The Tome of Bill Series: Books 5-8 (Goddamned Freaky Monsters, Half A Prayer, The Wicked Dead, The Last Coven)

by Rick Gualtieri

  Wait, no, that wasn’t right. I saw a street sign, then beyond it a traffic light.

  “I think we’re back in civilization,” Sally said. She was right. What I thought was a clearing was in actuality the edge of this unnatural forest.

  From the look of things, it wasn’t much different up here than in New York. The scene looked disturbingly normal beyond the tree line. Apparently, while the sun was out, human society still held onto its grip.

  That definitely put a damper on our trek. I had a feeling that regular people – no doubt paranoid at, oh I don’t know, a phantom forest growing overnight – would likely not take kindly to a bunch of armed weirdos stepping from the forest. What a flipping pity that would be.

  There was also the tiny little fact of many of us being vampires. It’s not like we could get very far without turning into a fine ashen powder. With any luck, we’d all need to wait until nightfall. That wasn’t great, but it would give us several hours to maybe figure our way out of this.

  Fuck it, if I could get François yammering again, maybe I could get close enough to put the bite on him. He’d still have the edge in experience, but I could at least cancel out his compulsions. One of the Draculas or not, I had a feeling Salem coven would be none too pleased at the prospect of him selling them out for fun and profit.

  I made my way forward to see if I could get a better view. It was only when I got a little too pushy that I heard guns being cocked. I backed off a bit, but still positioned myself in a spot where I could spy on François.

  Sure enough, the asshole was maybe a dozen yards ahead – standing right at the edge of the clearing, sunlight just inches shy of his feet. Ah, what I wouldn’t give for his shoelaces to be tied together right now. Pity there were no otherworldly beings that owed me a favor – probably because I’d managed to piss off most that I’d met.

  Maybe I didn’t need divine help, though.

  Flashing lights appeared from beyond the edge of the forest – cop cars, two of them from the look and sound of it. Though I didn’t relish the thought of being smack dab in the middle of a potential shootout, I wouldn’t mind it as much if François took the brunt of the lead fired our way.

  The cars stopped just short of the forest, and four officers got out. They quickly spotted François and approached.

  Come on, guys, a little paranoia goes a long way. At least tell the fucker to drop to his knees or something!

  “Shit,” Sally said.

  “What?”

  “Just listen.”

  I tried to focus in. François’s conversation with the police was fairly low in volume – making it difficult to pick out from a distance, especially with a group of compelled mouth breathers between us and them.

  However, maybe I didn’t need to hear the details of their discussion. One of the cops turned to the others and nodded. Those three turned and walked back to their cruisers while the fourth cried, “Hail Ib!” and stepped forward into François’s waiting arms.

  Doctor’s Note

  “What the hell?” I asked to no one in particular as François pulled the cop in and immediately tore into his throat. His fellow boys in blue reacted by turning their cars around and driving off as if nothing interesting had occurred.

  “Fucking thralls,” Sally spat.

  “Smart,” Ed replied.

  “Not for us.”

  Ed had a point, though. Perhaps Boston’s daylight existence wasn’t as normal as I had assumed. It was too early to make guesses, but I hadn’t given much credence to Vehron’s reputation as a battlefield commander up until now. I mean, when you’re an uber-powerful killing machine, it doesn’t seem like you need to put much finesse into things. But this new development said different. “Think it’s all of them?”

  “Just the ones in power,” Sally said. “Authority figures, to keep the rest of the cattle in line and report in to home base if anything interesting happens.”

  “Damn. Any way to sniff them out?”

  “Nope. They smell just like any other human.”

  “Maybe they’re wearing nametags.”

  “Wishful thinking.”

  Ugh. “So that means his spies could be anywhere.”

  “And likely are.”

  I thought of Sheila and her contingent. “With any luck, the Templar will figure this out. Hopefully sooner rather than later.”

  “If they don’t, my sisters will,” Christy replied, then quietly added, “I hope.”

  “Anyone got their cell phone still on them?” I asked.

  “Of course,” Ed replied. “Got mine shoved up my ass. Been chafing a bit for the last couple of miles.”

  “I’m gonna say a silent prayer that you’re joking.” I turned toward Christy. “Any chance of one of them having a blood mark, like you gave me?”

  “Sadly, no. Besides, I’m not sure what good it would do. I used mine to try to warn you and...”

  “Yeah yeah, we all know how that worked out.” Boy Scouts we definitely weren’t.

  “If we can get free, though, I can do a sending to my sisters, assuming...” She trailed off. There was no reason to voice the worst-case scenario.

  Oh yeah, this mission was definitely turning into an epic clusterfuck.

  Speaking of which, the head fuck-meister himself was marching back toward us, that same arrogant grin on his face. God, how I wanted to punch his lights out, smash the bulbs, and rub his face in the broken glass.

  François stepped past the guards and stopped just short of my group. He pulled out a handkerchief and nattily wiped a few stray drops of blood from his chin before addressing us. “You will be pleased to learn that this day, which started out so poorly for me, has increasingly become more fortuitous.”

  “Find a few puppies to step on?” Ed asked.

  I thought François might hurt him for the outburst – most vamps didn’t like getting lip from humans – but he merely grinned instead.

  “Ah, my prize. By all means, feel free to flap your tongue now. For later, well, who can say if you will even have one?” He glanced around us. “REMAIN ALERT!! WE SHALL BE HERE A WHILE YET!!”

  The compulsion washed over Ed like nothing. You’d have thought François hadn’t even spoken. Christy gritted her teeth, but otherwise, it appeared that her shields held. Good for her. Sally and I might as well have been punched in the teeth by it. Getting hit by a compulsion from a vamp of François’s age was kind of like someone throwing a bowling ball directly at your brain.

  Hah! Go figure. Thanks to Alex’s mucking around in her mind, Sally was temporarily able to experience what they were like from my perspective. All around unpleasant, but without the side effect of being robbed of your personal freedom. Guess Alex didn’t like anyone else playing with his toys. All things considered, I’d count my victories where I could.

  I stuck a finger in my ear to shake out the ringing, for all the good I knew it wouldn’t do. François, for his part, seemed to enjoy the fact that he’d caused me discomfort.

  “Ah yes. I am still curious to see how many compulsions it would take to outright liquefy that pedestrian brain of yours.”

  “Better vamps than you have tried ... Umph!”

  Like lightning, François’s hand had lashed out. He could have decked me, but instead opted for a somewhat less devastating, but oh so more humiliating, bitch-slap. Even so, it almost spun my head completely around. I really needed to remember to stop mouthing off around this cock.

  “You would be hard pressed to find a vampire better than me,” he said, anger coloring his otherwise pale cheeks. “On the other hand, I doubt I could throw a rock and fail to hit one better than yourself.”

  My friends all made to take steps toward the dick, even Christy. Nevertheless, their assistance would have resulted in nothing more than people getting their brains splattered out in a hail of bullets, so I quickly held up a hand to let them know I was all right – even if I was pretty sure my jaw was di
slocated.

  François, for his part, took a deep breath and smoothed the lapels of the tattered suit jacket he still wore. At least I could take some solace in knowing I’d discombobulated him a bit. I had that habit with the older vamps. Call it a talent.

  “I have arranged for transportation to be provided for us,” he said, speaking as if our little verbal ping-pong match hadn’t occurred. “It will take some time, but I dare say it will be more pleasant than marching through this disgustingly bright day.”

  “Nice to see you care.” There I went again, speaking before thinking. Oh well, maybe François would be good enough to belt me with his other hand – give me a matching set of bruises. I oh so hated being unsymmetrical.

  “Believe me when I say, Freewill, that I would take great pleasure in watching you march naked into the daylight.”

  I glanced sidelong at Ed, a barely concealed smirk on my face. He gave his head a single shake. Yeah, he was probably right. Some jokes were too easy.

  “But,” François continued, “I will take greater pleasure in presenting you to The Destroyer myself and receiving the accolades due my effort - and those accolades shall be great indeed.” He stared into my eyes. “The only other Freewill in existence handed to him, practically giftwrapped. Alexander puts great stock in you for some reason that escapes me. Though I consider his judgment to be worthless, I think the embarrassment caused by your removal from the game board will be more than enough.”

  He stepped past me and addressed Christy. “Your kind are wildcards. Neutral in theory, but we all know such lofty ideals are often cast to the side when convenient. More importantly,” he reached out a hand toward Christy’s stomach, causing her to flinch back, “you are both the Freewill’s friend and in a vulnerable physical state. If nothing else, you shall make for excellent leverage to ensure his cooperation.”

  Apparently, this was the part of the plot where the evil asshole told everyone the devious fate he had in store for them. Gah! As lethal as this guy could be, his attitude went a long way toward dispelling his threat and making him little more than a pathetic caricature.

  “The strumpet,” he continued, stepping in front of Sally. “Fear not, my dear. Vehron’s power is more than sufficient to remove the meddling Alexander has done in your head.”

  Wait, he was?

  “You will be given the choice that many others have been given. Pray that you choose wisely.”

  Point one, Sally’s cure was potentially at hand. Counterpoint: she’d either be forced into a life of slavery or be dusted. Either way, she was smart enough to keep any of her opinions on the matter to herself.

  “And you, the anomaly.” I didn’t need to turn to know he spoke to Ed. “I am not sure what your purpose is in this, but I do know that Vehron wants you very badly.”

  “So badly he tried to kill my ass with extreme prejudice last time he saw me?” Ed replied, no doubt counting on the old “your boss wants me in one piece” conceit to keep him from being splattered against the trees.

  “Did he now?” François asked, raising an eyebrow. “That is interesting. Perhaps, much like your Freewill friend, you simply make a lasting first impression on others.” I had to suppress a chuckle at that. Me and my roommates did seem to invoke more reaction than indifference in those we met. “Or perhaps it has to do with these.”

  François reached into his jacket and produced a notepad – Dave’s. What the...? He casually flipped through a few pages, his eyes scanning them greedily. After a moment, he glanced back in my direction. “Were you aware of this? No, don’t answer. Your expression tells me everything I need to know. I am afraid a future in high stakes gambling is simply not in the cards for you, boy.”

  He again turned to the pages in his hand. “Do you have any idea how much trouble you would be in if this got out? I was denied my rightful place among the First for almost seven decades because I dared sate my curiosity. Those who assisted me were not nearly so lucky. They lacked my experience, my political clout. The First had them executed without a second thought and all of my notes burned.”

  “Your poor notes,” I commented.

  “Yes, indeed. Years of research by some of the finest minds in Europe.”

  Yeah, the finest minds conscripted by the Nazis, he meant. “I’m sure they were all a swell bunch.”

  “Your friend here isn’t nearly at their level of intellect. I can tell that much by his banal scribbles, but what he lacks in genius, he has made up for in breadth.” He once again resumed flipping through the notes, his eyes opening wide. “A Freewill, an anomaly, and even a Shining One. How ever did you manage that?”

  “Dave’s a persistent kind of guy.”

  “He must be indeed. Pity the fool obviously lacks the insight to form even the most base conclusions.”

  “Oh? Like?”

  “Like a very important fact about your friend here.”

  I turned to Ed. “See? I told you that haircut really didn’t work on you.”

  François ignored me as he faced my roommate. “Congratulations are in order. It would seem that you are a vampire after all.”

  What?!

  Pandemonium

  “I will be the first to admit,” François said, circling Ed like some sort of smarmy French shark, “I too found this surprising. You don’t smell like one of us, you can somehow completely ignore compulsions in a way that not even the Freewill can, and, if rumors are to be believed, your blood is lethal to our kind.”

  “Why don’t you try him and find out? It’s the only way to know for sure.”

  Rather than zip on over and rearrange my face, a predatory smile appeared on François’s. “That is a most excellent suggestion, Freewill. However, since you came up with it, perhaps it is only fair that you are the one to sup on your friend.”

  “Um, no thanks. I’m already full.”

  “He had some Turd earlier,” Sally added. Bitch.

  “I could insist, you know.” François snapped his fingers. Both Adam and Dave immediately raised their weapons and pointed them at Christy’s head.

  “No need for that,” I quickly said. “Besides, didn’t you say Vehron wanted us all in one piece?”

  “I said nothing of the sort,” he snapped, his eyes flashing black. “You need only take a sip. I’m sure that will leave you alive enough for The Destroyer’s uses.”

  “And if it doesn’t?”

  François shrugged. “One does not make an omelet without the risk of breaking some eggs. While we are considering tests, perhaps we should also test your resolve for the Magi. Which is greater? Your fear for her life or your own? I will be generous and give you until the count of three to decide.”

  “Listen, I was just...”

  “One.”

  “Okay, okay!” I said, holding up my still shackled hands. I’d seen this shit play out in too many movies. François was enough of a psycho to happily show up at the Boston complex with our bodies and a whole pile of excuses. “No need to play the two and a half card.” I took a step toward Ed.

  “Good.” He snapped his fingers again. “Should the fool take a less than adequate sip, kill the witch and his whore friend too. One cannot skimp on science, after all.”

  I put a hand on my roommate’s shoulder. “Sorry about this.”

  “I have a feeling we’re both going to be. Just do me a favor.”

  “Anything, man.”

  “No tongue, please.”

  “You should be so lucky.”

  François cleared his throat. “I am about to commence counting again. This time, I shall not stop. Do not test my...”

  “The master is displeased with you!” an unfamiliar voice called out.

  What the...?

  All our heads spun toward the direction it had come from, back where the forest ended and the suburbs began. Standing just beyond the trees was a figure clad in a cloak and hood.

  In the chaos that had just occurred, n
one of us had heard him approach.

  I took a sniff of the air to determine if our visitor was human or vampire and came up blank. Whoever it was, they smelled as if they weren’t there at all.

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  “We shall resume this momentarily.” François turned and stomped away toward where the newcomer waited.

  Ed and I locked eyes. That was too close.

  I turned my attention to Adam and Dave, still holding their weapons on us. “Come on, guys. Snap out of it.”

  Their response was to stand there and continue to give us the most lethal thousand-yard stare on the planet. Shit! There was no fucking way I could break them free, at least not without all the other vamps around us filling me with silver-jacketed bullets first.

  “I’m open for suggestions,” I said at last.

  “How fast can you get out of here if we break those manacles?” Sally whispered to Christy.

  “A couple of seconds, but it’ll take longer to bring the rest of you...”

  “Don’t worry about us.”

  “They’ll shoot you.”

  “Yeah, but we’ll heal ... eventually, anyway. You won’t.”

  “I probably won’t either,” Ed pointed out.

  “You’re special. The guest of honor,” I replied, hoping I understood what Sally was getting at. “If Vehron wants you that badly, even François isn’t stupid enough to piss him off.”

  “Exactly. There’s no time to argue.” Sally turned again to Christy. “As soon as he’s distracted.”

  Christy nodded. “I’ll find my sisters and the others. We’ll come for you.”

  “Sooner rather than later, I’d hope.” I glanced over to see François stalking to the very edge of the tree line where the figure awaited him. “Any second now. Get ready.”

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  “What is it?” François asked, obviously annoyed to be interrupted.

  The three of us converged around Christy, pretending to pay attention to the altercation going on, but in reality trying to provide enough cover so that Sally might snap the magic-dampening cuffs without being immediately noticed.