The Tome of Bill Series: Books 5-8 (Goddamned Freaky Monsters, Half A Prayer, The Wicked Dead, The Last Coven)
Page 20
There was a momentary pause, then this Calibra person replied, “That tells me either you are suicidal or...”
“The Freewill?”
“Perhaps.”
Fuck, it was better than nothing.
♦ ♦ ♦
Calibra seemed somewhat hesitant to summon James. I couldn’t blame her for that one. He was a member of the Draculas, and their reputation preceded them. One didn’t bother them frivolously if one wanted to keep living. Of course, I’d always found James to be an exception to that rule. Even so, it was quite possible he kept up appearances for protocol’s sake - something he seemed somewhat fond of doing.
While we waited for him to join us, I figured I’d use the time to try and mend the bridges I’d just burnt to ash. “So, Calibra...” - I wasn’t sure if her name sounded exotic or stupidly obtuse - “I apologize if we got off on the wrong foot. Congratulations on your posting.”
“Assuming you are who you say, I accept your apology and well wishes. Having met briefly, I am familiar with you and your colleague’s casual flippancy.”
We’d met? Um, okay. I never was good with names, but whatever. This chick seemed to have all the personality of a pile of wet cardboard.
Fuck it. Rather than try to kiss her ass, I decided to satisfy some base curiosity. “Speaking of your new job, is he dead?”
“Is who dead?”
“Colin.” The glee in my voice was probably a little too apparent, but I didn’t care. This was potentially the best bit of news I’d heard since returning. “That’s why you took over, right? Someone finally wised up and staked his smarmy ass.”
“I can assure you, Freewill,” an oily male voice replied - goddamn, I hated being on speaker, “my smarmy ass is quite intact.”
So much for good news.
Class Reunion
“Hi, Colin.”
“That’s Colin, personal attaché to the Wanderer - esteemed member of the First Coven - to you.”
Oh, how I despised that guy. “Personal attaché?”
“Yes. I have been tasked with the glorious privilege of managing the Wanderer’s busy schedule.” There was something in his tone that made me think he wasn’t all too pleased with his new rank.
Then it hit me. When last I’d heard from him, he’d been freshly promoted to Northeastern Prefect - the smarm practically oozing from his voice. Now, despite the supposed promotion, he was back to being little more than James’s assistant again.
Oh, that was rich. A toady to a king was still just little more than a toady.
“Well,” I replied, grinning despite myself. “I’m back.”
“So I hear.” I could practically smell the acid in his remark through the phone. “Perhaps now we can finally get an accurate accounting of what happened to Remington’s team.”
“Didn’t Sally fill you in?”
“Her report left a lot to be desired.”
“Oh, well, I’m sure she got the details right.” I wasn’t about to forget this fucker had been responsible for sending that goon and his hit squad. He’d been responsible for Sheila’s...
Once more, I had to mind my grip on the phone’s fragile plastic. Smashing it to bits wouldn’t do me much good. However, maybe an extra turning of the screw would. “What can I say? Remington did an incompetent job. Whoever picked him for that mission fucked up to the nth degree.”
If it were possible for silence to be frosty, I’d say the connection on the other end was entering subarctic temperatures. Now it all made sense. His promotion was in name only. He’d been blamed and subsequently removed from the seat of power he’d so craved. In his new capacity, he couldn’t do any more harm than scheduling a bad lunch date. It wasn’t quite the punishment I’d have chosen, but it had definitely hurt him. I could dig that.
“I will let the Wanderer know this is not another prank call.” Colin’s voice registered about as much disgust as one could and still not be gargling sewage. A beep on the other end told me I’d been put on hold yet again.
Waiting as patiently as I could, I noted flashing lights passing by outside. The walls of the safe house were thick and muffled sound fairly well, but even so, the high-pitched whine of multiple sirens came through. That was the third time since I’d locked myself in here. It seemed like Manhattan was going nuts. It couldn’t have all been because of that one vamp, could it? Not with the sun still out, it couldn’t be.
Plenty of other stuff could be going down. Who knew what the hell those supernatural storms were spitting out? Even outside of that, this was New York. Shit happened here.
There came another low beep on the other end of the line, and all of those thoughts instantly fled as the smooth voice of James, the Wanderer, filled the line.
“We have been eagerly awaiting your return, Dr. Death.”
♦ ♦ ♦
The mixed feelings I’d had earlier vanished in a second upon hearing him. James represented all of the positive aspects of the vampire nation: intelligence, dignity, honor, and power. Normally, I admired those former virtues, but I had to admit that last one was of interest to me right at that moment. I wasn’t sure if he’d get personally involved in this little dilemma of mine, but I had my fingers crossed. I’d seen him in action and knew he was one badass of a vamp.
“There have been a lot of people worried about you, you know.”
“So I hear.”
“It is good to hear your voice. Now, if you don’t mind me dispensing with the small talk, where have you been all this time?”
“Likewise; it’s good to hear yours. Listen, James, the whole story of where I’ve been will have to wait. I have a hell of a problem right now...”
“All in good time, my friend. I’m sure Calibra will be able to help you with...”
“I don’t need her, I need you.” Okay, perhaps that sounded a bit whiny. The startled gasps from the others on the call told me it was probably out of order too.
“Forgive him, Wanderer,” that Calibra chick said. Oh great, another suck-up. “I shall make sure he receives correction as to the proper ways of speaking with a...”
“It is quite all right, my dear,” James replied. “I am well used to Dr. Death’s mannerisms.”
“Good...” I started, but he wasn’t finished.
“At the same time, Freewill or not, he should be well aware that any escalations in priority must first be signed-off by a respective coven master and only then directed to the office of the standing Prefect. Protocol must be maintained, especially in these dire days.”
“Coven master?”
“Yes. I take it you were not informed that...”
“I know that Starlight took over, but...”
“Do not interrupt the Wanderer!”
“It’s quite fine, really it is, Colin.”
Oh God, were we back to this? When I saw Sally next, I was gonna make it a point to steal her contacts list. “Starlight handed the keys back to me.”
“There have been no records of an abdication from any of my covens,” Calibra said.
“That’s because she was kidnapped before she could do it.” I gritted my teeth and counted to ten. God, this group could be maddening to deal with.
“Be that as it may, Dr. Death,” James said, “while I would love to give your return the pomp and circumstance it deserves, please know that the situation is on the verge of escalating and requires my full...”
Oh, Jesus Christ. “Will you listen for just a second?” I pleaded, knowing my interruption would potentially be a painful one. “When I escaped from Switzerland, I may have accidentally...”
“How dare you?” Colin chimed in right on cue. “You pathetic excuse for a...”
“Wait, did you say Switzerland?” James asked.
“Yes.”
“But...”
“That will be enough for now, Colin,” came the terse reply before I was addressed again. “What were you doing there?”
There was a brief pause, but before I could lapse into my tale of bodiless vamps sprouting new limbs, James said, “Hold for one moment, please.” He put me on mute for a few seconds before he spoke again. “I have sent the others from the room. I want you to start at the beginning. Leave nothing out.”
“Yeah, but the most...”
“I insist.”
♦ ♦ ♦
The tone of James’s voice was not one to be disobeyed. Even I, purveyor of fine ways of telling folks much stronger than me to go fuck themselves, knew better than to question him. Instead, I lapsed into a quick retelling of where I’d been and what had happened. As I did, my eyes crept over to the clock on the wall.
Where the hell were my friends?
James was silent as I brought him up to speed on my return. Despite his insistence, I omitted some details, like where I found the head and what I did to Alex in order to escape. No point in putting any more of a spotlight on my gross insubordination.
Likewise, I most definitely glossed over Dave’s experiments on me. That was strictly on a need-to-cover-my-ass basis. James had partially achieved his current rank by outing another vamp performing similar research. Of course, that asshole had been working for the Nazis at the time, but even so. The last thing I needed was him saving me, only to dole out swift and brutal punishment. So I did what I do best: played dumb and made up some stupid lie about accidentally leaving the errant cranium behind.
Fortunately for me, he was focused on areas other than my untruth.
“So you’re saying that Alexander kept you prisoner in your Freewill state all this time?”
“Yep.”
“And both Theodora and Yehoshua were aware?”
“Apparently, they weren’t the only ones. A whole shitload of vamps saw me, including these blind weirdos sniffing glue fumes in a cave...well, okay, maybe they didn’t see me per se, but...”
“This is most disturbing.”
“Well yeah, if I had to cut out my eyes every hour I wouldn’t be too...”
“Not that. We had all assumed that you’d been lurking in the tri-state area, but all along...”
“I was in vampire central?”
“Evidently.”
A small touch of paranoia crept up my spine. “And you didn’t know about it?”
“This is the first I’ve heard of it.”
“But you’re a member of the Drac...First Coven.”
“As I am well aware. I have been stateside during most of your absence and...”
“Most?”
“I visited Chateau Chillon once, two months back, to discuss negotiations with the Jiangshi.”
“Who?”
“It is of no real concern to our current discussion. What is, is that I was never given any reason to believe you were close. I spent a good deal of time by Alexander’s side. He had more than ample opportunity to tell me.”
“Well, I’m sure you two will have plenty to talk about in the coming days, but right now, we have a bigger issue. That vamp I told you about is trashing the fucking place.”
“We may have to agree to disagree on what is truly the more important issue. I am aware of the crimes of the decollari kept within the walls of...”
“Deco...”
“The bodiless,” he replied dismissively, as if that weren’t an entirely creepy-ass thing. “They are mostly a combination of political dissidents and those who have failed the First in endeavors where it was deemed necessary for examples to be made of them.”
Ugh, I really didn’t need to be reminded. Once, not so long ago, a former member of the Draculas had deemed me in need of being made such an example. That was in the past, though. I had more pressing matters. “Believe me, James, this asshole wasn’t waving around anti-abortion signs or anything like that. I sincerely doubt he was a political prisoner.”
“That may just be a simple matter of the difference in age between you.”
“No. I’m telling you, I emptied a full clip of fifty-caliber silver slugs point blank into this motherfucker and he still kept coming. Fuck, I pushed him out a window in the middle of the day, and the next thing I knew, he was punching a hole in the wall to get to me.”
“Are you serious?”
“If I’m lying, I’m dying...hell, if that guy catches up to me, I’m probably doing that anyway.”
“I suppose it doesn’t hurt to have Colin research this. Can you describe him?”
I was going to do so anyway, but the fact that it was going to cause Colin at least some minor grief made it that much more delicious. Potentially getting some help while pissing off an asshole definitely counted as killing two birds with one stone in my book.
I described my attacker, first in his naked old dude state, and then as he later appeared - doing his impersonation of Lou Ferrigno on crack. A faint scribbling sound in the background told me James was taking notes, either that or drawing caricatures of me with rude captions next to them. My vamp senses were good, but not that good.
“Is that all? Any distinguishing body marks?”
“Not that I...oh yeah, the guy was all tatted up. He had this snake motif sneaking down his chest. Pretty badass. There was also a sun and moon thing going on with his shoulders. As for what he was wearing, now that was kinda...”
“Hold on. Did you say a sun and moon?”
“Yeah.”
“Black sun, black moon?”
I snickered at hearing the Conan quote. “Yeah, he tried to sell haga to us too, but a slayer such as me wasn’t having any of that shit...”
“I’m serious.”
“Oh. Yeah, I guess. They were definitely dark.”
James took a deep breath, as if contemplating something. “That is not possible.”
“Tell me about it. I mean, I know us vamps regenerate, but how the fuck do tattoos grow back?”
“Can we please focus here?” The temperature seemed to go out of the room as he snapped at me. Of course, my current lack of pants probably didn’t help either.
“Okay...so what’s the big deal with the tattoos?”
“Which symbol was on his right shoulder?”
I forced myself to bite back any more wiseass remarks and simply answered, “Sun.”
Again, he said, apparently more to himself than me, “That is simply not possible. They were all wiped out, purged.”
“Who?”
“You are to stay where you are. If that is not possible, then I want you to keep a phone on your person at all times. If anything changes at all, you are to inform me immediately.” Once more, the tone of his voice had changed from that of a friend to a commander who wasn’t about to take any shit from his troops.
I was probably pushing my luck, but I’d been through too much to just nod and smile. “Why?”
“Because I am coming down to you. This must be dealt with posthaste.”
“What must be dealt with?”
“You have no idea what you’ve possibly done, do you? If the cul...” He paused as if censoring himself. “If they are allowed to rise again now, we will surely fall before our foes. Now give me your address.”
I had no idea what he was talking about. Somehow, though, I wasn’t surprised to hear that I’d, once again, screwed the pooch.
If it wasn’t for shit luck, I’d have no luck at all.
Top Headlines for the Day
James’s words didn’t make much sense to me. I mean, as freaky as that vamp had been, I wasn’t quite sure how one crazy shirtless guy was going to take down the entire vampire race. Still, if something was serious enough to bother the normally unflappable James, it was probably best not to completely blow it off.
I was busy mulling things over when the downstairs buzzer sounded. Still deep in thought, I opened the door for my friends. Tom stepped inside, looking somewhat paler than usual. “Have you been watching the...dude, w
hy the fuck are you dressed like an escapee from Victoria’s Secret?”
I stared blankly at him for a moment before realizing what I was still wearing. “For you, of course. My months of captivity convinced me that we were meant to be together.”
Ed smirked from behind as a look of something akin to horror passed through Tom’s face. “Really?”
“No, not really, fucktard. My clothes still have five minutes left in the dryer. Now get the hell in here before the wind blows the front of this thing open.”
♦ ♦ ♦
I retrieved my clean clothing and got dressed, much to all of our relief, then joined them in the living room. “Okay, so what were you babbling about before being consumed by jealousy of my manhood?”
“Yeah, like that’s possible. I didn’t realize the dungeon they kept you in was airtight.”
“Can we stow the bullshit for five minutes, kiddies?” Ed snapped. “I’m thinking we should be concentrating on more important things, like getting the fuck out of here.”
“Why? I thought that...”
“Change of plans. Everything is going crazy out there.”
“That’s what I was trying to say,” Tom said. “Have you been checking out the TV?”
“No,” I replied. Perhaps I should have paid better attention to all the sirens and flashing lights that had been passing by. “But seriously, how much damage could one vampire do?”
“I don’t think it’s just one vampire. Turn on the news.”
♦ ♦ ♦
...The Coast Guard is still searching for survivors after a ferry bound for Staten Island capsized. Witnesses claim it wasn’t an accident, describing to police the impossible - a collision with a creature sporting an eight-foot-tall serrated fin...
...resulting in an explosion of green flame that consumed nearly all of Castle Point...
...attacked by a being that is being described as having superhuman strength and speed. This is the second tragedy to befall this building this year. Just three short months ago, it was the scene of a terrorist attack...