Tin Universe Monthly #6

by Brian C. Williams

  Ms. Gardner is the girl’s gym teacher and she believes gym classes should consist of one of three things. These three things are her experiment of trying to make her job interesting when otherwise she just feels it’s a numbing experience. In other lines of work people entertain themselves by stabbing others in the back, oh; you know you’ve done it to get through a shitty day.

  Ms. Gardner tortures the youth under her watch. She wanted to be a corperate accoutant but ended up a gym teacher after something went wrong during her time at Ryan & Woods University in Boston.

  She also subs for the art teacher when illness arises.

  She hates artists.

  Too many bad dating experiences I think.

  The young ladies in Ms. Gardner’s classes run laps for twenty minutes, or play close quarters dodge ball, or they have to do archery. The state did away with all requirements for gym classes after a ruling was passed that sports count as gym requirements.

  And for the others who are not all ra-ra about being on a school team?

  You screwed.

  Who really cares about the rest anyways?

  Good old fashion archery is all kinds of “could lead to interesting days of classes.” The preepy stock usually vote for archery while the rest either go for laps or close quarters dodge ball. Not that voting in Ms. Gardner’s class means anything. She usually decides by how pissed off she is on a perticular day. Laps for sadist days, archery for bored days, and close quarters dodge ball for days she is in the mood for seeing a good old fashion gym class dodge ball torture exercise in violence.

  Fox should be grateful that Ms. Gardner was stood up last night waiting for hours outside a movie theatre because today is a laps day and no weapons are around when Karen charges through the gymnasim’s double doors, catches sight of Fox as she is circling around into the portion of the gym where laps that take them right by the gym doors, charges up to her and kicks Fox in the stomach with everything her former soccar playing self could muster.

  She’s a Chelsea supporter by the way. I’m a Liverpool man myself.

  Fox didn’t see the attack coming and for a few seconds as she dropped to her knees her hearing cut out and like a lot of moments in sports things went sort of like a slow motion replay. She was holding her stomach and couldn’t breathe but her mind was focused on a piece of paper someone dropped on the gym floor that had the word CRACKED on it. Cracked sort of fit the situation and maybe that was reality trying to tell her something.

  When Fox looked up she did so holding her stomach and gasping for air. She sees Karen and smiles knowing that is not the right expression for this situation. Karen is in her face with punches making contact with each one. In no time a circle of students are around them and Ms. Gardner is running from the other side of the gym shouting profanities I shall not repeat in this paragraph, though some of what she said went something like this, “I will never agree to go out with a doctor again and I Will Not have this in my CRAPPY LIFE OF MINE CLASS!”

  When Ms. Gardner reached them she pulled Karen off Fox, the force of which threw them both onto the gym floor. The boys gym teacher and assistant football coach, Coach Stern, by this time had made his way to them having heard the ruckus from his office.

  Coach Stern pulled Karen by an arm and her hair dragging her out the double doors into the concession area outside the gymnasium, ‘What is wrong with you Busiek!?’

  Once outside the gym he let go of her, she spun away falling to her knees doing so, and then jumped to her feet just as quickly and got right in his face, ‘Nothing!’

  ‘You have always been nothing but attitude!’ Coach Stern screamed.

  ‘And you have been nothing but a small dick desire for 8th grade girls!’

  ‘Bitch!’

  ‘What’s next Mr. Originality? Maybe I should bring up Fable Westbrook and the real reason she pushed her mom to move back to Orlando?’

  He advances to hit Karen but just at that moment out from the gym comes Ms. Gardner.

  ‘Fox is in my office awaiting the nurse. I will escort Ms. Busiek to the principal’s office Coach Stern.’

  The toes of his shoes inched forward and Ms. Gardner stepped inbetween Coach Stern and Karen and looked him right in the eyes ready if he moved an inch more towards her student. She has heard all of the stories and each and every time she has had to look into his eyes it has made her angry and sick that she has had to work with him so closely. He turned away from both of them and walked over to a heating unit and sat down on it like a sulking child.

  Ms. Gardner turned now from Coach Stern to stare Karen down. She pointed for her to begin walking out of the gym building, and she did with Ms. Gardner to follow.

  They both left Coach Stern fuming and in a minute he released his anger by punching a hole in the side of a trophy case as several studants watched from down the hall outside the Health class rooms.

  Smart.

  Ultra jock smart.

  And he’s sitting on heating unit.

  CHAPTER 15

  The first day of football practice isn’t “officially” a practice since schools cannot start football practice yet by Brevard County School Board Athletic Association rules which state you cannot start practices until at least one week into the school year.

  The coaches are getting around this by getting as many of the players as they can into the same gym class and have them run non-stop for a whole class period in full pads.

  Who it really sucks for are the few students who are not football players who ended up stuck having gym during this period.

  You have a few people puking, a few faking asthma, one even tried faking his period, but the most disgusting thing was the couple of football players who shit themselves to keep from stopping and thus losing their spot on the starting squad.

  Or is it “shat themselves”? Hell, doesn’t matter.

  Not the weirdest thing happening during this “practice” though is people shitting themselves. The weirdest thing would be the conversations the small groups making their way around the track are having.

  One group consisting of Victor San- captain of the football team (also quarterback), Zom Ian, and Zeck Frank where leading the pack. There were a number of others who will probably end up starters in this pack also but they were staying a little back from Victor’s group because frankly most everyone thinks the guys a boring asshole.

  When F.K.H.S. got who most college scouts consider the best three high school players in the county people started calling them Z.Z.V.

  Well, high school papers started calling them that. All the other papers just published comments by other Brevard County schools about how unfair the situation was and how they would be playing every game against F.K.H.S. under protest.

  Zom and Zeck are also seniors and besides both having pretty unusual names, both are also considered Victor San’s tagalongs. Not lackeys or second in commands like Lisa is to Joanna. More like how....?......?.... I don’t know?

  –INSERT APT THINGEE HERE-

  And yes that is how I solve that problem as a writer.

  Zom was a mirror of Victor in pure athletic abilities and the only one of Victor’s friends who ever stood up to him and got away with it. Called the Indian Tank at his old school, Zom was the listed by ESPN as the top running back prospect in the whole state of Florida and that’s saying something with how serious this state take high school sports.

  Zeck comes in as the second rated running back in the state and second also to Zom in many other ways. Because this talented athlete was also Native American he was always mistaken as Zom and his personality of letting both Zom and Victor kick him around makes a lot of the teams coaches doubt how strong his mental state when it comes to competing on the field is. Every group has a weak link and with these three that’s Zeck.

  ‘Did you hear about Karen Busiek?’ Victor said breaking a conversation Zeck started about masturbating after numbing your hand by sitting on it.

  ‘God, first day of
classes and she already goes off on someone.’ Zom

  ‘Her and that freaky little sister of hers. Though I’d do both of them.’ Zeck

  ‘Zeck, you fucked a jar of marshmallow cream so stay out of this conversation.’ Victor

  ‘What made her freak out this time? At our old school she was always running her mouth about something.’ Zom

  ‘Always complaining fucking bitch is what she is.’ Victor

  ‘Doesn’t her and Joanna have history?’ Zeck

  ‘They fucking hate each other.’ Victor

  The next group of runners consisted of Ross Vosburg, Hip Palmiotti, Luke Ennis, and Ripon Dillion, and Merritt Wein. All also members of the football team.

  With those names you’d think their parents selected their names at random out of an old Braves cap or were smoking crack while going through the Wikipedia Baby Names Site.

  There is a Wikipedia Baby Names site isn’t there?

  ‘I have to get into football mode again. I spent the whole summer being drowned in soccer and cricket by my mom’s relatives who stayed with us.’ Ross

  ‘Soccer isn’t that bad.’ Luke

  ‘I don’t mind it but how do you get into a team or player when you have to follow all these leagues and your favorite player can go from one team to another on loan? What the fucks up with that?’ Hip

  ‘You have leagues in different countries or regions.’ Luke

  ‘But there’s more than one in countries.’ Hip

  ‘There have been more than one football league here.’ Luke

  ‘What about this Champions League bullshit?’ Ross

  ‘Basically the best teams from each league compete against each other. I think it’s pretty cool.’ Luke

  ‘You some sort of soccer dork?’ Ross

  ‘I follow all sports a little.’ Luke

  ‘Whatever, soccer isn’t that bad but they drove me nuts talking cricket and trying to get me to play. You know cricket smartass?’ Ross

  ‘Not much. They don’t show cricket on any sports channels here. All I know of cricket I learned from All Creatures Great And Small and Doctor Who.’ Luke

  ‘Ok, then shut up and let me complain.’ Ross

  ‘Did you learn how to play cricket?’ Merritt

  ‘Fuck no. I just stood where they told me to and tried to avoid their eyes when talking about the shit.’

  ‘You know who tried to start some shit with me today?’ Victor

  ‘Who?’ Zom

  ‘Jeff Borges.’

  ‘What happen?’

  ‘Albert Wallander was mouthing off to me in Dry’s class and I was ready to jack up his shit when Borges stuck his nose in.’

  ‘Didn’t you two tangle once before?’ Zeck

  ‘Tangle? Who the fuck says tangle?’ Victor

  ‘I remember that. It was outside the Dali Museum on a school trip. Everyone had always thought he wasn’t much because he didn’t gets fights much but he sure showed you.’ Zom

  ‘Didn’t show me shit.’

  ‘Come on Victor, dude kicked your ass. Nothing wrong with that, we’ve all had our asses kicked.’

  ‘Guys a fucking faggot. Always hanging along with that bitch Busiek.’

  ‘So you up in heat because your ladies don’t get along?’ Zeck

  ‘Shut up. He isn’t dating Busiek. She’s lesbian from what people say.’ Victor

  ‘People being you because you once got shot down by her.’ Zom

  ‘I shit on you or something man, why you fucking with me today?’

  ‘Sorry Vic, just pushing your buttons. I don’t care much for Borges either. I don’t think he has any friendship with Albert so why don’t we find Albert later and let loose some steam?’

  ‘I need some kick the ginger.’

  The last and slowly dying group of football players consisted of C.B. Melville, Class Chapppell, Horn Logwell, Ashel Slott, and Mint Das. Mostly offensive and defensive linemen. Though Horn Logwell is one out of shape widereceiver.

  ‘No hair off my balls.’ Ashel

  ‘Poor Mint back there shit himself and you don’t care?’ Class

  ‘No, Horn shit himself also and you don’t see me caring either?’

  ‘Well, yes, you weren’t asked by the Coach to keep an eye on Horn.’

  ‘Just because the Coach wants to blow a pack in the ass of Mint’s sister and thinks because I’m want to play wideout I’m going to buddy buddy up to someone who couldn’t make special teams more less start but still would rather shit himself...’ Ashel takes a breathe, ‘Fuck, man, I’m don’t give two shits about Mint so stop talking to me. I’m out of shape and running my mouth and running at the same time isn’t easy.’

  The little worlds that exist within a sports team are like the little worlds that exist within a school as a whole. There are mundane circles within a team, there are strong forces within a team, there are parasitical lines within a team, and there are unknown actions working within a team.

  The same thought processes can be applied to a school as a whole. No matter what sort of school you are talking about, those ticks are there. Little checks off boxes of what everyone faces in their youth. Those groups are there and no matter how we want to address the worlds that exist within schools; those ticks are split between different levels of predators and prey.

  High schools have no invisibles. No matter how much you might want to not be noticed. You will be. You cannot hide, you have to choose- predator or prey.

 

  CHAPTER 16

 

  For some reason beyond Joanna’s conception there are still things that even an Osip cannot control and one of those things is government paperwork.

  Britney Day needed to earn more points towards her State Sponsored Bright Futures Scholarship but also needs to be near the school so she could cheer on the heart and bodies of the fine athletes who put on pads and pay games; so instead of volunteering at the local chapter of The White Elephants or at one of the few public libraries still operating, she talked Principal Carol into letting her volunteer as an assistant Guidance Counselor and since they forgot somehow to fill the Guidance Counselor position when they opened the new school known as Franz Kafka High, it places Britney as the only person in the school, who is in any sort of position to be any grief in the life of Joanna Osip.

  She would never have gotten in at one of the libraries anyways because all the volunteers there are court ordered. Wait, that doesn’t make any sense: “court ordered” “ volunteer.” Yep, still doesn’t make sense saying it twice.

  Also she did not plan to have any sort of confrontation with Joanna but Joanna came into the situation irritated. She was ignorant to the situation though thinking she could try to gain some sort of advantage on Joanna and her just roll over and take it.

  That’s just stupid.

  A lot of people believed Britney’s family to have money on a pretty good level. Not Osip level but most believe them to be very well off. The truth is, the only reason Britney’s family can afford a pretty nice house in Merritt Island and afford to give Britney things such as a nice car, nice clothes, and to pay for things of “Love Today And Throw Away Tomorrow” is her father happens to be working two jobs and her mother is working also working two jobs.

  All of that work to push up a lifestyle for their children in the communities eyes.

  Principal Carol was worried about Britney dealing with Joanna but she convinced him that if he let her handle this she would do everything to make sure the cheerleader squad would compete in the Orlando Championships this year. And the only thing we know that equals Principal Carol’s fear of Joanna was his love of attention.

  The part of the job that Britney liked the most was the fact that grades really didn’t matter. After a certain state law was passed Guidance Counselors had to look over the students work and give them points based on their grade and the judgment of how much they have learned. A student ended up graduating more on a point system than a grade system, but that fact
was one of those underlined government movements that most people did not know about.

  Another reason why Florida has always been rubbish.

  The knowledge that grades would not drive even Joanna Osip through graduation put Britney in what she thought was an equal position in front of Joanna for once and she wanted to live this up. Not to be mean or cruel but for a little bit of sensation of power.

  Joanna walked into the G.C.s Office and the first words out of her mouth directed at Britney were, “Why do I have to deal with your stupid ass?”

  Britney has to admit that Joanna came to her high grades honest. The lady was super smart and though some thought her father pulled to get her grades changed because she never seemed to study or pay attention in class, she in fact was one of those people who school work was a breeze.

  Don’t hate those people.

  But Joanna was also the person who once in front of a locker room full of girls in grade school for no reason at all took it upon herself to announce that Britney was scared to use tampons. Something Britney told her foolishly thinking Joanna would never tell anyone. And she would have never told anyone if Britney hadn’t talked to a boy she liked.

  So this was sort of a duel in a way. Though different from most duels, one member of this duel never really intended to shot but when you holster a gun, the other guy will think you may plan to use it.

  Britney was playing teacher. Too bad she was the only one playing, ‘Joanna, I just don’t know. I know you aced Government last semester but after reading your essays I don’t know if they had the spirit needed.’ You can really tell when someone is trying to control a situation in conversation because they start by using your name which is outside of an angry parent the only time anyone does that.

  Britney smiled with her buttoned holster.

  Joanna flipped the button off hers.

  ‘Fate has dipped you into something you’re not set for.’

  Britney gave Joanna a questioning look and Joanna saw the holster was also empty.

  ‘And as Fate didn’t also drop you a safety manual you did not see the danger of what having real control over someone else can mean. You are trying to play me.’