The Husband Checklist

by Miller, Jasmin

  Oliver looks back at the doctor and clears his throat, his voice shaky. “Do you know how far along she is?” Then he turns to me and asks on a shaky breath, “Is it yours?”

  Fuck. Three words. Is it yours?

  Is it mine?

  The enormity of what he’s implying hits me like a freight train straight into the chest. The possibility of Julia’s ex being the father didn’t even cross my mind. It takes everything in me to keep the nausea at bay.

  The doctor checks the chart again, his right index finger quietly moving across the paper. “It’s hard to be sure at this point without additional tests, but it looks like she might be around seven weeks. She’ll need to see a gynecologist to ensure the baby’s all right, but at this point it looks promising. We’re going to run some more labs to make sure she goes home with everything she needs.”

  I faintly hear Oliver thanking the doctor before he leaves the room.

  The room isn’t huge, and it only takes me a few steps to walk from one side to the other, which I do. Repeatedly.

  Back and forth.

  Back and forth.

  When the walls close in on me, and I almost blindly grab for something to steady me, I can feel the freak-out build in my chest. “I was just getting used to the idea of being in a relationship, but a baby. Fuck.”

  Ollie grabs me and pushes me into a chair. “Sit down before you faint, asshat. You look as white as a sheet. You’re lucky Jules was just in an accident, or I’d beat the crap out of you.”

  He grabs his hair and looks like he’s ready to pull it out. “A baby. Shit. I’m gonna be an uncle.” He chuckles, but I’m too out of it to be able to tell if it’s a happy one or not.

  Julia’s pregnant.

  She’s having a baby.

  My baby.

  I’m going to be a father.

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Julia

  My brain feels fuzzy when I wake up, my head throbbing like a marching band is parading in it. At least this time, the extreme disorientation is gone, and I know where I am.

  I woke up for the first time a few hours ago in the ER before passing out again, tired beyond measure—but not until a nurse and doctor saw me to tell me what happened.

  This time, I also know I’m not alone even before I open my eyes. I take a deep breath, knowing the familiar scent all too well. But having the confirmation right in front of me when I finally manage to peel open my eyes is a million times better.

  Carter.

  He’s in a chair next to the bed, staring at me. His hair is a mess, the expression on his face pained. He blinks several times before jumping out of the chair to get closer.

  “Hey.” His voice is raspy, like he hasn’t used it in a while. I wonder if it sounded off to him too when he clears his throat almost immediately.

  I hold out my hand to him, and he grasps it desperately between both of his. “Hey.”

  My eyes drift behind him for a moment before focusing back on him.

  “Ollie will be right back. He went outside for some fresh air and to call Cora.”

  Then he looks at me again like he can’t believe I’m awake. His hands shake around mine, and he swallows several times before letting out a soft curse. “Don’t you ever do anything like that to me again, you hear me? You scared the ever-loving shit out of me, and I’m not sure I’ll ever recover from this.”

  When I notice his shiny eyes, tears well behind my eyelids too, and I want nothing more than to give him a big hug. I’m not sure how possible that is with the IV and blood pressure reader attached to me.

  The lump in my throat is hard to get past, but somehow I manage. “I’m so sorry.”

  The first hot tear runs down my cheek, and Carter manages to give me the most gentle and careful hug anyone has ever given me.

  “Tell me if it hurts, okay? The last thing I want to do is cause you even more pain.” His words are a soft whisper next to my ear, and I nod into his shoulder, sniffling nonstop until I manage to calm down.

  “Luckily, the pain isn’t too bad, at least until I move. The hip pain and headache are the worst, but it’s manageable.” The car that hit me wasn’t driving very fast, so I was very lucky and “only” have a mild concussion and some nasty bruises and scrapes, but at least, nothing’s broken, or worse.

  I move around to adjust my position but quickly regret it when the movement pulls on my IV. “I can’t wait until I’m free of these tubes and needles.”

  He sits back in the chair that’s pushed to the bed as close as possible without letting go of my hand.

  “I can imagine. They’re never fun.” After sighing heavily, he regards me with a cloudy gaze. “The doctor told Ollie they’ll keep you overnight for observation, but you should be able to go home tomorrow.”

  “Yes. Lots of bed rest, fluids, and mild pain meds if I need them.”

  His eyes shut for a moment at my response. “I’m so happy they don’t have to keep you for longer.”

  I look at our intertwined hands. It feels so good to have him here. When I woke up earlier, all I wanted was to see his face so I could apologize to him. To imagine that this happened because of my behavior is beyond embarrassing. Heat creeps into my face as I stare at the ceiling. “I’m so sorry I ran away like that. We wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for my stupidity.”

  “No, no, no. I don’t want to hear a peep about that, or for you to even think about it. All that matters is that you recover as quickly as possible. You have to focus on yourself right now and on getting better. Not to mention . . . you know.” His gaze flickers to my midsection, and I draw in a sharp breath.

  Right before my eyes tear up again as I remember the doctor telling me about the news.

  I’m pregnant.

  I’m still in denial, because it doesn’t feel real. At all. They showed me ultrasound pictures though, proving there’s actually a human growing inside of me.

  “The baby.” My voice is barely audible, my other hand automatically going to my belly, IV be damned.

  He nods, his eyes trained on my stomach. “We’ll figure it all out, no need to stress about anything. You hear me?” Our eyes meet, the sincerity in his easy to detect. “I’ll take care of you, both of you. I promise.”

  His mouth opens again like he wants to say more, but after the shortest knock in history, the door opens, and my brother rushes in with a frantic look on his face, and I wonder if Carter somehow messaged him.

  “Jules.” He rushes over to the bed and stands awkwardly at the foot of it. With the table and the machines on one side and Carter on the other side, he has no direct access to me.

  Carter reluctantly lets go of my hand, but steps away immediately, making room for my brother.

  He pats Ollie on the shoulder. “Here, man, sit down. I’ll go find us some coffee.”

  “Thanks, CJ.”

  I’m beyond relieved the two of them still seem to be doing well, even after the baby news. The doctor told me he’d informed them, but I had no idea how they took it, and I was honestly half-expecting to see at least one of them with a black eye.

  Carter gives us a small smile and heads out the door, my brother immediately jumping to my bedside.

  He grabs my hand, and as much as I love my brother, it makes me long for Carter’s touch again. It’s just not the same. Thankfully, he only squeezes it once before letting go.

  Flopping back in the chair, he looks at me with tears in his eyes. “How are you feeling?”

  I lift my shoulder in a small shrug. “Okay, I think. Tired and bruised, but nothing unmanageable to be honest. They gave me some pain medication that’s safe for me to take, and it seems to be helping.”

  He lets out a harsh breath before leaning back and clasping his hands behind his neck. “I can’t tell you how glad I am to hear that.”

  The expression on his face is pure agony when he rubs his eyes with the base of his palms, causing my chest to tighten in a way where even rubbing doesn’t make it go away. I’ve
thought about how incredibly hard this must have been on him.

  Since we’ve never been close to the rest of our family—despite the fact that my dad used to work with my uncle—it’s always just been us. First us four, and after the accident, only us two. He must have been out of his mind when he got the message about my accident.

  “It’s okay, Ollie. I’m okay,” I try to reassure him, not wanting to see this anguish on his face anymore.

  He lifts his head, wiping away the remnants of his tears before taking several deep breaths. “I know, I know. It just all seems so surreal. Not just the accident but the other news too.”

  “You mean that I’m pregnant? You can say it, you know. You guys are both acting like it’s a forbidden thing to talk about or something.” I can’t help but grimace, and out of nowhere, a chuckle escapes my mouth. It feels really good for a moment, until my head starts pounding, but I manage to keep the flinch to myself.

  Thankfully, smiling doesn’t hurt. “Looks like we’re getting a new family member.”

  He brushes one of his hands through his hair and scratches the back of his neck. “I know, huh? Crazy.”

  “Crazy indeed, Uncle Ollie.”

  He smiles when I say that, and so do I. “I’ll be the best uncle ever.”

  “I have no doubt about that.” The words come out tenderly, exactly the way I mean them.

  There are still about a million things I’m uncertain of right now, and I know they haven’t simply disappeared because of the accident. I’m not sure I’m ready for what’s to come, but I do know I have a new priority.

  A new reason to keep focused and keep well, both emotionally and physically. No matter what happens, whether I’m with Carter or have to return to the family home, I’m going to love this baby with all of my heart.

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Carter

  The hospital hallway smells as uninviting as it did yesterday, but at least the staff here seem top-notch. They kept Jules overnight as promised, and I know she’s thrilled to get out of here. I’m the lucky one who gets to pick her up.

  Rounding the corner of her room, I immediately spot her by the window. She’s nestled into the corner with her arms crossed in front of her chest and her head leaning against the wall. I come to a stop, watching her in this quiet moment before she sees me.

  The desire to be still and let the relief sink in that she’s okay—truly okay—hits me as hard as when I first saw her after the accident, even though it feels like I’ve aged ten years. Seeing for myself she’s okay, definitely relaxes me.

  “Are you ready to go?” I keep my voice low so I won’t startle her, but one of her hands still flies to her chest.

  Her eyes flicker to the clock above the door. “Sorry, I wasn’t expecting you yet. I must have lost track of time. Let me get my things, so we can head out. If you don’t mind waiting, I’m a bit slow right now.”

  She’s been doing this, acting like she’s an inconvenience, like the only reason I’m here is because she was in an accident, and because she’s having a baby. My baby. Since I didn’t want to cause her any more stress, I haven’t said anything.

  We haven’t really talked about what happened either.

  Ollie thought I was crazy not to bring it up, but she doesn’t have to deal with everything at once and can work through one issue at a time. After all, she was in a fairly major accident, was hurt badly, and found out she’s pregnant.

  Every one of those things would be enough for most people to work through at any given time.

  Since I’m not planning on going anywhere, I’ll wait until she’s ready to talk about us, the baby, and whatever else is going on in her beautiful mind. For now, it’s enough for me to be able to see she’s okay, and to spend as much time with her as possible.

  When she’s ready, I plan on sweeping her off her feet the way she deserves—both figuratively and literally.

  Walking over to her, I put both of my hands on her arms and wait for her to look up at me. “Jules, it’s me. Of course, I’ll wait for you. Stop driving yourself nuts with all those crazy thoughts flying around in that pretty head of yours.”

  She brushes a strand of her dark hair out of her face but it falls straight back down. I lift my hand to push it back softly, safely tucking it behind her ear.

  “Thank you.” She touches the bandage that’s wrapped around her head without looking at me, and I wonder if she feels self-conscious about it or if something else is going on.

  I’ve been having a hard time reading her. It’s almost like she’s trying as hard as she can to block out her feelings, and I hate it.

  When she’s done, I grab the small bag from the bed and hold out my hand to her.

  Thankfully, she takes it. “One of the nurses is waiting with a wheelchair, so let’s get out of here. Hospitals freak me out.”

  I shudder, and one corner of her mouth lifts a little. I swallow the urge to fall to my knees and beg for things to go back to the way they were before this shitshow happened, or rather the way they were before that awkward evening before, but that would only make the situation worse without being helpful.

  Patience seems to be the only way to go.

  On second thought, I can’t be patient about one thing. I stop her before we get to the door. “One sec, Jules. I know this has been incredibly hard for you, and I don’t want to add any more stress, but I can’t live another second without talking about that text message you saw. The one I lied about.”

  A fresh round of regret slices through my heart, feeling like it’s cutting me open from the inside, displayed in my shaky voice.

  Tears well in Julia’s eyes at my words, and I’ve never hated myself more than right now, knowing I’ve caused her such pain.

  Cupping her cheeks as gently as I can, I lower my head to be on her eye level. “Jules. That text was from Linda, the real estate agent. She was looking for houses for me and found one. We met up yesterday morning. The only reason I lied about it was because I wanted it to be a surprise.”

  Julia closes her eyes, tears spilling over from behind her closed lids as a quiet whimper escapes her mouth. My limbs tremble at the sight. Seeing her like this pains me more than I ever thought anything could.

  My voice is weak, the words barely audible when I try to plead with her. “I’m so, so sorry, baby. This is all my fault. I should have just told you the truth. None of this—”

  Her hand goes up to cover my mouth as she shakes her head once. “No, don’t say it. It’s not your fault.” She blows out her cheeks, inhaling and exhaling deeply before opening her eyes. Her beautiful brown eyes are still covered in a thick layer of tears, almost glittering as she stares at me. “Your reply to me . . . before the accident . . .”

  “It was all about the surprise, about the house. Nothing else, I swear.” I lower my head to hers as gently as I can, trying not to put any pressure on hers but unable to stay away. “It was so stupid. I shouldn’t have said it like that.”

  There hasn’t been a minute since the accident where I haven’t berated myself for what I did, the guilt eating at me until it was almost unbearable.

  One of her hands comes up to cover one of mine. “You couldn’t have predicted my reaction, Carter. Or the unfortunate timing of the car driving down the street when I decided to run blindly across it. You have nothing to blame yourself for, but thanks for telling me about the message. I should have just asked you, but I was so in my head, not to mention irrational. Since it’s so unlike me, I blame it on the early pregnancy hormones, but that’s a topic for another day.”

  A noise in the hallway reminds of where we are.

  She blinks. “Let’s leave, okay?”

  Her posture looks a little straighter, her gaze a little stronger—and I hope I’m not imagining it, but also a little less sad—as she wipes away the remnants of her tears.

  Just then one of the nurses stops in front of the door with a wheelchair in front of her. “Hop in, Miss Julia.”

&nbs
p; There’s still so much I want to say but it has to wait until later. For now, I’m happy she can go home, even allowing me to hold her hand. It gives me a glimmer of hope that things might turn out okay.

  Julia winces at every bump and corner, and I want to drive at a snail’s pace, having pissed off more than one person on the road already. “The doctor told us to make sure you take it very easy, especially since you aren’t allowed to take any strong pain medication, which means the pain will stick around for a bit longer. Everyone’s there to help you.”

  She huffs. “Yeah, it’s really fine.”

  On the outside, she seems okay, but we all know better. The way her forehead creases when she thinks no one is watching, how she breathes harder whenever she moves around, or the way she constantly wrings her hands.

  Her answer doesn’t surprise me in the least. Oliver and Julia are very similar when it comes to pride and accepting help.

  Time for my plan to come into action. “Well, I actually wanted to ask you something.”

  That gets her attention, and she looks at me. “What is it?”

  “Well, as you now know I found a house, but since there are a few things that need to be done first, it will take some time until I can move in.”

  “It’s awesome you found something so fast, and I can’t wait to see it. If you want to show it to me . . . of course.” Her voice is sweet, and I bask in the sound of it.

  “Absolutely. I think you’ll like it. Well, I hope you will.” I stare at her for a moment, swallowing at the contrast of her tired eyes and her long, dark hair shimmering in the sunlight.

  When we stop at a red light, I turn toward her. “Anyway, I was wondering if you’d mind if I bunk with you until my place is done? I’ll sleep on the couch, so I won’t disturb your sleep. That way I can be there for you too. You know, just in case you need help.” I blurt out the words before biting the inside of my cheek, not wanting to ruin this whole plan.

  She doesn’t say anything for a while, only chewing on her lip.