The Fire Within Series: Books 1 - 3

by Ella M. Lee

  Flash. Nicolas crouching over Daniel, pinning him down, talking low in his ear.

  Flash. Daniel and Nicolas sitting across from one another, Daniel in shackles, looking furious.

  Flash. Nicolas and Daniel with their heads together, talking low, planning something. Daniel apologizing, his hands gripping Nicolas’s arms desperately.

  Flash. Daniel standing, waiting, his eyes intense. The shackles were off now. Daniel nodding. Nicolas slamming Daniel in the chest, then catching him, pulling Daniel’s limp form against himself. Daniel’s eyes looking unfocused and distant, like he had died or gone blind.

  Then the images were over.

  My gaze caught Nicolas’s for only a split second before I was somewhere else. I wasn’t sitting next to Nicolas on the couch anymore. I was standing in the middle of a vast open space.

  I jumped, startled.

  I had never seen anything like it before. It was a city of light and darkness.

  Nicolas and I stood in what I could only describe as a plaza, lined with fountains of light. Extending out as far as the eye could see in dizzying rows were buildings of pure light and energy, their glow strong against an endless night sky, in myriad shades of blue.

  The buildings were shifting, crumbling, growing, pressing down and up at the same time, glowing too brightly to look at in some places, dimming until they disappeared in others. Everything was in ruins, like a great war had come through and ravaged the whole place, razed it, burned it down. There were cracks of silent lightning piercing the black sky.

  In the center of it all was Daniel.

  He was in the middle of the plaza, a hundred steps or more from where we stood in the shadow of one of the immense fountains. He was on his knees, head bowed, not moving except for the heaving of his chest.

  I was about to run to him, but Nicolas gripped my wrist tightly, holding me back. I heard his voice in my head. Don’t. You shouldn’t disturb him in here.

  I looked at Nicolas sharply. Where are we?

  You’ve known for a while that I wanted Daniel to make commander before we tried to achieve Shatterfall, he said in my mind. There’s a reason for that. When a person is made a commander, they in essence become a magical sanctum. That’s why I can gift magic to others. It’s why I can go without rest, or food, or water, if necessary. It’s why my power as a commander is so much greater than any non-commander. I have my own well of magic to draw upon, just as the whole of Water Clan has a sanctum to draw upon.

  We are standing in Daniel’s sanctum, he went on. He allowed me here, and now I’m showing you. To see a commander’s sanctum is a very intimate thing. In a way, knowing someone’s sanctum is to know their weaknesses. Daniel didn’t let me in here lightly, and I’m not letting you in here lightly. But you need to understand what’s happening.

  It’s falling apart, I said, watching as yet another pillar of light flickered and died.

  Intentionally so, Nicolas replied. You see, Daniel is very strong. Most people are forced to form up their sanctums quickly when they become a commander, during the promotion ceremony. A sanctum is, in a way, a living thing. It is part of the commander. It listens, it obeys, it reacts, it defends. For most, their sanctum’s magic is stable, not enough to overpower them no matter how hastily they created it. They’ll get the normal instabilities at first as they wrestle with command, but it’s nothing they can’t handle.

  But Daniel… he went on. The way he formed up his sanctum at the start wasn’t strong enough, the foundations not solid enough to support how powerful he is. So his magic has more instabilities, and his feelings, emotions, urges, desires… they are all over the place. It’s the magic, trying to own him, to protect him in its way because he is its shell.

  He’s rebuilding his sanctum? I asked, my eyes on Dan, alone and huddled, so far from us.

  Yes. We talked it over earlier, talked through all the options. He agreed to tear it down and rebuild it.

  Why didn’t you tear it down for him? I asked.

  Nicolas glanced at me. It doesn’t work like that. If I tore it down, he would be dead. My magic can’t go ripping into his; they would destroy one another. He has to do it because he’s the one who understands it.

  Aren’t you helping him rebuild? I asked.

  No, he replied. I can’t do that, either. I’m merely keeping it all together with my own magic, limiting it, holding it. I’m the container while he safely breaks it down without worrying that anything bad will happen.

  And you knew this was necessary? That it would work for him? I asked. I didn’t need to be close to Daniel to see that he was struggling immensely.

  Nicolas hesitated. No, I had no idea whether this would work or not. I still don’t.

  I drew a sharp breath, alarmed. What do you mean? You haven’t done this before?

  Absolutely not. Most people can mold their sanctum over time, but Daniel isn’t the same as most people. He needs to start strong, or he’s going to do something dumber than merely seduce you, Nicolas said. Daniel essentially hasn’t been the one in control of his magic for the past few days. We’re fixing that now. But I’ve never heard of a sanctum being deconstructed and rebuilt while someone was still a commander. Usually you would try some tricky moves like declanning the person first, but that introduces its own host of problems. We talked through that option.

  So we wait? And hope he’s strong enough to do this himself and not just… fall apart and die? I asked.

  Panic was rising inside of me. The ground of the sanctum quaked, trembling around us. I brushed closer to Nicolas.

  Nicolas’s brilliant eyes met mine. He’ll be fine. He’ll be stronger than ever once he teaches himself this, and it is good practice for forming up our new clan’s sanctum. He’ll know how to help Ryan now. Do you honestly think I would let anything happen to him?

  I don’t know. Most people don’t give a damn about the people who betray them, I said hesitantly.

  I’m not interested in using that word to describe what happened. Magic is a tricky beast. Even I don’t understand all its facets, and I studied it intensely for years. This was something beyond the two of you. You’ve told me you won’t do it again. Daniel has told me he won’t do it again. I trust you both. I love you both. He paused, taking both my hands, his face radiant in the blue lights of the sanctum. I don’t think I’m misinterpreting your feelings or making a mistake.

  You’re not, I said. I love you. But does this change everything between us?

  This changes nothing, he replied.

  I watched his beautiful face as he studied Daniel. Dan hadn’t moved. He was still breathing in ragged heaves, kneeling, head bowed, hands supporting himself shakily. The sanctum continued to shift around us.

  So you have a place like this? Your sanctum? I asked, curious.

  Nicolas glanced at me warily. I do.

  Would you ever show it to me? He had said earlier that it was a very personal thing, that it could make someone vulnerable.

  He hesitated. It’s not common to bring people into your sanctum, or even to reveal the details of it. This is one of the rare circumstances where it was necessary.

  I see, I said.

  To my surprise, he put an arm around my shoulder, drawing me closer to him.

  But perhaps, he said, the words merely a touch in my mind.

  I smiled. Do you think of your sanctum a lot? I asked.

  It is an ever-present part of myself, constant in my mind. A commander’s sanctum is, in a lot of ways, who they are. Magic changes us, and that is what we become.

  Your mind-reading, I said. If commanders are constantly thinking of their sanctums, it allows you to know all the sanctums of other commanders. Your advantage over them must be insane.

  Yes, it’s quite helpful when I need it, he agreed. I have used my knowledge before to understand my opponents’ magic, to finish fights quickly and easily.

  We watched and waited. Eventually, Nicolas said, Let’s leave Dan alone. He has work to do. />
  In an instant, I was back on the couch next to Nicolas. I blinked. The room was filled with cold, diffuse light. It was raining outside, with wind shaking the glass of the windows. I took my hand from Nicolas’s hand, not sure he wanted to be touching me.

  “Thank you for explaining,” I said.

  I studied Daniel. His eyes were still not focused on anything. He was barely moving, barely breathing, barely here. Nicolas was basically holding him up.

  “Can he hear us?” I asked Nicolas.

  “Of course,” Nicolas said. “I’d say he’s about five percent here. He’s aware, but I wouldn’t expect him to respond. He’s a little busy. I’m surprised he’s still conscious. I thought I’d have to carry him over here and keep up the magical tethering between us myself, but he’s managing quite nicely. I can’t believe how lucky I got when I found Dan.”

  “Even with what happened today?” I asked.

  “Even so. I’m happy to have found both of you.”

  He put his left arm around me, pulling me against him. I pressed my face into his shirt, breathing him in. He kissed the top of my head. I thought I would cry from happiness.

  “Please don’t cry,” he said. “I already have enough going on.”

  “Is what you’re doing—acting as Daniel’s container—difficult?” I asked.

  “Somewhat. I’ve never done this before, but I pulled together the concept pretty quickly,” he said. “My roots in Smoke magic helped. Smoke has excellent containment magic, and I have a strong base of knowledge in that field.”

  I stilled against him, impressed. It must take a lot of effort to create an entirely new magical solution on the fly, especially in the face of another commander’s power. There were a million reasons to love Nicolas, and I had risked throwing that all away earlier.

  Stupid, stupid, stupid.

  I didn’t know how to make any of this up to him. He was being oddly forgiving about my trespasses, oddly compassionate toward Daniel’s issues. Shouldn’t he feel disgusted? Shouldn’t he have hit Daniel in the face? Why was I here, curled against him, feeling his love?

  “You are important to me,” he said, bending to speak quietly into my ear. He shook Daniel’s limp shoulders. “This emmerdeur is important to me, too.”

  “Emmerdeur?” I repeated, butchering his French.

  Nicolas smiled fondly. “Pain in the ass.”

  I couldn’t help but let out a breathy laugh. I, too, had thought of Daniel as a pain in the ass before. More than once, even.

  Nicolas touched my chin. “You are both far more important to me than any one misstep, especially one caused by magic gone awry. I’ve seen magic cause much stranger issues than this—its mysteries are what make it so interesting to me, after all.”

  I turned my eyes up to meet his. They were their usual exquisite and consuming shade of cinnamon, their golden rings stark and mesmerizing.

  “You know,” he said with a smile, “one of your first thoughts when you saw me was that my eyes were beautiful. You may have been saved by that one observation alone.”

  I smiled. “Your eyes are perfect, just like the rest of you.”

  “I never get tired of your compliments,” he said. He shook his head in amusement, squeezing me tightly. “Daniel is my family. I raised him. I would never abandon him. I love him.”

  I glanced at Daniel. Of course. Nicolas and Daniel were closer than practically anyone else I had ever known. Nevertheless, I had worried about them both because I loved them so much. I didn’t want to be the thing that came between them.

  “A few hours?” I asked, glancing at Dan’s still form.

  “Yes, hopefully,” Nicolas said.

  “Should we lay him down or something?” I asked, worried.

  Nicolas let go of me and put both arms carefully around Dan’s rag-doll-like body. Dan opened his eyes, but they fell closed again instantly. Nicolas leaned back against the couch and pulled Daniel to him, cradling him gently against his chest.

  “We’ll be fine like this,” Nicolas said. “I’m sorry, Fiona, but I need to focus. The harder Daniel works, the more difficult my job becomes.”

  I jumped up. “Of course.”

  I had no idea what to do. I trusted that if Nicolas needed something, he would ask. I retook my seat in the chair across from them. I was touched by how Nicolas handled Daniel. He held him tightly and protectively, occasionally running a hand down his back. Nicolas’s eyes were closed now too.

  Their magic was locked up tight. Was that Nicolas’s doing? It took a lot for two commanders as powerful as they were to hide it so well, especially when one was crumbling to pieces.

  One hour went by, then two hours.

  “Fiona,” Nicolas said, his voice soft. “Would you bring me water, please?”

  He hadn’t moved. Daniel was still slung against him, barely breathing. I leaped up, bounding to the fridge and back again. I handed him a bottle.

  “How is it going?” I asked. I put a hand on his thigh, careful to not touch Daniel.

  “Slow, but steady,” Nicolas said. “No one will have a sanctum stronger than his, not even me. I’m now wondering if I should rebuild mine…” He laughed slightly. “You can touch him. I have a good grip on this now.”

  I hesitated. I wasn’t sure if I should, not after everything that had happened. I felt torn. Daniel was my commander and my best friend. I should support him. But I belonged to Nicolas, and I didn’t know what he would think if I laid a hand on Daniel in front of him.

  Nicolas watched me, and I knew he heard every one of my tremulous thoughts.

  “Fiona,” he said, his tone firm, “Dan needs you.”

  I sat down on Nicolas’s left again. Hesitantly, I reached a hand out to touch Daniel’s shoulder. He stirred, his eyes flicking open for a moment, his shoulders arching slightly.

  “Focus, Ah-Ming,” Nicolas said quietly.

  “What did you call him?” I asked.

  “Ah-Ming? That’s his nickname. His name is actually Lai-Ming, not Daniel. Ah-Ming is a diminutive of that, a way to sound casual and affectionate. It’s what I called him frequently when we first met.”

  “Oh,” I said, surprised.

  I had forgotten that Daniel had told me months ago that he had a Chinese name, that it meant “daybreak.” I hadn’t even asked what it was. Another reminder that I barely knew these people, that it was insane to think I belonged here, to believe that I was good enough to be Nicolas’s girlfriend or Daniel’s friend.

  “He needs you,” Nicolas said. “As his lieutenant and his friend.”

  I didn’t move my hand, scared of disturbing him. “I’m nothing.”

  “That is simply untrue,” Nicolas said. “You matter. You belong here. How can you deny it, knowing how much I love you, knowing how much Daniel’s magic clambers for you?”

  He wrapped an arm around me, pulling me into him. My heartbeat was fast with worry. I slid my hand slowly down Dan’s arm to his hand, gripping it tightly in mine.

  Nicolas held us both, and I wondered how he was managing. How was he not sick to his stomach at the thought of what Dan and I had done? He had an amazing capacity for forgiveness, and although I was grateful for it, I never wanted to test it again. I had already tested it too many times. What I wanted now was to go on into eternity by his side, with him and only him reflected in my heart.

  “You are beautiful, Fiona,” Nicolas whispered, “and I mean so much more than merely your pretty face.”

  I buried myself in him, embarrassed by his sweet words, not trusting myself to look at him.

  “I know why Daniel’s magic is so drawn to you. I can’t blame it, because I feel the same. But I’ve also seen his mind, and your mind, and I know that your friendship trumps any other flickering feelings you’ve had for one another. I know that you both love me. I know that this all works out because we have a balance between us. I’m not going to punish either of you for what happened, and I don’t think you should punish yourselves. We all
have work to do that’s greater than us. In a way, I’m glad we had this chance to experiment with rebuilding a sanctum.”

  I smiled. It was true. All of our work would be for nothing without Daniel. The stronger he became, the more likely Shatterfall was to succeed. Nicolas was nothing if not completely practical.

  We waited. Another hour went by. Then two hours.

  “We’re getting close,” Nicolas said.

  I had been drifting in and out of sleep, one of my hands locked in Daniel’s hand, the other in Nicolas’s hand.

  “This is the worst,” Daniel said, his voice hoarse.

  I jumped, whipping my head to look at him. “Dan!” I said, startled.

  “Shh, don’t yell,” he murmured. “I can’t believe I agreed to this.”

  Nicolas tousled his hair. “You’re always up for a challenge. That’s why I like you. Finish what you started, Ah-Ming.”

  Dan slipped back into himself. I watched his face. His eyes were open, but they were dull, unfocused. He looked so tired. Several more minutes went by.

  “Fiona, go back to your chair,” Nicolas said.

  I obeyed instantly. Nicolas never asked for something without a good reason. He picked Daniel up in his arms and gently lowered him to the floor in the wide-open space between the living room couch and the dining room furniture. Dan sat cross-legged, limp, with his shoulders slumped and his head lowered.

  Nicolas said a few quiet words in his ear before going to the kitchen. He retrieved a bowl and filled it with tap water. I watched as he dipped his fingers into the water and started drawing on the floor.

  I blinked, surprised. He was doing circlework, but I had no idea why. The only clans that used inscribed elemental circles like this were Smoke and Sky.

  Nicolas was drawing several concentric circles around Dan, with runes between them and small designs at the edges.

  “I’m a Smoke magician,” Nicolas said, inspecting each small circle and rune he drew. “Circles feel natural to me, just as your fire transmutation and blood magic feel natural to you. It’s not that Water can’t use circles, it’s merely unnecessary most of the time. In this case, I need a heavy limiting shield, and it’s easier for me to produce with a circle. The room which contains the clan’s sanctum already has such magic in place. My apartment does not, and we need a container for this final step.”