Tin Universe Monthly #6

by Brian C. Williams

  ‘Gay boys.’

  ‘I want to call you a cynic but I don’t think that word means what I want it to? What’s bringing on this discussion about the clothing styleings of Jeff today anyways because frankly it’s creeping me out a little?’

  ‘It’s better than talking about Gail. I’m so fucking tired of everyone asking me about my sister today.’

  ‘Only Ms. Dry brought her up. Way too early doors for this don’t you think?’

  Karen slams the door to Jeff’s locker and walks away leaving Jeff to comment in a mocking tone, ‘That’s not healthy for the sisterhood!’ as she moves off in anger.

  Then he noticed Michelle Reid walking by.

  Attraction is about the survival of the species right?

  ‘Nothing like a girl walking by to push your happy levels back up.’ Jeff

  He thought about following like the other “grunt grunt cavemen were doing” but a hand grabbed him by the back of his shirt and pulled him back the other way from which Michelle Reid and her pipered mice males and one very shy 8th grade emo female were walking.

  Karen slaps Jeff in the back of the head, ‘No wonder I’m gay.’

  ‘But she smells like pumpkins.’

  Karen punched him in the arm, ‘Butters, I’m going to make you listen to Tribe 8 until the stupidity drains from your ears.’

  ‘Oh, quit name dropping man hating bands at me.’

  He gets slapped again.

  They wrestle each other laughing through a set of double doors scaring the shit out of a foreign transfer student from Germany.

  Now we move onto a scene with two ladies who do not smell like Halloween smash fodder, though one of them does sometimes smell of green tea after all night study sessions. I will leave it to you to guess which one.

  Joanna and Lisa walk into a computer lab which will be empty all day, an extra computer lab, with this being lunch period.

  The room is packed full with desktop computer stations and a few metal free hanging shelves with laptops ready for check out. There were boxes upon boxes of 1gig usb drives, mp3 Players, and program discs ready for students to take as their own.

  The one thing this high school is not is lacking in funding. Now actually where all this funding has came from is a muddy issue all together. A good deal came from Joanna’s father’s company, and a large amount came from the Ryan Industries Education Initiative Fund, but the rest came from “secret” donations.

  Unoffically the principal is allowing Joanna to use the empty lab for all of her excriculiar activities. Basically this will function as her office on school grounds. She even has a key. This is complete bullshit in a zigzax way but with all the money her family has put into the school everyone understands and within reason puts up with it.

  Wonder what I meant for “zigzax” to mean?

  Joanna walks over to a window and looks out from the lab not thinking she is superior to everyone out there within her gaze but knowing this to be a fact. Facts come in a straight A average, facts come in taking all advanced classes and even some college ones, and facts come in knowing you are one of the elite and just knowing it as fact makes you far enough above all others around you to make you a different sort of royalty, a very American sort.

  Lisa has seated herself at a lab table and was already checking Joanna’s email when Joanna walked over to stand behind her ready to pass judgment in any way she sees fit.

  ‘Your father sent you an email. The book is yours for the night of the dance.’ Lisa

  ‘Good, that should bring some press to the event.’

  ‘I also continued your harassment of the Ms. Dry’s abilities on the comments section of her favorite website.’

  ‘Under fake name?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Good.’

  ‘I took your advocacy off that charity list, which it somehow got on.’

  ‘Good, daddy was so displeased. I have no problems with anyone gay but father is another story.’

  ‘I’m picking up your new dress after school.’

  ‘Good.’

  ‘Anything else I need to add to my schedule for you today?’

  ‘Find out who the midget who ran into me this morning is. As far as this school is concerned I want to make her an “was.”’

  ‘What about outside of school?’

  ‘She isn’t worth outside of school actions.’

  Joanna returns to the window.

  CHAPTER 11

  Jeff sat down with Karen and Gail, who were already seated, in the lunchroom handing them each a tray of F.K.H.S. caferteria food, the finest food F.K.H.S. has to offer, really, it’s not that bad, as far as school meals go and they all started digging into their lunches.

  The quality of the food has more to do with this being a new school and the crud on the friers hadn’t had time to build up yet, the rest has to do with the dollars this school has at reach. Push comes to shove; the food wasn’t bad at all.

  In one corner of the caferteria Janet Stefani is alone at a table with her packed lunch and papers for the plans for F.K.H.S.’s first yearbook skattered over the surface of the table. She once had a big crush on Jeff but never admitted it because he is miles away from being someone anyone, including Jeff, would consider cool or popular.

  Man, screwed up already and have two characters named “Janet.”

  Albert was sitting in a chair beside some still unboxed kitchen equipment without a table with his tray in his lap. He was stabbing at his food but trying to eat enough as quickly as he could before his father could show up and try to have lunch with him. It was going to be rough trying to avoid having lunch with his dad everyday but today he will live on tatar-tots and downing a juice to get out of the lunch room quick.

  Behind Gail at a table was a group consisting of Jennifer Child, Britney Day, and Rumiko Francis where a discussion is getting heated over the design of the cheerleaders uniforms with Rumiko coming in on the side of competiation cheerleading and Jennifer and Britney singing the praises of pompoms and skin colored underwear. This conversation could explode into a fist fight at any moment because they are all still stressed having not filled out the cheerleading roster yet. Soon hydromorphone will be discreetly passed around.

  The caferteria as a whole was detailed in facts with groups and singles sitting, eating, and consuming their lunch break, along with a heaping of school gossip. Some of which involves Gail and Joanna’s head on collision that started Gail’s first day of high school.

  ‘How was the meeting with Principal Carrol?’ Karen asked her sister without care one in her voice.

  Jeff snapped a french frie from Karen’s tray giving her a mean look as he did so. They are good enough friends to read meaning from the tone when one of them says something.

  As Gail stuffed her face with seven fries she gave an answer, ‘Guys a twit.’ And then she started digging into her meatloff while trying to chew down her mouth full of fries. Once she was able to talk, but continued to eat fries, she said, ‘Ok, I guess, ok, he, ok, he went on for about ten minutes about how much he was pleased with me being here at his school.’

  Karen and Jeff stopped mid frie eat to look at Gail.

  ‘You already gone stupid?’ Karen said smiling commenting on what her sister just said.

  ‘Not my best sentence?’

  ‘Was it really a sentence?’ Jeff added.

  Karen turned and gave Jeff a look, ‘Like what do you know about grammar?’

  ‘He knows enough not to start a sentence with “Like.”’

  ‘No he doesn’t.’

  CHAPTER 12

  Not even a hint of hand soap or other unmentionable odors have attached themselves to the newly christened bathrooms of F.K.H.S. I really want to mention the unmentionable but as a man never lingers in a bathroom for long, unless he’s a Congressman, I won’t linger writing this chapter very long.

  Even if it’s about a girls bathroom and not a boys.

  That bit just doesn’t sound how I
wanted it to.

  The bathroom had a smell of lemon drop candies, from cleaning, but soon in traditional high school girls bathroom manner it will smell of cigarettes, too much perfume, and the everyday everyone bathroom smells.

  In one stall a toilet lid is lowered down and a dress that cost as much as the whole bathroom sits upon it. This is actually a very rare place for her to be considering she has always had a phobia about public restrooms. Not that anyone besides her knows this but it is a fact.

  Am I ashamed that I could not come up with a better setting description to use here?

  No.

  The bathroom was one of the third floor bathrooms and because there are very few classes being taught there to start the year, the bathrooms on this floor for the time being are off limits but she knows there are not too many people at F.K.H.S. who will question anything she does or start a fuss.

  She just needed a few moments to get away from everyone for a quick phone call, even away from lackeys.

  ‘Gail Busiek?’ on the non-bathroom side of the phone connection. This connection from a phone moving in a private jet somewhere over China continued in a not so fatherly voice, ‘A Busiek maybe the body?’

  ‘I’ve finished all of my research into the story of her coma and how she has been acting afterwards. I’ll securely send you all the information I’ve gathered. If there is anything else you can send me about her I need it.’

  ‘You have what you need for now.’

  ‘Can I go ahead?’ echoed in an up tone in pitch from within the empty restroom.

  There is a lot to be said about a person by their body language, posture, and the such, but you don’t get the whole story. You never do. The body tells you about as much as the mouth does and we all know how much you can believe from what comes out of some people mouths.

  ‘Yes, yes, we totally agree with your ideas. You may put your plans into preparation. This is your first chance to prove you are more than just another pretty face.’

  The signal ends for both phones and the fliptop on one of them is broken and the two parts tossed into a trash can as she leaves the bathroom.

  CHAPTER 13

  After too many fries Jeff needed a breath mint and a pain pill.

  That was atmosphere building there.

  Jeff has been having a lot of trouble with his teeth since about a year and half ago when he broke his jaw. The injury damaged the roots of most of his teeth and because he refuses to go to a dentist his teeth are dying one by one slowly.

  Doesn’t help that he drinks four bottles of soda a day either.

  Bad breath and molar pain be dammed Jeff ate his last frie and then he threw one of Karen’s fries at Gail, ‘You ok?’ who was in a starring off into space act.

  ‘Stop perjectiling food!’ she answered back.

  ‘Has high school already shaken your spirit Shortshit?’ Jeff

  ‘Developing non-curricular insanity?’ That was the older sister’s comment.

  ‘No, king dork.’ Was the younger sister’s insult.

  ‘Then what’s wrong?’ Older sister ignoring and continuing, ‘Did Carol bug you again about that Time Magazine article he wants to write about you?’

  ‘Tell him to fuck off.’ Jeff added.

  ‘Mom already did.’ Gail.

  ‘Dad threatened to break his fingers after he suggested it at the hospital on a visit.’ Karen.

  ‘That’s wicked but what is it with you Russians and breaking fingers?’ Jeff

  Woo Jeff, you’re going into a humor danger zone buddy.

  Gail and Karen both threw food at him, at the same time, in unison.

  Gail began swirling the ketchup on her plate with her finger nerviously creating an ink blot like pattern that if read correctly would have revealed all of her secrets.

  ‘I ran into two people you know. One quite literally.’ Gail

  ‘Who?’ Karen

  ‘People know you?’ That was Jeff.

  ‘Hush Indian boy.’ Karen redirected and continued the conversation with her sister, ‘Who did you meet?’

  ‘Joanna Osip and this mini-her…..well, not actually mini but...not a nugget or...’

  ‘Lisa Rowe.’ Jeff interrupted a genius in ramble.

  ‘Yeah, that is who Fox said she was.’

  ‘Fox?’ Karen calmly questioned but with a hint of bird skatter in her eyes.

  ‘Yeah, her, so what’s the deal with the Regina George wannabes?’

  ‘Did you say Fox?’ asked Jeff as Karen was looking sicker by the second.

  ‘Yeas Jeff, Fox, what’s the problem? She use to hang out with my sister? Ovecourse that was before you got old and started losing your memory. Though to be honest I didn’t remember her at first either.’

  Jeff takes Karen’s hand under the table.

  ‘It…’ Karen could not finish her thought. There wasn’t much of one there anyways.

  ‘I heard she was in jail?’ Jeff said looking to Karen.

  Karen answered him, ‘That’s stupid, her and her mom moved.’

  ‘So why are you both being all mysterious about the subject of this conversation? From what I remember she was nice. She stomp on someone’s puppy or something?’

  Karen pauses for a moment to pick at her food. Jeff offers her a breath mint but she waves him off, ‘Maybe later.’ He looks at him almost to ask if she really wants to talk about this.

  ‘Our friendship ended after her father was exposed as a child molester…..mom, dad, and her mom confronted him…’ Karen

  Gail’s eyes went all anime and her mouth fell open.

  ‘Cannon Avery’s mom said your dad kicked his ass?’ Jeff sort of asked.

  ‘Well, from what mom told me dad only punched him once after he admitted to having sex with Fox, but mom and Fox’s mom kicked him until they literally kicked him out of the house.’

  ‘Then her dad disapeared?’ Jeff.

  ‘And they moved to Vancouver to live with her mom’s side of the family.’

  ‘But why did you two split as friends?’ Gail asked.

  ‘When everything first came out she defended her dad and tried to say I was lying when I said he trie...’

  ‘The worst part was…’ Jeff stopped and looked at Karen to see if it was ok to coutinue. She nodded yes. He continued, ‘A stupid rumor spread also quick that Fox and Karen were willing and actually together suduced Fox’s dad.’

  ‘Who would believe that?’ Gail.

  ‘Just about everyone. When it comes to sex and underage girls things can go in crazy directions you never expect. It’s an emotional volcano.’ Jeff.

  Gail kisses her sister on the cheek, ‘That is some messed up shit there sis.’

  Karen smiled at her sister but moved over away from an incoming hug from her.

  Gail gave her a fake frown, ‘Is this why you’re so anti-social?’

  ‘Nay, she was always a bitch, even in pre-school.’ Jeff’s two cents to change the subject and he was happy Gail did also.

  ‘Shutup.’ Karen

  ‘Wha…?’ Jeff

  ‘Ok, I’m going to tell her about you, Chris Sweet, and Frank Hover in 6th grade.’

  And this folks is where the story starts heading in a direction.

  Everyone turned their heads for a few minutes after Mr. Josh, the music teacher slid on something near the tray drop off area and went face down shattering his nose on the cafeteria floor. As he sat up upon his knees with blood pouring from his nose and a few cafeteria staff members running over to him, you could find a few laughs, a few, “Oh, shits,” and even one or two, “Poor guys.”

  ‘That was ick,’ was Gail’s reaction to what Karen had told her a minute after Mr. Josh’s slip and slide routine, ‘I think I was too young to hear about that. I need a moment to cope. Moment happening….coping….I’m getting there.’

  Jeff straightened himself in his chair in an acting proper fashion, ‘Isn’t it time for next period?’

  Karen looked at her watch smiling, ‘How
convenient.’

  ‘What do you have next Gail?’ Jeff asked dancing away to a different topic.

  ‘Government.’ Gail

  ‘Hey, that’s a senior class and what I have next.’ Jeff

  Karen suddenly jumped up and grabbed her bag startling Gail and Jeff, ‘Then you can take her to class.’ And with that she marched off leaving Gail and Jeff puzzled.

  ‘I guess you’re coming with me Sarah Jane.’ Jeff

  ‘I’m more of a fan of Leela, Ace, or Rose. Take your nicknaming from that list please.’

  While walking away from Gail and Jeff Karen left the area with, ‘Fan wank speak.’

  Jeff picks up Gail and his book bags and they headed out of the lunch room.

  ‘I thought only pervert dads liked Leela?’ Jeff asked Gail.

  ‘Kidding, right? She’s the Emma Peel of time travel.’

  ‘That’s almost sacriligies.’

  ‘Um.’

  ‘Don’t “um” me shorty, I have seen more first Doctor episodes than you.’

  ‘Hey!’ Gail said fakenly pissed, ‘Yes but you can’t recite the individual episode titles.’

  They gave each other friendly smiles as they walked, ‘Well, you can’t?’ she stated, changing the subject to avoid possible geek conflict, ‘But I do love your passion for classic Cybermen episodes.’

  ‘Well…’ he hesitated, ‘The Tomb is over rated, I’ll even admitt that.’

  She coughed, ‘Sock heads.’

  ‘Better than most Trek,’ he said dryly.

  Gail snorted and Jeff burst out laughing because it reminded him of Karen who does that also at times when she gets tickled laughing. Gail’s mouth went embarrisingly open with a large grin at her snorting laughter.

  Both of them turned around to run almost right into the golf coach Mr. Gibbons. He hands Jeff a team tryouts flyer, ‘We are holding full tryouts so give it some thought Borges.’

  After the coach walks away Jeff looks at the flyers and then to Gail.

  ‘I could see you in a Payne Stewart outfit.’ Gail

  ‘See that’s weird since I think he died before you were born.’ Jeff

  CHAPTER 14

  In high school gym classes you will hear people called everything from Shit Head to a Lob’s Pound. You will smell everything from new and over used gym cloths to a Crispy who uses her own product too often.

  And all of that is just in girls gym classes, I will not get into boys classes because their gym classes are made up of nothing but bad jump shots, circle wonderings, and quick as lightening so no one can see showers.