The Tome of Bill Series: Books 5-8 (Goddamned Freaky Monsters, Half A Prayer, The Wicked Dead, The Last Coven)

by Rick Gualtieri

  And now this was her reward? I couldn’t believe it.

  Neither could Sally, apparently. A look of utter shock appeared on her face and I finally realized that, for all of the times she’d coerced Star into being her personal secretary, she nevertheless considered her a friend.

  The thing with friends is that if you have one like Sally, you can be sure as shit they’re gonna take exception to others mistreating you. And if, God forbid, something happens to you - you will be avenged.

  With a blur of movement, Sally reached into her duffle bag and produced her Desert Eagle.

  The time for talking was over.

  Meet the New Boss

  One of the problems in dealing with vampires is that the older they get, the more powerful they are. This includes strength, healing, and speed. Sally, for all of her attitude, was still relatively young. To me, it looked as if she had reacted like lightning. To an elder, though, it would barely be slow motion.

  Before she could even aim the massive weapon, two of the riot crew had converged upon her - one forcing the barrel of the gun down and the other striking her in the side of the head.

  That was enough for me. First, there was the anger at knowing this asshole had casually dusted one of the few vampires who’d somehow managed to retain her human heart. Now, it was watching Sally struck down by creatures that were supposed to be on our side.

  Within moments, I was seeing red, and when that happened, I tended to forget my own limitations and dive into the fray.

  “Bill?” Ed asked from my side, but I ignored him.

  These fuckers were going to learn that you didn’t mess with the Freewill’s friends.

  “Enough!”

  Authority and gravitas resonated in the voice, so much that nearly all action in the room, my own included, ceased as our attention turned toward its source.

  Ed and I spun to find James. He’d entered through the double doors, flanked on either side by more of those strike-team vamps. Unfortunately, they were all pointing their weapons at him. He was their prisoner, although from the tone of his voice, he hadn’t come to that conclusion yet.

  “This ends now.” He blinked and his eyes turned black as onyx.

  “Primoris,” a deep voice chuckled from the opposite end. I looked over my shoulder to find that Chuck had risen, a grin upon his face.

  Oh, boy. It was the irresistible force on one side and the immovable object on the other...and looky here, me and my friends right smack dab in between them. Not quite where I wanted to be.

  “I take it you didn’t get to make your call.”

  “Not now, Dr. Death,” James warned, never taking his eyes off the cultist.

  All of the other vamps in the room had cleared the aisle, including the assholes who’d cold-cocked Sally. I used the opening to step forward and help her to her feet, praying that the Mexican standoff didn’t break before we got a chance to move out of the way.

  “You okay?”

  “I’m fine,” she replied, brushing me off. “That guy hits like a pussy.”

  “Yeah, well, we’re standing between two badass mofos who I’m pretty sure hit like freight trains, so I’d suggest you move your tight little ass.”

  I half dragged her to the side with me, briefly looking to make sure any vamps still under Chuck’s spell weren’t about to shank us in the rear.

  I was about to turn back toward the main event when my eyes settled upon a familiar face. “Dave!”

  My former, and hopefully future, DM stood there, eyes completely glazed. Apparently, he hadn’t yet been called up for whatever test the Glenn Danzig lookalike had put the other vamps through.

  Remembering my experience with compulsions from when I was first turned, I figured it wouldn’t hurt to see if things still worked the same when a much older vamp was the one putting the whammy on another.

  So as all eyes were turned, some voluntarily while others not so much, toward the two big dogs in the arena, I hauled off and backhanded my friend across the mouth. The blow made a resounding crack loud enough to put the spotlight back on me, which was exactly what I was hoping to avoid.

  One moment, James and Chuck were about to throw down, the fate of all vamps in the Northeast on the line. The next, they were all looking directly at me.

  “Uh...I suppose you’re wondering why I asked you all here today.”

  A voice behind me muttered a muffled curse. “Goddamnit, Bill. You broke my fucking mouth.”

  Hey, at least it worked. “Ixnay on the uckingfay outhmay, Dave,” I whispered through clenched teeth.

  A deep chuckle issued forth from Chuck’s barrel chest. He once more spoke some of his gobbledygook. Whatever profound observation he made was lost in the translation. I did happen to catch that father word again, though. Oh, Jesus Christ, were we back to that bullshit?

  “For the last time, you fucking retard, I’m not your father!” If I didn’t have the room’s attention before, I sure as shit did now.

  “What the hell are you talking about?” Sally asked.

  “This dipshit keeps calling me his dad.”

  “No, he didn’t.”

  “Yeah. He keeps saying it like he’s some kind of goddamned lost puppy who...”

  “You do realize,” Dave said from behind me, “that frater is Latin for brother, right?”

  “It is?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Even I know that,” Ed added.

  “Oh.” The looks from those around me, the non-glazed eyes at least, were a mix of humor and pity. Jeez. I took two years of remedial Spanish in high school, the bare minimum to graduate. It’s not like I was some sort of cunning linguist.

  “Fine, but last time I checked, I was an only child. Unless Mom was off banging a Swiss bodybuilder when I...”

  “Move now!”

  It was James. As the entire room focused on me and my language deficiencies, he’d made good use of the distraction.

  He spun like a miniature tornado. Within the space of a second, several flashes of light erupted as all of the vampires guarding him were reduced to piles of ash. The look on his face when he was finished told a pained story - he did what needed to be done, but hadn’t liked it. Who could blame him? All of the vamps present were supposed to be both loyal to the Draculas and impervious to control. From the look of things, both concepts had been proven to be complete fantasy.

  All of that could wait, though.

  For now, we had a room full of confused monsters and an open path toward the exit.

  “You thinking what I’m thinking?” Ed asked.

  “Yep. The bus is about to leave. Let’s be on it.”

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  Ed, Sally, and I had been through the shit-wringer enough times to know that when an opportunity presented itself, you didn’t spend time gawking. Dave, being fairly new to the game and having just awoken from having his brain scrambled, was likely not to take the hint.

  When I ran for it, I made a point to drag him along for the ride. Sure, he was a bit of a loose cannon, had nearly negligible ethics, and was more often than not an asshole, but he was also my buddy and one of the best game masters I’d ever known. I’d already lost one friend this day. I wasn’t about to leave another behind to be judged like cattle.

  The five of us made it out the doors before any of the vamps inside could react - albeit Chuck hadn’t seemed in all that big of a hurry. James slammed them shut behind us and fumbled with a section of the wall.

  Forgetting all sense of rank or respect, I spun and asked, “What are you doing? Those assholes are gonna be right on our...”

  He pried away the wall panel, revealing a hidden keyboard beneath. A lightning fast press of buttons later, and a steel wall slid down from the ceiling, barring the doors to the Prefect’s lair. Okay, that was kinda cool.

  James continued pressing keys. Red emergency bulbs replaced the dim interior lighting. Klaxons began to sound throughout the
floor we were on and seemingly beyond.

  “What the?”

  “Emergency lockdown,” he replied grimly. “Let’s move. We have thirty seconds before the entire facility is sealed tight enough to withstand a missile assault.”

  Whoa.

  James wasn’t fucking around, either. He must have realized who our weak link was because next, he grabbed Ed and flung him over his shoulder, much to my roommate’s protests. I spared him maybe half a second of smirk before I turned to Dave.

  “Don’t ask questions. Just think of this as a real life game of Paranoia and the computer just told us to bug the fuck out now.” I didn’t know Latin for shit, but I could sure as fuck speak gamer.

  That was good because those were all the words I could spare. James and Sally were already at the far end of the hall.

  It was time for us to put all of our vampire speed to bear and hope it was enough.

  Title Fight

  We made it outside with plenty of time to spare, and by plenty, I mean Dave and I dove through the front entrance of the car wash just as a blast door rose up from the ground to seal it shut. Another half second and he would have gotten a really good primer in vampire healing as we’d both have had to wait for our legs to grow back.

  Once out, James lowered Ed to the ground, then turned to Sally and me. “Calibra, did you see her?”

  “No,” I replied, catching my breath. I hadn’t realized the main office complex was so deep underground. “But considering where Funboy there was seated, it’s safe to say they were already waiting for her by the time she got there.”

  “Do you think they killed her?” Sally asked.

  “That I cannot say,” James replied. “The truth, though, is that it would be in our best interest if they had.”

  “Really?” I was a bit surprised at that. He’d seemed somewhat fond of her. To dismiss her as casually as...

  “There is a similar panel on the other side of that door,” he explained. “Calibra is one of the few others in the facility who can singlehandedly deactivate those security measures I put into place.”

  “Oh...well, in that case, I hope they shanked her too.”

  “I do not understand how he was able to take control of the facility like that,” he continued, ignoring my assholish comment. “But the fact remains that he did. As Prefect, Calibra’s mind is stronger than the others, her training more complete. Even so, if that creature is able to breach those defenses as he somehow did the others, then I fear many of our secrets will be laid bare. He will have intelligence at his disposal far beyond what even our ancient foes, the Alma, will have ascertained.”

  “Were you able to get in touch with the First?” Sally asked as I stepped over to Ed to make sure he was okay. “Maybe they can nuke this place from orbit.”

  “It’s the only way to be sure!” Ed, Dave, and I replied in unison. Neither she nor James saw the humor in what we said. What can I say? It was either laugh or cry.

  “Don’t mind them. Stress tends to make them stupid.”

  “So I see,” James replied dryly. “Sadly, no. My chambers had already been compromised and ransacked. Thankfully, most of the damage was to my material possessions - nothing critical. My personal files are all heavily encrypted. The one advantage we seem to still have,” he said with a ghost of a smile, “is that our foe is likely not adept when it comes to technology.”

  “Hulk smash!” I chuckled, then left them to discuss things. I turned to Ed. “Now would be a good time.”

  “Fuck that. Twenty minutes ago would have been a good time.”

  “Twenty minutes ago, everything seemed hunky dory. Now, are we gonna argue about this?”

  He gave his head a quick shake and began fishing around in his pocket.

  “Now’s probably not the time to play with yourself,” Dave said.

  Ed raised his other hand in an obscene gesture, then cried out, “Fuck!”

  “What?”

  “It’s gone. I must’ve lost it when Ozymandias over there was playing sack of potatoes with me,” he replied, referring to James by the moniker we’d first known him under.

  “Goddamn it.”

  “What about yours?”

  “Didn’t survive me getting thrown into that tree back in Norfolk.”

  “What are you fucking idiots whining about now?” Sally spun to face us. “Did you forget to tape the latest episode of Star Trek? Because I swear, if it’s something stupid like...”

  Her voice trailed off as the hum of machinery filled the night air, followed by the scrape of metal against metal.

  We turned to find the blast doors lowering back into the earth.

  Oh shit. I guess that answered the question as to the fate of our missing Prefect.

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  I half expected a strike force to come pouring out of the opening, guns at the ready. That would have been bad. Instead, the doors lowered to reveal Chuck’s lone form.

  That was worse.

  His stance spoke of a confidence that said we were little more than bugs to him - gnats to be swatted.

  The thing about gnats, though, is they bite.

  “Think fast!” It was Sally. She’d popped open that duffle bag of hers, the one she infuriatingly refused to put down, and pulled out the guns we’d stored inside. Okay, so maybe her newfound OCD wasn’t entirely a bad thing.

  Chuck raised an unconcerned eyebrow as she distributed the weapons. He’d seen what they could do and had come to the apparent conclusion that they weren’t any more than an annoyance...either that or he was a fucking dumbass. I found myself hoping for the latter, but wasn’t quite ready to put my life savings down on that bet.

  Even so, the last time had just been me alone - albeit with a very high-powered handgun. The thing being, I’m an admitted suck shot. Nothing had changed in that regard except for the fact that my friends now joined me, some of whom happened to have a knack for hitting whatever they aimed at. I was fairly certain that smug grin would be erased in the few seconds between now and when his head got properly ventilated.

  “Stand down,” James said quietly.

  Dave was still fiddling with his weapon, some sort of Uzi variant. “Bill, if you don’t mind me asking - who the fuck is this guy and why is he batshit crazy?”

  “Um...” I stepped between them. “Don’t mind him, James. He’s new. Hasn’t watched the orientation video yet.” I spun back to my DM. “Trust me, you really want to shut the fuck up now.”

  James ignored us, though. The cultist had stepped forward, his muscles rippling in the night air. Once more, these two powerhouses sized each other up. I had a feeling there would be no distractions this time. They aimed to settle this. The past versus the present with the fate of...well, actually, I had no idea what was on the line. As Sally had said, the Draculas could probably just converge on this place with all the power at their disposal and reduce it to rubble.

  Of course, that assumed the Draculas knew what was going on.

  But they had to. As much as I might’ve thought myself clever, I had little doubt Alex would eventually figure out a trophy from his head collection was missing. It wouldn’t exactly take a master sleuth to deduce it had gone AWOL at the same time as me.

  Of course, that brought other questions to mind, especially, what this guy was doing in Alex’s boudoir to begin with. James seemed to be of the mindset that fuckers like Chuck had been toasted long ago and weren’t a part of the general head prison populace.

  “Whoever this guy is,” Sally said, sidling up alongside me, “you may want to ask him about his workout.”

  “Really?”

  “What? Just because he’s an evil psychopath doesn’t mean I can’t look.”

  “Maybe I’ll table the questions about his Pilates routine, if it’s all the same to you.” I lowered my voice to a bare whisper. “What’s the plan?”

  “The plan is to do as you are told,” James said. “Do not i
nterfere.” He and the other vamp began to circle one another as the rest of us grouped up, weapons at the ready despite the warning.

  At last, James spoke to the brute, but of course it was in fucking Latin again. Goddamnit. I caught a few words I’d heard used before, but nothing that gave me much of a clue.

  “Any chance of a blow by blow, Sally?” I asked.

  “Pretty safe to say that you can count me out of anything that has to do with you and the word blow.”

  “Not helping.”

  “I’ll see what I can do, but I’m used to taking my sweet time with this stuff. I have a feeling these guys aren’t going to talk slowly just for us.”

  In that, though, she was wrong.

  The push of a compulsion tickled against my mind a split second before I heard it. As usual, the cultist’s words were meaningless to me, but the psychic aspect instantly translated them.

  “SO THE FIRST SEND A MERE SUCKLING AGAINST ME?!”

  There was no real force behind it. This was confirmed when neither Sally nor Dave were bowled over. The asshole was actually doing it for our benefit. He wanted an audience.

  I was actually impressed by the burn. I’d figured maybe this guy had been born in the days before trash talk had been invented. Guess the more things changed, the more they stayed the same.

  James, sadly, wasn’t interested in playing that game. His response was more of the same in that dead language that I was pretty sure nobody but priests and vamps spoke anymore.

  “He’s telling Muscles over there that if he surrenders now, the First might be merciful,” Sally said. “Or as near as I can tell.”

  “Thanks.”

  “Don’t mention it.”

  “I thought the First didn’t have mercy,” Ed said.

  “I’m pretty sure it’s the swift death kind of mercy,” she replied.

  “Oh.”

  “Who are the First?” Dave asked.

  “Shhhhh!”

  Based on the confidence the cultist showed, I was almost willing to bet that he wouldn’t blink.