The Tome of Bill Series: Books 5-8 (Goddamned Freaky Monsters, Half A Prayer, The Wicked Dead, The Last Coven)

by Rick Gualtieri

“A most peculiar circumstance we find ourselves in,” she replied as if we were discussing tomorrow’s weather forecast. “I can see why the Cult of Ib grew so powerful in centuries past.”

  I continued to keep my voice low, even if she didn’t. “I will admit, there is some appeal to the concept.”

  “Academically speaking, yes. However, by its very nature, such chaos is ultimately doomed. Even in nature, apex predators are in a state of constant check. Without that, ecosystems fail and species go extinct.”

  Wow, I didn’t expect Gan to go all Jane Goodall on me. I glanced up front to where her men continued to accept the terms of their release. I expected them to flock to their mistress, figuring maybe that was her plan. Once enough of them were around us, that might give us a fighting chance. Albeit, that chance would still be so infinitesimally small as to be suicidal. As trained as her people were, they were still disarmed, clad only in the fur-lined coats and – I dunno – probably yak skin clothes they walked in with. Badly outnumbered as we were, that wouldn’t end well.

  However, much to my surprise, they fanned out – each picking a different direction to head. Maybe, having been told they were masters of their own destiny now, they all came to the same conclusion – their boss was a spoiled megalomaniacal bitch. As far as employers went, one could choose better.

  “As much a fool as Alexander is,” Gan continued, “he is wise enough to know that we need order to both thrive and maintain a balance. He is too obsessed with control, though, and that breeds resentment. It is through this resentment that a long dead cult such as this can gain a toehold.”

  “That and a resurrected super warrior.”

  “And whomever controls him.”

  “Somehow, I don’t think you’re gonna be able to recruit him, Gan.”

  “I speak not of myself. I speak of another. Did you not smell the magic in the air?”

  I so hated when she asked things like that. One could almost hear the “you idiot” tacked on at the end. Add condescending to her list of character traits. Yeah, I could understand why her people would enjoy a breath of fresh air without her constantly being up their asses. “I must have missed it.”

  “Regardless, it is unimportant for now.”

  “Oh, no doubt.”

  “Especially since they will soon be dead.”

  “What?”

  “By your hand, of course.” As I said, Gan wasn’t even trying to keep her voice down. Thus, her proclamation of my inevitable murder-fest caused dozens of eyes to turn in our direction. “I look forward to seeing it, my love.”

  Damn, that was a lot of vamps glaring daggers at me. I glanced quickly over at Sally, but she held up her hands. “You’re on your own, Loverboy.”

  I started swatting at nonexistent bugs flying around my head. “Yeah,” I replied loudly. “All these damn mosquitos will soon be dead by my hand.”

  Vehron chuckled from up ahead. His ears were sensitive enough to hear a fly taking a shit two blocks away, so I had little doubt he’d caught the entirety of what my group had just discussed.

  “Ah, little brother,” he said, rising from his chair. “There is fire in you yet. But what to do with you? You have come here on a mission of hate.” The angry glares around me got even angrier. Oh yeah, this was going swimmingly. “You slew a key recruit of mine, spat upon my entreaties for peace, and dared attack me with the white flame.”

  Now murmurs were rising up in the crowd, whispers of, “The false Freewill,” “Alexander’s puppet,” and, of course, “Death to the enemies of Ib.”

  Yeah, not a lot of warm fuzzies headed my way.

  “Yet, you make me laugh,” Vehron continued. “You show spirit for one so young.”

  Hmm, why did I have a feeling a jester hat was in my future?

  “More importantly, you protected us, even if you did not mean to.”

  I did?

  “You faced the Grendel leader and crushed him, ending their crusade against us.”

  “I didn’t do it for y ... oof!” Sally caught me in the ribs with an elbow. Probably smart too, as I’d just been ready to talk without thinking again. “Um...” I coughed. “Never mind. You’re welcome.”

  “You are a walking...” He paused, speaking some word that sounded Latin. After a second, he leaned over to Firebird, and she whispered something in his ear. He gave her a peck on the cheek in return, to which she turned to my group and gave a triumphant smile. Yeah, we get it; you found yourself the sweetest of sugar-daddies, you gold-digging bitch.

  “You are a walking contradiction,” Vehron continued, now armed with more words. “Most here would see you struck down, but I think perhaps I would see you given the choice.”

  More murmurs came from the crowd. I was half-amazed to hear that not everyone was in agreement. Had that happened during one of Alex’s rallies, it would have been followed by a lot of industrial strength vacuuming. However, Vehron appeared not to give it a second thought. “Eventually,” he added. “For now, you will watch and learn.”

  The meaning was clear. We were prisoners. What a surprise. He’d probably try to use me as a bargaining chip too, but I had a feeling Alex wouldn’t trade a pair of his dirty underwear for me, much less anything of importance.

  Fuck it. Vehron held all the cards, but I had to try anyway. “Let my friend go and I’ll play along.”

  “Ooh,” Gan said, entwining an arm with mine, “your bravery sets my loins afire, my love.”

  Oh God! I yanked myself away, wishing I had some brain-bleach to remove that image from my mind.

  “Your friend?” Vehron asked from across the expanse.

  “I don’t mean her,” I quickly amended.

  Apparently, I didn’t need to clarify, as Vehron turned his head in Ed’s direction and smiled.

  More whisperings rose up from the crowd.

  “The abomination.”

  “The pure one.”

  “What is he?”

  Jeez. Why was it I got the death threats and he was just called a few names?

  “Come forth,” Vehron said to him.

  Ed appeared to consider the command. “If it’s all the same, I’d rather you go fuck yourself.”

  “Your friend does not wish to continue living, does he?” Gan asked me.

  I looked down at her. “At some point, every guy needs to decide if he wants to live like a man or die like an hors d'oeuvre.”

  “Your insightfulness fills me with...”

  “Oh, just shut up,” I replied as I turned my attention back toward Vehron.

  On the upside, Ed’s refusal wasn’t met with his body being snapped in half. On the other, Vehron’s statement obviously hadn’t been a request. He nodded and two vamps grabbed Ed by either arm and dragged him forward. Once he was in front of Vehron, the guards backed off a step. It wasn’t like my friend had anywhere to go. Hell, even with a straight line to the door, he had no chance of outrunning even the slowest vamp in the place.

  “What do you think they’re gonna do to him?” Sally asked from my other side.

  “You’re watching the same movie I am.”

  Despite my attitude, I felt like a fucking helpless failure. I’d let down Tom, and Ed was next. But for what purpose? They could have killed him and been done with it several times over by now. I mean, I sincerely doubted they were gonna clap him on the back, declare him an honorary vampire, and let him go.

  I tried to rack my brain for some insight. “Star?” I asked, but she didn’t respond. She just stood in front of us, watching raptly.

  Vehron lifted a hand and caressed it gently down my roommate’s cheek. Okay, that was weird. Hopefully, he wasn’t going to snap his fingers and summon a gimp mask. “You are pure, but you are not whole.”

  “If you’re taking requests,” Ed replied, “you know what would make me feel whole? Seeing my friends kill you.”

  Gotta love when people wrote checks with their mouths that my body coul
dn’t cash.

  Almost as if reading my mind, Vehron turned toward where I stood and barked out a quick laugh. He held out his hand and Firebird stepped to his side, placing a wicked-looking dagger into his palm.

  Suddenly, it all made sense. Vehron was a known fanatic of the Cult of Ib and there was one thing that crazed zealots throughout history were known for.

  He was going to sacrifice my friend.

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  “Shit! We need to do something.”

  “Why?” Gan asked.

  “Why?! Isn’t it fucking obvious? Oh, fuck this. Christy, if I can break...”

  “Who’s that?” Sally asked, interrupting my panic attack.

  I followed her gaze to the front again. Another pair of vamp guards had marched up. A woman stood between them. At first, all I saw was jet-black hair, making me think it was maybe Calibra being brought in for some reason, but then I saw her face and realized I was mistaken.

  Vehron turned and approached the woman, who I now saw was holding what looked to be a plastic bowl. What? Was she bringing him some leftover potato salad from this morning’s cultist picnic?

  Gan stood on her tiptoes next to me for a better look. “Hmm, a thrall.”

  “How do you know?”

  “Is it not obvious from the way she moves?”

  I was tempted to shove her away from me, but then I saw Vehron smile lovingly at the woman. He lifted his free hand to her chin and tilted her head up to face him.

  “I have a feeling this is gonna get messy,” Sally said.

  All at once, I understood.

  The woman gazed into Vehron’s eyes and said, “Praise Ib” just as he brought the dagger up and slit her throat in one fluid motion. The guards grabbed hold to keep her upright as Vehron, quick as a snake, caught the bowl and held it under her gushing throat.

  There’d been a sacrifice, all right. I’d just been wrong about the victim. Whoever she was, she’d seemed willing enough, but that was pretty much how it went with thralls – their freedom scrubbed away over time and replaced with a litany of compulsions. And all for what? A quick snack for the big man? Hell, and a cheap bowl too. Jeez. The guy couldn’t find one ceremonial chalice or even a fucking pimp cup in all of Boston?

  I was half expecting Vehron to take a sloppy sip, maybe drool some blood down his muscular chest so Firebird could rush in and lap it up with her tongue. Not that I fantasized about such things, mind you, but it seemed to fit the whole vampire ceremonial vibe.

  Instead, he held out the hand with the dagger. Firebird, like a good little plaything, was right there to take it from him as he turned toward Ed.

  My roommate tried to back up, but there was a wall of militant vamps waiting right behind him.

  “Drink and be made whole,” Vehron said, holding out the bowl.

  “I’m not really one for a liquid diet,” Ed replied.

  What the fuck? I quickly looked around and spied Dave and Adam standing behind us, pretty much doing everything they could to not be noticed. I reached out, grabbed Dave by the collar, and dragged him over to me. “What the hell is he doing?”

  “How the shit should I know?”

  “Your notes.”

  “What about them?”

  “They said Ed was a vampire. What did you mean by that?”

  “They were just notes about his blood composition. I didn’t have time to come to any conclusions before your buddy burnt them to ash. That French guy was just making shit up.”

  I glanced back and saw Vehron continue to hold out the bowl to Ed. I had a feeling he was gonna skip the “nummy nummy, for your tummy” bit and go straight to pouring it down my friend’s throat like they were Mola Ram and Indiana Jones.

  I turned back to Dave. “Come to a conclusion now. What’s that going to do to him?”

  “Less filling, tastes great? I don’t fucking know. I’m figuring this shit out as I go.”

  “Seriously?”

  “Sorry, man. I have...” He averted his gaze from mine. “...nothing. Never had.”

  “What?”

  Dave’s guilty look said it all. For all the samples he’d taken and promises he’d made, and now to hear this. I couldn’t believe it.

  Fuck. I let the useless asshole go.

  “Hold him,” Vehron commanded.

  Shit! I made to step forward when Sally grabbed my arm. “What are you doing?”

  “Probably something stupid, but I’m not going to let him hurt another friend.”

  “You will fail,” Gan said.

  “Thanks for the vote of confidence.”

  “Unless I help you.”

  “Huh?”

  “I had wished to save this for a more opportune time, but for you, my love, I would change any plan under the heavens.”

  “What are you...?”

  Gan opened her mouth and let loose the battle screech I’d come to hear in my nightmares. Just for the record, it was even less pleasant up close. I had a feeling it would be ringing in my ears for a long time to come.

  All eyes in the room turned toward us. Even Vehron, who had been in the process of lifting the bowl to Ed’s horrified face, looked our way.

  Then, just like that, she stopped and smiled.

  “Okay, so what the fuck did that accomplish?”

  And that’s when the world seemingly exploded around us.

  All Hell Breaks Loose

  In the space of a second, the underground cathedral – for that was certainly what it had been repurposed into – turned into a living Hell of sound, heat, and flying debris.

  And it wasn’t over yet.

  More explosions rang out in the crowded space, drowning out the screams of pain that came after the first.

  Instinct took over and I plowed into Christy – knocking her down and shielding her with my body. She was the most vulnerable among us, but maybe not for long.

  She’d been caught by surprise, just like I had been. Fortunately, she was aware enough that I caught the glimpse of a predatory smile on her face. She didn’t need to say a word. I used the distraction to snap one of her manacles off.

  Oof! Someone stepped on me in the panic, followed by another. Okay, so maybe getting trampled wasn’t a great way to start things off. Thankfully, a pair of hands from above dragged me back to my feet. I grabbed hold of Christy and pulled her with me.

  I found Gan standing there, grinning from ear to ear, looking quite pleased with herself.

  “What did you do?” I screamed at her, the only way to make my voice heard above the chaos.

  Another explosion rang out from off to the left, sending vampire parts flying. Dust and pebbles rained down from the ceiling, reminding me that we were far underground.

  I turned to Christy and pointed toward the exit, but she gave her head a single shake before her eyes lit up with red fire.

  I caught her mouthing “duck,” but she needn’t have bothered. I dropped to my knees as an aura of power collected in her upraised hands.

  Before she could fire, movement registered in my periphery. Gan spun and swept the legs out from under a vampire guard who wandered too close. He hit the floor, but before he could respond in any other way, Gan used her claws to tear his windpipe out. Fuck!

  She smiled a psychotic little grin at me and shoved his bleeding form in my direction. I normally wasn’t one to kick a guy when he was down, but then I mentally slapped myself. This was a gift horse, but it wasn’t his mouth I needed to focus on.

  I leaned in and got myself a mouthful of the red stuff, letting it pour down my throat and enjoying the rush of power it offered.

  I had no idea what a bowl of blood would do to Ed, but I sure as shit knew what it did to me, especially if it was from another vamp – and, lucky me, this one was at least a couple of centuries old.

  Thankfully, my other friends weren’t the type to stop and gawk ... well, mostly. Seeing what Christy was about to do, Sally likewi
se hit the deck. I glanced back and saw Adam and Dave were also on the floor, albeit they appeared to be more cowering than reacting. Whatever the case, Christy picked that moment to blow, and a wave of energy exploded out from her in a circle.

  The magic acted like a red-hot scalpel, bisecting flesh where it hit home. I looked up and saw three surprised vamps get their heads taken neatly off. Light flashed all around us, and a host of disintegrated vampires joined the thick dust already in the air.

  Before I could rejoice, a panicked voice cried, “Star!” Sally bolted to her feet once the destructive wave of magic had passed.

  “How come my mage can’t do that?” Adam asked from somewhere behind as I too scrambled to my feet.

  Starlight stood wobbling a few steps in front of us. It wasn’t her legs that were the problem, though. She’d apparently tried to duck when Christy unleashed her power, but had been a tad too slow. The top of her head right above her eyes had been seared clean off, the ruins of her skull still smoking from the blast.

  Sally stepped forward, and I made to join her when I realized something. Such a hit should have been fatal. Why then had Starlight not joined the vamps who’d just been dusted?

  A moment later, that question was answered as her head began to expand outward.

  “Oh God, Star, no!” Sally gasped as her friend’s body followed suit.

  Starlight’s skin took on the tone of granite and her eyes sank into her head, the soulless orange orbs of a Jahabich replacing them.

  But how? I’d seen her teeth, smelled her scent. Those were all telltale signs of the Jahabich. Unfortunately, as she completed her metamorphosis, I sensed there were no answers forthcoming, only a grim understanding.

  Firebird hadn’t lied to us after all. It was the choice that was the lie. One could serve the cult willingly, or one could die – only to come back as a rocky abomination.

  Either way, there was no escape.

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  Starlight wasn’t alone either. Although the smoke was still thick from whatever the fuck had blown up, I could see more lantern-like eyes, their freaky orange glow made even creepier by the destruction that surrounded us.

  “That fucking bitch,” Sally said from somewhere beside me.