  “How about pool?” he suggested.

  I looked at the pool table, then the cue sticks. “I’m not sure I’m going to be a great shot.”

  “That’s the fun part. We’ll see who is drunker.”

  I threw my hands up. “Let’s do this!”

  Truth be told, I wasn’t ready to go back to the cottage just yet either. I wanted to forget all about my mom and the dark road Bree was traveling down. I just wanted to be free of the worries for one night, even though I knew they would be there in the morning.

  Chapter Nine />
  Bree

  I WALKED INTO THE DINING room, immediately smelling my father’s cologne and hearing the slight crinkling sound of the newspaper I knew was in his hands. I found my seat and sat down.

  “Good morning,” he greeted.

  “Good morning. Did you recover from your long weekend?”

  “I did. It was nice to sleep in my own bed. How about you? You sound better than you did when I left.”

  I smiled. “I am feeling a little better.”

  “Good. Have you given any more thought to what Dr. Tanner had to say?”

  I tried to hide the irritation. I should have known it would be the first thing he wanted to talk to me about. I smelled the eggs I knew would be on his plate and suddenly didn’t feel hungry. “I have.”

  “And?”

  “And I don’t know.”

  He let out a sigh meant to let me know just how irritated he was with my indecision. “Alright. I need to head into the office.”

  “You just got home,” I protested. “You’ve been working for a month straight. You’re not a young man Dad. You need to slow down.”

  “It isn’t like my job incudes running marathons.”

  “It’s still stressful and you’re working too hard,” I argued.

  I knew what he was doing. He didn’t want to be around me. He didn’t want to see me the way I was. He wanted me fixed. He liked things neat and tidy and I was throwing a huge wrench into his plans. He had done the same thing after my mother died. He worked and worked and worked. He kept himself so busy he didn’t have time to think about anything.

  I would like to throw myself into my art or swimming—anything. But I couldn’t. I was stuck in the big house he insisted I live in with him. Yet, I rarely saw him. He hired Luke and essentially washed his hands of me. He wanted me fixed. I knew it was hard on him to see me the way I was.

  “I’ll be fine. Luke should be coming in soon.”

  “I thought he was going to be off today?” I asked.

  “I called him this morning and asked him to work today. I’ll try and get him a day off later this week.”