The Tome of Bill Series: Books 5-8 (Goddamned Freaky Monsters, Half A Prayer, The Wicked Dead, The Last Coven)

by Rick Gualtieri

  I lurched as fast as I could to where my friends waited, leaping over the downed wires again lest that prove to be a somewhat embarrassing end to this adventure.

  Dave was the first to greet me. “Dude, that was fucking hardcore, even for Kelvin.”

  “Stow it,” I replied, stepping past him. I laid James upon the ground and dared a look back. Chuck was still staggered, but the flames shooting from his body had started to die down. He’d be on our asses within a few seconds at most.

  “James?” Sally asked, but rather than come over to us, she began rooting through her duffle bag.

  “He’s still alive...or undead...or whatever the fuck,” I said. “Is now really the time to go searching for your comfortable shoes?”

  “Don’t be a dipshit your entire life,” she spat back. “Bullets aren’t cutting it with Superman over there. We need to bring out the big guns...”

  “Ed,” I snapped, ignoring her. “What’s the what?”

  “What are you two...?”

  “They should be here any second now,” he replied, Sally’s phone still in his hand.

  He wasn’t just whistling Dixie out of his asshole either. Almost as if on cue, multiple flashes of light appeared from nowhere - eight in all, forming a circle of sorts around us.

  “About fucking time,” I muttered, only to see that Sally had stopped what she was doing to lift her gun again - prompting me to dive over and shove the barrel aside. “No!”

  The lights coalesced and folded in on themselves, dying down to reveal people...no, more than people - witches.

  Oh, and Tom, too.

  He stood there, grinning, next to Christy. I had never been so glad to see him and the girl who’d once had a mad-on for killing me.

  “The cavalry has arrived,” he declared.

  Christy, a bit larger than I remembered, ran forward and threw her arms around me. “Good to see you,” she whispered.

  “A lot better to see you.”

  “Guys,” Sally warned, still a bit dumbfounded. “I think the reunion can wait.”

  I released Christy and turned to look, expecting the worst.

  I wasn’t disappointed.

  A squad of vampires, all dressed in riot gear and armed to the teeth, raced out from the entrance of the car wash. For a split second, I held hope they were there to properly ventilate Chuck, but no such luck. They formed a line on either side of him and took aim at us.

  “Time for the cavalry to get us the fuck out of here,” I cried.

  “Way ahead of you. Sisters, if you will,” Christy said as she closed her eyes. The others followed suit. Light began to emanate once more from them.

  With my enhanced senses, I could see the muscles on the vampire A-team’s arms tense as they squeezed their triggers.

  This was gonna be close.

  Just then, I felt the barest of twinges in my frontal lobe. Chuck was throwing a compulsion at us...a big one. Oh, shit.

  “ACCEPT YOUR FATE AND BOW BEFORE VEH...”

  His voice, powerful as it was, receded into nothingness as the light became nearly blinding in its intensity, erasing the world around us - sights, sounds, and all.

  The Aftermath of an Ass-Kicking

  “How’s he doing?”

  “Still out, but he seems to be just resting for now. His arm is already grown back almost to the elbow.”

  “Amazing what a little blood will do.”

  “Yeah, a little blood and six hundred years’ worth of enhanced healing,” Sally replied, closing the door and joining me on the rooftop of my apartment building.

  It had the advantage of being one of the taller structures in the neighborhood. I couldn’t see Manhattan from my vantage point - just parts of Staten Island and I doubted too many people gave a fuck about that place. I could, however, see the smoke rising over the horizon, presumably originating from the heart of the city. The smell of it permeated the air, at least to one with super sensitive nostrils like mine.

  We’d only been gone a day, but things had gotten worse in that time. The bits and pieces Christy’s coven had shared, along with the few newscasts we had managed to pick up, painted a bleak picture.

  Battle had erupted in midtown between glowing beings made of light. An entire city block downtown had collapsed in on itself and sank into the Earth. No survivors had been recovered.

  And that was just Manhattan. Up in Albany, they were supposedly debating declaring a state of emergency and there were even rumors of martial law being enforced. All in all, it was a grade-A clusterfuck.

  Thankfully, I’d learned that suburbia hadn’t been too hard hit as of yet, being of general strategic unimportance to pretty much everyone. My parents were safe and sound for now, confirmed by a quick call after we’d arrived - in which they hadn’t even questioned not hearing my voice for the last three months. Gotta love parents.

  I’d managed to convince them to at least pack an emergency bag just in case, but for the time being, it sounded like they were content to watch the world fall apart via their TV.

  Sally moved to stand by my side. “James is going to be pissed at us when he wakes up.”

  I glanced over at her, taking comfort in her presence, as well as the generous cleavage her low cut top showed. I’d missed both.

  “One doesn’t need to be a dismembered wizard skull to foresee that. The only question is what will tick him off most - us interfering, me eating his arm, or calling in a coven of witches to save our asses?”

  “If I were a betting girl, I’d say a smidgeon of all three.”

  “What about you?”

  “I’m a little annoyed you didn’t tell me you’d invited Christy to the party. I almost blew the poor girl’s head off.”

  I was a bit surprised to hear her voice any sort of worry at almost causing collateral damage. Something had definitely changed about her...even if just slightly. “Sorry about that. Tom, Ed, and I planned the whole thing out before you showed up. Afterwards, there were too many sensitive ears hanging around to spill the beans. Even if James didn’t object...”

  “Which he would have,” she pointed out. “If not, though, then that Calibra bitch would have certainly had a few words to say about it.”

  “No doubt. So are we good?”

  “I’ll let it slide...this time.”

  “You’re too generous.”

  “I am, aren’t I?”

  I smiled, letting her get the last word on the subject. She’d earned that much.

  Things had been a bit hectic since our return several hours earlier. James was badly injured and Dave was completely freaked out, as were Christy’s coven. Apparently, neither she nor Tom had mentioned the possibility of a vampire strike team shooting at them.

  Christy and her new sisters had stuck around for a short while, helping Sally to bring some order to the general uselessness the rest of us offered. They managed to turn our apartment into a supernatural triage unit. Being that we weren’t sure how James would react upon awakening, though, they’d thought it best to leave before then. They’d departed as a group - safety in numbers and all of that - with Christy reassuring us she’d be back later to help out.

  As for Dave, well, Sally knocked him out cold with a compulsion. He was currently snoozing away in Ed’s bedroom, at least until such time as we all had our heads on straight and could think again.

  Things were far from great, but we’d at least managed to dodge a few bullets. That was better than nothing. Speaking of which...

  “I forgot to ask earlier, what were you talking about back in Boston - big guns or some shit like that? Don’t tell me you packed a fucking bazooka.”

  “Not a bazooka,” she said, “but close with regards to vampire slaying.”

  “Holy hand grenade of Antioch?”

  “I have no idea what the fuck that is.”

  “It’s...”

  “Um, Bill?” a voice called from the door. It was Tom.

>   “Yeah?”

  “I hate to interrupt, but you guys might want to get your asses down here.”

  “Is something wrong with James?”

  “Not quite.” He ducked back in, obviously expecting us to follow.

  “What’s that about?”

  “Who knows? Your moron of a roommate probably just forgot how to unzip his pants to take a piss.”

  “Thanks for the imagery.”

  “No problem. Don’t expect me to remind him how, though.”

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  The odor of other vampires hit me as soon as I reentered the building. Sally and I shared a glance, more curious than alarmed. That Tom had appeared on the roof in one piece went a long way toward telling us a hit squad hadn’t burst in and shot up the place.

  Right before I could relax, though, Sally’s expression turned sour. A moment later, I realized why. I recognized the owner of one of the scents - someone I wasn’t particularly fond to see, much less so in my own building.

  Tom waited by the door to our apartment. Seeing us approach, he made an after you gesture - earning him a dirty look from Sally.

  The scene awaiting us was...interesting.

  “Colin,” I said, entering.

  “Freewill,” he replied contemptuously. “Always a pleasure, my dear Sally.”

  He was standing in our living room, flanked by three large vamps decked out in trench coats over what looked to be body armor. Colin himself was wearing his typical expensive suit, as usual doing little to mask what a greasy fucking weasel he was. He and the vamps had adopted casual, almost bored, stances. That was in stark contrast to Ed, who stood with shotgun raised in front of my bedroom door where James lay.

  “You okay, man?” I asked my roommate.

  “Right as rain. This guy here, though, said he was here for James.”

  Sally tensed up beside me at that. I couldn’t blame her. And here I’d been hoping we’d paid our last renter’s insurance hike.

  “Kindly call off your pet,” Colin said, sniffing the air, “whatever he may be. I assure you, we’re not here to fight.”

  “Bullshit,” I replied. “Did your new master tell you to say that?”

  “New master? Has your extended vacation damaged what little sense you had? I serve the same masters I always have, the glorious First Coven.”

  “Oh really?” Sally crossed her arms across her ample chest. “That cultist asshole took control of the entire Boston complex and everyone in it.”

  “By the way, what are you doing back on the East Coast?” Colin asked, ignoring our accusations. “I had thought you’d returned to your roots - your true calling, so to speak.”

  I quickly stepped in front of Sally, blocking her lest she decide to launch herself at the smarmy prick - no matter how much I might’ve enjoyed watching that. “Don’t try to dodge the question. We know you were placed in charge right before everything went down.”

  “I need not dodge anything thrown by you, child. The answer is quite simple. Upon receiving back my rightful authority, I immediately assessed the situation and decided the most prudent course of action was to set up a mobile command center.”

  “Mobile command center?”

  “Yes. I was miles away by the time I realized security had been compromised.”

  “So you ran like a pussy?”

  “Quite the contrary. I simply proved myself smarter than any of the others tasked with the position - my successor included.”

  If that were really the case, I had little doubt he’d been crowing about it to anyone in a position of authority who would listen. It probably wasn’t the time to bring that up, though. There were more important matters at hand. “Do you know what’s happened to Calibra and the rest?”

  “No. Nor does anyone else. Boston has gone dark, as have...”

  “As have what?” Sally asked.

  “My apologies. I forgot for one moment who I was speaking to. You need not fret about matters best left in the hands of your betters. I’m sure you understand. Speaking of which, as I informed your house pets upon my arrival, I am here for the Wanderer.”

  “Why?” I stepped to block the front door and crossed my arms.

  The three goons reached into their coats, no doubt ready to produce a few nasty surprises at my implied threat. Ed, in response, pulled his shotgun’s pump, chambering a round.

  We were probably about a second away from reenacting the finale from Blade Trinity when Colin shook his head slightly. “Enough with this foolishness. They are no threat.”

  Sally opened her mouth to reply, but he held up a hand. “Before you say anything to make yourself look even more inept than usual, allow me to elaborate. You are no threat compared to that which you have unleashed.”

  “What do you know about Chuck?” I asked. A confused look came across his face. “I mean, the cultist.”

  “Under normal circumstances, I would inform you that such information was not for the ears of children with delusions of grandeur.”

  “But?”

  He smiled broadly - a look that didn’t give me a good feeling inside. “But the level of your incompetence this time goes beyond anything I have ever encountered before. Even I have to admit to being impressed.” He pulled a sealed envelope from an inside pocket and laid it on our kitchen counter next to the phone.

  “What’s that?”

  “A little present from me to you, so that you might understand exactly how deep of a hole you have dug yourself - how badly you have utterly botched everything for all of us.”

  “If I’ve fucked up so badly, then why are you still smiling?”

  “Because whatever fate awaits me and those I serve shall be nothing compared to what you bring upon yourself.” He let the statement hang in the air for a moment. The smugness emanating from him was nearly suffocating in its thickness. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I do have a timetable to maintain. Kindly produce the Wanderer.”

  “If you think we’re gonna let you hurt him, you...”

  “Hurt him?” Colin actually looked insulted for a brief moment before his eyes grew cold again. “Whatever you may think of me, Freewill - not that I care - never question my loyalty to the First. If you must know, I am here to escort the Wanderer to a secure location so he may report to his peers. More, I shall not say to the likes of you.”

  I shared a quick glance with my friends. Aside from Tom, who shrugged confusedly, the rest were with me. “If you think for one moment we’re going to let you...”

  “You are not required to let them do anything.” The door behind Ed opened. James looked like a walking pile of shit, but he’d borrowed one of my jackets to cover up the worst of it. “I am more than capable of making my own decisions, thank you.”

  He took a step, stumbled, and used his remaining hand to steady himself against the wall. “It is good to see you, Colin.”

  The little toady immediately snapped to attention. “All glory to the First, Wanderer.”

  “Yes,” James replied doubtfully. “All glory, indeed.”

  “Wanderer?”

  “Uh, James,” I said carefully, “you’re really not in any shape to go anywhere.”

  Despite the condition of his body, there was steel in his voice. “I will not be derelict in my duties any longer than is necessary, Dr. Death. There is much to do and much to atone for.”

  “What does that mean?” Sally asked, concern in her voice.

  James turned to his lackey instead. “Colin, would you be so kind as to wait downstairs for me? I shan’t tarry but a minute or so.”

  “As you wish.” Colin nodded toward his goon squad, and they immediately headed for the door. He followed them, stopping just before stepping out. “We are fighting the daylight. Sunrise is imminent.”

  “I am well aware.”

  “All glory to the First,” he said, then left, his footsteps heading down. I’d love to say I was sorry to see him go, but let�
��s not kid ourselves.

  After a few moments, James addressed us. “My thanks to you all. The battle was lost and I should have fallen before my foe, but even I must admit a part of me is glad of your infuriating inability to follow orders.”

  “It’s what we do best,” I replied.

  “Do not push your luck.”

  “What now?” Sally asked before I could shove my foot further into my mouth.

  James was quiet for a moment, almost as if he, for once, didn’t have the answer. “I wish I knew. Due to my failings, much damage has been done - perhaps irrevocably so.”

  “It sucks what happened in Boston, but it’s not the end of the...”

  “The world, Dr. Death? It may very well be. More eyes than theirs were watching us. Have no doubt that what the cameras captured was shared as widely as possible. With Calibra under his control, the one you so disturbingly refer to as Chuck could easily have ordered her to broadcast our fight to every Prefecture in the western hemisphere.”

  Oh. I hadn’t considered that. Despite knowing better, I had this nasty tendency to assume the vampire nation were a bunch of luddites - more prone to sacrificing goats to primal gods than surfing the web. What can I say? I’m a product of the pop culture that’s been shoved down my throat since birth.

  “I should have told you before we reached Boston,” he continued. “Alas, I did not want my trepidation to show in front of those under my charge. I fear I may have also overestimated myself. Such is my hubris. My failings were twofold this day. We are a predatory species - that much you know. Weakness is neither respected nor tolerated. For a member of the First, the rock upon which our society is planted, to be humbled so is a blow to the confidence of those loyal to us.”

  “Dude, even Rocky lost a few,” Tom added, unhelpful to the very end.

  “Indeed he did.” The ghost of a smile crossed James’s face. “But things are not so simple. The loyal may waver, but the disloyal are those I truly fear right now.”

  “I’m not following,” I said.

  “There are many among us who are not happy with Alexander’s leadership.”

  Sally and I shared a sidelong glance at each other, but otherwise kept our fucking mouths shut. No way were we opening that can of worms.