Clandestine Angel

by Kate Hall

  Still, a nagging voice in the back of my head wonders if it’s possible. Could I stop Desireé from getting in the car with me that day? Would that save her?

  When sprawling suburbs give way to towering buildings, we exit the interstate.

  “Are we in Kansas?” Nicolai asks, pointing out the Kansas City sign.

  “No,” I say. “We’re in Missouri.”

  He frowns and mutters, “What the fuck, America?”

  I smile at the perfectly reasonable question. Maybe now isn’t the best time to tell him how to pronounce the state of Arkansas.

  Kansas City is smaller than Portland, but only by a hundred thousand people. I remind myself that I grew up in a town of less than ten thousand, but I can’t help comparing the cities instead. When I was alive, Desireé and I would take the hour drive to Portland some weekends.

  The Audi’s GPS leads us to a parking garage downtown. The streets are confusing and crowded, but navigable nonetheless. I only end up having to circle the block once after screwing up and missing the turn.

  Nicolai makes a snide comment about it, but he shuts up when I tell him to try and do better.

  Finally, after everyone arrives, we meet near the smelly stairwell of the dimly-lit parking garage. The sky is rapidly going dark, and I can’t help but shiver at the thought of being out at night in a big city. I try to remind myself that I can probably destroy anyone who tries to hurt me, or at least scare them off when I don’t respond to a stab wound or a gunshot, but the darkness still makes me uneasy.

  “Now,” Gabriel says, “we are only checking on leads from our sources. If you find a demon, do not draw attention to yourself, and do not engage.” At the last part, he stares directly at me, his eyes stormy.

  It’s not like I want to get into a fight with a demon. They just always seem to come after me. I don’t want to try arguing with an ancient being that seems to already dislike me, though, so I just nod. It’s better to not engage.

  “Good, here,” he says, passing out small plastic cards and newer model cell phones, although they all look a little worn. “You all need identification, as some of the places in this area only allow entrance to people who are over twenty-one.”

  I glance at my fake ID—I’ve never had one before. Nicole Thomas. Nicolai shows me his. Avery Dawson. I roll my eyes. How creative. I wonder who else just had their names switched around with each other?

  “You will be going off in pairs, as a whole group of you would be too suspicious. We don’t want any demons getting wind of you in the area. Keep your heads low, and report to me if you see anything. The number to my phone is the only one installed in yours.”

  We split off a moment later, and Nicolai and I follow the GPS directions programmed into our phones. For an ancient being, Gabriel sure has fantastic technology working for him on Earth. I remember trying to teach Desireé’s grandma to open her email. It had taken hours, and she’d only been in her seventies, not her thousands. Or millions? It would probably be rude to ask Gabriel his exact age just for the sake of an old-people-and-technology joke.

  I take Nicolai by the arm. If anyone sees us walking down the street, they’ll see a normal couple. I glance at his face. Okay, they’ll see an unnaturally beautiful couple, but still.

  “Are you nervous?” he asks, studying my face when I look at him for a second time.

  I shake my head. “Just thinking.” I chew my lip, but I stop when I catch him watching me once again. “I’m fine,” I insist, perhaps a little too defensively. I stare at the pavement ahead of me.

  The silence between us is deafening, nearly as bad as the time he kissed me in my room and I had to rebuff his advances.

  “What’s that?” he asks, freezing in place and jolting me to a stop. I follow his widened eyes to an old-school diner.

  “A diner?” I ask, tilting my head. Are diners suspicious all of a sudden?

  He shakes his head, then drags me against the building. He nods toward the diner. “Look at the sign. Really look.”

  I roll my eyes but do as he says.

  The longer I stare at the seemingly innocuous sign, the more it gives me a headache. Okay, that is weird. Angels don’t just get headaches. Then, the shape of the logo seems to shift into something else.

  The symbol for Hell in Enochian. Or, more specifically, the warped version of Enochian that demons use.

  “Fuck,” I mutter. When I glance into the windows, though, something there gives me pause.

  More specifically, someone.

  I can’t be sure, of course. His hair is no longer an inky black, but a soft brown, and his features have filled out from their emaciated look and are no longer drained of all color.

  “Marcus?” I say, my voice barely above a whisper.

  The face snaps up toward me, and his eyes widen.

  How the hell did he hear me?

  Chapter Thirteen

  “We have to go,” I say urgently, pulling on Nicolai’s arm. Marcus is staring at me, and he says something to the person sitting across from him. Another demon, presumably. Is everyone in there a demon? I shudder. This is about as unsafe as we can be in the whole universe.

  Nicolai gives me a questioning look, then turns back to the window, after a moment, his jaw drops. “Is that—”

  I drag him by the arm and turn a corner into the nearest alleyway.

  “Did he see us?” I ask, but I know he had. He’d made direct eye contact with me. There’s no way we’ve gone unnoticed.

  “He did,” a husky, amused voice says, and I spin around, slapping my hand over my racing heart.

  Demons can teleport on Earth?

  Can Angels?

  “We don’t want any trouble,” Nicolai says, taking half a step back toward the street.

  Marcus shakes his head, and his soft hair flops over his eyes. He has to brush it away to look back at us, his gaze penetrating.

  “Nice to see you again, Avery Two,” he says.

  I open my mouth to ask what he means, but then remember that everyone in Hell thinks Avery is Desireé’s name.

  “Likewise,” I say. Last time I saw him, I thought he was going to kill me. Now, though, he looks a lot more like a normal human boy. I’ve killed a demon in the past, but, at the time, I hadn’t known that they were humans. With feelings and lives. And, apparently, senses of humor if I’m reading the expression on his face correctly.

  Nicolai gapes at the whole interaction.

  “Is there something wrong with your…” Marcus gives a pointed look at our still intertwined arms. “…Friend?” He frowns.

  I drop my arm from Nicolai’s and nod. Then, an idea comes to me.

  “Des—Avery,” I correct, “Isn’t the only one that was switched.” I gesture to Nicolai. “His sister took his place as well.”

  Marcus’s eyes narrow. “And why does this matter to me?”

  I’m still not totally convinced that Marcus isn’t going to kill us both, but it’s worth asking.

  “Do you think you’d be able to find her?”

  Marcus bursts into laughter, doubling over. I grit my teeth. His hysteria goes on for far too long, and my blood pressure rises.

  “No need to be a dick about it,” I mumble. At that, Marcus goes from being ten feet away to being right in my face. I stumble back against the wall, and he braces his arms around me, trapping me in front of him.

  “I did my favor,” he says, and, this close, his canines seem a bit enlarged, and his eyes are just a little off. His sulfuric breath washes over me, but I don’t turn away. I will not back down. I will not show weakness. “If you want something else, how about you ask your girlfriend?”

  Despite every part of my body begging me to run away, I roll my eyes. If he wanted to kill me, he would’ve brought reinforcements. Right? If I’m wrong about his intentions, my life is on the line. “Whatever. How about you go ahead and grab a burger. Maybe a milkshake. It’ll help you chill the fuck out.”

  His eyes twinkle, and he surprise
s me by pulling away and laughing once again, although he doesn’t break down like before. This is just a single short bark.

  “I can see why she likes you,” he says. “You’re just as ruthless as she is. More, even.”

  After the comment, he disappears. I don’t get to ask what he meant by that.

  Desireé isn’t ruthless. She’s always been a kind, gentle soul. Even when she was a demon at Theaa Academy, she never once acted ruthless or dangerous.

  I conclude that he’d been wrong. That’s the only explanation. He doesn’t know anything about Desireé.

  Chapter Fourteen

  We don’t mention Marcus’s presence or the diner to Gabriel. I want to know more about Desireé’s alleged ruthlessness, and if Marcus is dead, that’s something I’ll never find out. I knew she’d been shielding me from the torture she’s endured at the hands of Hell, but I hadn’t imagined that maybe, just maybe, she’s done bad things, too.

  When I’m back in my room that night, my phone rings. Not the flimsy human phone from my mission, which I’d returned back at the farmhouse, but the black crystal phone.

  I answer it, and Desireé looks concerned as soon as her face comes into focus.

  “Are you okay?” she asks before I can get a word in. “I heard about the diner.”

  I sigh. “Fine.” Should I ask about the “ruthless” comment Marcus had made? If I do, though, and it’s a lie, then it’ll seem like I don’t trust her.

  She frowns back at me, then darts her eyes to the side.

  “What?” I ask. I am glad to be speaking with her, I really am, but today is the first time I’ve realized that I don’t actually know her anymore. We may have been close on Earth, but for her, it’s been years in Hell. How much has changed since we died? She’d seemed so broken when she’d been hiding out in my room at Theaa, but I hadn’t thought to push her about her life—or, more accurately, afterlife—in Hell. It hadn’t seemed appropriate.

  “You haven’t told anyone, have you?” she asks. “About the diner, I mean.”

  I shake my head. “Of course not!”

  A pained smile comes across her face. Why does she care about the diner? Or, more importantly, why does she know about it? “Good.”

  I hold back a frustrated sigh, and her eyes tighten.

  I’m not being fair. I know that. Her life is a million times harder than mine. I shouldn’t judge her strangeness, and I shouldn’t push her secrets. But I don’t really know what to think at this point. It had seemed so simple just yesterday. Desireé and I are meant to be together. But now, I’m not totally convinced I even know her anymore.

  “Will you be on Earth again soon?” she asks, a spark of hope hidden in the back of her tone. That tiny bit of hope breaks me apart. I can’t possibly stay upset when it’s clear how important these talks are to her. They’re important to me, too. I need to stop doubting her right now.

  “Next Friday,” I say, then pause. “I can’t be totally sure when that will be on Earth, though. Because of time being so weird.”

  She nods, seemingly lost in thought.

  I can’t help but ask, “Why?”

  A slow smile spreads across her face, this one actually reaching her eyes. Her fangs are revealed below her blood-red lips, and I shiver. “Because I’m going to meet you there.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  The week passes in a blur. The ceremony was supposed to be goodbye for Desireé and I. It had been the end. And now we talk on the phone every night, and I’m going to see her. Each day passes like a year, and I can’t focus on anything that happens throughout. At one point, Huỳnh nicks me with one of her daggers in our weapons class, and Gabriel has to heal the small wound.

  By the time I walk into class on Friday, I’m practically vibrating with a heavy mix of excitement and nerves. I’m going to see Desireé. In person.

  We arrive in the same farmhouse as before, tucked far out in the country with no neighbors for miles. Nicolai and I share the Audi once again, and I try to subdue myself as to not draw Gabriel’s attention.

  Her name runs through my heart like a melody. Desireé. Desireé. Desireé. Over and over and over again. She’s here. She’s here. She’s here.

  The drive to town takes an eternity, and, when we finally split up to go on our patrols, my heart lodges firmly in my throat.

  Can I do this?

  What if I can’t handle it?

  What if I’d been overlooking something in her before? What if she’s just too different?

  I remind myself that I spoke to her just last night, and she assured me that she’d see me in town.

  My arm is looped through Nicolai’s once again, and I cling to him as though my life depends on it. It very well might. I’m not sure I’d even be able to walk without his help.

  “It’ll be okay,” he mumbles, squeezing my upper arm with his free hand reassuringly.

  I grit my teeth. “Right.” But I’m not so sure it will. Has she changed even more since I last saw her?

  Ruthless, Marcus had called her. I haven’t seen any of that ruthlessness in her face over the phone, but her image is always weak and distant. Probably because we’re communicating between Heaven and Hell, something that’s not supposed to happen.

  Before we make it to the diner, a hand wraps around my dangling arm and drags me into the dark alleyway. I’m so startled that I almost scream, and a hand slaps over my mouth.

  Nicolai frees himself from my grip, and my eyes are taken by a pair of soft blue eyes with a gold spot in the right iris.

  Before I can even take in her very human form, Desireé’s lips are on mine, consuming me like I’m air and she’s drowning. And that’s all that matters. In the moment, I don’t care how ruthless Marcus had claimed she was. I don’t care that she’s a demon. She’s mine, and nothing in the universe will take her away from me.

  When she pulls away, I half expect to see a demonic figure with too-pale skin, inky black hair, and leathery wings that block out all light, but there’s none of that. There’s just a redheaded girl with a soft smile and freckles like constellations across her face. She looks exactly how I remember her from Earth, all traces of the demon gone.

  “I missed you,” she mumbles, kissing me once again, but this time, her lips only brush against mine for an instant.

  I smile. “I missed you, too.”

  She takes my hands in hers and kisses my knuckles.

  Nicolai clears his throat. “I’ll, uh, give you guys a minute. And keep watch.” He backs out of the alley and goes just around the corner where we can’t see him, but his presence is still obvious to me. An angel’s aura is nothing like that of a human, so he can’t exactly hide from me. Desireé, on the other hand, has no aura. It’s like standing next to a black hole.

  She pulls me further into the darkness of the alleyway, then drags me to the ground so we can lean against the wall. I don’t think about how dirty this ground must be. It doesn’t matter anyway, right? I’m not gonna get a disease. Eternal beings don’t get tetanus from a broken beer bottle.

  She sighs and leans her head against my shoulder. I brush her hair out of her face and look into her eyes, although the angle is awkward. I would stand a million years of discomfort just to see her, though.

  “This is nice,” she says.

  I look around at the garbage and rot in the alley, then nod in agreement. “It is,” I admit.

  It’s not ideal, but we’re together. It’s almost like we’re alive again.

  I should be asking her about her life in Hell, the venomous words that Marcus had spat at me, but I don’t. I just breathe her in and hold on tight. The time is brief, but nobody can take it from us.

  Chapter Sixteen

  We don’t tell anyone about the secret meetings. Even Huỳnh and Gabe don’t know about them, and they’re as close to me as Nicolai.

  But it’s not safe to tell them. It’s hardly safe for Nicolai to know, but we don’t have much of a choice. Our outings are brief, and we’
re required to have a partner. If I want to spend any time with Desireé, Nicolai has to know about it.

  The meetings are short yet sweet, like samples of cake frosting stolen in the kitchen when nobody is looking. It’s all we have, and it’s everything.

  If I could just have this for eternity, these clandestine meetings and stolen kisses, maybe it could be enough.

  It should be enough.

  Chapter Seventeen

  There’s a folded piece of paper in my uniform pocket when I return to my room from one of our many outings. It couldn’t be from Desireé, as I’d been wearing a pair of leggings and a tank top when I met up with her in the warm summer air. It’s impossible to keep track of the date when we show up on Earth. Last week, it had been the dead of winter, the streets lines with gross mushy snow. The week before, it had been Autumn again. Who knows what it will be next time?

  The note definitely hadn’t been there when I left my room this morning, though. Maybe it’s a class note I’d taken down and put in my pocket and promptly forgotten about. That’s probably it. An assignment or something.

  I unfold the thick paper carefully, expecting notes on Heavenly politics or something, but the handwriting is hasty and unfamiliar. It takes me a moment to decipher it, but when I do, my body turns to ice.

  Confess your secret or you’ll regret it.

  There’s nothing else on the paper, although I flip it a few times just to be sure. Still nothing. Who wrote this? I turn and look around as if they’re in my room, lurking in one of the corners or pressed against the ceiling, but that’s absurd. Still, the hairs on the back of my neck prickle.

  I go to Nicolai’s room, a space I rarely enter. I whisper his door number and knock urgently. I try to keep my face flat in case anybody is watching, but I can’t help my fist pounding on the door with increasing desperation. As soon as the door swings open, I storm in.

  “Did you write this?” I demand, shoving the note into his chest. Nicolai seems dazed, and he stares at me like I’m an alien. He’s no longer in his uniform, instead sporting a t-shirt and jeans, his wings out of their harness and stretching across the space. His room is dark and cozy, lit by candles instead of bulbs, and his bed’s blanket is made of a plush midnight blue material that I want to dive into. Somehow, I doubt this matches the dank apartment in Russia he’s told me about.