The Fire Within Series: Books 1 - 3

by Ella M. Lee

  Nicolas was still trembling, but at least he was sleeping, his breath light and even against the bare skin of my neck. I sighed, allowing myself to relax an inch, pressed between the two men I loved most.

  It was clear that my life would not settle anytime soon. That was fine, but it meant I had so much work to do.

  Sleep took a long time to come.

  Ashes

  Book 3

  Perhaps you will discover that you are called to be an artist. Then take that destiny upon yourself, and bear it, its burden and its greatness, without ever asking what reward might come from outside.

  ―Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

  That is fundamentally the only courage which is demanded of us: to be brave in the face of the strangest, most singular and most inexplicable things that can befall us.

  ―Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

  Chapter 1

  It was a beautiful, bright morning in Hong Kong. The winter sky was a clear, vibrant blue and the weather was perfect—not too hot, not too humid.

  I was in the passenger seat of Ryan’s air-conditioned car, a sleek black Jaguar, on my way to the airport. Daniel sat behind me with his delicate hands resting on my shoulders.

  We had left Nicolas behind, recovering from his abduction and near-death the day before. We managed to rescue him and eradicate the poison in his system, but he needed time to fix his magic. He was a Water Clan commander, and his sanctum—the core of his magic—had been partially shattered when we revived him.

  I had squeezed his hands in mine and offered him a light kiss before reluctantly leaving him. My boyfriend, whom I loved more than anyone. It had been agony to watch his heart stop the night before, to not know whether we would be able to bring him back. Although we had, it still killed me to be away from him. My mind ran in panicked circles as I twisted my hands together in my lap.

  “Looks like Jazz’s flight is on time,” Daniel said, showing me his phone.

  We were on our way to pick up Ryan’s sister, Jasmine. A member of Verdant Clan, she lived in Xi’an, China—a thousand miles north of Water’s clan house in Hong Kong. I hadn’t been told why we needed her, but Nicolas had asked Ryan to get her here, and she had hopped on the next available flight.

  I was anxious about meeting her. She was a close friend of Nicolas, and their connection ran deep. She had rescued him back when his former clan, Smoke, locked him up and ran terrible experiments on him for nearly a year.

  He’d been one of Smoke’s best researchers, famous and brilliant and driven. Then one day, he’d developed strange new abilities to read minds and see visions of the future. Smoke wanted to study his gifts, but they’d done little more than torture him for months until he was nearly insane.

  Jasmine had gotten him out, and it was clear from the way he spoke of her that she meant a great deal to him. I wasn’t sure how I could measure up to that. I’d been in his life for less than six months, and it still baffled me that someone as handsome and perfect as Nicolas could love me.

  Ryan, Daniel, and I were silent as we drove past the eye-catching landscape of Hong Kong—green mountains, towering buildings, sparkling ocean water. It was incredible that I now called this place my home when six months ago I had never been here before.

  I sometimes found myself missing my former clan, Flame, but I loved my new family in Water. I also loved the amazing magic. Water magic was slippery and subtle, yet also incredibly powerful and bold when it needed to be. It sang within me.

  And the best part? I had brought a bit of my former Flame magic with me. We didn’t know why, but Water magic was a bit more mercurial than other types of magic, and some Water magicians could shift their elemental Water magic into the elemental magic of other clans. Transmutation, we called it, and I could do it. My Water magic wanted to manifest in the form of beautiful fire, and it made me feel complete.

  We parked the car, and Daniel took my hand as we made our way through the sliding doors and into the arrivals area. A gesture like that would normally be intended to comfort me, but it was Dan who needed comfort today. I gave him an encouraging smile.

  Despite being a powerful commander within Water Clan, he was still young—only twenty years old—and seeing Nicolas’s heart stop beating the day before had nearly shattered him. Nicolas had raised Daniel, and Dan viewed him as a father. Yesterday had been too close of a call, and it had hit us both hard.

  I ran a hand over his spiky hair. It was dyed a bright copper color, but his roots were growing in dark, a reminder that none of us had time lately to do anything other than work.

  “I know, I know,” he said. “I’m thinking of changing it back to black anyway.”

  Dan couldn’t read minds like Nicolas could, but he and I had a way about us. I had never had a friend closer than Daniel, and we always seemed to be on the same wavelength. So it was no surprise that when he was promoted to commander, he asked me to be his lieutenant. I couldn’t say no, and I was happy that we’d get to protect one another.

  Clan life was not easy. Sometimes you got hurt. Sometimes you got killed. Sometimes the people you loved got hurt or killed. We had all lost people, and I was immensely glad I hadn’t lost Nicolas yesterday. I knew Dan felt the same. Even with our magic, we weren’t invincible, not really.

  Dan only let go of my hand ten minutes later, bounding toward a woman walking out of baggage claim. She was tall and willowy, with shiny dark hair that touched her lower back. Her high cheekbones, tilted eyes, and burnished skin were mirrors of Ryan’s good looks.

  Her style reflected his too—refined and tasteful. She was dressed in a dark cashmere sweater and designer jeans, with chunky gold necklaces and bracelets. She dropped her bag and caught Daniel in her arms, hugging him tightly. They chattered in Cantonese as they made their way back to us.

  Ryan embraced her and then waved me forward. I had been half hiding behind him, twisting my hands together.

  “Jazz, meet Fiona,” he said.

  “Hello,” Jasmine said, putting her arms around me gingerly. “I’ve heard so much about you from Ryan and Nico. I feel like I already know you.”

  “Same,” I said. “It’s so nice to finally meet you.”

  “Is Nico okay?” she asked us.

  Daniel shrugged and glanced at me.

  “I’m sure he’ll say he is,” I said.

  Jasmine laughed. “Yes, that is very like him. Atlas, with the weight of the world on his shoulders.” She tossed her bag to Daniel and clapped her hands together once. “Let’s go see how we can help.”

  Water Clan considered blood bonds to be stronger than magical bonds. Although Jasmine was part of another clan, she was freely allowed within our clan house without having to do more than register herself at the reception desk on the fifth floor.

  When we returned to Nicolas’s apartment, he was out of bed. He looked calm and collected, freshly showered and dressed in clean clothes. Gone was the shakiness and confused expression he’d had last night after we healed him and dragged him out of his sanctum.

  I smiled as I studied the beautiful tilted angle of his eyes and the slight touch of gold that colored his perfect skin. To say that Nicolas was attractive would be massively underselling his long limbs and powerful muscles and heaps of grace. I wanted to run my hands through his thick, dark hair, which was always styled to look carefully messy. Today, he was dressed simply in black jeans and a black T-shirt stretched taut across his broad shoulders, his glorious magic intact and snapped tightly to him like unfurled wings.

  I was relieved to see him looking like himself again. The memory of him curled against me all night, trembling and clammy, remained at the forefront of my mind.

  “Jazz, ma cherie,” he said warmly, getting up to embrace her. “How are you?”

  My eyes widened as he wrapped her closely in his arms and she touched his shoulders and hair.

  Nicolas rarely let anyone touch him, and when he did—such as a fond embrace with Dan
or Ryan—he was usually carefully covered up. That Jasmine touched his bare arms and pressed her face into his neck told me just how close they were.

  “I’m good,” she said, pulling away to look at him, twining her hands in his tightly. “It’s you I’m worried about. You don’t have anyone’s permission to go off and die.”

  “Yes, yes, I’m awfully sorry,” he said as he guided her to a seat.

  He smiled at me, and I offered him a tiny wave of my fingers before turning to the kitchen to make tea. When I returned with the tea tray and five small cups, Nicolas beckoned me over to him.

  I sat by his side, and he put his arm around me, drawing me close to him. Jasmine was watching us, which made me immensely uncomfortable. I edged away from him.

  Please let go, I thought.

  He gave me a curious look, but he removed his arm and reached to pour tea for all of us.

  “Ryan,” Nicolas said, “I need you to set up a lab downstairs and pull the poison out of stasis.” He extended a hand toward Jasmine. “Jazz’s specialty in Smoke was tagging magical work, and I need her knowledge to supplement my own.” He offered her a warm smile. “I want you to pull a name off this creation.”

  “And I should save your ass again, why?” she asked, flashing him a teasing smile.

  “Because you are so very good at it?” Nicolas said.

  She shrugged. “Okay, fine. I can try. It’s been a while since I’ve done work like this. I’m not a researcher anymore. But it shouldn’t be that hard as long as it went through standard processing.”

  “I have complete faith in you,” Nicolas said.

  I looked away, irrationally annoyed by his complimentary words, even though I knew he was this kind to everyone he liked.

  Get a grip, I chided myself. There’s no reason to be jealous.

  But icy ropes still wound themselves around my heart as I watched their playful, intimate interactions.

  “I’ll have everyone back at the clan house by noon,” Daniel said. “Teng is pulling together information on Mark and his group in Meteor. Fi, can you look over what he finds? See if anything stands out to you?”

  “Yeah,” I said. “I’d like to know what he’s been up to for the last eight years, you know, while I thought he was dead.”

  I recalled my brother’s cold, impassive face in his coffin. It was so hard to reconcile that image with the fact that I’d seen him last night, that we had spoken, that he was somehow part of the magical world.

  Daniel held out a hand to me. “Let’s get going.”

  I was about to stand when Nicolas touched my arm. “Not yet. I have to speak with Fiona first.”

  Daniel looked like he wanted to argue—I was his lieutenant, after all—but Nicolas said, “She has questions about what happened in my sanctum, and I owe her answers.”

  Daniel sighed, spreading his hands in acquiescence. He filed out of the apartment behind Ryan and Jasmine, leaving me alone with Nicolas.

  I crossed my arms over my chest, and he studied me warily.

  “Are you all right?” he asked.

  “Does it seem like it?”

  He sighed. “No. What can I do to help?”

  I took a deep breath. “I was so scared.”

  “I know, lamb. Would you believe me if I told you that I was too?”

  I choked out a laugh. “No, actually. I don’t think you’re scared of anything.”

  “Not true,” he said. “There are things that frighten me. Losing you, for one. Dying, for another. I haven’t wanted to die in a very long time.”

  A stray tear slipped down my cheek. I quickly wiped it away, embarrassed.

  “Come here,” Nicolas murmured, opening his arms to me. “Please.”

  I couldn’t resist him, especially not when I knew how desperately he was trying to hold himself together. He had literally died last night, yet here he was orchestrating our group’s plans, organizing research on this poison, and attempting to comfort me.

  I could try harder.

  I let him hold me, savoring his warmth as he pressed his face into my hair. I shifted, pulling him into an embrace, cradling him against me. Nicolas normally liked to be the one in control. It was very rare for him to let me take care of him, but today he let me hold him.

  I stroked his back, feeling his corded muscles, letting my lips brush against his hair lightly. His eyes were closed.

  “I love you,” I said.

  His breath caught, a sharp gasp that shook his frame. “I love you, lamb. I feel like the luckiest man on earth to know that you love me.”

  “I think there are many reasons to call you the luckiest man on earth right now.”

  Nicolas laughed softly, and I loved the sound of it. Nicolas and I had always been able to laugh about difficult things. It was one of the strongest parts of our bond.

  “How do you know I have questions about your sanctum?” I asked.

  “I assumed,” Nicolas said. “It seemed likely you’d want to understand what you experienced, and I owe you complete honesty. I want to give that to you.”

  He sat up, taking my hands in his and pinning me with his brilliant golden-brown gaze.

  What would you like to know? he asked me silently, his low voice echoing in the corners of my mind.

  I loved our silent communication, loved that as long as we were touching skin to skin, we could hear one another—just one more of Nicolas’s strange gifts. Although I knew he used this trick with many people, it felt intimate when it was just the two of us.

  How large is your sanctum? I asked. His sanctum was a vast tundra, snowy and barren, and it had seemed to stretch forever. I walked for what seemed like an hour or more and nothing changed. Is it endless?

  I’m not sure I can answer that, he replied. Time and space are different in a sanctum. I don’t think you were perceiving anything as it should be when it comes to those senses.

  And the wolf? I asked. Does he just live there and roam around?

  Nicolas hesitated, his gaze sharpening on me. You saw a wolf?

  A white one, like your shape-shifting form. I did a little… negotiating, and he led me to you, I said.

  Interesting, he replied. The wolf is a part of me, a piece of me that chooses to stay in my sanctum when I don’t call him out. He is part of why I’m such a strong commander. It’s highly likely he saved my life yesterday.

  How so? I asked, my heart racing.

  Not all commanders can access their sanctums as easily as I can access mine. It’s something that’s learned over time, he said. Do you remember when Daniel had to repair his own sanctum? I’m not sure if you noticed, but I had to push him into it. That is the reason you saw me slam him in the chest several times.

  Oh. So… some commanders have never been inside their sanctums?

  Weak ones, yes, he said. But those of us who are strong spend time in our sanctums, shaping them, refining them. And me? I left a piece of myself there. It takes nothing for me to retreat, and that’s exactly what I did when I realized I’d been poisoned. It would have eventually killed me, but it wasn’t as fast or effective as they wanted, not with my kind of defenses.

  I clutched his hands tighter, thankful all over again for his strength.

  You planned for this kind of thing? You had defenses for it? I asked.

  His defenses, whatever they were, hadn’t kept me out.

  His fingers ran over mine gently, reading my question. You are friendly and trusted. My defenses aren’t meant for you, or any of the people I love. They are meant to be a barrier against hostile magic, like this poison. I’m lucky I’m a former Smoke magician. The poison seems designed to target Water magic, and my sanctum was partially created with Smoke techniques.

  Really? I asked, shocked. I had been under the impression that Nicolas hated anything to do with Smoke.

  I don’t hate Smoke magic, he said. I actually rather like it, but it was certainly worth giving up in exchange for my freedom. You know as well as I do how much it can beho
ove a person to take advantage of all their skills. Your blood magic saved me. I am thankful for your experience in Flame as much as I am for my experience with Smoke. My sanctum is beautiful and unique and a complete representation of me.

  Would I have been trapped there if you hadn’t woken up? I asked.

  I don’t know, he said. Perhaps, unless Ryan could find a way to get you out. It is possible I would have eventually emerged on my own, once the poison was gone. How long that might have taken, I have no idea. Days, weeks, years…

  I shuddered, and he shifted so that he could put an arm around me, drawing me close.

  Is everything okay now? Really? You’re completely fine? I asked.

  Yes. His tone was confident and reassuring. I repaired the damage to my sanctum. Irina healed me. I’m relieved that you were all smart enough to track me down.

  That was Dan, I said. It’s like you can read each other’s minds from anywhere. You knew to activate that tracker, and he knew you would.

  Daniel is incredible, he said. I never doubted him for a second. When I first saw visions of you… I thought that perhaps the two of you would end up together. I had resigned myself to that, actually. I was even pushing for it in the very beginning. I thought I could be happy with that. In truth, I likely would have been jealous. But yesterday, I was fairly certain I was going to die, and the only reason I could even consider leaving you was knowing that you had Daniel. Knowing he would love you and keep you safe.

  He ran a hand over my face gently. Tears slipped down my cheeks, his fingers hot against my damp skin.

  Don’t cry, lamb, he said. I simply need you to know how much I love you both, and how much I love that you love each other. There is no one else I could possibly share you with than Daniel, and I’m happy that you have one another.