Chaotic Anger: The Seven MC Book 1

by Breck, A. R.

  It’s time to go.

  I walk towards the door and place my hand on the cool knob, hoping for the life of me that this door doesn’t creak as it opens. These guys might not be bad guys, but I’m not willing to take that chance. Not with Lilah.

  Pulling the door open, I nearly jump a foot in the air when I see a young guy leaning against the wall in front of me. He was looking down at his phone but shoots his eyes up to mine when I open the door.

  “Oh, hey. Do you need something?” He pockets his phone and looks me over, wincing when he sees how dirty and beat up I look.

  “Um, no. I’m just going to go…” I try to walk past him, but he stands up straight and suddenly looks a foot taller. The kind look on his face drops and a poker face takes its place.

  “Sorry, no can do. Do you want me to go get Aziel?”

  I take a step back in fear. “I’m sorry.” I want to choke on my nerves and fall to my knees in fear, but I plant my feet on the ground and stay standing. For Lilah. “I need to leave.” I hope my voice comes out as strong and stern as I wanted it to. When in reality, I think it sounded like a question.

  He sighs as he takes his phone out of his pocket, slamming his thumbs into the screen as he types something out. The thought that he’s typing something to Aziel makes my chest quake. There’s something about him that intrigues me. But he terrifies me, too. There’s something untamed about him that I’m scared to uncover.

  I never want to be on his bad side.

  “Sorry, Ma’am. You’re to stay in your room.” He says, sounding already bored of the conversation.

  I stare him down, anger and frustration building beneath my ribcage. I want to scream. Instead, I tuck those feelings away, turn around and walk back into Aziel’s room. Slamming the door shut, I finally release the tears that have been building up since I heard the first gun shot at the compound.

  There’s no escape. I’m trapped. Again.

  “What’re we doing, Mommy?” She gets anxious when she sees we’re back where we started.

  I sniffle and wipe my eyes, accepting defeat. We’re not going anywhere tonight. And honestly, I’m too tired at this point to fight.

  “Looks like we’re going to have a sleepover tonight. When’s the last time we were able to do that, huh?” I can’t remember the last time I could sleep by Lilah. I think it was about one year ago, when Ms. Maria let me stay with Lilah in her room when she had a high fever. Besides that, I haven’t been able to hold my daughter as she slept in… years.

  “A sleepover?” That perks her up a little, even with her half-shut, drowsy eyes.

  “Yeah. Would that be fun?”

  “Mhmm.”

  “Do you know what would be even more fun?” I whisper in her ear.

  “What?” She whispers back.

  “Let’s have a bubble bath first. Want to have a bubble bath?” I can’t imagine falling asleep with my body as dirty as it is. I’m full of dust and dirt, and Lilah doesn’t look much better.

  “A bubble bath? Can we Mommy? Please?”

  “Sure.”

  I walk us to the bathroom, pouring an oversized dollop of shampoo in the tub as I turn the faucet. It squeaks and groans as I turn the knob. The water shoots out after a second, like the bathtub hasn’t been used in a while. I undress Lilah as the tub fills. The room immediately heats up and smells like man. The shampoo is clearly not for a woman, and it smells what I now realize is Aziel. I smelt a hint of him earlier, faded and mixed in with smoke and the anger that I realize swirls around him at all times. He’s intoxicating and seems untouchable, even when he’s within reach.

  What are you talking about?

  I shake my head as I get in the bath with Lilah, washing her off as I chastise myself for foolishly thinking about a man who I probably won’t see after tomorrow. I plan to get out of here, no matter what it takes. I’ll give him all the information he wants, but after that, I plan to get out of here with Lilah and never look back.

  I keep Lilah’s back towards me as I wash myself. The last thing she needs is to see the multiple lashes and bruises on my body from Santiago’s latest beating.

  I pull the rubber plug and watch as the water tornados down the drain in a swirl of red and brown.

  “Now where the hell are the towels?” I mumble to myself.

  Lilah shivers from the tub, and I look underneath the sink and surprisingly find a pile neatly stacked dark gray towels. Okay, weird. Clearly, there’s a woman in this place. I can’t imagine a man like Aziel folding and putting towels away this nicely.

  I swipe two towels, wrapping Lilah up like a mummy and then one around myself. Staring at the clothes on the floor, I frown when I think of sliding back into them. They stink like bad memories.

  Bending over, I pick them up off the ground and set them in the trash bin beside the toilet.

  “Let’s go to sleep, Lilah.” I pick her mummy body up and walk back into the bedroom. Setting her on the bed, that’s covered with a plaid black and gray comforter set. I go over to the tall, old wooden dresser that has a stack of snap-back hats, an ashtray, and an old Harley Davidson magazine sitting on top of it. At least it’s not a porn magazine.

  I pull open the top drawer and find a pair of girl’s panties amongst some boxers. Scowling at them, I close that drawer a little harder than necessary and pull open the drawer below it. Finding exactly what I’m looking for, I pull out two shirts, close the door, and walk back over to Lilah.

  “Here, give me the towel.” She’s wrapped up so tight all she does is wiggle like a caterpillar before falling on her back. We giggle as I unwrap her and slip on Aziel’s t-shirt. It’s long. So long it falls well below her feet. “That’ll just have to do for the night. We’ll find you something better tomorrow.”

  She crawls underneath the comforter and settles in with a big smile on her face. I’m thinking she’s just as excited to snuggle tonight as I am. I pick up her towel off the floor and walk back to the bathroom, unhooking my towel and pulling on my own shirt. The soft, faded fabric falls to my knees. Lifting up the collar, I take an embarrassing sniff and nearly weep and how good it smells. Clean laundry, but the smoke hasn’t left completely. It still smells like Aziel, and somehow, that’s an aphrodisiac.

  “Mommy?” Lilah calls from the other room.

  I drop the shirt and open my eyes. I can feel my cheeks flame up, embarrassment heating them even though I wasn’t caught. It feels like it was, and almost worse, it feels like I was caught by my daughter.

  “Coming!” I yell to her.

  I hang up the towels and walk back to the bedroom, crawling underneath the sheets with her. I pull her close, letting her rest her head in the crook of my arm. She instantly curls up into a ball next to my side and lets out a big yawn.

  “Mommy?”

  “What, Lilah?” I brush her hair out of her face.

  “Is this a scary place?”

  I frown at her. I don’t know if it is. But I don’t say that.

  “No, Lilah, this isn’t a scary place. Why would you say that? Are you scared?”

  She shakes her head. “No. Home is scary. This isn’t scary.”

  I pull her away from me so I can look her in the eyes. “Why would you say home is scary?” As far as I know, Santiago has never done anything to hurt her. She’s been protected her entire life. She should never think home is scary, unless there’s something I don’t know about.

  “You scared, Mom.” She says to me, completely unafraid.

  “Why do you think I’m scared?” My throat thickens with my words, and I grab at it as if that’ll help get the words out.

  Lilah pokes me, right in the eye. Honestly, it helps, because the words that come from her lips make me want to break down into sobs.

  “Your eyes. They’re scared.” She pokes me again, and I choke out a sob. “Mom, are you sad?”

  I pull her close so she can’t see my face twisted in agony. It feels like my heart is ripping in half at her words. I’ve trie
d so hard to keep her oblivious to the things around her, keeping her focused on the things she loves. Flowers, swinging, coloring, playing, and having fun. But she’s wiser beyond her years. She’s sees more than she lets on. I just wish I would have known.

  “Mommy won’t be scared anymore, Lilah. You don’t have to be scared either, okay?”

  “Okay.” She snuggles against me again.

  It doesn’t take long to fall asleep, and for the first time in over five years, I don’t have a nightmare.

  9

  Aziel

  “What’s the deal, Charlie? She tried to get out?” I ask the prospect. I only left about an hour ago, and this girl has already tried to sneak out? I shouldn’t be surprised, but a part of me is. She really is more of a spitfire than I initially thought. Which also means I’m going to have to be a lot more careful with her. She might slip through my fingers if I don’t close them fast enough.

  He nods his head. “She did. Didn’t take much for her to get back in there though. She didn’t want to fight.”

  Yeah, probably didn’t want to fight in front of the kid.

  “Thanks, man.” I nod at him and start walking towards the door. When I hear his boots, I turn around and see him walking towards the stairs. “Where are you going?”

  “Uh, to bed?”

  I laugh at him. “You’re sleeping here tonight, prospect. Need you to make sure she doesn’t flee.”

  His shoulders drop to the floor, but he nods his head and comes back to his spot, taking a seat on the floor and pulling out his phone.

  I shake my head at him as I crack open the door. My nostrils flare when I see the girls on my bed.

  The look like they belong there.

  Ivy lays in one of my shirts, arm slung over her daughter. Lilah has one of my shirts on too, and the collar is so big she could probably fit her entire body through the hole with no issue. They look content sleeping there, almost happy. Not quite, though. There’s a bit of lingering tension in Lilah’s expression. Almost like she’s sleeping with a pout.

  Ivy, on the other hand, looks like she’s ready to bolt awake at any moment. Like she’s fighting between the realm of sleep and reality. She looks exhausted around the edges, and worried in the middle. But there’s something about her sleeping there, a little bit of her is at peace.

  A part of me loves it. And a part of me hates it.

  Not able to look at her another second, I spin on my feet and stomp through the door. My Harley Davidson boots thump a little too heavily on the ground, but I’m too fucking angry to care at this point.

  Why? I don’t know.

  I’m not too much of an asshole, though, because I close the door softly behind me. Charlie looks up from his phone with raised eyebrows.

  “Everything okay?” He asks.

  I point at him as I pass, needing to get far away from my room before I do something like walk back in there and stare at her all night.

  “Don’t leave this fucking spot. Not for a second.”

  He lifts his hands in the air in a what the fuck gesture. “What if I need to take a piss?”

  “I’ll have Haley bring you a fucking Depends. Don’t leave, not even for a second. Got it?”

  I stop at the top of the stairs and level him a look. He swallows, his Adams apple bobbing as he sees the seriousness in my expression. “Got it.”

  I nod, stomping down the stairs and walking into the living room, falling back on one of the couches. I don’t know why. I should get on my damn bike and ride my bike the five minutes it takes to get to my house. But I don’t. I lay on this uncomfortable, stiff leather couch as some of the guys fool around with a few Jessie’s at the bar. Can’t go to my room, either. Obviously.

  “Yo, Z. What the fuck you doin’?” Cassius laughs as he walks up to me with a shot glass in hand, the murky liquor threatening to slosh over the rim of the glass. He slaps me on the shoulder, wiggling me around while his whiskey breath dances in front of my face. His eyes are red rimmed and a little foggy. Dude is wasted.

  “Fuck out of here, dude. It’s been a long day.” I grumble, keeping my eyes closed and my arms crossed on top of my chest. I just want to sleep a little bit, wake up and figure out my plan tomorrow, smoke a little ganja, and maybe bury my dick in a Jessie. Besides that, I want to be left the fuck alone.

  “I got Max here.” Ugh, shit. “She’s been looking for you. She’s wearing her leather skirt again. No panties this time. Want to know how I know?”

  “Not in the slightest, no.”

  “Her ass bent over, and I saw all that shit. All of it.”

  I say nothing.

  “Well, shit. If you don’t want to tap that pussy tonight, I might move in on it.”

  “Go ahead.”

  “Man, you sure?” He sounds surprised. I can’t help but crack my eyes open.

  “Dude. Go fuck Max. Please. Go fuck her. Just get the fuck out of my face.” I slap his shot glass out of his hand and listen as it flies across the room and shatters next to the pool table.

  Cassius grabs onto my cut and hauls me off the couch. I uppercut him quickly, surprising the hell out him and everyone else. I can hear as the stools scrape across the floor and boots start stomping towards us. Cassius elbows me, slamming it right into my cheek bone. We end up on the ground, a mass of flying fists and grunts until hands slither between us and pull us apart.

  “The hell is wrong with you?” Cassius barks at me.

  I stare at him, the taste of copper filling my mouth. I spit on the ground and wipe the corner of my lip. “Nothing.”

  “Doesn’t seem like nothing to me, Z.” West says from behind me.

  I shrug everyone off, walking back to the couch and laying back down where I started. “Everyone fuck off tonight, all right? Just fuck off.”

  I can feel everyone staring at me, and I’ll probably get grilled tomorrow, but whatever. I don’t normally get into it with the club. None of us usually get into it with each other, but sometimes shit happens.

  And today, it just so happened that today was the day my anger decided to snap.

  It was only meant to be an ambush in Tijuana today, but it ended being so much more. I didn’t get to walk away with Santiago’s head.

  Instead, I walked away with a girl and her kid.

  * * *

  After a few hours of tossing and turning, and I unfold my body from the uncomfortable position I’ve been struggling with. I sit up, stretching my neck that must have been twisted in half while I slept. Glancing around, I see the lights off and the bar empty. Everyone must have gone to sleep.

  I check my phone, seeing it’s only six in the morning. People will be sleeping until lunch time, at least. That’s how it is for most of them around here. Party until morning and sleep until the afternoon. I can’t lay on that couch for another second though. I’d rather take the bar top.

  I walk to the bathroom to take a leak, then head upstairs. No way am I going to be able to get back to sleep at this point. Might as well check on the girl.

  Maybe let Charlie go to sleep.

  If Charlie fell asleep and they somehow got out of here unseen, I’ll lay into him ten times harder than I did Cassius last night.

  Shit, Cassius.

  I feel like a dick for being such an ass last night, but who the fuck breathes their drunk ass breath all over you when you’re laying down? Cassius, that’s who. The guy drinks way too much.

  Once I get to the top of the stairs, I can’t stop the chuckle from breaking loose at the sight of Charlie. He lays against the white walls that are scuffed to shit from years of being beaten and battered. His eyes are half-mast, ready to knock out at any second. He’s doing the head bobbing thing, struggling so hard to stay awake that he can’t tell I’m only a few feet away from him.

  Which brings me to my next point—he’s not doing a very good job of being on the lookout.

  “Charlie.” I bark.

  “Huh? What?” He snaps his head up, looking at me, but no
t looking at me. He is so tired his eyes can’t focus on one single thing.

  “She try to leave again?” I nod towards the door.

  He gets up, stumbling a few times in the process. “Uh, no. No noise all night. Heard some shit going on downstairs though.” He eyes trace my face, and I’m betting I’m a little bruised from last night.

  Not going to go there with the prospect. “Go to sleep. You look like hell.”

  He perks up, ready to bolt down the stairs. Kid is tired as hell. “You sure?”

  “Yeah. Get out of here.”

  “Thanks.” He bolts down the stairs before I can say another word.

  Turning towards the room, I stare at the door in front of me. Part of me doesn’t even want to go in there. I’m not sure if I’m ready to face the day and whatever stands in front of it. No girl has ever even remotely invoked the beast in my chest to thump in my rib cage and try to escape. Not that Ivy has. But she woke him, and to me, that’s enough to raise my guard.

  Opening the door as quietly as I can, I stop in my tracks at the sight in front of me. Ivy is sleeping, curled into a ball as if protecting herself from the monsters the lurk around her. That’s not who has me looking petrified in the doorway, though. It’s the kid, Lilah. She sits there, on top of the covers, legs crossed underneath my parachute of a shirt covering her tiny body. Her eyes look tired, but alert. She’s stares at me like she’s leery of me but doesn’t want to be.

  I lift my hand in a wave.

  A smile cracks her tiny lips, and she waves back.

  I glance at her mom, then back to her.

  What the hell am I supposed to do? Shut the door and leave her here? Wake up Ivy?

  I’m about to go up and shake Ivy’s shoulder when I notice the exhaustion underneath her eyes. I don’t know how long it’s been since last time she got sleep. Like, some real fucking sleep. I can’t wake her.

  I make a come here motion with my hand. Lilah hesitates, like she’s wondering if her mom will get mad at her. But then she rolls around to her stomach and slides off the bed. She holds my shirt above her feet so she can walk. Her tiny feet about the size of half my hand walk across the faded blue carpet that should have been changed a decade ago. It’s stained with beer, soda, other fluids that I don’t want to even think about, and cigarette burns, but Lilah walks over it like its water, stopping right in front of my feet and looking up at me. It looks like she’s seconds away from falling on her back. She has to bend backwards and tip her head so far to look at me; I have to swallow down my laugh.