Hibiscus

by Sarah Pond

  'Lea? No, she doesn't work here in the winter. Actually, I haven't seen her for a few days now, come to think of it.'

  'I remember that she says she paints over the winter. I tried her at home, and there was no answer. Do you know where the studio is?'

  The woman said she wasn't sure exactly, but a friend of Lea's may be able to help. She said that when Sue came in next, she would ask her. Sue usually popped into the cafe on a Sunday, so she suggested coming back then.

  After a walk around town, and buying some food, Rachel headed back to the cottage. It didn't feel the same here without Lea, hopefully she would be home soon. In the afternoon, there was a knock on the door. Rachel's heartbeat sped up, maybe Lea had heard that she had arrived. When Rachel opened the door, it was a lady she didn't recognise. She was a woman of about fifty, medium height, with short brown hair. She spoke softly, 'Hello, I'm Sue, the owner. I just wanted to check that you've got everything you need.' She smiled, and Rachel thought that she had one of the kindest faces she had ever seen.

  'Yes, thank you. Do come in.'

  Sue stepped inside, closing the door behind her. 'I was away when you stayed here last summer. Welcome back.'

  'Yes, of course. Lea was looking after me last time. Do you know where she is? I was hoping to see her again.'

  Sue thought, Ah, so this is Rachel, the one that Lea was so upset about. 'She's away at the moment.'

  Rachel's face dropped. 'Away? Do you know where, or when she'll be back?'

  'She's gone to Sicily, to paint. She said she'll be gone for a couple of months. She left last week.' At the look on Rachel's face, Sue asked, 'My dear, are you alright?'

  Rachel nodded, and managed to say that she had tried calling her, but had no reply. Sue explained that her phone probably didn't receive calls abroad. Rachel thanked Sue, and after asking again whether Rachel was sure that she was okay, she left. Rachel closed the door, and sat down heavily on the sofa. She leaned forward, her head in her hands, and started to cry. So much for the grand gesture. Once her sobbing had subsided, Rachel's first thought was that she might as well go back home. Well, it was getting a bit late now, she would decide in the morning.

  After sleeping on it, Rachel decided to stay. She thought that a few days to herself could be just what she needed. Up until now, work had ruled everything, and last time that she was here, she had felt so different, that she had time to really experience things. So she would make the most of it, starting with breakfast at the cafe. When she arrived, the owner asked whether Rachel had had any luck finding Lea. Rachel explained that she was away at the moment, and fortunately the woman didn't ask her any more questions. Then, as she was about to walk away, she looked at Rachel, 'I remember you, now. Last summer. Lea was always had a big smile on her face when you came in for breakfast,' and she headed off to the kitchen. Rachel was overcome with an overwhelming feeling of sadness.

  Rachel decided to phone Katy. She was the only person who knew about Lea. Well, she had told Jasmine and Olivia, but Rachel felt that she didn't know them well enough to call them out of the blue. Katy was pleased to hear from her sister, 'Hi, this is a nice surprise.'

  'Hi. How are you?'

  After exchanging a few niceties, Rachel said, 'You know I mentioned that I met someone when I went away last summer?'

  'I could hardly forget. You told me you'd slept with a woman.'

  'I can do without the sarcasm, thanks. I just need to talk.'

  'Sorry. Please, continue.'

  'Well, I saw her again. She came to London unexpectedly. I still have feelings for her, and after a lot of soul searching, I came back to Kingsand to talk to her. But she's abroad and won't be back for a couple of months. I don't know what to do.'

  'Are you in Kingsand now?'

  'Yes. I haven't told anyone else about me and Lea. I don't know what to do now.'

  'I don't know. I know it's not like you to disappear off like that. This woman must have really got under your skin. But even so, is that what you really want? What about getting married and having kids one day?'

  'I don't know anymore. All I do know is how I feel about Lea. I know I can't do anything now, she's not even here.'

  Katy sighed, 'I don't know what to say.'

  'Nothing really. But it helps that I can talk about it. Thank you.'

  'Look, when you get home, let's go out for dinner or something. We can talk some more, maybe you will have contacted her by then.'

  'Yeah, thanks Katy. I'll talk to you soon.'

  'Take care. Call me again if you need to. Bye.'

  Lea was having a wonderful time in Sicily. All she had to think about was sightseeing and painting. It was helping to take her mind off of Rachel. She had been confused when she last saw her. When Rachel had kissed her, she had so wanted to go with it, but how could she when she knew how it would end. Again, she was surprised at how strong her feelings for Rachel were. Really, she hardly knew her. Well, that's what she told herself. In her heart, she knew all that she needed to know. When she was with Rachel, she felt a happiness that she couldn't put into words.

  Rachel's week was quiet in many ways. She missed Lea desperately, as most of her memories there were with Lea. At the same time, this was probably the first time that she had really had time for herself, completely on her own. With all this time to think, she did a lot of soul searching. She remembered what Lea had said when they had returned from their boat trip. Rachel had been overwhelmed and tearful, and Lea said that she could reinvent herself. Having a relationship with Lea had thrown things up for Rachel, but she had put Lea and the holiday in a box. Compartmentalised, Lea had said. She was right, it was something that Rachel did a lot. She always thought it was something that Katy did, she hadn't realised that she was doing the same thing herself. The thing is, she had never considered being in a relationship with a woman before. But then, that was before she had met Lea. Shit, why had she cut Lea off. Then, back in London, she had gradually gone back to her old ways. It was almost as if it had never happened. Until Lea turned up at the gallery. Now she could no longer deny her feelings. The thought of being with Lea again exhilarated her. But the feeling was short lived, as the reality was that Lea wasn't here, and Rachel didn't know when, or if, she might see her again. Even if she did manage to contact her, Lea might have met someone else. Also, she might not want anything to do with Rachel after the way that she had treated her.

  Rachel arrived back at work on the following Monday, and was sitting at her desk. Lisa walked in, saying, 'It's great to have you back. Did you have a good holiday?' When Rachel looked up, Lisa was surprised at how drawn Rachel looked.

  'Very quiet, thank you. Gave me time to think.'

  'Can I get you a drink? Coffee?'

  'Thank you, that would be lovely.'

  When Tom arrived, he went to say hello, and he too noticed that Rachel didn't look great. Last time she had been away, she'd come back to work looking amazing.

  Later in the day, Tom was working in the main gallery with the radio on. Let's Dance came on, and immediately it took Rachel back to dancing with Lea at the nightclub, and she and Lea laughing together. Rachel got up suddenly, knocking over the pot of pens on her desk, and rushed off to the bathroom. Tom looked up, wondering whether she was okay. Rachel stood over the sink, tears streaming down her face. She took some deep, shaky breaths to try and calm herself down. After a few minutes, there was a knock on the door. Rachel heard Tom's voice, 'Rach, are you alright?'

  She hurriedly wiped her eyes and blew her nose. Clearing her throat, she managed to say, 'Yes, I'm fine.'

  Tom hesitated, then went back to his desk. When Rachel appeared a few minutes later, he could see that she had been crying. As she walked back to her office, Rachel kept her gaze straight ahead. Then she sat down and carried on working, and Tom knew that now wasn't the time to ask her about what was going on.

  Over the next few weeks, Tom was getting concerned for Rachel. He asked Rachel to go for a drink with him after
work one evening. After some idle chat, Tom said, 'Rach, I know it's none of my business, but you've not been yourself since you came back from holiday. I'm worried about you. What's going on?'

  Rachel sighed heavily, 'A case of a broken heart, I think. I can't seem to snap out of it.'

  'Was it someone you met on holiday?'

  Rachel nodded. 'Last summer.'

  Tom smiled, 'You looked so good when you came home. So what happened?'

  Rachel smiled despite herself, 'We had this intense connection, I've never experienced anything like it before. But I thought that it was too far to have a long distance relationship. I said that we shouldn't stay in touch. I can't believe I was so selfish.'

  'You thought you were doing what was best. So what changed?'

  'A few months later, out of the blue, they turned up at the gallery. And I realised, too late, how I felt.'

  Tom wanted to know whether he had met the mystery man. Rachel's heart started to beat faster, 'Do you remember Lea, the artist you booked? The hibiscus painting. The bluest eyes you've ever seen...' Rachel trailed off, as a tear ran down her cheek.

  Tom hugged Rachel, and when she had recovered herself, she told him everything, and how Lea had gone off to Italy. 'It was so amazing, so intense. But I couldn't see how it could work after the holiday. And to be really honest, I had never imagined myself with a woman. Also, on holiday, I was welling up at the slightest thing. I don't think I've ever cried so much since I met Lea.'

  Tom said, 'It's because you opened your heart, and you found true love.'

  Rachel smiled sadly at Tom. 'I don't know what I'm going to do now. I suppose I'm going to have to move on.'

  Spring was well on its way, and Rachel still often thought about Lea. She was sure that by now, Lea would have returned from Italy. Still, it was gradually getting easier. Despite how painful it was, she was so glad that she had met Lea. It had been a wake up call, and she had realised a few things about herself, and was determined to do some things differently. Rachel had started going to the gym again. She didn't do such long hours at the gallery. And she promised herself regular time off, even if she didn't go away. She thought that Lea would have been proud of her, and sighed heavily.

  CHAPTER SIX

  Lea arrived at Gatwick airport, her backpack over her shoulder, and was waiting at the luggage carousel for her case. Once she had gone through customs, she headed for the station to catch her train home. Lea dug her phone out from the bottom of her bag. She hadn't used it since she had turned it off at the airport on her way out to Italy. There were a couple of missed calls, from friends she had since emailed. Then she saw that there were a few missed calls from Rachel. Her heart gave its involuntary flip. She saw that although there had been a few calls, there was no voicemail. Also, none of them were recent, they were all from January. Lea wondered why Rachel had been trying to reach her, but she had obviously stopped trying. Whilst Lea was away, she had decided that it was time to move on. There had been a brief relationship with a woman travelling through Italy, but it was just a bit of fun, nothing serious.

  As much as Lea had enjoyed her time away, as she walked from the station back to her cottage, she was pleased to be home. Opening the door to her cottage, the familiar scent of home touched Lea's nostrils, and she smiled to herself. Leaving her bag and case downstairs, she removed her shoes and coat and headed for her bedroom. Ah, there was nothing like your own bed. As she lay there, taking in all of the things that were so familiar to her, she realised that she had never been away from home for such a long time before, and two months did seem like a very long time. Really, she had never felt a need to get away. Well, why would she when she had everything she wanted right here. Except Rachel. The thought came unbidden, and Lea felt a heaviness in her heart. Oh Rachel, I miss you so much. Back home, where Lea had shared so many memories with Rachel, she felt a fresh surge of pain. How could she be away for two months, but those two weeks with Rachel surpassed all of the feelings and memories of her trip. Two weeks was no time at all. In fact, their relationship had been less than that. But as before, she could intellectualise all she wanted, but her heart felt what it felt.

  Lea must have drifted off to sleep, for she awoke suddenly. She decided to let Nicola know that she was back. Business would be picking up again, and she would be glad of Lea's help. Keeping busy would also take Lea's mind off of things. Lea put on her coat and headed out. It was a cold, fresh March day, and the beach was deserted. She stopped to look at the sea, so serene, it hardly seemed to move, almost like a photograph catching a moment for eternity.

  When Lea walked into the cafe, Nicola beamed at her and went over to give her a hug. She wanted to know all about Lea's trip. 'Ah, it was wonderful. It's so picturesque. I had the best time. I painted, ate wonderful food and relaxed.'

  After they had spent a while catching up, Lea asked how business had been at the cafe. Nicola said that it had been typically quiet for the start of the year. 'You know, we had our regular customer from last summer for a few days in January. She came in for breakfast, and was asking after you. Long brown hair. Grey eyes.'

  Lea's heart started to beat faster, her eyes widening, 'Are you sure?'

  'Yes, I remember she came in every day to see you last summer when she was here.'

  'Yes, it would have been Rachel. What did she say?'

  'She was just asking after you. I suggested she speak to Sue.'

  Lea couldn't help feeling a pang of regret that she had missed her. Still, it was back in January. Whatever she had wanted to talk to Lea about, must have sorted itself out by now. Rachel hadn't tried getting in touch again recently.

  The next day, Sue stopped by Lea's cottage to welcome her home. Lea made them some drinks and they sat on the sofa together. They talked about Lea's holiday, and Lea showed Sue some of the drawings and paintings that she had done. 'They're beautiful,' Sue said as she leafed through them.

  Lea couldn't wait any longer, 'Sue, did you see Rachel, back in January?'

  'Yes. She came to stay at the cottage for a week, just after you'd left for Italy. She said she was hoping to see you. She looked really upset when I said you'd gone away.'

  'Do you know why she was here?'

  'I don't know, she didn't say.'

  'She tried calling me in January, but she didn't leave any message. It must have been important for her to come all the way here. It's odd that she hasn't tried to get in touch since.'

  'You can call her, and find out. If that's what you want?'

  Lea looked at Sue, her shoulders dropping. 'I don't know what would be the point. It's not like it was even recently that she tried to contact me. I think it would only hurt to see her again.'

  Sue touched Lea's arm, 'You must do what you feel is right for you.'

  'Oh Sue, I miss her so much. I thought I'd be okay by now.'

  'You poor thing. It will get easier, just give it some time.'

  Over the next couple of weeks, Lea kept thinking about Rachel. She wondered why Rachel had come to see her in January, months after they had last seen each other. Also, why had she come in person. Had she changed her mind, maybe? Each day she thought about it more and more. Maybe she should try calling Rachel, find out what she had wanted. A couple of times she picked up her phone, her thumb hovering over Rachel's number, then changed her mind. She remembered that Rachel had made it quite clear that theirs was a holiday romance, however intense it had been. Lea thought again about what had happened in London. After being so pleased to see her, it wasn't going to happen. Rachel had a boyfriend, why was she even thinking about her now. Two months had gone by since Rachel had been looking for her. Thinking about this really wasn't going to help her to move on, what was the point of torturing herself like this. Perhaps it was best to leave things be. She deleted Rachel's number from her phone.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  Rachel did a workout at the gym before she went to work. She found it was a good way to start the day, feeling energised and with a c
lear mind. Lisa was glad to have her gym partner back, and pleased that Rachel was doing something other than just work. One morning after their workout, when they were getting changed, Lisa said, 'I really enjoyed that, I feel I did well today.'

  Rachel said, 'You did. I don't think I was on form today.'

  Lisa had thought she seemed a bit distracted. 'I hope you don't mind me saying, but you haven't really been yourself since you came back from holiday in January. I don't want to stick my nose in, but if you want to talk, I'm here.'

  Rachel took a deep breath, 'I'm not sure where to start, to be honest.'

  'You could always try the beginning!' Lisa smiled kindly at Rachel.

  As Rachel looked at Lisa, she felt a wave of gratitude towards her. Lisa had become a friend, and she now wondered why she hadn't spoken to her about Lea before now. 'I met someone on holiday last summer, and I thought it was just a fling. It was very unlike me, and also the most freeing experience I've ever had.' Rachel smiled as she remembered. 'But I freaked out and broke it off. I think I made a big mistake.'

  'Everyone makes mistakes. Could you ask to try again?'

  'It's not that straightforward.'

  'Most things are when you get down to it. Simply, if you want to be with someone, and they want to be with you too, great. If not, it's time to move on.'

  'She said she was in love with me.'

  'She?'

  'That's why it's not straightforward. Being with Lea was completely unexpected, and I ended it after the holiday. Then she turned up at the gallery. Unbeknown to me, Tom had booked her for our exhibition. I didn't even know she was an artist.'

  'Lea? The one who painted the hibiscus. She was lovely. I had no idea.'

  'Well, you wouldn't have any reason to. I still had feelings for her, which I didn't realise until I saw her again. But I was with Max by then. When I met Olivia at Susan's party, I think that's when it really hit me, how I messed things up, and I wanted to put things right.'