The Tome of Bill Series: Books 5-8 (Goddamned Freaky Monsters, Half A Prayer, The Wicked Dead, The Last Coven)

by Rick Gualtieri

  I paid it no heed. Christy was charging up for another disintegrate spell, but she wasn’t going to make it. The Jahabich that had been Starlight was advancing on her quickly.

  Sally’s voice rang out louder than before. “Goddamn that cunt!” I couldn’t spare her the cycles right now, though, in whatever rage she felt against Starlight’s betrayal.

  I raced forward, using the strength stolen from the vampire guard, and engaged my former friend before she could reach Christy. With my added power, I knew it wouldn’t be much of a fight. Even with her razor-sharp skin cutting rivulets into my hands, I overpowered her quickly, ready to tear her head off her fucking shoulders.

  But then I remembered the nature of the Jahabich. They were creatures created from the remains – the souls – of the fallen, shape-shifters who could assume the guise of their former selves. Therein lay the problem. As Sally’s ex had shown, when they were in their original forms, they possessed the memories, personality, and even a degree of the free will of their former selves. According to Christy, that made them abominations of nature. But weren’t they also victims?

  And what if there was a way to free them?

  “You goddamned bitch!” Sally snarled from close by, but I positioned my body between where I thought she was and Starlight.

  Fuck me for being a softy, but I just couldn’t do it. Not to one of the few vampires I gave a shit about in this world. She’d just wanted to do right by Village Coven and had paid the price, all because I couldn’t leave one fucking severed head lying where I’d found it.

  You’re weak. You deserve this.

  I ignored the voice in my head. Fucking asshole. “If there’s anything left of you in there, Star,” I said as I struggled with her, finally lifting her from the floor, “then run!”

  I spun, once, twice, and then let go – sending Starlight flying off into the smoke and debris.

  “You fucking whore!” Sally screamed.

  I turned to explain myself, and that’s when I realized I’d been wrong in assuming Starlight had been the focus of her outrage.

  “I swear by everything that is unholy, Firebird, I will make you hurt before I fucking kill you ... GAH!”

  Sally collapsed onto the floor, convulsing as if she’d just touched a live wire. I dropped to my knees by her side, trying to do what I could, but powerless to help.

  I’d seen this before. I knew what was happening. She was remembering.

  I thought she’d been pissed at Starlight, but I now saw my mistake. The true betrayal had been made by Firebird, and it had cost Sally someone she considered a friend, someone she actually cared about. Though that loss had been buried by Alexander’s compulsion, it was now resurfacing – perhaps with other memories, judging by the violent reaction.

  “We do not have time for this, beloved.”

  Goddamnit, but Gan was right. This was our one chance. I doubted we’d get another.

  “Christy...”

  “Don’t think about it for a second,” she snapped. “I’m in this until the end.”

  Goddamned stubborn witch. Fine, then. Adam and Dave were slinking away a few feet behind us, heading toward what they probably hoped was the exit. It was the work of a mere second to catch them and drag them back.

  “You two stay with Sally.”

  “But...”

  “STAY WITH SALLY!!”

  I hated to compel them, but I didn’t have time to argue. They immediately froze in place. Ugh, that was no good. Robots weren’t going to get the job done. I snapped my fingers in front of them, hoping to snap them out of it.

  Once they blinked their eyes a bit, I said, “Stay with her, watch over her. Please!”

  “The witch is already on the move, my love.”

  “Of course she is.”

  Within the space of another second, so were we.

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  “I need you to gather your men,” I said as I tore the arm off a Jahabich that had tried to flank me. “Have them give us some cover.”

  “My men are no more.”

  “What? How do you know?”

  “Who do you think was responsible for this destruction?” She punched straight through the stomach of a vampire who’d gotten too close – one of the civilians. Oh well, fuck it. He’d chosen the wrong side.

  Gan spun and shoved the wounded vamp my way. I gladly caught him and sank my teeth into his neck – adding to the stolen power already racing through me. Oh yeah, I could dig this!

  Wait, her men had been prisoners like the rest of us. “How’d they do it?”

  “Pardon?”

  I raised my voice. “How did your men do all this?”

  “Their clothing had explosives sewn into the seams. When I gave my signal, they detonated. Why else would they have dispersed into the crowd, if not to cause maximum consternation for our enemies?”

  Whoa. Vampire suicide bombers. “But how? All they had were knives and...”

  “Do not be naïve, Dr. Death,” Gan chided as she pointed in a direction – probably the one Christy had taken. A flash of red fire through the smoke in front of us seemed to confirm that. “I believe in tradition, but am not so ignorant as to ignore modern strategy.”

  “Well, okay then.” I really needed to stop underestimating her and remember she’d been raised by one of the great military minds of history. Maybe then I could ... hold on. “Sewn into their clothing? You mean like the stuff I’m wearing?”

  “Indeed.”

  “Are you fucking saying I’m wired to blow and you didn’t tell me?!”

  “Yes, my love.”

  “What the fuck am I supposed to do now?”

  She turned to continue fighting, but before doing so glanced over her shoulder and smiled. “I would suggest you fight most carefully. It would indeed be a shame were you to be immolated before you could fulfill your destiny.”

  To Destroy The Destroyer

  “Hey, where are you going?”

  The voice from up ahead caught my attention. It was very familiar to me. “Ed?”

  In the ensuing chaos, Gan and I managed to fight our way through more of the Jahabich. They’d seemingly survived the explosions in far better shape than any vamps caught at ground zero.

  Even so, with my little helper, I managed to suck on two more of the undead as we fought our way onward. Gan was a whirlwind of lethal action, her fighting skills making her look like a miniature Bruce Lee in a wig. I may not have had her black belt in Whateverthefuckfu, but what I did have on my side was increasing power from every vamp I managed to take a sip from.

  Whoa, we were like Bizarro versions of Power Man and Iron Fist ... if maybe Iron Fist had a crazy-ass crush on Luke Cage.

  Oh well, that was fanfic to consider for another day. For now, I plunged ahead, hoping to hear my roommate’s voice again.

  Instead, fate delivered one better. A shape stepped forth from the smoke and haze. I reached out, grabbed it by the collar, and pulled it in – ready to knock its freaking head off. Thus, I was glad I took a moment before letting fly since I found Ed’s surprised face staring back at me.

  Sadly, he wasn’t the only one who ended up being surprised.

  “Oh fuck!” The hand holding on to him immediately flared up in white flame. I hadn’t noticed he’d been bleeding from a split lip. It was just a few drops of blood, but more than enough to turn my left hand into a fucking bonfire.

  “Shit, Bill! I’m sorry. I’m...”

  My roommate’s eyes opened wide as I pulled back my flaming fist then shot it out again, turning at the last second to let it fly past him.

  “HADOUKEN!!” I screamed as it hit home against a vampire guard who’d decided to pursue my friend. It hurt like a motherfucker, but goddamn, was it satisfying.

  “Are you finished, Ken?” he asked.

  “Fuck you. I’m more a Ryu guy anyway,” I replied as I tried beating the flames out against my jacket.

&nb
sp; “I would not do that, Dr. Death,” Gan said.

  Oh yeah, that whole exploding business. I quickly stopped. Thankfully, the flames were already dying down of their own accord.

  “What they hell happened?” I asked Ed as Gan circled us, fighting off anyone who came close.

  “What do you think? Shit blew up and I ran.”

  “No, I mean with the bowl of blood.”

  “Fucked if I know. I leave anything that has to do with eating clotted shit to you.”

  “Fine. We’ll figure it out later. Get your ass back to the rest. I need to find Christy.”

  “She’s that way. I ran into her in the smoke and she pretty much just barreled through me. I would’ve tried to stop her, but she sorta looked a bit angry.”

  “Understood. There’s a lot of that going on now. Adam and Dave are back the way we came, watching over Sally. Don’t worry; she’s fine.”

  “Okay, just as long as I don’t get kidnapped again.”

  “It’s nice to be loved.”

  “Fuck you.” He turned away, then hesitated. “Tom?”

  “Huh?”

  “Where is he? I didn’t see him with you guys in the crowd.”

  “Don’t worry about him,” I replied, plunging forward once again. “He’s in my pocket.”

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  Ed’s cries of “What the fuck does that mean?” followed me into the smoke and fire. That wasn’t going to be a fun conversation later on.

  “ENOUGH!!”

  Fuck me with a sandpaper-covered hamster! The compulsion exploded out of nowhere, its sheer power blowing a wave of smoke and dust in my face, which would have been bad enough had it not also hit me like a cinderblock to the head.

  I doubled over as a wave of nausea passed over me. The sheer power of Vehron’s compulsion totally knocked my equilibrium out of whack for a moment. I hadn’t felt anything like that since the time my dad took me on a bunch of spinning rides at the Fireman’s Fair right after I’d just downed a funnel cake and three fried Twinkies. Needless to say, I struggled not to puke like I’d done that night. Spewing up a stomach-full of vampire blood would be gross enough, but it would go a long way toward ensuring my boost was short-lived indeed.

  Thankfully, it passed after what felt like three or four hours, but was probably just a second or two. Unfortunately, I wasn’t the only one affected. As powerful as Gan was, the compulsion had completely smashed through her defenses. She stood there unmoving, like a creepy little lawn gnome.

  More figures in the gloom stood still as statues – all vampires. Unfortunately, what movement I did see was topped off by orange lantern eyes. The Jahabich were immune to Vehron’s spell. Though he’d done me the favor of taking out some foes, that still left more than enough to deal with. I needed help.

  I glanced down at Gan, then sighed. “Please don’t take this the wrong way.”

  Who the fuck was I kidding? If she remembered it, of course she was going to take it the wrong way.

  Oh fuck it! I grabbed her hand and sank my teeth into her wrist. She might’ve been out of the fight, but she could still be of use to me.

  Just then, a klaxon alarm went off, deafening to ears that had already been abused by a series of explosions. At first, I thought reinforcements were being summoned, but then a torrent of water began to rain down from the ceiling, drenching me to the bone almost immediately.

  Go figure. Vampires believed in sprinkler systems.

  There I was, sucking on Gan’s wrist in a downpour. Thank goodness I hadn’t gone for her neck, because that would’ve been far too close to a romantic scene from a chick flick for my own personal comfort.

  Regardless, I got what I needed – feeling my body strengthening even more. Best of all, I knew Gan’s freakish speed was now at my disposal.

  “Thank you,” I said to her glazed, unblinking stare as I prepared to take this war to the enemy.

  “Oh.” I turned back for a moment. “And just in case you’re wondering, this does not mean we’re engaged.”

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  Steam replaced smoke as fires were extinguished. Still, it was definitely an improvement. The cascading water served to wash the dust and debris out of the air, leaving the floor slippery with gunk. At least I could see better. Oh, and now all the Jahabich in the room had a much clearer line of sight to me too.

  So maybe not much of an improvement after all.

  Sadly, the vampires enthralled by Vehron’s spell, of which there were still plenty standing, didn’t seem to have been given passes against the violence. In their attempt to get to me, the Jahabich clubbed aside or outright trampled many. I didn’t feel too bad. I mean, these assholes had made their bed. Now it was time to lie in it. At the same time, I could see how Vehron’s bullshit could have appealed to the naïve.

  Oh well. There’d be time to take stock later of anyone who wanted to switch sides. For now, I grabbed two of the monsters who’d managed to close the gap between us and slammed them together with enough force to make sure someone would need a jackhammer to separate them.

  There was no time to celebrate, though. I needed to clear a path.

  The floor was thick with muck, most of it probably what happened when you introduced dusted vampires to water. Although I’d never stolen a base in my life, I had spent many a summer flopping across my lawn on a Slip N Slide. This wasn’t much different, albeit a bit grosser. I got a running start in the direction I needed to head and slid between the legs of a Jahabich standing in my way. I popped up behind it and slammed a fist through the back of its rocky skull, exposing the creamy center within.

  There! A hiss of steam and a flash of red from up ahead caught my eye. It was Christy. Thank God she was still alive. Even better, she hadn’t brought this entire fucking place down on our heads. As powerful as I currently was, I didn’t care to test if I could survive being crushed under a hundred tons of rock.

  It was time to stop playing with the appetizers and get to the main course before Christy ended up becoming dessert. I grabbed one more compelled vamp from the crowd and dug my teeth unsportingly into his neck before throwing him into another Jahabich that came at me. I didn’t have any delusions that I was on par with Vehron yet, but I was a shitload closer than I’d been at the start of this mess.

  Maybe between me and Christy we’d have enough to finish this fight.

  If not ... well, then I had a feeling neither of us would live to rue the day.

  Freewill Versus Freewill

  A booming laugh caught my ear as I tore the arms off one last Jahabich standing in my way. I shoved it to the side and finally had a clear view to where Vehron and Christy faced off.

  Maybe facing off was putting it too nicely. Vehron stood there laughing. Steaming craters lay all around him, but he himself appeared to be untouched. Christy, on the other hand, was leaning against the far wall to the right of the prefect’s office. She was still aglow, but her power was fluctuating and she was breathing hard. If I had to guess, she’d fired maybe five of the bullets in her six-shooter.

  I wanted to glance back, see if Sally was on her feet yet and, hopefully, rushing to help, but I didn’t dare. Vehron had already noticed me standing in the torrent of the fire suppression system. He smiled and waved a hand, indicating that I was welcome to join the party.

  Unsurprisingly, I found myself hesitating. Insanely enough, it wasn’t so much that I was vastly outclassed. Hell, that was pretty much par for the course. It was because for maybe the first time, I felt truly naked. Without Sally by my side, brains scrambled or not, it just felt wrong – as if I had no hope of victory without her.

  I glanced again at Christy, reminding myself of the life growing inside her.

  No!

  Sally was awesome. She’d had my back through the worst of it, but we weren’t conjoined twins. To think she’d be there to help me clean up every mess that occurred between now and the end of time was both foolish and selfish
.

  All throughout this ordeal, I’d been pretending to take a different attitude, to act tough in the face of adversity – all in the hope that this fate could be avoided. Obviously, that hadn’t quite worked out in my favor. However, I’d been right about one part of it all.

  It was time to man up.

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  “I did not wish for this, little brother,” Vehron said, his voice betraying no hint of the regret he claimed. “Time and again, I offered you my hand. It is still not too late, even now.”

  I stepped to Christy’s side and instead offered my hand to her. She smiled at me, took it, and together, we turned to face our enemy. “I know my friends and I know my family. You aren’t either.”

  “So be it, slave to the Macedonian.”

  “Better to be a slave in heaven than to ... um ... never mind. That saying doesn’t really apply here. Let’s just get this over with.”

  Vehron tore his sopping wet shirt off and tossed it to the side, revealing the black tattoos adorning his muscular shoulders. I guess it was meant to be intimidating. That, or he’d spent his few months of freedom in the modern world watching too many hours of professional wrestling.

  Noting that he seemed to be waiting for me to make the first move, I asked Christy, “Are you okay?”

  “Far from it. I don’t have a lot left.”

  “Then make what you do have left count. For Tom?”

  A sad smile graced her face. “For Tom.”

  “You know, I can hear you. I’m still in your fucking pocket!” Though muffled, my ears – boosted by vampire blood – easily picked up his words.

  Oh yeah. Well, it was a little late for me to find a shelf to put him on.

  “Sorry,” I said sheepishly as I stepped away from Christy so as to not present our foe with two targets for the price of one.

  “Face the Sun Strider if you dare,” Vehron said. “I am the tamer of Mirros the Brave, the slayer of Kyra the Pious, he who broke the walls and sacked the city of Acanthus. I am the Destroyer.”

  “Let me guess: choose and perish, right?”

  “What?”